


Seeing Stars

by fruitsandpeachies



Series: What Makes a Home [1]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), Arguing, Burns, Catra is very angsty and in love, Complete, F/F, First Ones, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injury healing, Kissing, Longing Gazes, Mutual Pining, Probably the slowest burn you’ll ever read in your life tbh, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED, There is smut in chapter 26 but it's skippable!, They’re lesbians Harold, Violence, War, catradora, domestic life, that gay stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2020-06-29 06:30:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 121,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19824463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fruitsandpeachies/pseuds/fruitsandpeachies
Summary: Nearly dead after a horrific battle, Catra and Adora find themselves in an uninhabited house in the Whispering Woods, with no choice but to stay there together and heal. They quickly realize, however, that the house is not all that it seems.As time passes, Catra and Adora are forced to face the mysteries of the past, and worse—they have to face their feelings that were ignored for years.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after season 3 and 4, but considering the...dark nature of all of that, I'm probably going to pretend a lot of that nonsense didn't happen, because let's be real--a lot of us wish that it didn't happen.

The battle started as battles do; Wimborne was small and prosperous, full of hard-working people and peaceful exchanges with the other towns around their portion of Etheria. 

They were simple, as most of the Whispering Woods villages were. Coups of chickens lined each cobbled road, and strawberry plants grew so abundant and wild that the berries looked like rubies against the earth. They didn’t notice until too late the red symbol of the Horde rising above sloped rooftops.

Why they were a target, no one really knew, but the Horde didn’t make much sense to anyone. The sounds of splintering trees hit the town first, and then the bots. Waves upon waves of First Ones mecha. Each one razed the round beneath it and sent women, men and children running for their lives.

Despite the suddenness of it all, the princesses did not take long to catch up.

Glimmer was, unfortunately, used to war. She was used to fighting off Horde bots in the Whispering Woods and was even used to the way that the soldiers fought. With Bow and Adora at her side, most battles felt more annoying than anything.

“Remember, Glimmer,” She-Ra planted the butt of her sword into a nearby mecha, which sparked and crumbled, “most Horde soldiers are better at hand-to-hand combat, so use the woods to your advantage!”

Bow, who was perched high in a tree above, shot a net arrow to a nearby soldier and gave them a thumbs-up.

Protect the civilians. That was the mission.

They usually never called for backup. Often, the group of princesses was enough to fight them off, but this time felt much different. How were there so many live Horde soldiers alongside the bots? They were usually focused more on the princesses than anything, but this time they had no bias.

Lulls came between waves of opposing soldiers, but luckily, Bright Moon had enough trained arms that they held their own.

Bow leapt from his tree and landing between the two others, panting. “I couldn’t tell exactly,” he braced his hands on his knees, “but it looks like the Horde was trying to chase retreating civilians. They’re not interested in us at all.”

It would appear that way.

People all around them were running east, scrambling to get away from the onslaught. Some Bright Moon soldiers were helping by leading them away, but it almost seemed like too much.

“We just need to get them all to safety,” Glimmer said over the chaos, leaping on top of a Horde soldier who was poised to shoot a civilian in the back. “Where are all these Horde soldiers coming from??”

We don’t have enough. To her left, she saw a body in the soot and she pointed for She-Ra to aid.

A mecha answered instead, clambering with such abandon that it crushed—

Glimmer nearly threw up.

“People are dying, Adora,” she cried.

There was too much madness, with the screaming and the gunfire and the horrible roars of the mechas. Soldier after soldier marched, bots plowed houses down like they were made of paper.

The Bright Moon soldiers tried their best, but it was a losing battle.

“Hordak isn’t the type to take prisoners. He must have an ulterior motive.” Even Adora as She-Ra looked exhausted. She had a smear of mud across her neck and held her sword point-down to the grass. “There has to be something we missed.”

In that moment, two separate things happened. The first that Glimmer noticed was a sensation in her bones like the ground being electrically charged. It sent a hum up side of her body, and she noticed a huge flock of birds evacuate an area near the west.

The second thing that happened was much more pressing.

“Fire!” She-Ra grabbed Bow and Glimmer’s arms and bolted, nearly tearing her friend’s arms off.

This fire wasn’t a wildfire, but a sudden blast so forceful and hot, Glimmer could feel sparks burning holes into the back of her shirt.

Even the sound alone was a roar so deafening.

The heat, it was unbearable.

They ran, dodging broken buildings and mecha that had been torn apart. Fire behind them chased, incinerating all in its path. It felt like an incredible tsunami, but a wall of flames two stories high and glowing brighter than the sun.

Adora, still in the center of their running trio, suddenly screeched to a halt. She whipped her head around, back and forth. The blond hair, glowing in the white of the fire, looked like fire itself.

“I hear something,” she yelled over the noise.

We don’t have time, we don’t have time. Glimmer’s heart raced, and she instinctively reached her hand out.

“We have to go.”  
Without much warning, She-Ra dashed from their group and began running perpendicular to the wall of flames, forcing her two friends after her. They struggled to keep up, but in a second they realized what they were running after.

It was a kid, trapped under a fallen wall. Her face was covered in soot and looked barely alive.

Adora ran to her side and starting lifting.

“You go,” she shouted at her friends. “I’ve got this, don’t worry.”

They couldn’t argue; nothing matched the strength of She-Ra, truly. She could handle everything.

Glimmer ran, holding Bow’s hand as tightly as she could. It took less than thirty seconds to escape the perimeter of the town. Cobblestone turned into moss, but the wall of fire didn’t lessen until many yards later. After that, the noise died down just as fast as it erupted.

The following moments brought an endless stream of questions without answers.

Chaos seemed to be over, but she wasn’t sure at what cost. Much of the town had been evacuated, but it couldn’t have been all. The Horde seemed to have vanished, too, leaving only traces of destroyed bots. No soldiers, no working mechas, nothing.

It only took a few hours for the Rebellion to regroup afterwards.

Mermista helped put out fires while others took the injured to Bright Moon in a caravan. Those who were left either helped the surviving civilians gather what they could before joining the caravan. Some people also had the misfortune to be in charge of gathering the deceased.

Glimmer couldn’t do much of anything. On the edge of the burnt land, Bow had to hold her hair back while she threw up. She couldn’t even cry.

“How did this happen?” she coughed.

Rain began falling. It hissed on the hot ground around them, mixing steam into the smoke.

“Let’s get back.” Bow squeezed his arm around his friend’s shoulder. “Queen Angella is probably worried sick about you.”

All Glimmer could move was her head, which shook back and forth. “But who…who won? What happened?” Vomit and rainwater dribbled down her chin. “We need to wait for Adora.”

“The Horde is gone. No one has seen any of them since the fire started.”

“But Adora—”

“Adora can take care of herself, Glimmer. Let’s go.”

It was horrible, leaving the scene of such tragedy, but Bow was right.

With such horrible thoughts and fresh memories, they left.

The battle was worse than Adora had ever seen, yet she hardly remembered any of it. For minutes, hours, she felt the sting of smoke in her eyes and a horrible ringing in her ears. In all honesty, she was grateful for the ringing because it covered up the sounds of every scream and moan across the burning forest.

How could She-Ra have failed? It wasn’t like her to feel such heavy defeat, but nothing could’ve prepared her for the kind of advanced weapons the Horde brought to this stand.

Even with most of the princesses rearing their powers, nothing was more powerful than the technology of the First Ones harnessed into killing machines.

No time, no time. Adora wasn’t sure if it was blood in her eyes or just hot tears blinding her as she stumbled over the bodies of townspeople. Wimborne didn’t deserve this. She tried to keep concentrating. This is all so wrong. How could I have done this?

While the fire got ever closer, She-Ra hurried over to the trapped person she saw, and using the last of her strength, lifted the pile over her head. There, covered in soot and injuries, lay a child. Her braids still smoldered at the ends while she cried.

Adora pulled her out gently and did her best to soothe the crying girl. It was clear her legs were hurt.

“I’m going to get you some help,” she whispered, and looked around frantically for the Bright Moon soldiers which were supposed to be toting the injured away mid-battle.  
No-one.

Some say that in the most important moment of your life, you can see other moments counting backwards. You may even hear voices of loved ones.

This was not one of those.

Smoke surrounded them.

Visibility is low. 

Adora, limping, carried the child she held down the broken road that once was a main street of the town. There really wasn’t a place that was obviously safe to hide this girl, but she had to put her down somewhere if she were to go find help.

We’re not winning.

This was painfully obvious.

The Horde had been too silent the previous months. They’d hardly sent so much as a spy bot to the rival cities, and yet.

This can’t be over. It can’t be.

Adora struggled to find meaning in the sword that hung by her side. What honor has Grayskull deserved that merits taking the lives of innocent people? She heaved the girl into her arms and began running as fast as she could.

The smoke continued to crawl.

At some point it became rain.

No one is coming, Adora convinced herself, closing her eyes for a brief moment.

Are they all gone? Glimmer? Bow? She had told them to go on without her, she can’t worry about them right now.

Her hearing returned.

Sometime between then and now, the world grew to a bit of standstill. She couldn’t hear the groans of the injured anywhere, nor could she hear the grumble of the Horde’s war machines.

It was easy to wish for death. Sleep, at least, Adora begged. She was covered in blood and undoubtedly broken bones that She-Ra couldn’t feel yet from adrenaline.

Pit. Pit pat.

A tree burning nearby gave off intermitted hisses.

Pitter patter.

Rain fell gently onto the burning town. It put out the remaining fires and dampened the dust of rubble. It felt like a blessing, but she knew better than to trust Etheria to grant such relief in a time like this one.

When she got far away enough from the burnt town, she paused at a clearing and set the child down. She ripped a strip of fabric from her shorts and began working to set the girl’s broken legs.

Adora stared into the smoke surrounding their clearing. It hugged the trees like a comforting blanket. However, it could not cover up the ringing sound that returned with a vengeance. It made her ears feel like they were splitting.

Suddenly, like an arrow loosening from a bow string, the noise took form.

It was not a ringing, but a howling of sorts, taking shape just beyond the wall of smoke.

The rain stopped.

Rising from behind the fog grew a shadow. Twenty, thirty, fifty feet tall.

Adora couldn’t stop watching. She couldn’t even blink.

The howling turned into a grind of mechanical gears: a song no one should ever have to hear.

As a corpse would drag itself along the ground, two impossibly-long legs of a robotic beast reached into the clearing and sank through the dirt, pulling behind them an image of nightmares.

If she could be honest. Adora couldn’t remember much from that point. She remembered fear that turned her tongue to metal and her feet to stone. The injured girl beside her started to cry.

She remembered the glow of the bot’s laser gun powering up.

She remembered throwing her body in front of the girl.

She remembered…she remembers a light brighter than anything she’d seen before.

And then nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Adora finds more than she bargains for.

Time meant very little. Was it going fast or too slow to even comprehend?

What had happened between then and now? Adora was not good at these things.

She dared not to look at her legs, which she knew were sizzling with burns. They didn’t hurt, however. Had she passed out after the explosion? Why wasn’t she dead? The left side of her head and neck felt very wet, and she could only imagine it was blood from a burst eardrum.

Why was she running?

Adora ran. She-Ra ran.

The injuries meant nothing, and the twisting of the forest meant nothing, either. Nothing.

At some point, Adora collapsed. While she still couldn’t feel her legs, she knew her heart was pounding so loud that all of Etheria could hear it.

As soon as she hit the ground, she was out.

-

The next time Adora opened her eyes, it was to the humming of a song. She tried to sit up but found she couldn’t.

“Oh Mara, dear, you’re awake.” The gentle croon of Madam Razz’s voice pulled Adora’s gaze sideways.

The old woman was sitting at a crackling fireplace, stirring a pot of bubbling stew over the flames. It smelled amazing, and somewhat familiar. How did she get here?

“Don’t try to speak, now,” Razz got up from her seat and hobbled over to the cot where Adora lay. There had apparently been a rag on her head, because the woman took it off and rung it out into a bowl of water before returning it. “You took quite the beating out there, my girl, but don’t you worry. Nothing that my medicine can’t heal.”

My legs, Adora tried lifting her head to see the damage, but she couldn’t. Was she paralyzed? All she could feel was a cooling, tingling sensation creeping up and down her legs, and some on her left hand.

“I thought you knew the forest better than stumbling around like a lost animal.”

The motherly tone of voice was almost soothing, but there were too many questions to be asked.

A kind smile touched Razz’s lips. “You have questions, I know that look.” Adora must’ve looked surprise, because she laughed. “Questions can wait, Mara. You need to regain your strength if you’re going to face the First Ones again. Hopefully,” she clicked her tongue, “you won’t hurt yourself as bad next time.”

First Ones?

Madam Razz just looked amused. “You children, always pushing yourself to the breaking point. I know you have strength, sweet child,” she rested her hand fondly on Adora’s cheek, “but this fight is one that will take a lot longer than your lifetime to win.”

The words made Adora’s chest hurt. She let her eyes drift around the woody cottage. Moss grew up the walls and over the windows like curtains, turning the sunlight a dappled green. Hanging up by the door was a small bag with flowers embroidered into it.

My bag, Adora thought immediately. She owned a bag.

“Oh yes,” Madam Razz chuckled, seeing her looking, and went over to the bag. “I knew you would probably be out the second you’re able to stand again, so I packed you some of my medicines and some snacks for your travels. You have been looking so skinny lately, dear Mara.”

As if on cue, the stew pot began boiling over. Lumps fell into the fire and made the whole room smell like potatoes.

She laughed her usual wild laugh. “Oh, but the stew is ready. We will talk more about this tomorrow, yes?”

But you didn’t even answer any of my questions, Adora wanted to scream. She felt so trapped and confused. In fact, you gave me more of them.

“Sleep now, Mara.” Madam Razz’s voice almost instantly made Adora’s eyelids droop downwards. “Be gentle with yourself.”

When Adora woke, she was no longer staring at the ceiling of a cottage.

Her ceiling was rattling leaves and sky so blue it hurt her eyes. This time of waking she was able to lift herself into sitting position. A dizzy spell overtook her for several minutes and the movement in her head caused the dried blood on her neck to flake off.

The air outside smelled fresh and clean. Maybe she had ran so far from the battle scene that smoke didn’t reach where she was, or maybe enough time had passed that the smoke cleared completely. The only thing she knew for sure was that she had no idea what was happening.

A bag was strapped to her chest. Adora recognized the embroidered flowers, but she had never seen it before she did in Madam Razz’s hut. Was that a dream?

If it was a dream, why was she covered in bandages?

Adora hurt. She ached and her legs felt like they were going to fall off. Her hand burned, and she couldn’t even move her fingers through the wrappings.

Questions, she had so many questions.

Even the horrid memories of the battle felt like some sort of dream.

Adora stood up, holding onto a nearby tree for support. She had never felt the kind of pain she was feeling at that moment; everything in her body screamed that this was wrong, she needed to be somewhere else. As nice as the weather was, all she wanted in that moment was to wake up in her bed in Bright Moon and realize this was all just a dream.

No death, no fire. Just a bad dream.

While propped against the tree, Adora managed to look inside of the mystery sack around her chest and found incredible amount of treasures. There was a jar of salve, several rolls of bandages, a water pouch, and a selection of preserved food.

Will there ever be a day that she knew what was going on?

At least she knew which way Bright Moon was. Their siren blared as loud as the sky, mourning their lost soldiers.

Adora took three steps towards the sound, almost vomiting from the pain. Another three steps. With every foot she moved, she could feel the ground changing beneath her feet. It was almost impossible to keep her head up and eyes open, with as much pain as she was in.

Step by step, the forest floor grew slightly more charred. It wasn’t smoldering, but it all appeared to be flattened from a recent rainfall. This must have been the far outskirts of the town that had been destroyed.

While no buildings were in sight yet, Adora had no doubt where she was. She sat.

The siren of Bright Moon, miles away, almost covered up a second noise.

Adora rested her head against a tree and, tired and in pain, listened. She was beyond feeling fear at that point. Nothing felt real. The burning legs and aching arms attached to her torso were not hers. The flower bag, certainly not hers. The sword on her back? At this point, she didn’t know.

A bird fluttered by and landed on a half-charred tree. The bird let out a strangled whimper, so quiet it was almost inaudible.

Adora did a double take.

When the bird flew away, another moan snaked from the brush.

It seemed impossible to have any survivors after what happened, at least ones that hadn’t already got pulled out by the Bright Moon rescue.

“Hello?” Adora called out, finding her voice painful and hoarse from all the smoke she inhaled. She cleared her throat and called louder, “Is anyone out there?”

When no one responded, she pulled herself upright and felt bile rise behind her teeth. So much pain. As she stood, healing skin on her legs split and began bleeding.

There was another moan, and standing up made it easier to see where it came from. Close to twenty feet away there was a crater of burnt underbrush. Charcoal stumps formed a nest, and from where she stood, Adora could see a shredded bit of clothing peeking out from under a branch.

She meant to call out again, but it just came out as a breathy shout.

Tearing the rest of her healing leg skin, Adora launched herself across the forest floor and tripped into the nest.

It was a survivor, but not one she expected.

Catra was almost unrecognizable. The clothes were burnt right off her body and almost every inch of the left side of her body was bloodied and blistered, like she had been thrown into a barbeque pit. A deep gash ran from her temple to her chin, caking her eyes shut with blood.

Adora’s legs stopped working. She stumbled into a sitting position and cried out when her injured hand hit the ground.

The scream made Catra stir.

Her mouth opened just a fraction wider and she whimpered.

“Oh,” Adora breathed, feeling her chin tremble.

How did it get this bad? Why did this have to happen?

She-Ra couldn’t save all of the people that died. She stepped over burning bodies and limbs scattered across the forest floor. Even with her divine power, she was powerless to stop that war, and now…

The mourning siren from Bright Moon continued to howl in the distance.

Adora cried.

She laid down next to her dying rival and cried.

-

The day felt like it lasted for years before the sun slipped below horizon. Woodland creatures didn’t seem to enjoy visiting that part of the woods, being so lifeless, but they could be heard scurrying home for the night.

Eventually, only the owls and cicadas were left singing their songs.

Adora used nearly a quarter of the healing salve she had on Catra before she was finished. It almost seemed pointless, trying to heal her wounds, when the skin she was trying to heal was all but disintegrating in her hands.

At least there’s not a lot of blood, Adora told herself, dripping water into Catra’s mouth. Catra, still unresponsive, really didn’t stand a chance out here.

If Adora was honest with herself, neither did she. They had so few choices.

She could always try to bring her back to Bright Moon for their doctors, but no rebel in their right minds would heal the enemy. Adora was nearly an enemy herself, as she failed to save anyone in the latest battle and then immediately ran away afterwards.

Adora couldn’t go back. They could go into the rubble of the town and see if there were any first aid supplies not destroyed, but there was a low chance of that.  
The only decision to make was a stupid one, and She-Ra was the only one who had the chance.

Once Adora transformed, she used all her strength to lift Catra up onto her shoulders. The noises coming from the injured girl were horrible, the gasping breaths of a dying animal, but she couldn’t leave her behind.

One step after another, She-Ra began carrying Catra past the wreckage of the town in the dark.

While her sense of direction was not very good, Adora vaguely knew where she was heading. Bright Moon was their closest option, even if it was several miles away. The mourning sirens stopped some time before, so all they had to go off of was the position of the moons.

I should have paid better attention in astrology, Adora cursed herself. Her sense of direction was shaky at best.

She walked. Every step felt like she was on fire all over again. The mystery bandages on her legs slowly became soggy with blood of freshy reopened wounds

Navigating the Whispering Woods at night wasn’t easy. In fact, it was impossible. There were no landmarks to follow, only twisting trees that reached into the sky and all looked identical. It may have been the horrible fatigue and lights in her eyes, but it looked like there were stars dancing in the sky.

She-Ra grew tired fast. She hardly even noticed the slight change in undergrowth. She didn’t notice the new tingling in the air, either.

Time that night passed differently than it usually did. The moons rose up high into the sky as usual, however, Adora could have sworn they took a different path than usual.

All she wanted to do was stop and rest.

One step.

Then another.

The next time Adora looked up, the aurora borealis had come out, snaking paths of green and blue lighting the path in front of them.

“A path,” Adora whispered. Her trembling, bleeding legs found a little more strength, and she followed.

It took her down a slight incline and closer to the sound of a bubbling stream.

Before long, she began to hear something. At first, she just mistook it for the sound of nighttime forest creatures, but as they continued, it turned into gentle music. If she hadn’t been so unbelievably exhausted and in agony, Adora may have found is unsettling. Right then it was a miracle.

Catra, still unconscious, let out a little mew in Adora’s ear, and blood dribbled down onto the ground.

The music played on.

A few paces further, a house came into view. It was shaped very odd, with some of the walls domed and the windows curved around to face the woods. It was hard to tell in the dim light it was giving off, but there was what appeared to be a small orchard separating the house from the woods.

“Hello?” Adora called out, wincing at how much her throat hurt. She took another step forward. “Can anyone help me?”

It was in the middle of the night, so maybe the inhabitants were asleep.

There was an open window close to the front door, and that’s where the music was coming from. No lights were on, however.

Adora tried calling out again. She ended up coughing, doubled over so far that Catra almost fell off of her shoulders.

Using the last bit of She-Ra’s strength, she kicked the door in.

No people, no light.

No one was home.

No one.

Her knees shook violently before giving out.

Catra tumbled from her shoulders onto the carpeting, letting out a grunt before sprawling. Dirt and stray leaves stuck to the burn salve. Following after was Adora. The moment she hit the ground, all she remembered was the music stopping before her vision went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a kudos or review if you'd like!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Catra wakes up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel that most of my chapters will end when people go to sleep. Bear with me.

It was impossible to tell how long she was unconscious. Some of it must have been sleep, but a good portion of Adora’s blackout was filled with pain and wild hallucinations.

Hordak and Shadow Weaver drifted in and out of her mind, wielding First One’s technology. She saw Entrapta and Light Hope, and piles of bodies covered in overgrown forest.

What was the count of the dead?

Adora only opened her eyes again when it began to rain.

She had a hard time pulling her mind into existence. Nothing felt real. Even her own memories came back in bits and pieces, so she had to lay for several minutes before to know where she was.

Out of the still-open door, the sun was close to the horizon, whether that meant dawn or dusk she wasn’t sure. Rain fell in quiet sheets onto the forest, reminded Adora how thirsty she was.

It was uncomfortable sitting. She took a swig from the water pouch she had carried with her. There was still a lot left, but she had to remember to save some for Catra.

Catra.

Adora scrambled, twisting around to see the other girl motionless behind her.

She was no longer making any sounds.

With frantic hands. Adora pulled herself closer and felt for breathing, a pulse, anything.

A pulse.

“Catra…” She sniffed, trying not to think about how difficult this situation was. “I’m not a doctor.”

All she wanted at that moment was for her legs to miraculously heal so she could run and get help. Somewhere, from someone. Maybe from someone that didn’t know either of them.

Adora checked under the bandages of her leg. Whatever mysterious salve she woke up with seemed to be doing the trick. Either that, or the time that passed was a lot longer than just a few days.

She wasn’t sure which, but whatever the case, the burns on her legs were just huge, disgusting scabs. They ached, and if she moved them the scabs would probably crack open, but they were healing.

Adora wrapped the bandages back. At least they still had rations of food, and if she collected rainwater they would be okay until she was able to stand again.

The entire situation was mystery upon mystery. Behind the confusion, Adora was able to remind herself that at least there was a roof over their heads Even if we are lost in the middle of the Whispering Woods.

Things only changed after day three.

Those three days passed by both slowly and ridiculously fast at the same time. Every second felt like ten hours, but each hour only took a single breath in. During that time, Adora only ever moved from her prone position to change Catra’s wrappings and to give them both food and water.

-

A nightmare came before the third day.

Adora came to on a plain of tall grass the shade of cotton candy. A pack was slung over her side, and she seemed to be searching for something. Whatever she was looking for, the search felt frantic and outraged.

She said it would be here, Adora thought and stared out into the endless sea of grass. Under the second moon.

She stood there for much longer before sitting and opening her pack. Madam Razz had packed generously to prepare her for this trip, but nothing could prepare her for how clueless she felt.  
My runestone, where is my runestone?

Somewhere far away a voice called out.

“Mara!”

That’s not my name, she thought, but found herself turning anyways.

Twenty feet away, a towering woman stood only knees-deep in the grass. She was draped in robes the shade of the blue sky and her hair was nearly as long. While Adora wanted to say she had never seen this woman before, her striking face was completely recognizable.

“Stop where you are.”

Adora felt herself instinctively reach behind her to the sword strapped on her back.

As if on cue, the woman flicked her robes back and pointed. “If you don’t stop what you are doing, all of what we have been working for will be for nothing.”

“This planet doesn’t belong to you,” Adora said, backing up a single step. Her hand reached into her bag. “We need to let it take its natural cycle.”

“Life evolving is not a natural cycle. It’s growth,” the First One responded, “and we have found an incredible way to harness that growth and grow—”

“—together, I know.”

Although she didn’t understand why, Adora felt angry. She grabbed for her sword—

Wailing woke Adora.

Horrible, guttural howling that broke every sound barrier and felt like being punched in the face.

Stiff from sleeping on the floor for so many days in the row, Adora flopped like a fish for a moment before fully waking.

Catra was half-rolled under the couch, clutching the bandages on her arms and making noise like her life depended on it. Even though her eyes were not open, she swung her head wildly as if trying to look around.

Only when Adora grabbed her arms did Catra stop yowling.

“Catra??” She had to pin her arms down for her not to rip the scabs off with her claws. “Can you hear me?”

The cut on Catra’s face split just enough for blood to start beading. She calmed down when hearing Adora’s voice, but sobbed with every breath in. “I can’t…” Catra tried pulling weakly on the grip. “My eyes…”

“You’re okay, you’re—”

She didn’t hear Adora, or maybe she didn’t care, but either way another cry pulled from her mouth.

You must be in so much pain¸ Adora thought sympathetically. It was all she could do to scoot closer and prop the other girl up on her lap so she didn’t choke on her own blood.  
They sat like that.

Slowly, Catra stopped crying. She coughed, flexing her arms and breathing heavily. It was very clear from the sound that she was parched, so Adora tipped some of the gathered rainwater past her lips. She even ran some over her eyes and wiped as much of the dried blood away as she could.

“Are you awake?” Adora tried again.

Catra’s eyes opened through the blood, pupils dilated and shaking. They didn’t fix on anything before sliding shut. No words left her mouth, either, just a whine. It appeared that she wasn’t conscious, but just felt the pain of her wounds in her sleep.

There was something so surreal about that situation they were in. Adora could almost laugh. After so long fighting one another, constantly preparing for the next time they’d fight, they’d somehow found each other’s company again. It was as if the universe wasn’t aware of their falling out and kept trying to push them together anyways.

The only thing she could do there, leaning against the couch under Catra’s half-dead body, was look around.

They had been in this mystery house for days and she hadn’t even gotten a chance to see where they even were. All she could see was the living room and the outside through the open front door.

The room was shaped much differently that any house she’d ever been in. The walls, as she’d seen before, were rounded and slightly taller than usual. There were beams at every corner that sunk below the floor, carved with intricate designs.

This main room was like a standard common room. Adora had seen a few civil living rooms in her travels around Etherian towns, and this was similar. It had a couch, of course, an unlit fireplace across from the couch, and there were bookshelves everywhere. They were stacked with books of varying color and size. She couldn’t read any covers from where she was.

Past the bookshelves, there were two closed doors and a hallway that turned left.

The most bizarre thing she could tell so far was the lack of dust on surfaces. An unoccupied house would have thick dust over the carpet and couch and shelves. The floor wasn’t  
even dirty. It must have been very recently occupied.

Adora smoothed the hair on Catra’s head down. It smelled burnt.

If she had been awake, they’d no doubt be fighting. Playing the hero again, she would say. I don’t need your help.

Always so stubborn.  
Adora didn’t imagine their next face-to-face reunion to be exactly like that, but there wasn’t much about their situation that could’ve been expected. She just wanted to leave.  
Mushing up the last of the dried food and stuffing it into Catra’s mouth, Adora shifted her seated position to get more comfortable. It would be some time before her leg was healed enough to walk again.  
In the meantime, all she could do was wait.

oOoOoO

Catra’s world was, for a while, nothing

It was almost a peaceful sleep, with no dreams or conscious thought, but there was a feeling in the base of her throat that drew the fine line between sleep and death. Was it pain? 

It might be, if she had a body.

For the first day, there was no sense of space or time, no limbs to hurt and no brains to think.

On day two, Catra slipped in and out of consciousness a few times. During those spare seconds, all she regained was feeling and little bits of sentience in the form of confusion.  
Everything hurt. What happened? Ear hurts, bones hurt, skin hurts. Where am I?

Gravity pulls…downwards. The ground is under her back. Soft floor, maybe grass? Softer than grass.

When Catra won the struggle to open her eyes, she thought she saw blue sky out of an open door. Someone there, a form propped against…it was a couch, she was currently on the floor.

Is that Adora? Blond hair.

Catra opened her mouth to say something, but the feeling of fire consumed her. That time, when she slept, she dreamed. 

The bright white of fire was all-encompassing. She watched her own arms and legs burn, blister, and flesh peel off until all that was left was a skeleton.

The bones knocked together, click click click.

She tried screaming, but all she heard was her clattering jaw, click click click.

The next thing she tried was grabbing onto her own tail to see if it was there. The second she touched it it began disintegrating like the burning end of a cigarette.

Catra woke, crying.

Regaining full consciousness was being dumped into a bucket of ice and then immediately into a frying pan.

For many moments—seconds, minutes, she didn’t know—Catra just felt herself flailing and trying to catch a big enough breath of air. Pain, there was so much pain. Where am I?  
Hands grabbed her wrists.

Catra’s eyes popped open to find the face of Adora just inches away.

“You’re okay,” Adora was saying, holding her tight enough to hurt. “You’re alright, you’re fine.”

All Catra wanted was to rip her burning legs off.

“You’re fine,” Adora repeated.

“I’m…” Burning, burning. “Stop.” She tugged away weakly. “You’re burning me.”

The soft croon of Adora’s voice was almost worse than the actual pain. “I know it hurts…”

Something cold was draped over her right hip and thigh, and the shock between pain and relief made her yowl again. Soon after, the world began straightening out. No less pain, and no fewer questions, but it was enough so where she could stare up and the ceiling and see that it wasn’t spinning as fast above her.

There was some sort of scent, through the air of burnt hair and unwashed bodies, that made her horribly homesick.

“How are you feeling?”

Catra dragged her gaze sideways and landed on Adora. Her hair looked dirty and half of her face glowed like she’d been scorched by the sun. Otherwise—

“…No.” Catra’s voice ached of smoke. “Where…?”

They were nowhere she recognized. Why were they there? Where was “there?” Why was she with Adora? Was she dead? If not, why not?

She stared, and only found few excruciating words at a time. “…You…look terrible.”

Adora’s expression was unreadable. “You don’t exactly look like a princess yourself.”

A princess. What a horrible coincidence, or maybe not a coincidence at all. There was nothing in the world Catra would rather not be. She managed to lift her head from the floor and look down at her body.

Almost everything was covered in bandages, except for her left arm and part of her left side. “Where are my clothes?” she rasped.

“Relax, you’re not naked. Most of your clothes were burnt off, though.”

Although she tried desperately pushing the memories down, Catra was almost immediately assaulted by visions of the battle they’d had. The elation that had come with the feeling of winning was so poisonous, it stung even remembering it. It had been so long since she had let herself feel a true kind of happiness.

Behind the wheel of a massive Horde mecha felt something like joy, but it wasn’t. It had made her stomach churn and her hands numb.

Catra closed her eyes again. She didn’t want to be awake, and she certainly didn’t want to be with Adora. She just wanted to be asleep.

Eventually, her wish was granted.

Almost violently, sleep took over.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first day of waking, healing and recovery.  
> Also, Catra is a brat.

Nightmares were very much a reoccurring theme. The dream Adora had that night was not as wild as they had been, but she was nonetheless relieved when waking.

Sunrise from outside painted the whole living room in a sherbet pink.

They were still in the same position on the floor as they’d fallen asleep in the night previous; Adora propped up against the couch and Catra on the floor with Adora’s red jacket stuffed under her head like a pillow.

Adora reached down to look under her bandages when the girl next to her spoke.

“Do you have any water?” Catra asked, her voice sounding as dry and hoarse as a desert. She turned her head a fraction to cough, but it was a movement that must have felt as painful as it sounded.

The canteen was nearby, and though the collected rainwater tasted dusty, Catra drank. When she was finished, Adora managed to scoot herself around to examine the other girl’s healing wounds.

Thank God, thank God, thank God. Adora wanting to cry. You’re awake. You’re not dead.

It was nearly impossible pretending she wasn’t sobbing for relief on the inside. Why did this matter so much to her, after so long being enemies? She knew the answer, but it hurt.

Catra watched her movements through swollen eyes, saying nothing. The only noise she made was when Adora unwrapped the bandages from her thigh, where the worst injury was.

“Careful,” she hissed, ears flattening to her head in pain. Breath heaved in and out of her lungs.

“I’m sorry.” Adora tried not reacting too bad to the injury.

It was horrifying.

Bundles of blisters like grapes oozed from her hip to her knee, but right in the center of her thigh stretched a patch of skin that looked bad. A crater was melted into her, deep and bloody. The edges of the wound almost looked worse than the wound itself, as it was black and leathery like an overcooked piece of meat.

Adora worked, pouring water on the burns and patting on salve as best as she could.

“I’m glad you finally woke up,” she said quietly, soaking a clean rag with water. “I wasn’t quite sure that you would.”

All Catra did was hiss again, trying to sound cross despite her pain. “What do you care?”

“Are you seriously going to try to pull that right now?” Adora grabbed a fresh roll of bandages from her bag and began wrapping. “You’d be dead in the middle of the woods by now if it wasn’t for me. Eaten by monsters, probably.”

“Oh, my hero,” Catra spat. She instinctively yanked her leg away when the pinch of the bandages hit her. “I’d rather be eaten by monsters than be…” Her eyes darted around the room they were in and then out the front door. “…wherever we are. Where did you take me?”

“I wish I knew.”

“Is this where the rebels kidnap Horde soldiers and take them to interrogate??”

Adora rolled her eyes. “I got lost when dragging your useless body around the Whispering Woods and happened to stumble onto this property. It’s abandoned, I think.”

Instead of responding with her usual sass, Catra just reached up and felt the gash on her face. Most of the blood was rinsed away, but there was still quite a bit caked into her eyebrow and around her lips and hairline.

“Why don’t you let me wash that out?” Adora offered, but Catra just smacked the cloth from her hand.

“Don’t touch me.” With a frustrated sigh, Catra leaned her head back on the jacket pillow. It may have been the light, but her chin appeared to quiver for a moment. “Why did you take me here?” The circles under her eyes were dark and heavy, casting a miserable air across her face. “This place stinks.”

At least Catra was acting a little more alive than she had the day previously. The snappiness she was responding with was more of a normal for her.

It was hard disagreeing with her, though. “I want to go home, too.” Adora pulled the bucket of rainwater towards her spot on the floor and wrung out the rag that’d been inside. “There’s nothing we can do until you’re able to walk, though.”

The other girl didn’t answer. Her gaze was blank and lifeless, and the bloody gash across her face didn’t help her looks at all.

In the silence, Adora peeled her own leg bandages back and examined the burns.

“That’s disgusting.”

She scowled back at Catra. “I’m in better condition than you are. Mine are just burns. You’re just an all-around mess.”

“Aw,” Catra flicked her ears but didn’t smile. “You do care.”

For just a second, there was a movement in her eyes. They were back in the Fright Zone, causing mischief and running from their commanding officers. Catra almost looked nothing had changed. Her hair was singed short and she was wearing more bandages than actual clothes, but still…

“Stop staring at me,” Catra snapped, pulling her bad arm to her chest. “If you have nothing better to do, go find us some food.”

The moment ended.

They had been in that house for several days and Adora hadn’t stood up once inside of it. Despite her leg being healed enough to probably stand on, she still felt uncomfortable with the idea of rummaging through some person’s house.

“It’s too late to worry about trespassing.” It was almost like Catra was reading Adora’s mind. Her tongue flicked out and licked a bit of dried blood from her lower lip. “The longer we sit here, the more my own legs look like barbeque.”

Although they kind of did look like barbeque, as burnt and as mangled as they were, Adora didn’t say that.

Adora stood. For a good solid moment, her legs ached worse than she’d ever felt in her life. She just about fell right back over, but the pain ebbed away a bit. “Something isn’t right about this house.” She leaned heavily against the back of the couch. “There’s hardly any dust in here, did you notice?”

If Catra had noticed, she didn’t care. Her eyes remained glazed and puffy, fixed on a point in the distance.

Right. It looks like Adora is going to do this all by herself, as usual. She wasn’t sure what she expected. Not a thank you, no, Catra would never thank her. Not even any acknowledgement. Still, there were a lot of feelings she had trouble sorting out.

From standing up, Adora really couldn’t see much more of the house than before. It was unlike any house she’d ever been in before, but there was still a sort of familiarity to it. The area was clearly lived-in and loved, but that begs the question—why would anyone leave? Maybe they’ll be back soon.

She hobbled over to the nearest door and opened it. Bedroom, she observed, trying not to feel bitter that they’d spent days on the floor rather than on a real bed. It would feel much to personal to take over someone’s room, though.

The next door was the kitchen. It was small and quaint, painted with designs of flowers and just the right kind of messy. Glimmer would’ve appreciated its vibe, probably. Thinking of her friend’s face made Adora’s chest tight.

On the table in the center of the room sat a clay dish full of peaches. They looked…perfectly ripe.

Assuming whoever lived here put the fruit on the table, they hadn’t been gone long enough for the peaches to rot.

“I am so confused,” she whispered to herself.

-

All Catra wanted to do was to go back out into the woods and die. She ached in every way possible; her bones, her skin, her head, her heart all felt like they were going to burst. After all that had happened, she’d just about lost her will to live.

Memories of the recent battle wouldn’t leave. Even when she closed her eyes, visions were branded to the backs of her eyelids. Nothing went as she planned.

“They’re not much,” Adora’s voice caused Catra’s eyes to focus back upwards, “but this is all I’ve found so far.” A plate of cut peaches was being held up to her face.

Catra looked at the plate and then looked back up with tired eyes. Then she looked away.

There was a certain feeling in her chest that was hard to identify. Catra was never particularly good at dealing with emotions, but her throat burned—and not because of the smoke she’d inhaled. How could Adora be so calm? Where were her feelings? Everything felt so wrong, and every cell in Catra’s body was telling her so.

Maybe she didn’t know what truly happened back there in the woods. It was hard for even Catra to have kept track of, as she spent most of her time in the main mecha. All she knew was that they were winning, and it was delicious. Then, everything went wrong.

“You have to eat something.” Adora clearly sounded annoyed.

Get angry.

“Get out of my face.” Nearly spitting the words, Catra smacked the food from the other girl’s hands, pretending that it didn’t hurt her hand.

“Don’t be a brat—”

“I don’t need your help.”

“Just look at yourself!” That time, Adora’s voice had raised almost to a yell. She punched the couch and landed her fist barely inches from the side of Catra’s head.

Yes, Catra thought, digging her claws into the sides of her arms. Get mad, break things.

The horrible glee sucked through her stomach like she was craving it. While it felt so sickening, part of Catra wanted to be sickened. She wanted to see Adora lose her poise again, to get angry at her and fight.

“I don’t care if you don’t want my help.” Adora piled the broken plate on the coffee table with the floor fruit. “Kick and scream all you want, but you’re in no shape to get your own food right now.”

There were a thousand snarky things Catra could’ve said in response, but she could tell Adora was trying to keep her cool. Maybe in a day or two she’d crack, but at that point, there was no use arguing. Every word they shared felt hollow and useless.

Time just dragged on.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things get even more interesting...

The next day brought no shortage of questions as the previous days had.

Adora woke early, changed her dressings and stood. She felt surprisingly better in terms of the wounds; the scabs were healing slowly but no longer oozing, which must have been a good sign. She made a mental note to thank Madam Razz if she saw her again, because whatever salve she had come across clearly had magical properties.

She looked to her side.

Beneath the couch still sat the Sword of Greatness. It taunted her.

Catra was still asleep on the couch where she’d managed to hoist herself the night before. It looked very uncomfortable, since she couldn’t put any weight on her right side. Blood still crusted the side of her face, the gash looking much more horrible than any of Adora’s injuries felt. Maybe she could fix it up while Catra slept?

Adora got the dressings prepared, but the second the wet cloth touched Catra’s face, she woke and shot straight up.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Shaking her head to clear the sleep, Catra tried swiping a sluggish claw at the other girl.

“I’m just trying to clean up your face,” Adora bit back. God, why can’t she just behave for five minutes? She held the cloth out. “If you won’t let me do it, then do it yourself before you get infected.”

Nothing.

Catra leaned back into the couch. Her eyes glazed over with a type of stubbornness and she set her jaw. Even her ears, which were pointed back, betrayed her aggravation.

Adora was about to argue when she realized— “You’re sitting up on your own.”

This was a remarkable improvement from the previous day. Catra was, indeed, sitting up on her own. The bandages at her waist look strained, but no fresh blood was leaking through, so her own wounds must be healing as well.

“Let me see.” Adora reached down to the dressings, and when Catra tried protesting, she pressed her face dangerously close to the other girl’s. “Stop being so stupid, Catra, and let me do this. I’ll tie you down if I have to.”

A flicker of something—not fear, no—made Catra’s eye twitched and the anger in her face dropped for a moment.

“That’s what I thought.”

Adora continued.

Upon stripping the old dressings off, Adora saw that her suspicions were correct. Just like herself, Catra was healing wonderfully fast, too. The damaged skin on her arm, stomach and chest had also scabbed over, and despite covering nearly every inch of her, didn’t seem to be getting infected at all. When Adora reached the dressing on her thigh, however, that’s when her anticipation faltered just a little.

“Please tell me I’m going to die,” Catra drawled sarcastically, clearly trying to hide the pain she was in when the other girl touched a fingertip to her wound.

“Shut up, for once.”

The first day Adora had tended these wounds, she had seen the side of Catra’s leg had roasted so badly that the skin in the center of the wound hadn’t even blistered—it was a burnt crater, sizzling flesh and a blackened around the edges. She wasn’t much of a doctor, but she knew that it wasn’t good.

Now, looking at the skin, hardly anything had changed. The blistered surrounding the worst of it had hardened and looked like they were healing, but the center…

Catra made a noise in the back of her throat. “Are you trying to get back for me for those claw marks I gave you last year? Because if you are—” She groaned through clenched teeth and unknowingly ripped a fistful of stuffing from the couch underneath her. “If you are, it’s working.”

“Catra, if I don’t get this properly cleaned and taken care of, you could die.”

“Maybe I want—"

“Can you stop joking and be serious about this?” Adora tried to keep her voice level, but it was hard. “This isn’t about me. If you don’t miraculously heal from this, you could die. You will die. I don’t have anything but water and this salve, which I’m running out of.”

The expression on Catra’s face remained the same. “If you care so much, why don’t you go get someone who actually knows what they’re doing?”

The lump in Adora’s throat kept growing. “We are miles away from the closest settlement, and Swift Wind isn’t coming. I’ve been trying to call to him ever since we got here, but he… He’s having trouble finding us, I think. I can’t sense him at all. So until we’re both well enough to walk through the woods, we’re stuck here.”

That was the truth, and it was hard wrapping her head around. While she spent a good amount of time in the woods, her home had become Bright Moon and being so far away, and so unable to leave, hurt.

Maybe Catra could see the homesickness, because when she spoke next, venom laced every syllable. “Do you miss your friends, princess? Do they miss you, seeing how you failed them?”

Like a rubber band, Adora snapped. She grabbed the other girl’s wrist and pulled it sideways, almost hard enough to break.

“Why can’t you take this seriously?” she shouted, standing over Catra and pinning her wrist to the sofa. Catra looked shocked. “Don’t you understand what kind of shape you’re in?? Do you care at all what happened to us??”

The moment of shock was over, and Catra met her gaze with just as much menace.

“I’m starting to doubt that you fought in the same battle that I did. Even though I failed…” The last few words Adora spoke trailed off, and after that she softened both her grip and her words. “We both lost so many people. I couldn’t save everyone, so at least let me save you.”

The air grew still and cold.

For a second, just for a second, Catra’s eyes glazed over.

She reached up with her good hand and touched Adora’s cheek.

The touch sent jolts of electric shocks through her.

“How fortunate am I,” Catra’s voice was as thick and sugary as syrup, “to be the great She-Ra’s chosen pet.”

It would’ve hurt less if Adora had been slapped. She let go and reeled back, stumbling two steps until she fell onto her pants.

Catra’s lips curled into a sneer, but she didn’t look that self-satisfied. Her eyes were tired at best. The sneer split a cut on her lip and a drop of blood oozed down the center of her chin. She didn’t bother wiping it off before looking away.

There was nothing to say back. The lump in Adora’s throat grew to an intolerable size. She was overly tempted to tackle Catra and beating her senseless while she had the chance. However, she held back.

It was impossible to not be upset. With everything going on…

No. Adora wasn’t surprised. She was upset but not surprised. To be honest, she even felt a little embarrassed that she thought Catra would take that any other way. Nothing will be different between them. This wasn’t them, though, and she wished the other girl would see it that way.

Adora turned her face away from Catra so she wouldn’t see how much what she’d said hurt her. All that she really wanted was Catra’s support on wanting to go home, that maybe if she willingly tried to get better, they might heal faster and could leave faster.

The true idea of leaving made, for the first time in those last few days, Adora think about the battle. Really think about it.

She had been blasted, last she recalled. A horrifying new bot appeared, and she couldn’t fight against it. If the last thing she saw was her own defeat, does that mean the Rebellion lost?

The memories gripped Adora’s throat and choked her viciously.

Why didn’t they take her hostage or finish her off? Did they think she had died? The thought made her sick, because if the Hoard thought She-Ra was gone, then what did the Princesses know? Are they even alive?

Adora covered her face.

I just left them. Her fingernails scraped into her cheeks. She was the only one who could have saved them and she didn’t.

It took all the willpower inside of her to take a deep breath and glance at Catra. “What happened to you during the battle?”

Those horrifying burns, her clothes being all but blasted off. She had been very far away from the initial battle area, too, so how did she get there?

Adora didn’t remember seeing her at all in the village; it was definitely a surprise she found her out there in the woods at all.

Catra didn’t twitch so much as an ear. “That’s none of your business.”

“But your—”

“Do I look like I want to talk to you?”

All Adora wanted to know was what happened from the other girl’s point of view. It was too hard not knowing who won and who was killed.

“I’m going to find some blankets and pillows.” She stood and, with an incredible amount of self-control, left the living room.

Every inch of her was trembling. Adora wanted so badly not to feel that kind of anger. She had imagined her reunion with Catra so much differently; she imagined a reunion with the old Catra, the one who spent nights curled up against her.

Being with her then, when Catra wasn’t actively trying to destroy her or anyone she loved…Adora really wanted to be happy. Even if it was just a little bit. She wanted to see Catra alive and healthy and not hate her.

All those years they spent together meant nothing anymore, and it broke Adora’s heart.

She couldn’t lie, though; in that moment, Adora was glad to have something to do other than argue with Catra. Her gate was wobbly and sore, but her legs were grateful for the exercise. They fought every inch walked, and she had almost made it to the bedroom before something caught her eye.

The bookshelf set up next to the bedroom door was stacked high with books. On the cover of the book nearest her, however, was written in First One’s writing.  
Adora stopped, bracing herself on the doorknob of the bedroom. Was she imagining it?

Botany, the cover of the book said. She’d never read that particular word in First One’s writing, but there was no mistake. Was this a book on plants written completely in the ancient language? She promised herself she’d look tomorrow.

Upon exploring the house a little further, Adora found more than she’d expected. There were extra pillows and blankets, which she gathered and tossed into the living room. She also gained more courage snooping through the stranger’s empty house and found a wardrobe of clothes and a fully working bathroom.

Adora didn’t like remembering what they had done instead of use the bathroom. She shuddered. By some miracle of Etheria, the shower and bathtub were completely functional. The soap wasn’t as clean as she was used to in Bright Moon, but it washed all the dirt and old blood down the drain.

The runoff water turned brown. It took many scrubs before it ran clear. 

The shower was very welcome, and afterwards, she followed her growling stomach back to the kitchen.

No surprise, it looked exactly like it did the day before. The counters were clean and the window above the sink looked directly into a lovely little orchard. Even the plate of cut peaches was sitting exactly where it was.

Wait—the peaches.

“Catra,” she grabbed the plate and hobbled back into the living room, her heart beating faster for an unknown reason. “Look!”

Catra turned to look back and her bored eyes narrowed. “’don’t tell me you already forgot what fruit is.”

“No, shut up.” Adora shook her head and held the plate closer. “We ate all of the peaches yesterday, and you broke the plate, remember? You smacked it out of my hand.”

“You want me to apologize?” The sarcasm was duller than usual.

“No.” Adora was running out of patience. “You broke the plate and we ate all of the peaches, but today it was all back on the table like nothing had happened. Did someone come in in the middle of the night and—?”

“And what, Adora?” There was still a lilt of sarcasm in Catra’s voice. “Someone snuck in, glued the plate back together, and picked us a fresh batch of fruit just to disappear into the night again”

“Do you have any better ideas?”

She turned back around. “Call me if you find any magic meat in there. I’m sick of peaches.”

Ugh. Catra could be so irritating.

All that Adora could do was bring the plate back out into the living room and set it on the coffee table. Peaches were hardly filling, but they were something. Where they came from was a whole other ordeal.

She was grateful, of course, but there was too much confusion to truly be relaxed. Everything was much too much of a coincidence. Finding a house in the middle of the woods when they were dying? The house being unoccupied, but having electricity, plumbing, and a seemingly endless supply of food?

Something wasn’t right. Adora was tired and angry and hurt, and she didn’t want to have to worry about something as mundane as the roof over their heads. It took two years of constant fighting with the Horde—with Catra—to come to that moment. Was this really the pinnacle of their great rivalry: playing house?

When they were children, she imagined she would spend the rest of her life with Catra. They would be the heroes that defeated the horrible princesses. She wanted them to have a life together.

The feelings stung.

Adora stared out the open door and wished things were different.

Her heart ached.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra finally lets Adora in, even if it's just for a moment.

Through the windows, the sky was a stormy gray. While it wasn’t raining, the air smelled of soil and damp leaves. The flavor of the forest left such a sweet aftertaste.

Adora’s wet hair clung around her shoulders and forehead, and the clothes she wore were foreign; she had found a ladies’ nightdress, made of a soft fabric and thin shoulder straps that looked disproportionate to Adora’s arm muscles.

She sat on the floor next to the coffee table, back to Catra and facing the open door.

“I want to go outside tomorrow.” She said out loud. “Maybe there’s a tall hill nearby or a tree I could climb to see where we are in the forest.” While the thought of climbing anything with healing legs wasn’t fun, she had to do something besides sit and wait.

Trees of the Whispering Woods rattled in the breeze. Adora sat on the floor in front of the couch and watched. She tried to avoid letting her mind wander too far. She fought whatever nostalgia crept up.

The hair on the back of Adora’s neck prickled and she turned to find Catra’s gaze on her. It was not a look full of emotion, but her eyes were fixated on the other girl’s back.

It had been a long time since Adora hadn’t felt a danger in being in Catra’s line of sight. Right then, however, the expression the other girl wore was not one she was used to anymore.

_My scars_ , Adora thought, and she reached an arm around to touch them self-consciously. Eight parallel lines ran down her shoulder blades. They took weeks to heal, but despite the best efforts of Bright Moon healers, the scars were permanent.

Each claw mark was a reminder. It was all Adora had left of Catra at that point, and she was secretly glad the scars stayed.

Catra’s ears pivoted. “I’m not going to apologize for those, you know.” Her tone was not as disrespectful as usual, but as flat as it would be stating a fact.

“I know,” Adora responded, shifting her hair so it would cover the marks. “I don’t expect you too.”

They sat in another silence. _They were all she had left._

The breeze outside quieted down just enough to hear a gurgling stream somewhere nearby. Adora faintly remembered hearing a stream when they first came here, delirious and on the verge of death. She had also thought she’d heard music, but that couldn’t have been right.

With a sigh, she leaned back on the coffee table, making it creak. “That feels like a lifetime ago, doesn’t it? When you gave me those scars?”

“It wasn’t even a year ago.” Catra scoffed. “Don’t get all sentimental.”

“I mean it. You’re Hordak’s second-in-command now. You worked so hard for it, and now look where you are.” With a blink, Adora realized what the feeling in her chest was. “I’m proud of you.” The words burned in her mouth and left a bitter taste behind her tongue.

Instead of saying anything rude back, Catra just pursed her lips. Whatever was on her mind wasn’t clear at all, as she’d gotten pretty good at hiding her emotions, but something definitely didn’t feel right.

After that, Adora didn’t say much else. She brought her knees up to her chest. The action didn’t hurt her, surprisingly, but in the silence, she found herself missing Bright Moon. Warm meals, her own clothes, and friends that would hold her hand during the night when she was having bad thoughts.

She glanced back at Catra, who had gone back to glaring into the couch. Her eyes had sunken even deeper into her skull and heavy circles ringed around them like she hadn’t slept in weeks. She looked so tired. Maybe even _sad_. There was none of her usual pep; even her bratty attitude seemed forced. Why wasn’t she bragging about her victories?

Feeling suddenly gentle, Adora stood. “I found some other clothes in the closet,” she offered, pointing a thumb to the bedroom. “They’re a little big, but it feels nice putting something clean on.”

Catra blinked tiredly.

“Plus, you smell like garbage.”

She stretched her arm out and picked at the bandages. “No point. I smell like garbage underneath my clothes, too.”

“There’s a bath. I’ll help you clean up.” The words came out of Adora’s mouth before she realized she was saying them.

Even Catra, despite her usual unruffled demeanor, did a double take. Her tail betrayed her, too, as it twitched.

“You’re offering to bathe me?” She sounded very incredulous and reluctant.

Adora tried hiding her discomfiture by wrinkling her nose. “You’re making this entire house stink. You forget, I drained fluid out of your blisters days ago, and I’m sure it’s still caked into your fur. It’s revolting.”

“You really have a way of making a girl feel special.” Huffing a breath, Catra held out her good arm. “Just help me up.”

She’s agreeing?

Adora took both of Catra’s hands and helped her stand.

A low whine squeezed from between Catra’s teeth. She buckled against the other girl’s arms, but the healing wounds clearly caused a lot of pain. Nothing underneath the bandages broke or bled, so Adora took that as a good sign.

The house was small, but since the bathroom was on the opposite end, it took several agonizing minutes to limp Catra through the hall. She spat several choice curse words on the way, gripping Adora with her claws so hard that they punctured in a few places.

When they finally got to the bathroom, Adora sat her down on the edge of the bathtub. It was nothing like she’d ever used in the Horde or in Bright Moon; the tub was too circular to lay down all the way, and the shower was straight overhead, but it was _far_ better than stinking through the foreseeable future.

Adora’s first instinct to ask Catra if she was okay, but it might not have been the best idea. She kneeled and began gently unwrapping the bandages. They looked the same as they did that morning. She reached for the wrappings covering the other girl’s chest.

“Wait.” Catra grabbed onto the other girl’s wrist before she could undress her. Though she would never admit it, her entire body was quivering. She didn’t look Adora in the eyes, just held her wrist.

Adora understood her silence.

Everything about the position Catra was in spoke of vulnerability. She was hunched by pain, half-naked at the edge of the bathtub and covered in sweat. She was hardly in a state to wash herself, but she was never someone who enjoyed showing weakness. _Especially_ when they were technically enemies.

In the very least, Adora understood that. There really wasn’t anything she could say to make her feel better.

In that strange house, the water didn’t get very warm. Adora turned the tap and let the tub fill while she undressed Catra.

There were so many spots of her fur that’d been completely singed bare or melted into clumps. Even the eyebrow on the right side of her face was almost gone, completing the busted-face look. At least her tail was intact.

“I can just hear Lonnie making fun of you now,” Adora laughed a little through her nose as she helped lower Catra into the water. “She always liked teasing you about your hair.”

“She was probably just jealous.” Catra winced. It took several long seconds before her body relaxed enough to lean. “I was always a better fighter than her.”

It was true, for the most part.

Adora pined for her old squadron. They had been raised side-by-side together like a family. She wanted to ask how Kyle and Rogelio were doing, but it wasn’t her place. She just took a handful of the grainy soap and began cleaning away all the blood and gunk from Catra’s fur.

It was easier to pretend they were young again, back in the Horde. While they never got the luxury of bathing, the communal showers were places they could be just a little more vulnerable. Adora had always helped Catra wash her hair, and Catra would help her reach that place on her back that she couldn’t.

As kids, that was the kind of intimacy they got.

Now there, lifetimes later, Adora was helping wash Catra again. She had grown up so much, it was almost impossible recognizing her.

The feline arch to her skeleton was obstructed by sharps dips and curves of muscle from the years of hard discipline. Strips of tabby color lined down her arms and back, more prominent the older she got. Even the pattern of her fur had crept past its usual limits.

Despite everything—the battle wounds, the emaciation—she was still beautiful.

Adora was grateful that, for at least a few minutes, she was allowed back into Catra’s life.

When she got to the worst wound on her thigh, Adora hesitated for a second. “How is it feeling?” She was careful not to get any soap into it.

Catra clearly bit something back, but she didn’t look at the other girl while her wound was being cleaned. “…Fine,” she finally said.

“I guess it’s looking better.”

Another silence before she spoke again.

“Where did you find me?” Catra asked quietly, still not looking up. “In the woods. How did you find me?”

_Oh, so now she’s talking_.

“Outside of town, but not by a lot,” Adora answered, using a cup to pour water over the suds of the other girl’s back. “It looked like you had been thrown by something. You weren’t in any burnt wreckage. I only heard you because you—” She stopped. The truth wouldn’t do well to preserve any dignity, so for Catra’s sake, she lied. “I almost tripped over you.”

In truth, she had only found Catra because of the horrible noises of death she had been making. She wouldn’t appreciate hearing that, though.

“Why?”

“Well, it was dark, and—”

“No,” Catra looked up. “Why did you save me? After everything I’ve done to you?”

_What?_

The question made Adora freeze, her hands still working on the bad shoulder.

_Why_ did _I save her?_ She asked herself.

When a bit of soap entered her wound, Catra flinched. “I’ve tried to kill you, like, fifty times. Why save me? We’re enemies.”

Even repeated, the question just sounded so ridiculous.

It was easy for Adora to know the answer but not so much say it. “I guess I don’t really consider you an enemy. With how we grew up, I could never hate you.”

Catra’s singed eyebrows twitched in surprise.

“I don’t hate you. If I’m honest,” Adora was about to get _way too_ honest, “I hate myself more than anyone else right now.”

The air in the washroom grew itchy. It might have been a little too warm, or a little too moist, but something uncomfortable crawled just under the surface of Adora’s skin. She wanted to claw it out and make herself stop _feeling._

She had never pictured herself, alone with Catra, spewing her innermost thoughts. Even Glimmer and Bow didn’t know the extent of these bad feelings. They were hard putting into words, especially since they never sounded quite right.

“I couldn’t leave you,” Adora continued softly, and began washing Catra’s hair. “I left you once, I couldn’t leave you again.”

It was a horrible truth, a truth that stung.

“Catra, I…” she swallowed, knowing what was coming out of her mouth would probably not be well-received. “I know I can never apologize to you. There are so many things I could say that I’m sorry for, but it would mean nothing.”

While her shoulders had tensed, Catra didn’t speak.

“I can’t say sorry, and I can’t turn back time. There is nothing I can do to _fix_ anything.” A lump in her throat began squeezing her words. “At this point, I don’t even think I can end the war.”

Once she started, Adora couldn’t stop. Her hands shook.

“I wanted to be the hero.” She felt so ashamed for herself. “Etheria is suffering and I wanted to be the one who fixed it. I am _supposed_ to be the one to fix it, but I… I’m so tired.” The confession made it harder to breathe. “I’m so tired of failing everyone all the time.”

Catra was still quiet. Maybe she wasn’t speaking because she didn’t know what to say, or maybe she disagreed, but she wouldn’t even turn to head to look back at the other girl behind the bathtub. The stillness was almost worse than anything she could say.

Wiping her nose, Adora tried to force laughter. “You don’t like talking about it, I know. You’re miserable enough here stuck with me without listening to me complaining.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. You won the Battle of Bright Moon.” Catra still didn’t turn, but her words weren’t as angry as expected. They were a little sarcastic, yes, but also sounded a little melancholy. “You’re Adora; you never fail anyone.”

“I’m _responsible_ for _everything_. I never even _chose_ to be She-Ra.” A horrible sign drained Adora’s lungs and she paused her hands in Catra’s hair. “I wish I could be selfish, just once.” She returned to washing.

After a few minutes and many painstaking cups of water to rinse, Catra was clean. She turned in the tub, careful not to rub her raw skin against it. When she looked at Adora, it felt like she was really seeing her, for the first time in a long time.

“If you had the chance to go back in time, would you still leave the Fright Zone?”

Adora couldn’t meet her eyes. “…I think you already know the answer to that.”

“Right.” _The hero._

She drained the tub and helped Catra stand, bracing her arms out for support and wrapped a towel immediately around her.

“You know, if I _did_ have the chance to go back in time,” Adora thought out loud, “I wouldn’t just go back to that day.”

Catra sat through the re-wrapping of all her injuries, but she couldn’t hide the curiosity on her face.

“I would go all the way back to the first time Shadow Weaver ever laid her magic on you, and _then_ I would leave. With you.”

“…We were just kids.”

“We would’ve been fine,” Adora joked, trying to bring a smile to her eyes.

When Catra looked up, the memories had visibly contorted her face with trauma. “Do you remember that day?”

The smile went away.

“We were playing after dinner, avoiding the squadron commanders because they were going to tell us to go to bed.” Yes, she remembered. Adora kept wrapping bandages. “…You wanted to try and sneak onto the roof to see the full moons. That was the first time we went to the rooftops together.”

“That was _you_ who wanted to see the full moons.”

Though the memory hurt, Adora couldn’t help but bring her smile back. Just a little. “It was the first time we would’ve seen them both full.”

“Yeah, if Shadow Weaver hadn’t caught us and put me in solitary confinement.”

After all these years, Catra still didn’t talk about exactly what happened that day. She just said solitary confinement, but she came back with little scars she didn’t think Adora would see. But she saw them, and she knew.

Why didn’t Adora ever fight? Why didn’t she fight harder for Catra?

“I’m going to get you some clean clothes.” Adora finished the bandages and stood, trying to keep all emotion from her face. Catra didn’t even watch her as she walked out.

They were in a bit of a delicate situation. Never in a million years did Adora imagine that Catra would actually talk to her about this. They’d spent so much time arguing and trying to kill one another, but now they were forced to share the same space…

Maybe she wasn’t being fair to her. Catra never liked talking about her feelings, maybe she just felt like she didn’t have a choice.

One wrong move from Adora could ruin everything. She wanted to keep talking, though. She wanting to see if she could somehow fix things. Even if she couldn’t fix their relationship, maybe there was a chance to get better insight on the war.

Still, though, Adora hated herself for enjoying their time together that didn’t involve weapons. Of course she remembered how much she valued her company, but didn’t realize how much she had missed her until they were together again.

The evening remained gentle. After Adora dressed Catra, she hobbled her back into the living room where she settled her back down on the couch. There was brief talk about the bed in the room, but Catra refused. On the couch, Catra looked _much_ more comfortable than before. Being clean does wonders for the healing process.

Though it was early, they turned in. Adora had pulled a few books from the shelf and began reading them. They were completely in First One’s language, but the content was so mundane she got bored fast. Botany was _very_ uninteresting.

With the curtains drawn and all the lights out, the room was almost…familiar. Something that Adora couldn’t name hung in the air. She, unwillingly, remembered the nights they shared in the Horde.

Somewhere deep in Adora’s chest, an ache started. It grew through her stomach, into her ribs, up her throat and eventually, she fell asleep with it cradling her head like a child.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More mysteries, more heartache

_It had been a long day. Holding council every time the moons were full took its toll on the members, especially with such rising tensions. Adora was grateful to return home to her house in the woods._

_There was a young woman waiting for her at home, soil-brown hair done up in a bun and wearing glasses that perched a little crooked. She kissed Adora on the cheek and commented on how lovely the roses were growing that season._

_When Adora didn’t answer, the woman’s porcelain face drew downwards into a frown and she asked how the council went. Adora admitted she didn’t believe in everything they were saying but hoped that her own personal research could help her family in the long run._

_She left the house and found herself around back descending a flight of stairs into her study. The piles of papers and books on the desk was a familiarity, but those days her research felt so fruitless. No one from the sorcerer’s guild would ever approve of the work she was doing, and even_ she _admitted that her ideas probably wouldn’t work._

_Adora sat down at her desk and sighed. She could still see the carvings in the wooden top where she’d written on a page too angrily and dented underneath. When will she be able to find the key of leaving all this turmoil behind?_

_She pulled the bottom drawer open and fished out a notebook. It was leather bound and wrapped in a cord, and when she unwrapped it, something fell out. Adora leaned down to retrieve it—_

“Adora.”

_Where did it go? It was right there…_

_Adora found the picture and tucked it back into the book where it was safe._

“Adora.”

Pulling herself from the dream was hard.

Adora dragged her eyes open and had to blink several times to notice that Catra, from her spot on the couch, was staring down at her.

 _What’s wrong?_ She wanted to ask.

“You were talking in your sleep.” Catra leaned back. “It was annoying.”

So thoughtful.

Adora sat up. Already, the dream she was having begun slipping from her memory. It wasn’t something she ever saw before. Even the dreams of Madam Razz seemed to have come from somewhere, as She-Ra had a connection with her, but Adora had no idea who the girl was from this last dream.

Her brown hair tattooed the inside of her eyelids, and every time she closed them she saw this mysterious woman.

“Your plate is gone.”

Catra’s words made Adora focus back up to her.

“The plate of fruit.” Catra pointed to the coffee table, which was indeed empty. “It’s gone.”

When she stood up and went into the kitchen, there it was. The plate was sitting in the middle of the kitchen table piled high with perfectly ripe peaches, uneaten.

Adora took the plate and went back into the living room. Even though Catra didn’t look up immediately, she did when Adora dropped the plate. It smashed against the floor, peaches bouncing and rolling off in different directions.

Catra jumped, almost off the couch. She stared, colored eyes wide, at the shattered plate. “Wow,” she whistled, and when she looked back up at Adora there was a slight twinkle in her expression. “I didn’t know you had it in you.”

Minding the glass, Adora plopped down on the couch and almost crushed the other girl’s feet. The damp smell of body odor wafted upwards. _This couch is disgusting._

“It’s a test,” she picked a fruit off the floor and tossed it to Catra before taking one for herself. “If it’s back tomorrow we know for sure that something is going on.”

“I like this game.” Catra immediately threw, with amazing force, her peace across the room and it splattered all over the wall. Something _almost_ like a smile tickled her mouth, and with the wound healing up it looked genuine. “Pass me another one.”

There were a lot of lectures Adora could give right then—but it was the first time she saw life in Catra’s face in a long time.

Adora felt a smile grow on her own mouth. “Do you want to go outside with me today? I want to see what I can find.”

“Sure,” Catra’s smile melted into a more sarcastic one. “Let me just run ahead of you and maybe do a backflip while I’m at it.” She held her leg up and winced.

Right.

Adora didn’t ask permission, but she pulled the med kit from the coffee table and helped Catra drag her injured leg up onto her lap. The closeness made her heart squeeze, and she recognized the ache she had last night. It stuck tight.

When Adora pulled the bandages off Catra’s leg, the wounds that ravaged her skin were continuing to heal. While scabs were still working on forming around the blisters, the craterous wound in the center of her thigh appeared to be growing healthy new tissue over the top of the blackened dead skin.

Catra must have seen the look on Adora’s face, because she let out some sort of sigh. It might’ve been a sigh of relief, or maybe a sigh of boredom, but either way she wasn’t fighting.

“Well, if you change your mind at all, feel free to drag yourself outside to join me.” Adora finished up and stood. “Have fun by yourself.”

Catra blew her a raspberry as she left the house.

For the first time in nearly a week, Adora felt the grass beneath her feet. She wasn’t wearing her boots so she could feel every blade of grass and pebble between her toes, and it was _delicious_. It was a pleasure to forget about the sword she’d crammed underneath the sofa; that thing felt cursed.

She wanted to forget all about it, and with the fresh air in her face and the smell of rain still hanging in the air, Adora really _could_.

High the in sky, the sun was so warm and golden. Even the trees of the Whispering Woods seemed to glow. Adora took a deep breath and stretched, moving muscles that felt like they haven’t moved in years. Her healing wounds were a little sore, but the open breeze felt refreshing.

It made her miss Glimmer and Bow. What would they say if they could see her then?

 _Swift Wind_ , Adora pleaded in her mind, looking upwards at the clouds. _If you can hear me, please be fast. I miss my home. I miss my friends._

From the outside, the house they were staying at looked much smaller. It had old white siding and plants crawling up the slats that nearly swallowed the whole porch. If the circumstances had been different, Adora would have loved to stay in a place such as that.

No war, she thought bitterly. Why would the sword ever choose her? At this point, she would rather take the life of solitude than lose more wars. She was ashamed at those thoughts but couldn’t avoid them.

Around the other side of the house was even more beautiful, if she could imagine. Massive rosebushes grew all around the side and the corner of the walls, and they opened up into a well-kept orchard.

Trees of all fruits rose into the sky, dripping with colors. Their leaves rattled in the breeze and each one had its place in a living fence around a garden in the center. Adora didn’t even recognize half of the food that grew there, but nearly all looked plump and ready for harvest.

Adora felt a little guilty taking the fruits of someone else’s labor, but she got over herself soon because she was _so sick_ of peaches.

The guilt almost immediately vanished. Adora used her gown to start gathering.

Three minutes later, Adora’s clothes were tie-dyed with juices of every color. She was sticky and her legs hurt a little, but she felt better than she had in a while. Maybe it was the fresh air?

 _I could live like this_. The thought briefly crossed Adora’s mind as she ate a few berries from her gown. _Bright Moon won’t miss me._

Wanting to enjoy the feeling inside of her, she turned back to the house to return to Catra when something familiar caught her eye.

It appeared to be a set of slanted wooden doors of a storm shelter set deep into the foundation of the house. They were partially hidden by the dancing shadows cast by the orchard, but there was no mistaking. _Curious._

Adora piled her spoils next to the doors and opened them; it took a good amount of force, but when they finally swung open, she found herself staring down a dark flight of stairs.

“Oh,” she whispered to herself. Should she take the food back or explore the mysterious dungeon?

Adora gathered the fruit up and, leaving the cellar doors open, left to go back inside. It was hard leaving the fresh air and sunshine, though.

“Please tell me you found a cow to slaughter out there.” Catra’s greeting was with her usual sharp tongue. “I am _so sick_ of this garbage we’re eating.”

Ever the carnivore.

Adora wanted to roll her eyes but didn’t. She dumped the food onto the coffee table within Catra’s reach. “It’s better than the slop the Horde used to serve,” she said, picking a few berries up for herself.

The expression on Catra’s face turned dark. “They still _do_ serve it.”

Such a harmless thing to say, but the constricted pupils in her eyes gave away what she felt, and it made her look sickly.

On instinct, Adora began to apologize defensively.

“Don’t bother,” Catra snapped, sitting up on one arm. “It’s not your fault you forgot that your old friends still existed.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

Her tail lashed back and forth. The expression Adora was used to came back; eyes dripping poison and fangs like daggers from her mouth. Catra turned back into the person that Adora feared, just for a moment.

“You know when I get better, I’m kicking your ass,” Catra hissed. “We’ll fight again, and I’ll win, and you’ll be sorry.”

The ache from Adora’s chest returned. This time it punched her from the inside, so violently she almost lurched. “I don’t want to fight you, Catra.”

“Scared you’ll lose?” Catra sneered. “None of this is real, _princess_. You’ve probably enjoyed keeping me here, but the second I’m able to, I’m kicking your ass and then I’m _leaving.”_

Adora’s blood boiled so hot it seared the back of her neck. “ _Leaving?_ Back to your murderer friends?”

“They used to be _our_ friends, Adora, _ours._ And they’re not…” Each word from Catra’s mouth choked her. The next noise that came from her throat was deep and guttural. Every inch of her began trembling. “You wouldn’t understand loyalty if it hit you in the face.”

“I’m loyal to my planet, and the people who live on it. I’m here to _protect_ —"

Catra threw her pillow at Adora, claws catching on it and exploding feathers everywhere before it hit its target. “ _Get out.”_

“ _Fine_.”

Adora stormed out.

The sun was much less comforting than before. She wanted to scream, to punch something. Her hands were balled into fists and already could feel each fingernail stabbing into her palms.

How dare Catra act like that?? After all she’s done for her?

The grass flattened below each stomp as Adora marched around the house. _There is no excuse_ —She grabbed her hair and let out a frustrated groan. Catra was so _infuriating_.

At the back of the house, a yawning maw of darkness greeted Adora. She hoped that whatever was down there was either important enough to distract her from her anger or unimportant enough to smash into pieces.

While the house clearly didn’t rely on standard means of power, Adora managed to find a light switch and activate a row of lights leading into the cellar. Twelve steps down, she found herself in a study.

It felt…familiar.

The room was smaller than the living room upstairs. Bookshelves of every shape and size lined the walls, stacked with an assortment of books, binders, jarred specimens, loose papers and scrolls. On the other side of the room, pushed back-to-back, was a pair of desks. Wooden boxes were stacked on the corners and a closed notebook sat directly in front of the chair.

A single bright light swung from the center of the ceiling.

What was this place?

Luckily, the mystery of this room was easily able to push Adora’s anger to the side.

Simple questions did not come easily. Upon first arriving to this property, she begged to know where they were, how to go home, what happened in the battle, and why Swift Wind couldn’t hear her.

Standing in that cellar office, feeling an unusual tingling in her bones, Adora’s whole brain quickly just became one big question mark.

 _Bow’s dad would love this,_ her immediate thought was. The room looked like…a piece of history. Though it was fairly clean, it just _smelled_ of dust and secrets.

Adora didn’t know what to look at first. Wiping her sticky hands off on her gown, she picked up a book from the shelf.

Unsurprisingly, the language on the spine was the First Ones. It was a word she didn’t think she recognized.

_Constellations._

Adora sat at one of the desks and cracked it open.

The pages were thick and dotted with ink, but easy to translate.

  * _Dromaius_
  * _Serenia_
  * _Northern Borealis_
  * _Nasallis_
    * _Major_
    * _Minor_
  * _The Martyr_
  * _Vinwen_



The list continued for another page or two in a similar fashion. The only one Adora recognized was Serenia; that was the constellation that her, Glimmer and Bow chased after. None of the others rang any bells, and she didn’t have much of an interest in finding out immediately.

Stars didn’t exist anymore. There was no real need for this book. Adora put it aside and picked another one. _Medicinal Herbs_.

She put it back.

For the next few hours, Adora sat at the desk and read whatever material she could find. Most of the books were boring and simple, about plants and minerals and stars. There were a few that spoke of sorcery, like what Glimmer’s Aunt Castaspella practiced, but she didn’t read too far into it.

At that point, Adora wondered exactly what she might be looking for. If this house just belonged to people like Lance and George, historians who collected books written in First Ones, there probably wouldn’t be anything incredibly shocking. No one except for Adora knew how to read the language, so they probably just collected anything they could find.

Even the specimens in jars looked to be rocks and plants, not anything weird. She sighed and leaned back, staring absentmindedly at the carvings on the desk. They looked like…someone was writing and pressed too hard with their pen.

Adora sat up. The tugging returned to her stomach and, on instinct, she pulled open the bottom desk drawer.

In it sat a book. It was bound in leather and wrapped tightly in a cord, and it was exactly the one she saw in her dream. Inside of it was hand-written in First Ones,

_To Eri, who owns all of my heart._

Adora pulled a picture out.

As it did in her dream, the photo filled her with a sense of longing. The girl with the brown hair was smiling, wearing wire-framed glasses and a simple tunic. She held a basket of berries in her arms.

It was impossible not to stare; Adora’s eyes didn’t want to close. Unusual feelings stirred inside of her, but she didn’t think that she knew the girl in the picture. That name, though: Eri. For some reason, that name gave her a sort of heartache similar to her own she’d been feeling lately.

Adora tucked the picture back in the journal, tied it closed, and stood.

Her legs were still sore from going down the stairs, but her mind remained reeling from the dèja-vu. If this journal was written by hand, that meant whoever wrote it _knew_ the language of the First Ones—making her and the writer the only two people in Etheria who knew.

This writer and the woman in the picture had an unclear connection with her, and she was determined to find out what it was.

In that moment, Adora decided to forgive Catra. She was still angry at her, but Catra couldn’t keep up her fight forever. Especially with the new questions she had.

It took a minute dragging herself back up the cellar stairs, but once she’d caught her breath, Adora limped back around the house with the journal in hand. At that point, the sun was getting closer to the horizon. Most of the sky was a shade of pale indigo, dotted with clouds.

Inside of the house, nothing had changed. Except—

“Catra?” Adora set her journal on the edge of the coffee table, next to a pile of smashed fruit that Catra had clearly taken her anger out on.

The couch was empty, only a Catra-shaped indent left.

She couldn’t have gone far. Adora checked the bathroom, nothing. Bedroom, nothing.

The kitchen was how it was left, too. Adora even bent down to look under the table, but no Horde solider.

The house was completely quiet.

A rock sunk deep in Adora’s throat and sat heavy on her lungs.

“ _Catra??”_

She turned to look out the open door and watched as the indigo sky darkened. Even the trees laughed at her.

Catra was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following chapters should be coming slower after this one, like once a week. Let me know if you'd prefer it on an actual schedule and I will happily oblige!


	8. Eri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this isn't a real chapter--   
> I just had to draw Eri so y'all can see how cute she is in my head!

I had to draw this girl because her beauty is too much to contain in just words! This is Eri, kind of how the picture in the story described her


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get spicier

The Whispering Woods was as Catra remembered it.

She really wasn’t a big fan of all the leaves and bugs, but some of her worst memories took place in this forest. It was here that Adora chose to leave her, _several times_. It was easy to hate trees for something she also hated everyone else for. It was their fault that Adora ever found that stupid sword.

Catra rested her head against the moss and tried not to black out from the pain. What a stupid idea, trying to run away in her state.

Even though it was evening, the warmth of the sun still turned Catra’s healing burns alive gain. She was furious and in pain and tired. She had even tried punching a tree, but it hurt too bad.

Catra had just made it beyond the yard. The house was barely visible from where she was, and the underbrush almost completely concealed her line of sight between her and it. She really hadn’t made it far at all.

 _Stupid_.

All she wanted to do was scream, and not just because of the pain of her freshly disturbed wounds. The clothes she wore weren’t her own, the bandages weren’t her own, even the skin on her body felt foreign.

He still felt Adora’s hands in her hair from the bath last night, and the thought of it made her so angry she was nearly blind.

God, her leg hurt, too.

Catra ripped up a patch of moss and tossed it. How dare Adora? How _dare she_?? She acted like she was so much better than her? For _what?_

Far up above the tops of the trees, a few birds flew past. Catra watched them and felt her stomach rumble for real food. She was not meant to survive on just fruits.

She laid there for a while. After a while she managed to sit up and prop herself against a stump. It didn’t look like she was bleeding anywhere, but down to her bones ached where her burns chafed the bandages.

What did Catra expect, trying to leave? She always had the short end of the stick, especially when it came to Adora. She was trapped, and she couldn’t stand the look Adora got on her face when changing her dressings. Like she was actually concerned for her.

Catra felt herself turn red and she growled in frustration.

Far away, back at the house, someone called her name.

She rolled her eyes, knowing that Adora was probably panicking not knowing where she was. It was only a matter of time until she found her, yelled at her for trying to leave when her wounds weren’t healed, insisting on taking her back inside to baby her again.

Catra couldn’t stand it. It made her feel so small and helpless, and she was so far from it. Even injured…she had more pride than Adora ever would.

Even alone, she had angry thoughts. Maybe she secretly hoped these thoughts would kill her before the princesses ever did.

“ _Catra?”_

There was no point in rushing back. Catra let out an exhausted breath. What stupid luck this all was.

She turned her head and watched Adora scouring their yard, and then start limping through the tree line. It took a few minutes, but eventually their eyes locked.

Adora’s face was briefly relief before it turned into rage.

“Catra!” She stormed over, as best as she could storm with a limp. Her hair was a mess and there was a new bruise on her arm. “Don’t do that! Don’t you—”

“Stop,” Catra groaned, pressing her palms into her face. “I’m so sick of listening to your nagging. Can’t a girl die in the woods in peace?”

“You scared me.”

She cracked an eye open. Adora’s rage was gone and her eyebrows were scrunched in soft concern. Catra wanted so badly to hate it.

“I’m not up for a rematch right now, princess.” She put her hands down and leaned back against her tree. There must have been some sort of emotions in her eyes, because Adora sat down on the other side of the tree.

_God, not another lecture._

Adora just sat there. She was so quiet, Catra could almost pretend she wasn’t there. But she was.

Just like in the bath, Catra’s skin tingled where it was close to hers. She hated it, she hated Adora, and she hated the way it was so much harder to stay mad at her there.

“I’m not going to apologize,” Catra said after a while.

She watched more birds fly ahead, and a bug crawled through the moss next to her. All she did was watch it.

“Catra.”

She sighed and turned her head.

Adora’s head also turned, and their hair bushed together. “ _I’m_ sorry,” she said, “for all this.”

 _More apologies._ They were getting old.

“You don’t have to apologize.” Catra was so exhausted at swapping these niceties. “Just stop. There’s no point in talking about anything right now.”

“I just… I know there’s not much of a point, but this is the first time we’ve been together in a long time without trying to kill each other.” Adora forced a laughed. “It feels like the old days.”

The words stabbed Catra. Through gritted teeth, she said, “Don’t talk about the old days.”

If she heard, Adora chose to ignore her. “Do you remember the first time that Kyle won a fight?”

Nighttime creatures began making their noise. Somewhere nearby, a frog began chirping loudly.

“It shouldn’t have been possible, but somehow every single one of the other cadets had accidentally got themselves out. I tripped on your tail,” she reminisced, “and we both went down. Lonnie was arguing with Rogelio when he tagged her out. I think Rogelio let him win after that.”

Catra’s throat closed.

“That night we stayed we stayed up on Kyle’s bunk to celebrate him until the commanders found us. We all had to do extra laps the next morning.”

“Stop it,” Catra growled. She put her head in her hands, claws digging so hard it stung her scalp.

“Do you remember when you insisted on cutting my bangs?” There was a sound like Adora was picking bark off the tree. “It looked so bad that I cried to Shadow Weaver to put the hair back with her magic.”

Yeah, Catra remembered, but she didn’t _want_ to. The stinging lump in her throat grew bigger. “Seriously, shut up. I’m not in the mood.”

“What about—”

“ _I said shut up!”_ Catra turned violently, hurting her leg but too angry to care. She felt the cut on her lip split _again_. “Stop trying to get me to talk about the Horde! You have no right to those memories,” she spat. “ _You_ left _us_. You are not part of this anymore. You don’t _get_ to reminisce when _you_ left _us._ ”

While she looked momentarily shocked at the confrontation, Adora quickly became defensive. “Those are my memories, too, Catra. They’re special to me.”

“They couldn’t have been that special, if you decided to throw them in the garbage.”

“How many times have we argued about this.” Adora’s eyebrows wrinkled.

“You did it for Etheria, sure.” The pain in Catra’s throat turned red-hot. “You’ve told me so many times.”

“What can I do, then?” For some reason, Adora sounded desperate. She pushed her hair out of her face irritably. “What can I say that would make you not hate me?”

Honestly, Catra didn’t even know. She couldn’t imagine who she would be without hating Adora. With everything that’s happened that week, she didn’t know who she was anymore. The Horde…she couldn’t call it home anymore. She didn’t want to tell anyone what really happened, but it hurt her.

Could she ever tell anyone? Could she ever tell Adora?

Catra hated herself for having these thoughts.

She felt her ears lower. “Everything I’ve worked for in the last few years,” Catra’s voice got husky, “disappeared in a single day. When you left, you had a choice to make. And you made it.” Her hands began shaking and she clenched them tight into fists. “You gave up everything you had.”

Adora’s emotions were unclear. Her lips were pursed, but she stared at the other girl with intensity that could’ve started a fire.

A low growl worked through Catra’s lungs. “You lost everything, you _chose_ to leave me behind. But…” Words were painful. “But during that battle, I chose to leave everyone behind, too.”

 _She hated herself, she hated herself, she hated herself_.

She hated herself for feeling those feelings, for talking openly about it. She hated herself for _wanting_ to talk to Adora, for _missing_ Adora.

Catra clenched her hands so tight that her nails pierced her palms and blood dripped onto the moss. “I can’t…hate you. I don’t hate you. I’m angry,” she glared into Adora’s eyes, “but I don’t hate you.”

Internally, she begged for Adora not to ask any questions. She’s done, she was done. She didn’t want to talk, she didn’t want to be awake.

If the burns were the only things to hurt her, it would be a blessing.

Her heart. _Hurt._

Adora took a breath. “I know how much you hate being taken care of. And I’ve been doing a lot of that these last few days.”

There was no mention of “you would have died without me,” which Catra was genuinely grateful for.

There was a scuffling sound behind her, and Adora crawled around the tree into her comfortable line of sight. She settled herself in a dip in a nearby tree and pulled her legs up to her chest. They still had bandages wrapped around them, and the hem of her nightdress was already filthy.

The bruises on her face were healing, too.

“Can I make a deal with you?” she asked. The lines of her face were hard, but the blue in her eyes was soft as always. “If you don’t run away again, I’ll let you take care of yourself from now on. You can leave any time, once you’re healed.”

“How _thoughtful_.” Catra started to roll her eyes as an automatic response, but an unexpected sensation twitched in her stomach. “I—” She averted her eyes downwards, almost feeling embarrassed. “Yeah, fine. Whatever.”

The night sky was almost completely dark at that point. Catra must have been really dizzy, because she seemed to be seeing spots in her eyes. She stared, pulling her eyes up towards the moons.

Adora stood, dusting moss off her gown. “Good. I’ll meet you inside.” She turned to leave.

“Adora, wait.”

The other girl turned. She didn’t seem to understand what Catra was looking at until she, too, turned her eyes upwards.

Moons, beautiful and bright.

And

Stars.

Catra had never seen them in person, and she only ever heard a few people in her life talk about them.

She always thought they were making it up. The idea of the milky darkness being lit up a million fireflies was absurd.

Until she saw it for herself.

It was vast, and endless, and she had never seen so much of one thing.

Like a god had just tossed diamonds up into the sky and they rolled from one horizon to the other.

A fear Catra had never felt before settled deep inside her, swallowing first her eyes and running down each finger, her stomach, down to the soles of her feet. It was the fear of emptiness, being lost in this dept, worse than being on the open ocean ever felt.

She realized she hadn’t taken a breath in a while, and she did, glancing over at Adora.

Adora looked how she felt. Eyes impossibly wide, fixated completely on the heavens above them. Her mouth had popped open in an O shape, like a doll. The freckles on her nose seemed to light up in the moonlight and turn into stars themselves.

Even her hair—

Catra stopped herself. She was not used to her heart pounding like it was. It confused her and because of that, made her angry.

She pulled herself standing, trying to avoid making any noise from the pain, and began hobbling back towards the house. She didn’t care for these-these stars. They were pointless and just hurt her eyes.

She was halfway to the porch, about ten feet past Adora, when the other girl called out.

“Do you know what this means?”

Catra turned with a scowl. “Does it matter?”

Adora’s face was still glued to the sky in wonder. She turned to look at Catra and she could just _see_ the gears working in her head.

The princess looked back up to the sky and then back at Catra again. “The stars,” she whispered.

“Yeah, I know.”

“No, Catra.” Adora hadn’t even blinked in two minutes. “The stars. They were only in the sky during the time of the First Ones. The last She-Ra, Mara, stranded out planet in our current solar system, which has no stars.”

“I don’t see why you’re telling me this.”

“Catra.”

Catra wiped her nose with the back of her hand.

“We didn’t just get lost in the Whispering Woods.” Adora closed the distance between them, so close that Catra could see the specks of gold in her eyes. “We somehow ended up a thousand years in the past.”

She looked upwards.

Stars continued twinkling.

“This is the First One’s time.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one will be a bit longer than usual, sorry!

“It’s all here.” Adora, sitting on the floor at the coffee table, flipped another page of the journal. “Eri was a gardener; that whole garden in the backyard is hers.”

Catra chewed on the stem of her pear. “Yeah, but where is she now?”

“Who knows…” That was a great question.

It was a gloomy morning. They slept through the sunrise, but it probably wasn’t even visible through the thick grey clouds. They threatened to rain on the property, but nothing yet. The air stayed chilly and moist, like fog in the restroom after a cold shower.

Adora was reading aloud snippets of the journal she found the previous day, and although Catra showed no true interest, she stayed in the living room and didn’t complain.

“It doesn’t say anything about the rooms resetting every night.” Adora huffed, pressing Eri’s picture between pages as a bookmark. “I want to see if distance affects anything. If I throw the plate far into the woods, will it come back?”

“Well, the clothes we’re wearing didn’t take themselves of and hang back in the closet, so there has to be some kind of limitation.”

Yeah, she had a good point. Although she wouldn’t admit it out loud, Adora was grateful for someone to talk to about all this. There were several things she was grateful for, actually, and the limits of the house’s quirks was one of them.

The food they ate didn’t seem to disappear from their stomachs, the clothes didn’t go back into the wardrobe, and their wounds seemed to be healing normally. Time was acting very strange, but Adora thanked the moons that they were not biologically affected. At least, she assumed so.

She pulled her hair back into a ponytail and tightened the waist of her gown she was wearing. “Alright. Well, I’ll be back then.” She picked up the plate of fruit scraps and left.

The hours after their discovery felt unreal. They passed like molasses, and through the night neither of them slept well.

Adora had to keep getting up and looking out the window to see if the stars were still there. Her conclusion felt ridiculous at first, but the more she thought about it, the more it made sense. Well, nothing really _made sense_ , but it explained a few things for her.

All of the books were written in the language of the First One’s, which was a given. Swift Wind clearly couldn’t hear her either, because…he didn’t exist yet? She supposed?

It was hard not frowning.

If what they guessed was true, how on Etheria did they get to be 1,000 years in the past? Was it all a crazy hallucination she was having as she was dying in the flaming town? It felt impossible.

Everything felt impossible.

The Whispering woods shook in the frosty breeze. For the first time that year, it really started to feel like autumn. There was a certain crispness, a snap to the air. It didn’t snow much in the forest, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t get cold.

Adora stood at the path out of the property. It was overgrown but visible. She glanced back briefly before continuing. Moments later, the house disappeared behind her.

The woods were peaceful. Adora almost enjoyed being in their again. Something about the wind made the tips of her fingers tickle, and it made her feel alive. Ever since they saw the stars, she felt so disconnected with her body; the forest seemed to remind her she existed.

Adora wasn’t planning on going far; this was a test of distance, and as clear the path was, she didn’t feel like wandering off into an unknown time period quite yet. The crunching pinecones beneath her feel called her further.

Another point to this whole situation that encouraged the idea of a hallucination was Catra. Adora wanted to feel happy that she was starting to open up a little, but it honestly didn’t feel like the Catra she knew from then last two years. She’d said something that didn’t make a lot of sense: she had lost everything during the battle.

What could that have meant??

Adora’s mind reeled.

She swept away a branch close to her head. Was it the cold, or—maybe the uneven ground—

She was feeling dizzy. Her footsteps became wobbly as dots danced in her vision. Maybe it was the lingering pain in her legs?

It ebbed away.

A few steps later, through the trees, something started to come into sight. It was hard to tell at first, but from where Adora was, it looked large.

She took a few more steps around a clump of trees and—

\--it was the house she just came from.

_Wait…_

Adora looked behind her.

This was the path she entered, but she…

She must have gotten turned around.

Adora spun on her heel and marched back into the woods. Her sense of direction was horrible. She _must_ have gotten turned around.

That twisted tree was familiar. That mossy rock was, too. This curve in the path, also familiar.

She walked for another while, keeping an eye on the position of the sun. The plate of fruit waste was still tucked in her arms, but it was nearly forgotten. And, a few minutes in, Adora got dizzy again.

It only took a few seconds to push through it, but at that point, her footsteps grew uneven again.

There was the curve in the path. The mossy rock. The twisted tree.

And the house.

Adora wanted to pretend that she was just bad at navigating, but no one could be _that_ bad.

For the third time, she turned back to the forest. _This isn’t what I came out here for_ , she had to remind herself. With everything bizarre happening, she would’ve been grateful if something like this surprised her, but no.

She didn’t go too far in before leaving the plate.

“This had better work,” she grumbled to herself. Things were getting too weird around there. She then said a silent apology to the forest for leaving the plate and garbage in there. They will clean it up tomorrow.

The trees just rattled, so she turned and headed back home.

On her way back, Adora had a small thought come to mind. Since time clearly paid them no attention, she was in no rush. She decided to follow the sounds of the nearby stream.

Chasing the sound lead her to cross the entire property. There was no trail leading to it, so Adora again found herself wading through underbrush. It wasn’t too thick, but luckily the stream was only about 200 feet out.

Adora admitted she hadn’t seen too many rivers in her life, as they seemed scarce in the Whispering Woods, but this one was particularly enchanting.

It looked about as wide as she was tall and would probably reach up to her knees if she were to stand in the middle of it. The reflection of the trees on the water shimmered as it flowed, the sun turning into glass as it hit.

Again, Adora found herself feeling a small pressure in her chest. She really didn’t have much chance in Bright Moon for peace and quiet, or opportunities to enjoy things beautiful such as this. Even the _sound_ that the creek made sounded like a song.

When she put her hand into the water, it was warm and ran slow. Below, close to the bed, swam schools of small fish.

Fish! Something that didn’t come from a garden!

Adora’s first thought was of Catra and how happy it would make her. The immediately following thought was realizing how much it mattered to her. Catra would love to eat fish. It would make her _happy_.

Adora wanted to see her happy again.

She hiked up her nightgown to her underwear and waded in.

While the current was strong, Adora was able to keep upright. She had never tried catching any fish before, but she was positive that anyone would make fun of the sight of her waddling around like that trying to swipe under the water.

The fish were small, the size of her hand, and they were fast. She definitely couldn’t catch them with just her hand.

After a good ten minutes, she ended up getting frustrated and ripped her gown off. Adora shoved the entire thing into the water and, using it like a net, wrangled two fish onto the riverbank.

 _What am I even doing?_ She cursed herself. There she was, nearly naked in the forest, body-slamming a nightgown full of fish to the ground. It was easily the weirdest thing she had ever done, but felt necessary since they were so sick and tired of just eating fruits.

Minutes later, the fish died and Adora was able to put her gown back on. It was soaking wet and smelled bad, but she felt a certain type of satisfaction she hadn’t felt before. It was primal and ridiculous, but she couldn’t _wait_ to show Catra.

Adora stumbled into the house. Her feet left muddy footprints that slopped against the floor as she limped in.

“Catra!” She held the two fish up in each hand.

Catra, who was browsing through the journal, turned her eyes upwards and stared.

She squinted, not believing what she saw. Though she didn’t smile, her tail waved back and forth in amusement. “You’re dripping on the carpet.”

That lunch, they ate well.

Later in the afternoon, when their stomachs were full, Catra and Adora sat together at the couch. Adora had hand-washed her nightgown and changed into something different from the wardrobe while it hung outside to dry.

They’d found some spare papers and a writing utensil, and to pass the time they decided to make a list of everything bizarre that’s happened to them. Maybe while writing it down, something would make sense.

“So we’re clearly not in our current time zone,” Adora penned that as a top bullet point on her scrap paper, “but we don’t know if it’s like…we traveled back in time, or if it’s just this area that affected.”

Catra picked a fish bone from her teeth lazily. “Yeah, well, I don’t see how we could find the difference. Or why it would matter.”

The memory of Adora’s trip into the forest hours previously tugged at her brain. There wasn’t a clear reason why she hadn’t told Catra, but the thought of it relating to their situation genuinely hadn’t occurred to her. She just thought she had a bad sense of direction.

She told Catra.

“What is your point to this?” Catra answered. The circles under her eyes dragged her expression downwards. “Are you saying we’re trapped in some sort of… _time bubble_?”

“I’m surprised that’s where your thoughts went.”

She looked away. “Spend enough time with Entrapta and anyone could know stuff they didn’t care about.”

The muscles of Adora’s stomach twisted. Over a year had passed since Entrapta joined the Horde, and it still hurt. Was she getting fed well enough? Was Hordak treating her okay? _Was she in the battle??_

“She’s fine, you know.”

Adora looked up, realizing that the sting in her throat was from imminent tears.

Catra was looking right at her. The bruising around her right eye was nearly completely healed so they could both open wide. Her pupils were steady and fixed. “Entrapta. She got out before the explosion. She’s fine.”

_She’s fine._

Adora let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She’s fine. _Thank you._ The lump from her throat cleared just a bit. “Anyways,” she looked away, but still felt the other girl’s eyes on her, “I don’t know enough about the First Ones to know anything about any time bubbles, but at this point it feels like anything is possible.”

“This journal really isn’t that helpful, though.”

“All we know is whoever wrote this lived with this girl, ‘Eri.’” After pulling the picture back out, Adora stared at her and hoped beyond hope something would make sense. “I had a dream the night before last. That’s how I found the study and this journal. There had to bee some reason, something in that room that can help us.”

One of Catra’s eyebrows raised.

“Whoever lived here must know what’s going on and how to get back. The secret is there in that room, I just know it.”

They sat for a moment in silence, staring down at the picture in Adora’s hands. After some time of quiet, Catra took it in her own.

“You don’t recognize her at all?” she asked.

Adora sighed. “I feel like she’s familiar, but I really don’t know who she is. All I know about her is written in these letters.”

She cracked the journal open and took out a few pieces of loose paper. They were all hand-written, varying lengths.

-

_“I pray to the stars you can see and feel my love, as it’s sent over whatever distance is between us. My dreams are dusted with the freckles of your face. One day, when it’s meant to be, we’ll be together again.”_

_-_

_“Time means nothing here, Eri. I now understand your fears of losing yourself, as there is nothing now grounding me. All I have left of you is the gardens you grew for us. They don’t seem to run dry anymore; autumn should’ve long since turned our trees golden but nothing. Like our love, this property of ours seems to outlast the sting of time in the most fascinating way.”_

_-_

_“How long has it been, Eri? I’m so close, so close.”_

_-_

_“Western Australis is still far in the sky. It always reminded me of you, our nights we spent under the stars. It is almost as beautiful as lights in your own eyes. I’m so close.”_

_-_

Adora folded the four letters back into the books and pulled out one last piece of paper. It looked to be a page from a book torn out. It was a picture of a constellation, no surprise, and underneath it was a paragraph.

_“Western Australis appears in the autumn sky when both lunar cycles are full. It is a rare occurrence, as astronomers have only found the perfect conditions to align once every two years. It passes over the western edge of the sky and is only visible for two days before vanishing again. The mystery of this group of stars is said to contain good fortune in harvest, youth and fertility.”_

The handwritten notes were to Eri, of course, but spoke as though they were no longer together. Did Eri leave? More importantly, was it of her own will?

Everything was so frustratingly unclear. Adora rubbed her forehead and glanced over at the other girl.

Catra didn’t appear to be listening anymore. Her head was turned in the opposite direction, glazed lifelessly out the living room window.

Adora closed the book. “Hey.” When there was no answer, she stood and grabbed a woven basket they’d found previously. “I’m going to pick something for dinner. I’ll be back.”

In truth, she wanted fresh air to process the notes she’d read. They really didn’t clear anything up, but each note made a certain feeling rise further and further up her throat. Something was so familiar; it couldn’t be _nothing_.

She hoisted the woven basket onto her hip and continued around the back of the house.

Hanging fruits seemed to glow in the afternoon haze. Even though the sky wasn’t blue, a break in the clouds let some sunlight in. It was refreshing.

Over the last few days, Adora found herself worrying less and less for Bright Moon. Of _course_ she thought of them constantly, but everyone had gotten so strong; Glimmer had more of a handle on her magic than she ever did, and Bow was a one-man army.

Every bit of her heart ached to see them again and hug them tight, but Adora felt responsible for their horrible defeat at Wimborne. She couldn’t face them again.

She-Ra became more of a mascot than anything; they didn’t _need_ her.

Adora turned the pear in her hand over after picking it. She would always miss Bright Moon and her friends, but if this isolation was a punishment for failing, she would take it. This way, she could never hurt anyone again.

She looked back at the house and saw light glowing from the living room window. She would continue to search for a way out, but nothing in her life felt set in stone. The little things were enjoyable while they lasted.

Adora kept gathering for dinner. She had never had so much fruit in her life and was so sick of it, but she promised herself that she would catch more fish the next day. It was a nice treat, and it made Catra behave a little better.

 _Oh, Catra_.

The pain that had settled inside of her hadn’t left. While it was hard to tell exactly what it was, Adora felt it every time she thought of Catra. It could be nostalgia for their days together in the Horde. It could be something else.

All that Adora knew was that it made her heart _ache._

After a few more moments of gathering, the fruit basket was full. The chore felt monotonous, but Adora knew the sunlight was good for her. It kept shining between that break in the clouds. The forest seemed to glow in that sort of lighting.

Somewhere at the edge of the forest, something twinkled.

Adora shook her head, thinking maybe she imagined it.

The angle of the sun, where it was, seemed to shine directly onto something at the start of the forest. It was a way off the path that entered the property, but there was no mistaking.

Adora set her basket down at the corner of the house and made her way over. At least walking wasn’t as painful as it was a few days ago. At least they seemed to be healing.

No, she hadn’t imagined it.

It was hidden half-under a bush at the entrance of the forest. The dark reddish color could’ve been easily missed in normal lighting, but in this moment, Adora felt silly she hadn’t caught it before.

Catra’s headpiece.

It looked a little dinged up, with a chip in one of the points and some of the paint scuffed off in spots, but there was no mistaking. It must have fallen off when Adora was carrying her up the path.

She pulled herself down onto the ground and took the headpiece into her lap. There was that ache again. This time, it had ran down each arm and into her hands.

She looked up at the cloudy sky.

Could she ever fix things?


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares and feelings.

On her way back in, Adora grabbed a few logs of firewood stacked beside the front porch. With the basket of fruit and Catra’s headpiece under one arm, logs under the other, she went back inside.

Going from the dim light of the evening to the glow of indoor lighting was a welcome change. It was really becoming a little too chilly that day, and Adora couldn’t help but wonder for the first time whether time allowed for a change of seasons where they were. The writing in the journal suggested no, but it didn’t stop that day from being colder than the last.

Only when she set the logs down next to the fireplace, Catra looked up. She did not look very interested or focused; she clearly didn’t see her mask that the other girl was carrying.

Adora wasn’t sure how to present it. A sickly part of her couldn’t help but tie the accessory to their bad times. Every time she saw it, she saw Catra’s broken face staring down at her in the Temple. She saw that mask and saw the Catra who hated her.

She saw the Catra who tried to end the world.

Still brooding, she brought her basket into the kitchen.

As Adora cut up the fruit, her mind wandered. She stared out the kitchen window into the woods, which were growing dark. She tried hard to stay on task and not let her mind wander _too_ far, but she couldn’t help it.

This headpiece haunted her.

Would Catra fight harder to leave if she got her mask back? These thoughts of hers were selfish.

Adora scraped a pile of strawberry tops into the sink basin. It would not be fair. But when would be the right time?

The woods outside had no answer. High in the sky above the trees, the clouds seemed to begin dissipating and stars could be seen twinkling. Why couldn’t they be helpful?

After finishing preparing dinner, Adora went to light a fire in the fireplace. It instantly felt to turn the house into a home. With the bowl of fruit on the coffee table and the moons rising out the windows… She found herself missing Bright Moon again and all the sleepovers she had with her friends where they would roast marshmallows over a fireplace.

This was different, and it created a different feeling entirely.

It was hard not staring at Catra.

The light of the fireplace turned her choppy hair alive with flickering colors. Each freckle was a spark on her nose. Even the scar was healing up nicely and showed no sign of infection, but there was still something that felt so wrong about her.

Despite adopting more of a calm demeanor compared to when they first arrived, Catra was clearly not okay. The droop of her face, the lifelessness in her eyes. She was clearly in so much pain, on the _inside_.

If Catra felt an ache anything like Adora felt, well. Adora wouldn’t wish that upon anyone. Even if she hadn’t done anything she did, well.

She hugged the headpiece to her stomach before sitting down on the couch. “Hey.”

Catra, not looking over, put an apple slice in her mouth.

“Catra.”

She pulled her eyes sideways and immediately noticed what the other girl was holding.

Her eyes widened a fraction, different colors but glowing orange.

For a good long minute, she didn’t peel her gaze from the mask. Lines under her eyes and around her mouth tightened, slowly, like the air had become poisonous.

“Why do you have that?” Catra’s words were as taut as her clenched teeth.

It was impossible for Adora not to be startled. “I found it in the woods? It looked like you’d dropped it when—”

“I don’t want it.” Catra turned her body away. “That old thing is a piece of garbage.”

Adora didn’t understand. Of course she didn’t; nothing made sense at all here, but the least she could rely on was Catra’s loyalty to herself and her Horde. For that to appear wavering was almost unheard of.

When Adora didn’t say anything back, Catra turned to look at her again. The circles under her eyes were even darker, and the anguish was painted so real on her face that it made the air feel cold despite the fire. She looked like a ghost.

Just seeing her like that made her own heart break.

The other girl blinked slowly. “I don’t want it, Adora. I don’t need it anymore.”

_Why?_

Adora looked down at the headpiece in her hands, empty stomach replaced by an empty chest. “I don’t understand. I don’t understand anything, Catra and…” She took a deep breath. “I want to. Nothing makes sense to me, and you…you’ve worn this for _years_. What changed?”

“I don’t owe you an explanation.”

Of course. Of course she didn’t want to talk. Why did Adora ever think this girl would open up to her again?

She gave all that up a long time ago.

“I’m not going back to the Horde.”

Adora snapped her eye up to Catra.

“I can’t go back.” With an almost gentle hand, Catra took the headpiece from Adora’s lap and then set it on the ground at her feet. She nudged it underneath the couch. “This isn’t mine anymore.”

 _What?_ No, she must have heard wrong.

The Catra that Adora knew would never—

Adora tried not gawking, but any questions she wanted to ask didn’t form before leaving her mouth, so all she ended up doing was clicking her teeth together.

Catra wiped one of her hands across an ear and it flicked. Such a nonchalant gesture suggested feelings other than anger. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“I’m sorry, I just—”

“It’s fine.” She pulled her good leg up to her chest and stared into the flames. “Just…don’t. Don’t ask me about it.”

 _Okay_. Words still didn’t find their way from Adora’s throat. The request was fair.

But Catra? She was not herself. The defeat, the slump. The lack of passion from inside of her.

-

Seriously, Adora had so many questions.

-

Adora grabbed Catra’s hand. It wasn’t so much of a gentle gesture, as she was so nervous when doing it that it was nearly a punch, but it was the only thing she could think of. She took Catra’s hand and held it tight in her own, not looking over at her.

Catra flinched but didn’t pull away.

Is this really what it’s come to? All the years led up to that moment?

There were a thousand different ways that Catra’s heart broke.

She couldn’t stand it, being alive—being in pain.

Pain was a weakness.

These thoughts—these memories—were weaknesses.

Catra spent so many years running and fighting and trying to cauterize every bit of her past with Adora that she could. When she finally slowed down enough to reflect, she didn’t want to be that person anymore. It was all she knew, all she had.

It took every ounce of her to fight through what she’d fought through: Shadow Weaver, Hordak, the Crimson Wasteland. That was the only person she ever wanted to be.

Until Adora took her hand.

Catra didn’t know exactly what happened. She couldn’t trace a specific train of thought or any one particular trigger, but the second she felt Adora’s fingernails on her knuckles, her world collapsed.

Each sense died.

The warmth of the fire, the sticky smell of fruit, pain in her healing wounds—all of it dropped away. The only reason she knew her body was shaking at all was because Adora’s hand started shaking, too.

This feeling—whatever it was—hurt more than the burns.

She hated herself.

She hated—

She didn’t want to feel this, to…

“I didn’t mean for things to happen this way.” Catra gripped onto Adora’s hand like she was drowning, unable to even open her eyes. “Everything went so wrong, I…” Her voice sounded so horse and alien. “None of this was supposed to happen.”

Thankfully, Adora didn’t say anything to that. If she had, Catra didn’t know how well she could keep herself composed.

How could she ever explain things? It was hard explaining anything to herself, let alone forming words to share with others. She had never been good at sharing her feelings, or even _having_ feelings other than anger.

Everything that she wanted, everything that she fought for felt like a scam.

How could she express her need for control? Not necessarily over others, but of herself and her own environment.

How could she come to terms with her need for basic respect turning into a need for validation? There was no proper way to accept her defeat.

She thought that if she gained that control, no one could ever hurt her again. Yet, there she was, crumbling under the touch of the girl she blamed most for her pain.

Catra couldn’t cry.

She wouldn’t.

“I missed you, you know.” Adora’s voice split apart the noise in her brain and cleared the fog out just enough for Catra to breathe. “I had nightmares for months after I left. I still do.”

_Why would you say something like that?_

Catra pressed one of her palms into her eye, but she didn’t flinch when the recovering bruises pulsed. “Why?”

All Adora did was shake her head. No elaboration, but Catra appreciated it.

It was difficult, but Catra pried her eyes open and pulled them over to look at the other girl. Adora was looking at her with _that_ look—the look she’d caught on her several times in the last few days. It was indescribable.

The expression made her want to both run away and to bathe in it. Catra was not a big fan of water, but the blue in Adora’s eyes made her crave a summer shower.

Suddenly, Catra stood. She yanked her hand away and turned, boiling away the alien feelings until her chest felt raw. “I’m going to bed.”

She didn’t so much as glance back before limping into the bedroom and shutting the door.

-

-

Storm clouds rolled in like billows of noxious black smoke. A field of boulders lay strewn in front of Catra. The landscape resembled the Crimson Waste, but something about the stage of the rocks ran hot blood through her veins.

Catra scrambled with an urgency across, but the terrain was so difficult to pass she found herself getting stuck between rocks every few feet. It slowed her pace down to an intolerable speed.

At one point, her injured leg got caught in a crevasse. She’d been going so fast that the momentum threw her to the ground.

The boulders underneath grabbed onto her, and they were not boulders.

They were bodies.

A broken face stared up at her and reached.

 _The girl from the village_.

Catra yelled soundlessly and tried standing.

Her feet found purchases only on shoulders, knees, chests of corpses on the ground. Running made them scream in n agony so pure that it turned the clouds into tar.

-

Catra woke up to the screams of the girl she murdered.

The night was too dark and gentle.

Heart still heaving with adrenaline from the dream, Catra bolted upright. Sweat clumped the fur around the back of her neck. _Gods_ , she wished she could rip those memories away.

She tried rolling off the bed. It was an awkward motion, even if she hadn’t been half-asleep. Pressure first went onto her bad leg and it was hard not shouting. It still hurt. Everything hurt. The memories of the dream…

Maybe water would help.

Catra left the bedroom. Her gate continued to be wobbly, but there was plenty to brace herself on.

Asleep on the bed was Adora. The blankets were pulled up to her waist and the sleep gown she wore was tangled. It was clear that she’d taken her ponytail out before going to sleep, because her hair was just as much of a mess as her gown.

Catra felt her teeth clench. _So what._ She got herself some water.

On the way back from the kitchen, she saw Adora again, still sleeping in the same position. Her mouth hung open, and she breathed loudly.

The squeezing returned to Catra’s stomach. _What am I supposed to do?_ She wanted to ask. Gods, it didn’t feel good. Nothing about this felt good, and the way she felt when she saw Adora sleeping like that felt worse than anything else.

She sat on the floor in front of the couch. It was so dark in the room that hardly anything was visible. Moonlight from outside was barely enough to even make out her own feet.

“How can you stand to be in the same room as me?” Catra sighed quietly, closing her eyes and leaning her back on the couch. “After everything, how are you…okay?”

Of course, because she was asleep, Adora didn’t answer. The silence remained as it did, and Catra felt as invisible as always. Maybe that was a good thing. The ability to speak her mind was a luxury that she was rarely afforded.

“You need to hate me.” Catra opened her eyes again. “You should leave me here and go back yourself. Everything will be better then.”

Adora shifted in her sleep, stretching and nearly kicking the other girl in her head.

The last few days, since they’d been stuck there, everything they talked about always ended going in loops. No matter what direction they entered the conversation from, Catra always came out of it feeling like she was even angrier. There was no way she wanted to open up about anything, and besides—even if she wanted to, what would she say?

“I’ve been an idiot.” Pulling her knees up to her chest, Catra felt the tenderness in her stomach throb. “All of this is my fault. Everything. If I had just…listened to you from the start, I could’ve gone with you and not…” She growled, deep in her throat and squeezed her palms over her eyes. “I hate that you’re always right. I didn’t want to live in your shadow anymore. I didn’t want to follow you. I wanted to prove to you I could make my own path and still succeed.”

An owl hooted somewhere outside and nearly made Catra jump out of her skin.

She shivered. “You were right all along. It’s my fault all of this happened, and I don’t know how to fix it.”

The hatred returned. This time, however, the demon inside of her felt more sad than usual. It drew her shoulders downwards and turned her feet into bricks. Catra turned her head to the side, trying not to let the burning inside of her dampen her eyes. With her head turned, she could see the Sword of Greatness slid underneath the couch.

“I don’t deserve your patience or your _princess_ kindness.” She stood. “You hated me before. You should hate me again.”

These feelings weighed heavily on her. They made it hard to stand, hard to walk. Every time her wounds pulsed, she wished they’d kill her.

Maybe then, Etheria could be at peace.

Maybe then, _Adora_ could be at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As y'all can tell, fluff is probably coming up soon. If you have any suggestions or requests, I'll happily take them and see what I can do!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will have slightly less dialogue than other chapters, so bare with me!  
> It is full of a lot of juice though, so let me know what y'all think.

The sounds of birds woke Adora. She tried sleeping past the noise, but the clouds from yesterday must have cleared because the forest animals were livelier than usual.

Adora rolled onto her back and opened her eyes. The ceiling looked different? She turned—

Catra’s bedroom.

Right.

She forgot she’d crawled in the night before to sleep on the floor. It wasn’t necessarily the fact she slept easier with other people around, but… Maybe last night was a dream?

Maybe she’d imagined waking up to Catra’s voice in the night? Maybe she’d imagined pretending to be asleep while listening to her talk?

Adora stared upwards.

Maybe she’d imagined the emotion in the other girl’s voice.

Up on the bed, Catra was still sleeping. The only way she knew for sure was that there was no way she would knowingly look so undignified. Looking like that, tangled up with her fangs sticking out, she almost looked like she had when they were young.

It felt nostalgic.

Adora rolled up and snuck from the room, leaving her blanket on the floor. There were clothes in the wardrobe that were more comfortable for a day-to-day, so she put those on.

As she passed the kitchen, she saw the platter of peaches sitting upon the table and sighed to herself. This couldn’t get much weirder. At least she didn’t have to go back out and pick it up from the forest.

For that morning, she found herself by the fishing stream. It must’ve rained at least a little overnight because it seemed to run fuller than before. The sun reflecting on the water looked as beautiful as ever.

After setting up a makeshift net using a spare nightgown, Adora sat against a tree and closed her eyes.

It was hard not missing home. Any time her thoughts became quiet, images of her friends would immediately pop up. She wondered what they were doing without her, if they were looking for her at all.

She missed Queen Angella, too, who was much more of a mother than she’d ever had. Shadow Weaver, well…

A splashing in the river alerted to a fish getting caught in the net. It was small, like the others, but Adora set it aside for later and continued waiting for more. At some point, during the serenity of her time out there, Adora began dozing off.

With the music of forest crickets, bubbling stream, and wind rustling the leaves of each tree, she closed her eyes.

And then opened them.

Adora was sitting at a kitchen table. Parchment was spread out in front of her, covered in diagrams and writing. At the moment, she was engrossed in it, and something about the content of it felt to cause her anxiety.

“Put that away, love.” Eri opened the oven and the whole room filled with amazing smells. “Dinner is almost ready.”

A crease worried between Adora’s brows. “Just another minute. Nothing of this proposal can go wrong. This is the last chance the council has given me.” She stacked her pages up. “I can’t afford to lose this.”

“And what if you did? Eri’s face grew softer and she untied her apron. The action was so simple, but when she did, Adora’s heart skipped a beat. “Time magic is tricky, you said so yourself. Just put your work away and eat with me.”

Maybe she was right, Adora sighed. If the council didn’t think they’d go to war, they probably wouldn’t, right? It all seemed like a very big risk to take, and even Mara didn’t—

-

-

“Adora.”

Adora’s eyes popped open.

Instead of a kitchen, there was a forest surrounding her. At immediate glance, nothing had changed, but she quickly realized that was not the case. Catra was sitting a few feet away, working on the bandages at her own leg and looking intently at her.

“You good?” Catra asked.

The dream, as the last one had been, was very disorienting. Switching from that reality to this one was like recovering from a fever. The scent of Eri’s cooking still lingered several seconds after waking.

“What are you doing out here?” Adora rubbed her eyes and sat up.

On the riverbank, her improvised fishing net was pulled up and piled with half a dozen fish dead in the air. Had Catra done this? If she _had_ , she didn’t ask for recognition, and she didn’t respond to the question.

In the silence following, Adora remembered what she’d heard the night before.

How long was Catra talking to her before she woke. What all did she say?

_“If I had just listened to you from the start…”_

Adora blinked the memory away, trying not to think too hard about what it meant. “I had another dream about the people who used to live here.”

Instead of asking, Catra just raised an eyebrow.

“I was talking about time magic, I think. Nothing specific, but it’s probably an answer to why we’re out here. There might be something in the study that could help.”

“Time magic?” Catra rolled her eyes. “As weird as all this is, I _doubt_ time magic exists.”

How could she not believe it? “Well I don’t think that these dreams are just nothing. Look at where we are, Catra.”

Again, Catra didn’t respond. She tucked her arms back behind her head and leaned against a nearby tree. The bandages on her leg looked new and fresh, which was such a relief to see. Was she actually taking care of herself?

It was hard not feeling at least a little proud. Adora still worried at what she heard the night before, as the voice she wasn’t meant to hear was full of grief and confusion. If she’d learned anything with her time in Bright Moon, it was to offer chances to people who want to change.

Her first instinct was to withhold trust—but she couldn’t. No matter how hard she tried, Adora knew her heart still felt most at home next to Catra’s. This feeling made her nervous.

“You’ve been doing that a lot lately.” Catra’s words were without emotion.

“What?”

“Staring.” The scar on her cheek twitched. “You’ve been staring at me.”

 _Was I?_ Adora couldn’t help it.

“I suppose you heard me last night.”

Again, a direct observation.

Adora didn’t know how she knew but then remembered that she’d left her blanket on the bedroom floor. Maybe Catra saw it, realized she’d crawled in in the night, and then connected the dots.

“I didn’t mean to.”

Nothing in Catra’s posture betrayed what she was feeling, but that was no surprise. Her tail swished quietly against the tree trunk, her ears were turned towards the sunlight, and both her arms were crossed. While she didn’t seem angry exactly, she couldn’t have been pleased.

Adora wanted to find the right words to say. She wanted to fix things, even if they maybe weren’t her things to fix. That wasn’t what Catra needed, though, and she’d said it herself the night before. _Catra_ wanted to fix things, just didn’t know how.

She brushed some dried leaves from her pants. “You don’t need me,” she said, gathering the fish up in her arms, “but if you ever do, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

They stand.

Catra’s face was unreadable, as usual. Leaning against the tree was a stick, and she grabbed it to pull herself upright next to the other girl. She began walking first towards the house, but something made Adora pause. A brush on her arm.

Adora looked down and saw that Catra’s tail was wrapped around her wrist. Oh? If she said anything, she would ruin it.

That little ache in her chest throbbed.

-

Adora was in no way a master chef; she had never needed to know how to cook before. Between the ration bars in the Fright Zone and the castle chefs in Bright Moon, there was no reason to know how.

In their little forest house, however, they couldn’t just eat the fish raw. When she cooked the day before, she’d just stuck them whole in the oven. It was kind of gross eating around the intestines, though.

It took nearly an hour to clean and cook the fish that time.

She even set up the kitchen table and they ate their meals as meals should be eaten.

Catra was quiet the whole time. She picked and nibbled at her food much slower than she had the last time. There were a few moments that Adora glanced at her and saw her looking back, but no words were exchanged.

 _Why does she keep looking at me_? Adora wondered. She patted her hair pouf to make sure it wasn’t crazy. There must’ve been a reason.

The kitchen was way more comfortable eating in than the living room couch. A single light fixture hung low from the ceiling, but the best part about it was the chairs didn’t hurt her butt as much.

Adora couldn’t help but be proud of the food, and even more proud that Catra had agreed to eat with her. They never got the luxury to share meals alone in the Horde. She hadn’t realized what she was missing out on.

When lunch was done, Catra went to take a shower. Her limp was slowly getting better, but it couldn’t have been painless doing all that on her own.

Adora restrained offering help and instead focused on changing her own dressings.

Each wound she had was healing at an impressive rate. It felt like the first few days of being there they healed a little faster, but it was still impressive. New baby-pink skin stretched over all the burns, a little puffy and shiny but nowhere near as painful as it had been. The only parts that still hurt were where the new scars covered her elbow and knee. Every time they bent the new skin almost tore.

She had battle training, strategy experience, and survival skills, but when it came to sitting and waiting and healing?

She Ra didn’t spend nights in front of a crackling fireplace. She Ra didn’t cook dinner. She Ra didn’t read books in a night gown or watch stars

But maybe Adora did? At the very least, she didn’t _hate_ it. It made her miss her friends, but still. Being there with Catra felt…right. For now, at least.

Down the hallway, sounds of running water stopped. _Catra must be done with her shower,_ Adora thought. She finished up her dressings and put the med kit on the coffee table. The way the couch faced, her back was to the hallway. So when Catra passed between the bath to the bedroom, the only alert to her presence was the pads of her feet.

Adora didn’t turn. The last two days have been strange for her, but not in the usual First One’s time magic way. Strange as in…

She’s had that ache sitting on top of her stomach for days now, ever since the battle, but it’s developed a nasty habit of squeezing the air from her lungs whenever Catra was around. Feeling confused was normal, but this?

Adora _wished_ she knew why she felt that way.

There was a thump from the bedroom, followed by a curse.

 _Don’t go in,_ she told herself. _Catra would only be mad at you._

Another thump and an aggravated yowl that was louder than the last.

Okay.

Adora stood and approached the closed bedroom door tentatively.

She didn’t knock before coming in, either, which was probably a mistake.

In the bedroom, the only lights were streaming in from the window. Catra was in an awkward sitting position on the floor, legs sprawled out in front of her with her back hunched so low it almost looked broken. It looked like she’d only managed to dress halfway, since she wore pants but only one arm was in the sleeve of a badly torn shirt.

She was growling and clutching onto her shoulder. When she heard the door open, her head snapped up.

 _“Get out_ ,” she snapped, but there was more than just anger in her words.

The venom in her words made Adora step back. “Are you—?”

“I said _get out_!” The threat from Catra’s mouth was almost a sob. In the bad lighting, her eyes looked horrible bloodshot, almost rabid, and rough breaths ripped in and out of her heaving shoulders. “I don’t need…”

Though it was dark, two visible tears dropped form either of Catra’s eyes. She clutched her shoulder harder.

Did she hurt herself? On purpose? Why was she only half-dressed? Adora didn’t quite know what to do, but she really didn’t want to just leave the other girl there on the floor.

Blood spilled from under Catra’s hand.

“God damn it.” Adora stepped in. Of course. _Of course_ she’d hurt herself. She dropped onto the floor next to Catra, who hissed. “What did you do?”

Things were fine just a minute ago. Was lunch horrible or something?

A guttural snarl tore from Catra’s throat. “I don’t need you help.” She swiped, claws out, but it looked more like an action of an injured animal than anything.

Tears, which Adora was certain she wasn’t meant to see, tracked rivers down the freckles on Catra’s face. She shook violently.

Adora smacked the claws away. “What is going on, Catra?? You’re bleeding.”

When she tried lifting the other girl’s hand to see how bad it was, Catra shrunk away. She scrabbled her legs backward on the floor until her back hit the wall.

She looked frightened, in pain, angry. Her ears were pinned back against her scalp, even. Everything about her body language screamed.

If she could guess, Adora would say she had trouble getting dressed and just tripped onto the floor. Could that have seriously caused this? No, Catra was not so one-dimensional.

Catra didn’t want her there. She was always conscious about showing vulnerability, but it would feel worse just to leave her. Adora couldn’t.

That _stupid_ cat.

The ache in Adora’s chest swelled, burning hot and bright.

She could hardly breathe.

What did Catra _need_? What could she do??

Adora felt so helpless.

-

-

Get out, get out, get out.

 _Get out_.

Catra wanted—she wanted this to stop. She was just trying to get dressed.

She wanted—

Why couldn’t she do anything right? _Her shoulder hurt._

Adora needed to get out. She didn’t need to see this. Perfect Adora. The hero Adora. Adora, who has no regrets in her _perfect_ life. Why did she insist on following her??

Catra couldn’t even _look_ at her.

“For the love of— You’re bleeding everywhere.”

Catra peeled open her swollen eyes and glanced across at the other girl.

Adora, who had originally looked exasperated, was on her knees and had her fists bunched in her lap. The position was not of fury, but concern.

“Go away.” Catra didn’t want her to see her in such a defenseless position. She couldn’t have their differences displayed so shamelessly like that.

Why can’t she dress herself?? This is stupid.

_Stop crying, don’t cry._

She curled tighter against the wall, knowing full well she was smearing blood on it. The fight or flight reflexes inside of her fought viciously. She wanted to run, she wanted to hide. She wanted to hurt Adora for making her _want_ to run.

_Don’t let her see you cry._

Adora folded her arms around her. Adora.

 _Get off me_.

Catra pushed and smacked, trying to get the other girl off of her. She was weak.

\--Hugging. _Hugs?_

The physical contact was almost worse than being attacked. She would rather be punched than this. This—whatever this was. It made her _feel._

“Get off of me.” Catra’s words became sobs, and she tried swallowing them. “I don’t want you. I don’t…”

Adora hugged her tighter, making the fresh scuff on her shoulder hurt.

“I don’t…”

_I don’t want to feel like this._

_I don’t want her to see me break down._

_I don’t want to feel Adora like this._

_I don’t want to miss her._

_I don’t want to_ want _this._

The smell of Adora’s hair was painfully familiar, as was the shape of her hands.

Catra’s heart split.

_Once._

Back in the Fright Zone, giggles echoed off the walls as the two young cadets ran hand-in-hand. They were familiar with each other.

_Twice._

Smoke from the battle at Thaymore cleared just enough for Catra to see She Ra, the golden warrior, transform back into Adora. Their eyes met.

 _Three times_.

They danced at the Princess Prom, and while their touches were gentle, Adora’s face was twisted with anger and distrust. They were no longer familiar with each other, but the blue in her eyes…

_Four._

Adora held her sword at Catra’s throat at the Battle of Bright Moon. She stared daggers straight into her soul, but a moment of hesitation was a moment too much.

Catra’s heart tore itself into shreds.

She felt her hands go from shoving to grabbing. Holding.

The pain from her shoulder moved to pain in her chest, right where Adora pressed her cheek. It filled each lunch, up her throat, through her eyes and nose and every pore in her body.

Through the grinding white noise, Catra heard herself crying. The noise was strained, like she was out of practice.

This was the first time they’d really gotten to touch each other since Adora left. The feeling was like being thrown off a cliff. The adrenaline was a drug, a rush so sweet she could lose herself in it, but the ground was getting closer and closer beneath her.

Time meant nothing for a while.

Catra didn’t want to lift her head up and let go, partly out of shame and partly because there was a crick in her back.

“Catra.” Adora’s voice was muffled. “You’re really getting blood everywhere.”

She was.

The emptiness in Catra’s heart wasn’t as gaping when she pulled away. There was a numbness, but…she didn’t know. She didn’t want to look at Adora, but did anyway.

Wow, she did _not_ like this feeling.

Adora’s hair was messy and her face was kind of blotchy and red from—crying?

Catra didn’t want to apologize for making her cry. Just a few weeks ago she might have wanted to have the power to make her cry. But not like this. Not at all.

“Can you grab me the med kit?” Catra wiped her face with the torn shirt. She’d ripped it in anger when she fell. Now it was covered in snot, tears and blood.

Wordlessly, Adora stood.

She only paused at the door to turn back for just a second. The look on her face.

Catra turned away, cheeks warm.

_What is this?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHO'S READY FOR SOME UPCOMING FLUFF


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets Revealed!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little shorter and rougher than previous chapters. I've spent the last few weeks trying to edit it to be more cohesive, but I think this is as good as it's going to get. I hope you like it!

Catra was, to say the least, lost. She wasn’t sure what emotions she should feel in that moment; the only plus side was she was so used to feeling confused that it didn’t seem to affect her.

She sat on the floor of the bedroom, back up against the wall and covered in her own tears and snot. The light still wasn’t on, but the sun was at a perfect angle to make up for it. It barely reached Catra’s leg. Where it hit warmed her bones.

The feelings swirling in her stomach were so mixed. When Adora came back into the bedroom, they turned straight into butterflies. Catra was _not_ used to feeling flustered. She couldn’t even meet Adora’s eyes when she took a seat on the floor next to her. A medicine kit and a bowl of water was in her lap. Her eyes…

They were a blue so deep that she could drown in them.

The thought made her angry, just because nothing ever made her feel like that before and it was aggravating.

“Fine, you can do it,” she huffed, holding her injured arm out and looking away. She could feel her ears twitching.

Adora didn’t thank her, but she instead took the arm into her lap. She’d brought a washrag which she then dipped into the water and began using to clean the blood.

 _Ugh_. Catra wasn’t even wearing a shirt. She was in the process of putting it on when her bad leg gave out and she’d tripped into the edge of the dresser. To be half-naked and covered in her own snot was definitely a lesson in humility.

And the way that Adora touched her was too gentle. She didn’t want to get goosebumps.

“I didn’t hurt myself on purpose,” Catra admitted, her voice almost too loud in their silence. “I just fell.”

Adora let out a breath from her nose that was almost a laugh. “At this rate,” she wetted the rag again, “you’re going to leave this place worse than you came in.” She put the cloth up to Catra’s face and cleaned the blood from her jaw.

“It builds character, right?” Catra tried not feeling her heart beat a little faster with the other girl’s hand so close.

The silence lasted a little while longer. During that time, a few different decisions settled into Catra’s mind. She wasn’t sure where to start.

“The Rebellion won the battle at Wimborne.” Catra didn’t look when the other girl’s head snapped up. “I mean, we set the town on fire, but…the Horde lost. We didn’t get what we came for.”

When Adora spoke, it was very obvious she was trying to sound uninterested for the sake of hearing more information. “What did you come for?”

 _Ugh. Was she really talking about this?_ Catra really wanted to hate herself, but the words made her mouth feel like metal if they didn’t come out.

“There’s a First One’s ruin, a temple that communicates with the main one, that had a specific piece of technology Entrapta wanted. It was supposed to be really hard to find, but when we found out it was near Wimborne…” She cleared her throat. “They were a convenient distraction.”

The muscles in Adora jaw twitched. She put her washrag in the bowl of water and then brought the med kit onto her lap. “…Did you get caught up in the fire? Is that how you got your burns?”

 _Please don’t ask me_. The truth began creeping up Catra’s insides, and as hard as she tried to force them back down, they began boiling up. She didn’t mean for anyone to find out. She wanted to vanish before anyone cared to think about it.

“No.” She felt her hands shaking, just a little. She wanted to run. “I wasn’t in the town.”

Adora’s silence was worse than noise.

“I was with the others, looking for the tech.”

 _How did you get burned then?_ Adora didn’t need to ask for Catra to hear the question.

“I blew up the mecha we’d brought.”

Adora’s eyebrow raised. “On purpose?”

The memories… Catra wished they weren’t real. She wished she could rip them out of her skull, burn her eyes from her sockets. She bit the inside of her cheek so hard it bled.

“I…” Her hands shook even harder— _stupid hands_. The closest thing she could brace them on was Adora’s sleeve. She held on like her life depended on it, but still couldn’t meet her eyes. “A small group of civilians found out where we were. They were just kids, but they tried fighting us.”

_The memories._

Catra could only breathe through her nose. “I didn’t want to hurt them. They were just _kids._ I told the others to ignore them, but they…” Her hands shook. “I’m not a murderer.”

At that point, Adora stopped her bandaging. The way that the light from the window hit her face turned each peak and valley into heavy shadow.

“I didn’t mean to.” Catra turned her head against the wall again so the other girl wouldn’t see her eyes begin to burn again. “They aimed the blaster at the civilians. I had no choice but to blow it up. So I did.”

With all the images in Catra’s head, she knew exactly the reason why it tore her up so badly. Was she not explaining things right? Adora looked confused.

“Don’t make me spell it out for you,” Catra snapped. “I blew up my squad, okay? They were going to kill those kids, so I set the mecha to self-destruct and hoped it would blow me up, too.”

The air in the room felt to drop ten degrees.

Even though they were her own, the words sounded like they’d come from far away, out the window and from the sky.

Even Adora froze, which wasn’t much of a surprise at all. She stuck, arms out, unblinking. “You…?” She blinked. “Our squad? Like, Lonnie and Kyle and…”

“They weren’t _all_ in the mecha, okay?” _God, why did she have to ask questions??_ Catra would’ve preferred to die with that secret rather than share it. _Especially_ with Adora. “I don’t even know if they… They might be okay, I don’t know.”

 _Maybe_.

If Catra lived, then they could have, right?

Maybe they should’ve just killed those kids. Things wouldn’t be so complicated, then. But she couldn’t have—

“I got the worst of it. They… When they saw what I was doing, they began to run.” She hated herself, Catra hated herself. “I’m sure they’re fine, but I can never go back. I _tried…_ ”

Adora looked stunned, almost horrified.

“Don’t look at me like that, like you’re surprised I’m capable of these kinds of things.” Catra felt her chest splitting open. “This can’t surprised you.” _Of course it couldn’t._ “I’m not good like you, Adora. I’m the _bad guy_.”

Even saying that felt wrong.

If she was that bad, why did the memories hurt her so much?? Why did she feel _so horrible_?

The way that Adora stared into the carpet made it seem like she had a lot to say but wasn’t sure exactly what to say. Her eyes darted back and forth, searching.

For what, Catra didn’t know.

She’d spent all those days in that stupid house trying to shove that specific memory aside. It haunted her. Hurt her.

She never wanted Adora to know. But now she did.

Adora sat back, not meeting the other girl’s eyes. “I’m not surprised,” she finally said, but it wasn’t in an insulting tone like she’d might expect. “I’m not surprised, and I know it’s something you’re capable of.”

_Don’t. Don’t say it like that._

_Get mad._ Hate _me. It’s what I deserve._

Catra scrubbed at her eyes furiously. “Then why?”

The darkness on Adora’s face didn’t change, but she loosened her posture as a question.

“You know what I’ve done. You know what I can do. But you’re just acting… _normal_? Why won’t you just leave me alone??” Before the other girl could answer, Catra spat, “And _don’t_ give me that bullshit ‘I could never hate you’ answer.”

The crease between Adora’s eyebrows deepened. The neutral expression was so _annoying_.

“What do you have to gain from this?” Part of Catra missed desperately the feeling of emotional release holding onto her old friend. She couldn’t allow herself that anymore. “Do you think you can just turn me good? I’ll just join the Rebellion, just like that?”

“Of course not.” Adora visibly clenched her teeth. “I’m not stupid. I know you, Catra.”

“You _don’t_. What if I tell you that the second we get out of here, I’m going right back to the Horde??”

“Then I’ll stop you.” The tone of Adora’s voice was so certain and controlled—it made Catra sick. “You’ll come back to Bright Moon with me as a prisoner. Is that what you really want?”

Catra hissed. “What I _want??_ ”

The last word past her lips faltered. It gave her away.

That word was almost alien.

 _Want_.

At any moment of the past, she wouldn’t have hesitated to answer that question. Nothing short of ruling the world. People would look to her, listen to her, respect her. No one would ever underestimate her again.

But now? After what happened during that last battle? “Want” didn’t seem to mean anything.

She wanted…to not feel like this.

She didn’t _want_ to go back to the Horde, and she really didn’t want to go to Bright Moon.

“I want to know if they’re okay.” Catra’s body folded so tight in on herself she imagined just disappearing all together. “I want to know that I didn’t hurt them. I’ve been so _cruel_ …”

“…Catra?”

“I wish we could just stay here forever.”

 _No one could ever hurt me again. No one could ever be hurt_ by _me again._

At that point, Adora seemed to be trying to get over her shock. She finished bandaging back the other girl’s shoulder. “We?” She shook her head, just slightly. “I haven’t heard that in a while.”

Catra glared at her. “You know what I mean.”

“Let me guess—This isn’t because you like me, is it?” When her teasing wasn’t received well, Adora seemed to shift her air. “I’m sure they’re alright, Catra. The Horde has great medics, and you were just…trying to do the right thing.”

The right thing?

Catra hardly knew what the right thing was anymore.

Every bone in her body was exhausted. Despite being fully rested, there was a feeling of tiredness that sank each cell in her body down. It felt like her soul was collapsing.

What could she do? She was stuck between the Horde and between Adora between being the person she’d been for the last twenty years and being the person Adora saw. She wanted to deserve Adora, and that thought scared her.

“…Can you help me up?” Catra held her good hand out to Adora, who in turn helped her to stand. There wasn’t much else she could say.

They took their time leaving the dim bedroom. Adora went first, and she only looked behind her when she reached the door.

Catra saw a light in her eyes.

“I know you’re capable of a lot of things,” Adora said quietly, her hand on the doorknob, “but you’re not a bad person. Hordak and Shadow Weaver—the ones who abused and manipulated you for years—they’re the bad guys.”

“If I’m not bad, what am I?” The question was a plea.

“You’re Catra. And despite all this mess we’ve been through,” Adora opened the door, “I still love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry there wasn't the fluff you might've expected in this one. It's coming up for SURE though, I promise!!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I need y'alls opinion on something important!! See the end notes please!

It had been a while since Adora felt the way she did leaving that bedroom. She wasn’t sure exactly what emotion was filling the spaces between her spine, but it was enough to turn her footsteps to jelly.

 _I still love you_.

It was true, even if she hadn’t said those words in a long time. This kind of pull in particular was something she’d never felt before. Every time she thought about the way Catra had looked at her… Adora shook her head to clear it and made sure to leave the bedroom door open behind her so the other girl could leave, too.

Catra couldn’t possible have any similar feelings. It wasn’t fair of Adora to treat their situation with such flippancy; she was obviously going through a very painful change of heart. All her energy needed to go to healing, both inside and out.

That being said, Adora couldn’t help but feel flustered. She could hardly look behind her when walking out…

 _I need some air_.

Outside still held the same chill it had earlier. It was late afternoon, early evening, and the sky was a soft shade of indigo from horizon to horizon.

Adora felt guilt for enjoying it. She wanted to clear her head of all these distracting thoughts.

_Had Catra really blown herself up to save a group of civilian kids?_

If she was honest with herself, Adora hadn’t ever stopped to think if Catra would ever encourage the murder of an innocent. Sure, she had threatened (and tried) killing members of the Rebellion, but putting the lives of innocent stranger before those of the Horde?

 _“I’m not a murderer_ ,” she had cried. But she claimed to be a bad person?

Adora heaved open the wooden doors to the office library and began the descent. Studying would help clear her head. There were many books and papers they hadn’t read yet. This mysterious property was a code to crack, and she was determined.

They had to get out of there. After that, who knows?

Adora grabbed a few pieces of writing before heading back up the stairs.

Back in the living room, she wasn’t sure what to expect.

Catra was on the couch again, leaning back with her good leg tucked under her and bad one stretched forward. It looked like she’d tied her hair back with a string, too, and for _some reason_ seeing her like that made Adora’s fingers numb.

When she came in, Catra hardly looked sideways. Her cheeks were red, which was no surprise since she must’ve been embarrassed from talking so openly like that.

Again, Adora had to shake her head to clear it.

“You hungry?” she asked, setting the books on the coffee table and heading to the fireplace.

Catra, instead of staying silent, just relied with a, “No.”

 _Still. She was talking._ Was it horrible of Adora to be happy about this? Was it horrible for her to enjoy her time there when she had a life to get back to? Yeah, maybe.

Adora re-stocked the wood in the fireplace and lit it with the striking flint. Something about a fire on a cool autumn night felt so nice. Once the fire was lit, she sat on the couch in front of Catra. The other girl’s leg was close enough to touch her shoulder. When she sat down, her tail wrapped behind Adora’s head.

It was hard. Adora knew that the way Catra showed affection was different than anyone else she knew but—No, she had to stop thinking about it.

Wordlessly, she pulled a book from her pile, but something fell out of it.

A paper?

It looked like it might’ve been a page torn from another book, because it wasn’t in the scrawl recognized form the handwritten journal. Automatically, Adora glanced up at Catra’s reaction.

“Don’t look at me,” Catra took the page only for a second before handing it back. “It all just looks like scribbles to me. But those—”

“Moons,” Adora confirmed. “The pictures are moons.” She held the page up closer to her face and read.

~~~

_Orbiting closest around Etheria are three lunar bodies. They are responsible for the pull of the tide, light through the dusk, and most importantly, they provide essential elemental magic for the beings that inhabit our world._

_Much like the runestones, our moons hold an ancient connection to the magic that powers the core of Etheria, and each body aids in a different celestial sorcery._

_Luna, the nearest moon, has connection with the easternmost rune, the Moonstone. This rune draws power from her and fuels a type of well-known light magic. This magic it gives, unlike other magics, is not unlimited and must give and take just like the tide it commands. The moonstone magic births a physical form of this power, the light crystals, which can be used for sorcery of the same breed._

_Mesic, the middlemost moon, has the slowest Etherian rotation of them all. It’s for this reason she is one of the most common moons seen in full wax at night. While it is too far away to have a known connection to any runestones, it still holds power on Etheria as a source of duskier magic. This manifests not into crystals, but through the way light and shadow plays upon Etherian land. Magic cast from this source is not necessarily malevolent, but typically bears more effect on living beings than it does as a simple power source._

_The farthest moon from Etheria is Bulan. For a long time, astronomers didn’t consider this body to hold any magical properties. This claim has since then been proven wrong, as much of the immediate magical effects aren’t easily measured. Bulan is known to carry an astral type of magic. Not much is known about the everyday uses of her power, but sorcerers are currently experimenting on the manifestation they’re now calling stardust. It’s known to fall during storms like hail when conditions are right. Reports of curative properties link Bulan’s stardust to an alteration in either living being’s biological clocks or perhaps to time itself._

~~

“You might have to read that again.” Catra flopped sideways onto the couch. “I think I fell asleep there for a minute. _Boring_.”

“Yeah,” Adora agreed, “that was a bit of a mouthful.” She held the page closer to her and reread a few paragraphs. “I don’t remember hearing this much about the moons before. Did they change when Mara brought Etheria to Despondos?”

The expression on Catra’s face was careful and leveled. “I don’t know what you just said.”

“The reference to the Moonstone is clearly the one in Bright Moon, but the other two moons?”

“I like the sound of dark magic.”

Adora, thinking immediately of Shadow Weaver, chose not to say anything. Her nose tickled with the scent of dusty pages.

The book from which the page fell was nothing extraordinary. Adora had chosen it because there was no writing on the cover, but inside proved to be nothing but sporadic lines of notes that went on page after page.

Catra leaned over Adora’s shoulder to get a closer look of the book. “What’s that say?”

Her breath was warm and tickled strands of hair across Adora’s hear.

Adora swallowed. “Just notes. The system of dating that the First Ones used is way different than ours, but they’re kind of like…journal entries?” She flipped a few pages and read, _“‘Connections grow closer. Next Mesic first quarter, guild at Temple for ritual.’”_ She flipped a few more pages. _“‘Don’t tell Mara. Temple success, next at Mesic third quarter.”_

She didn’t understand what any of it meant, but she recognized the name Mara. Her predecessor.

“You said that name before,” Catra pointed out, as though reading her mind. She leaned back, away from the other girl. “Mara. Who is she?”

 _Oh boy_. For the first time, Adora found herself a little guilty about not sharing all that with Catra before. Of course they had no real opportunity to talk about any of that before.

Now was a better time than ever, so Adora started her abridged run down of the She-Ra lineage and what she knows about the First One’s past.

During the story, Catra’s eyes narrowed slightly. Even her ears betrayed her mood, lowering. It looked like hearing about She-Ra was upsetting. It would be. She-Ra was responsible for taking Adora away from the Horde.

“I don’t know what this house is, exactly,” Adora finished her story with an apologetically bowed head, “but it feels important. I think I—Mara, I mean—has a connection with it.”

Catra looked away. “Did Mara live here before?”

“I don’t _think_ so. The books I’ve read mention Mara as a friend or an acquaintance. She wasn’t the author of the journals, and she certainly isn’t Eri, but the way the books describe things feels important.”

Important was one way to describe things. Adora wasn’t usually one to use the term “meant to be,” but something about being stuck there in that house felt like it was more than just a plain coincidence. If they hadn’t been there together, things would be different with her and Catra.

That had to speak for something.

Adora closed the book on her lap and looked sideways at the other girl. “I’m not Mara.”

Nothing.

“And I’m not She-Ra, right now.”

Catra’s ear twitched.

“I’m Adora,” she pressed her shoulder against the other girl’s leg, “and I’m not going anywhere.”

When the other girl still didn’t answer, she left her spot on the floor to pull herself up next to Catra on the couch. Again, she had to be careful with her words.

“If the sky is clear enough tonight,” she said, “I’m going to go out and see what position the moons are in. It might make some sense of what we read.”

Catra made a noise in her throat and, after a few seconds of not answering, she crossed her good arm over her lap. “I guess I’ll go with you.”

Every small victory counts. The thought of getting to see the sky again with Catra filled her with warmth, from the tip of her toes to the top of her head. It had been too long since they’d stood out on the roof in the Fright Zone and looked at the night sky.

“Okay, stop it.”

Adora blinked. “Stop what?”

“Looking at me like that.” Catra’s face had gotten red again and she was twitching her tail defensively. There was a crinkle over her nose that made her look like an angry kitten.

Stop looking at her? But _she_ was the one looking at _her._

“You keep giving me that look,” Catra continued, tightening her crossed arms. “You keep looking at me like…” She huffed. “I don’t know. You just…”

When Adora didn’t say anything, Catra just hoisted herself off the coach.

“God, never mind.” She shuffled away in the direction of the bathroom.

An odd reaction.

Adora honestly didn’t know what she was talking about. _Catra_ was the one that was looking at her, and not the other way around. The way that she was acting almost made her seem flustered.

She stood up, too, picking the books up with her.

Catra—flustered? The idea was almost funny.

Adora enjoyed teasing her, she found. Why did she find Catra’s crinkled nose so charming? They’d teased each other constantly as children, but it felt different now. Baffled by her own feelings, she closed the books on her lap and tossed them back into the pile on the coffee table.

Too much confusion, and for the first time it wasn’t caused by the time mystery around them.

One voice in her head was upset about what Catra had told her about the battle. These were people of the Horde that were in danger, yes. They probably weren’t dead, and they were the enemy, but there was no excuse for such horrible violence.

On the other hand, Catra did it for an uncharacteristically _good_ reason. It was for this reason that Adora found herself caught between the person she _was_ and the person she was trying to be.

The only thing she was sure about was that night was falling and that she wanted Catra to find her way.

“Do you have anything interesting to read?” Catra, coming out of the restroom, sounded as bored as usual with the readings. Since she couldn’t read the First One’s language, she was just stuck listening to the other girl translate. “If I wanted to torture myself that much, I’d throw myself in the river and be done with it.”

Although she kind of knew what readings she’d grabbed, Adora still took a second to flip through the other books she’d brought. “Nothing, really, unless you want to listen to some First One’s…folk tales?” She held a thin book of parchment up. “Might be entertaining?”

“As long as it’s not that moon garbage, I’m down.” Catra sat back down, close to the other girl as before.

Soft minutes became soft hours, and just like that, they passed the afternoon.

When there was nothing left to read, Adora stood from their comfortable spot and left to put the books away.

At some point, evening had fallen upon the Whispering Woods. Like they’d predicted, the sky stayed clear and Etheria’s three moons could be seen rising above the tree line. Each one was full, crooked into a V-shape that pointed upwards.

The stars were out, too. It wasn’t fully dark, but they were as bright as before. In that second her footsteps stopped, the thought that passed through her mind was “ _I want to be with Catra.”_ That thought startled Adora briefly but followed immediately by a familiar squeezing in her chest.

“I never thought I’d miss ration bars,” Catra interrupted the other girl’s thoughts and limped out from the front door of the house. She had a hard time getting down the small porch steps on her own but did after a few seconds. “Those stupid fish are the only joys I have in my life anymore.”

The corner of her mouth crooks upwards into a smile, and she went to stand next to Adora like she was expecting Adora to laugh, too.

Adora did find herself smiling. “We’ll get more tomorrow, yeah?”

“Sure.” Catra turned her eyes upwards. The stars reflected in her eyes so vividly. “Guess the moons are out.”

The lights made her look beautiful.

Adora found herself staring. It was so rare that she got to see anything else other than anger in Catra, but these last few days were a rare gift.

And that moment?

She felt like she was looking at a completely different person. Catra’s posture was unguarded, face smooth and curious as she stared upwards at the stars. Even her fur looked soft.

Catra looked over at Adora, and Adora realized that maybe this was what she had mentioned. She _was_ staring at her. She wasn’t sorry.

Catra didn’t even mention it. She held the other girl’s eyes for a second too long, and it made Adora look away; now _she_ was flustered. Instead of saying anything, she just lowered herself onto the grass. Her heart was beating just a little harder after that.

Why was it harder to breathe, too?

The moons rose higher. After just a bit, Catra lowered herself onto the ground as well and grunted when her bad leg stretched out. They laid there, side by side, watching the sky.

For a long time, things were just like that.

Forest frogs began singing soon after,

“I forgot what we’re looking for,” Catra admitted after a few minutes on the grass.

 _What_ are _we looking for again?_ Adora, too, forgot for a second. The stars, the moons, everything was so mesmerizing she could just get swallowed up by it all. From her point on the ground, everything above took up her entire world.

It was so hard to imagine them as tiny, insignificant figures on a world spinning in a void. The vastness of it all was impossible to comprehend.

All Adora could feel was the grass beneath her and the autumn wind tickling her nose, and—Catra’s hand?

Adora snapped her head sideways.

Though Catra wasn’t even looking her way, her hand had snuck across the ground and found Adora’s. It was a movement that was small but spoke more than her words ever could.

Adora’s heart beat even harder, almost so hard that it hurt. It made her ribs feel like they were about to splinter and burst. Was this feeling normal? Was it normal to want to look at _her_ more than the stars above them?

And since _when_ did Catra hold hands??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I think this next chapter will be the fluff. I never know, muahaha.  
> Also, guys, I'm taking a poll. I had originally planned on this fic being nsfw (not horrible graphic, but definitely explicit) but before I did anything, I want to hear what you guys have to say!  
> So:  
> Should this fic be NSFW?


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I want to thank everyone who has commented on this story so far and given their input into the whole nsfw thing! Everyone is seriously so nice and supportive, and I honestly couldn't have a better motivator for getting these chapters up faster.  
> I'm still trying to be better at replying to comments, but even if I don't reply to you directly, please know that every time I get an email about a comment on my story, it makes me smile so much and my whole day just gets so much better!

“There it is,” Adora pointed upwards closer to the horizon. “Western Australis. Those six stars that form kind of a butterfly shape. Do you see them?”

Catra squinted. She might not care about the sky too much, but she _seriously_ had no idea what Adora was pointing at. “There are, like, a million stars out here. They all look the same.”

“No—those right there.”

“I don’t…”

“ _Those_.” Adora used Catra’s hand she was holding to point straight at the constellation. “Those super-bright ones above the last moon. Can’t you see?”

Though Catra kept her eyes squinted upwards, she restrained herself from saying anything. Just the way that Adora casually held her hand and spoke to her like that, like everything was fine. Like nothing had changed.

The war between her two halves still raged on, and there was no telling which one would win. She wanted to be angry and hate Adora for everything, but she’d spent so long like that—it would be so refreshing for once not hating being alive.

At that point, Catra wasn’t even staring at the constellation. She was staring at their hands. How should she know what to feel?

Adora, who had looked over at her, just took a breath and looked quickly back at the sky. “Well, the conditions are right. The two moons—”

“—are full, yeah,” Catra finished. She took momentary pleasure at the startled look on Adora’s face “Don’t look so surprised. I was paying attention. It should only last for two days, right?”

Of course Adora was surprised that she was paying attention. She hated the schooling taught in the Fright Zone. This, however, was different because there was literally nothing else to do but listen to the readings.

“I don’t see what difference it makes, though. We still don’t know how to fix it.” Catra rubbed her eye. The giant healing scab across her face itched.

The night sky didn’t give away any of its secrets. She didn’t blame Adora for being surprised, but it didn’t change the fact that she was right.

Yes, the conditions were perfect. Two of the three moons were full, the third one was at half. It couldn’t just be a coincidence that this rare constellation was in the sky during this...whatever it was. Having all this information felt important, but it didn’t solve the puzzle.

Catra wasn’t even sure if she _wanted_ to solve the puzzle.

The puzzle was different than Catra could’ve ever imagined. She’d rather take on a thousand armies than have to battle with her own feelings inside, whatever they were. All this other garbage about time and First Ones and whatever, Catra really didn’t care about.

“Where do you think they went?”

Adora turned and saw the star light reflected in her eyes as it did before. “Hm?”

“The author of the journal. And whoever those journals were written for.” Catra clicked her tongue.

“Eri?”

“Yeah, her.”

“If we can’t get out, how did they leave?” Adora agreed. She began rubbing her thumb along the back of Catra’s hand and it sent shock waves shooting into every inch of her body. “If they _did_ leave.”

Catra tried to cover up the electricity in her bones by coughing. “Well, they didn’t die here; there’s no skeletons hidden around the property. Trust me, I looked.”

Adora smiled. Adora wasn’t sure if she even realized that she was smiling, but it crinkled the corners of her eyes. She turned her head to look at Catra as though waiting for her to smile back.

She looked at Catra like she’d looked at the stars for the first time. The electricity made her toes go numb.

Catra wanted to hate her. She wanted to be angry again.

She wanted it to be _easy_ to fight like they had before. They never had any issues arguing and trying to kill each other before, so what was the big difference now? Why did Adora now, of all times, make it hard to breathe?

Catra caught herself staring back into Adora eyes and turned away again, scowling.

“We’ll get out.” Adora’s voice was soft, almost too soft to hear over the nighttime creatures. _Annoyingly_ soft. “I promise.”

Catra turned halfway onto her good side, brows still furrowed. Instead of saying something snide, she caught her words sounding hopeful. “We really _could_ stay here, you know. If it’s a thousand years in the past, we don’t exist yet.”

“You’re not wrong, but—”

“I know, I know.” She waved her tail slightly. The lifting feeling in her chest began to sink again. “You have a _duty._ I used to have a duty too.” Her tone became more sarcastic. “But for once—for _once—_ I’d like to make my own decisions, you know?”

A frog croaked somewhere in the edge of the forest, and the dusky breeze grew more purposeful. It made the forest tremble before them.

“You _can_ make your own decisions,” Adora huffed.

“Can I? Can _you?_ ”

She-Ra has no choice, so Adora says. The great protector of the world. Etheria’s _hero_.

If she had a duty to save its people, why did she never care about Catra? Why did she only care about how horrible the Horde was after it did bad things to _other_ people.

Did Catra not matter?

These thoughts plagued her for so long, but she was usually able to push them down.

Not this time, though.

Catra let go of Adora’s hand and wrapped both arms around her stomach. She refused to look over. “I never wanted any of this.”

She’d said those words several times in the last few days. Their meaning changed every time.

The grass ruffled underneath Adora’s head as she looked over. “You wanted to be Force Captain. You wanted to be in charge. Didn’t you?”

“Well, _duh_ , but…” How could Catra articulate exactly what she wanted to? Words were not her strong suit. “Of course I wanted to be in charge. It didn’t really matter, though, when you left. It all became about revenge and-and fighting one another. I never wanted my purpose to be to fight you.”

Just hearing those sentiment come from her own mouth made her want to puke. She hissed, digging her claws into each arm.

“We were supposed to be in charge together, you know?”

“I know.”

“But now— Now I’ll be kicked out of the Horde, if not _executed_ for treason. I can’t go back,” she growled, “and I don’t even know where forward is. It makes me so… _angry_. I’m tired of being angry.”

Catra finally looked sideways at the girl laying next to her. Adora was watching her. No great expression was obvious on her face; a soldier was taught to hide their emotion. However, a small crease between her brows gave it all away.

“I don’t like feeling like I’m not in control,” Catra tried explaining. She hated explaining herself but felt compelled to ease the other girl’s mind. “I’ve never been in control of anything, even when I was _in control_. And here with you...”

Adora averted her gaze.

“I’m tired of being meaningless in my own life.” _So tired_. “I don’t want to be stuck here, but with you… I don’t…”

It took some effort, and pain in her healing wounds, but Catra forced herself to sit upright. “I don’t feel like I’m in control of myself when I’m around you anymore. It’s dumb, I know. You make me…” Catra’s nose wrinkled, and she couldn’t force herself to look at Adora. “You make me think things I’ve never thought before, and I _hate it_.”

“…Catra.”

“Don’t.” Catra squeezed her arms tighter around her stomach. “I hated you for making me follow in your shadow. I didn’t want to be the kind of person who _needed_ anyone.”

The frog that was croaking on the outskirts of the forest stopped croaking, but instead the cicadas came out. They filled the air with white noise.

Catra still couldn’t look at Adora. “I don’t want to need anyone. I don’t want to _want_ anyone.”

She left it at that.

Nothing else.

Whatever words should’ve followed those were left at the back of Catra’s throat. She couldn’t bring herself to say them, but they didn’t really need to be said. The thoughts were alien for her but worse—they scared her.

Catra spent the last few years with nothing to lose, and now that she has something to lose, she feels more vulnerable than ever. She didn’t feel like herself, and that was the worst part.

“I’m going to go to bed.” Catra pulled herself into an upright position, holding onto her shoulder bandages so they wouldn’t shift. When she turned back to look at the other girl still on the grass, her chest tightened. “Good night Adora.”

Like that, she left Adora to be alone with the stars.

Adora couldn’t sleep that night.

She lay awake on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, for too many hours to count.

The house grew cold shortly after they went to bed. Without a fire in the fireplace and clouds to insulate the heat in the forest, wind blew cold air right through the property. That wasn’t why Adora couldn’t sleep, though.

She couldn’t see the bedroom past the couch where she lay, but she knew the door was cracked open a few inches. Did Catra do that on purpose? Was she trying to say something?

Of course not. Adora closed her eyes. She secretly hoped all of this was just a crazy dream she would wake up from. She-Ra couldn’t afford these kinds of feelings right now.

But it wasn’t She-Ra, it was Adora. And Adora’s breath was stolen right from her lungs when Catra looked at her with _those eyes_. They’d spent enough years apart that she’d almost forgotten all the time they were inseparable in the Horde.

There at the house in the woods, it wasn’t as though nothing had ever happened. It was more like…Adora knew what she wanted now.

It took another few hours still, but eventually Adora found sleep to the rhythm of wind against the house walls.

“Don’t be gone long.”

Adora opened her eyes to find herself leaning in for a kiss. It was Eri, and she was dressed in a long tunic with a shawl wrapped over her shoulders.

Eri smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I won’t be, love. Promise you’ll stay out of trouble?”

Adora smiled back. “Today is the day, Eri. If everything goes well, I can show what I’ve found to Mara, and we can finally put all of this behind us.”

“Just be careful. Don’t underestimate the power of what you’re working with.” When she stepped out onto the porch, the ribbon tying Eri’s hair back waved in the wind. She took a few steps down the dirt path across the yard but stopped when she was at the edge of the forest. “I’ll be back before dark.”

Adora watched her leave, and she leaned up against the door frame. _Today is the day_ , she thought, and closed her eyes.

The next time Adora opened her eyes, it was nighttime.

She was standing outside under a cloudless sky, a recognizable pattern of the moons glowing above her. Something…something was wrong.

Adora walked across the backyard, their fruit orchard somewhere off to her left. The woods stretched out before her, black and endless, but just before the tree line—

A well. This had been here before. Over a meter tall and made of bricks, all the well was seemed to be a hole in the ground filled with water.

Adora felt her hands shaking and she braced her hands against the bricks.

 _I’m slipping,_ she thought _, losing myself._

_What’s happening? How long have I been here?_

She looked down at her hands, white knuckles.

Perhaps it had rained the day before, because water filled the well up right to the brim. Reflecting in it was the stars, so bright and beautiful it looked like if you dove down into it, you’d find yourself floating with the moons.

Adora saw her reflection, an outline in the dark illuminated only by the night. She didn’t even recognize herself. But she did.

She recognized—

She—

Adora woke up in a sweat. She had to check her hair and her clothes to make sure they were her own. _Myself_ , she thought gratefully. The dreams stuck in her mind like a rushing river, so strong it made her dizzy.

The person who lived here with Eri was not a stranger.

She leapt off the couch, tossing her blanket to the side and scrambled across the living room in a sleep-drunken stupor. The door to the bedroom, of course, was cracked open just a few inches, but Adora didn’t even bother knocking before entering.

“Catra!” she whispered, going up to the bed where Catra was sound asleep. “Catra!!” Adora crawled right up beside the other girl, movement which jostled Catra awake.

“Get off,” Catra growled, burying her face in the pillow.

Adora straddled her hands on either side of Catra’s head and got within inches of her face. “ _Catra!!_ I’ve figured something out.”

When Catra blinked, the pupils in her eyes adjusted wide to make up for the dimness in the room. Heavy circles under those eyes suggested she hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep either.

“…Can it wait?” She let out a gurgle from the back of her throat.

The whole house just…felt different now that Adora knew—

“No,” Adora sat back, given the other girl space to wake up. “It can’t. I had a dream.”

“Good for you. Goodnight.”

She tugged at Catra’s shirt when Catra tried turning back over. “This is important!”

Catra peeked over.

“I know who lived here with Eri,” the wind outside seemed to grow quieter in anticipation, “and I know what happened to them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this was a little shorter than most chapters have been. What comes after that last paragraph will take more than just another page to address, so it'll be worth it. ;)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter took so so long to get out!! I hope this is the slowest burn any of you have ever read because it's going to be worth it

“It _really_ can’t wait?” Catra, clearly unimpressed by Adora’s urgency, pulled the blanket up to her chin and closed her eyes again. “It’s not like we’re going anywhere. Tell me in the morning.”

“ _Catra_.”

“You aren’t going to let me sleep, are you?”

“It’s Madam Razz.”

Madam Razz.

“Who’s Madam Razz?” Catra sat up, rubbing her eyes. She must’ve realized that she wasn’t going back to sleep. “Why is this important?”

Everything…made sense to Adora. She felt silly for not realizing it before.

Adora wasn’t sure where to start, since Catra didn’t know who Madam Razz was, so she started at the beginning.

The time in the Whispering Woods when she first met the old lady, she spoke as though she lived a thousand years ago, like a crazy person. She confused Adora for Mara.

The way she treated Adora was with an unusual familiarity. Even the lucid dream that she’d had after the battle left clues that she only put together then, connected things. The dreams she would have during their time in the house…

The first minute of Adora’s discussion proved boring for Catra, but the other girl quickly began paying better attention when the story became more interesting.

“Maybe I’m not understanding,” Catra tried clarifying, “but how do you _know_ it was this lady? I mean, it’s a cool coincidence—”

“It’s the only thing that makes sense.” Although Adora didn’t have 100% proof, she knew in her gut. It woke her up hours before dawn. She made herself comfortable next to Catra, folding her legs underneath her. “And I saw her, a reflection in the well. She was…much younger, but I’m sure it was her.”

Outside, the wind that had blown overnight began calming down. It was just quiet enough to add white noise into their conversation.

Catra scratched at her ear. “Did she tell you how she got out?”

“Well…no, not really. But she must’ve been stuck here for nearly a thousand years, without Eri. She kept meticulous notes of everything, though, so there must be _something_ in her office.”

“Adora—she was _stuck_ here. For _a thousand years._ Do you really think it just took her a thousand years to figure it out—or did she leave by some fluke?”

It didn’t feel fair how Catra kept shooting this down, but Adora couldn’t blame her. She did have a point. There had to be something… She felt _so close_ to the answer.

“Let’s go down to the office.” Adora started getting off the bed. “Come on.”

A groan rolled from Catra’s throat. “Right now? It’s the middle of the night.”

“But what if we figure it out today? What if…” Perhaps it was wishful thinking. “What if we can go home today?”

It was impossible not to feel some sort of hope and excitement. That unique sort of homesickness that had plagued Adora that week was a pain she wouldn’t wish on anyone. It appeared, however, that Catra didn’t share her sentiment.

No. She wouldn’t.

After Adora spoke, Catra’s ears twitched and her face pulled taut. Even the colors in her eyes seemed to darken.

Adora noticed. “Catra, I’m—”

“It’s okay.” Surprisingly, Catra’s expression smoothed. She clearly saw the guilt on the other girl’s face, and the upset passed. “Really. I’d like to get out of this dump.”

They both sat in silence for a moment, Catra wrapped in blankets on the bed and Adora half-standing with her knee on the mattress. The room was a few degrees colder than comfortable, and despite her excitement, Adora had the itching urge to just crawl under the covers with Catra.

“Why are you standing there?” Although the room was dark, Catra’s cheeks seemed to darken for a moment. She scooted the blanket off her with her good foot. “We’re going down to the study, aren’t we?”

Adora’s heart squeezed. She wanted to offer her hand out but didn’t. When they left, Catra took the blankets with her.

The night was as deep as it was dark. Clouds covered every inch of the endless sky, so the only means Adora had to finding the doors at the back of the house was the kitchen light they’d kept on.

As they walked, Catra tucked her tail underneath the blanket across her shoulders. “The stupid magic in the place could have, I don’t know, _not_ made it so cold and windy.”

Adora agreed. “I wish we knew how all this worked. If only—” She stopped herself.

 _If only Bow and Glimmer were here._ They’d help make sense of it all.

As soon as the thought ran across her mind, Adora nearly stumbled with guilt. Bow and Glimmer, her best friends. She hadn’t forgotten them, had she? They felt like a different part of her lifetime. She’d gotten so caught up in everything…

“You coming?”

Catra had paused several feet ahead of Adora, who’d stopped walking.

“Sorry.” She kept going.

What did her room in Bright Moon look like?

They got to the study and Adora found the light switch after a few minutes of groping. After they were on, Catra let out an expletive under her breath. The steep stairs down under the house mocked.

“Do you _want_ me to fall to my death?”

“I can—”

“No, whatever.” Catra, one hand gripping her blanket and the other on the railing, limped her way down under the house.

As expected, nothing in the office had changed. It was still fairly small and cramped, with most of what had been disturbed days prior back in their places. Being Catra’s first time downstairs, she was as startled as expected.

“You’ve been here how many times,” she picked up a jar of dried herbs, “and you’ve still found _nothing_ on how to get us out?”

Adora snatched it back. “You have _eyes_. There are a thousand books and scrolls and loose papers in here. I’ve only gone through these so far.” She pointed to a single shelf in one of the bookcases, were nearly two dozen familiar books sat. “It doesn’t help that I’m the only one who can read First One’s, too.”

“I’ll _gladly_ look at the pictures for you.”

Although she was clearly sarcastic, the gesture was almost sweet, and Adora smiled. When she did, Catra looked away.

“So what exactly are we looking for?” Catra, still not looking at her, carefully lowered herself onto the nearby chair and stretched her injured leg out. “I don’t understand any of this. Why am I here?”

“Moral support?”

Catra looked over and their eyes met, but she looked away for a second time. Her ears lowered and, in the dark orange lighting, her cheeks appeared to turn red.

She tugged on the blanket. “We’d better find something good.”

There was no telling exactly how much time passed with Adora and Catra in the office. They made themselves comfortable and began sorting through the texts.

One pile on the desk for books that might be helpful for their escape, one pile that might be helpful in the meantime. It became a bit of a mess, but there was comfort in the fact that everything would be reset the next day.

At some point, Catra was propped in the corner and pulled a book from a shelf to look in it. “This looks like…” Her nostrils flared. She didn’t finish the sentence but passed the book over.

Adora, who had found a collection of herbal remedies, looked up from her book to take the one being passed to her. The imprinting on the leather cover was—

_She-Ra._

It made Catra uncomfortable, clearly. Of _course_ it would. She-Ra took Adora away from her.

Adora put the book on the floor and moved to sit closer to Catra. “We’ll look at that one later.” She tried to get the other girl to look at her, but Catra wouldn’t meet her eyes again. There were some sensitive topics, and their relationship was the most obvious one. And She-Ra, well… Even Adora wasn’t on the best terms with her.

Her sword was still gathering dust under the couch upstairs.

“These look important.” Catra, _still_ not looking the other girl in the eye, pulled a bundle of scrolls from the back of a nearby shelf and piled them onto her lap.

The scrolls looked worn by age but still in good condition, but they—as everything else—were in First Ones language. Adora took one and opened it carefully.

There were words and names she did not recognize, written in handwriting that was also not familiar. What she _could_ understand still didn’t ring any bells for her.

“This is about the council,” Adora scooted closer to Catra to show her. “It must be the one the author—Madam Razz, I guess—was talking about. These might be dates of meetings, and names I think.” She picked up another scroll from Catra’s lap. “It wasn’t her who wrote them, though.”

“Do they—”

“Say how to get out? No.” They were so close she could feel the warmth coming off of Catra’s body. Adora made an unsure noise and unrolled the last scroll. Still, nothing helpful. Marks where the ink bled through the page smeared across the back.

“This is boring.” Catra, who didn’t share the same level of patient as Adora, hunched herself against the wall and pulled the blanket to her chin. “I can’t believe you woke me up in the middle of the night for this.”

Adora wouldn’t admit it to her, but she enjoyed her company. Even just being around her felt like old times, and still…new times? This wasn’t like when they were kids goofing off. They were adults. Catra’s face was all sharp angles and big, glowing eyes.

The word “beautiful” didn’t mean too much to Adora, even in Bright Moon, but that was the first word that came to mind there in the office.

“I’ll wake you if I find anything,” Adora said softly and put away the scrolls. “This can’t be a dead end.”

All Catra did was sniff before closing her eyes, but Adora didn’t notice the tail that had curled against her back.

Nothing.

Still nothing.

The piles of books already flipped through grew higher, and Adora’s patience grew thinner.

 _What_ am _I looking for?_ She found herself thinking. In that situation, it was easy to feel hopeless. All of the doubts Catra voiced had solid ground, but Adora wasn’t ready to give up. Her blind optimism was making her tired.

 _So_ tired.

Adora pushed the nearest pile of books away with her foot and sighed, leaning her head against the side of the wooden desk. Catra slept, still sitting upright on the wall and snoring quietly, book under her hands. Was there any future where they’d both have peace? Where they’d have peace together?

She rubbed her eyes and tried to push the thoughts away just like she did the books. They weren’t helpful. At that point, she was going in circles.

On a whim, Adora turned herself around and began pulling open the drawers in the desk.

The first drawer held a collection of writing utensils, and spare rolls of paper. None of the paper had any writing on them except for an ink stain on one of them.

The second drawer held a collection of small jars, similar to the ones that stood on the surrounding shelves. Each of them held a few spoonsful of a glittering sand. Adora shook it, but it really did just look like sand.

The third and final drawer’s occupants were odds and ends, spare jar lids, an empty silver cup, and tips of quills. Something—

She went back to the first drawer and pulled the stained paper out. The mark on the paper looked very similar to the ink pattern leaked onto the back of the council notes scroll. It could have been a messy coincidence, but Adora was done with those.

She yanked the entire drawer out and dumped it upside-down. Out fell what might’ve been a false bottom to the drawer and a slim leather notebook.

 _Finally_ , _something._

Hardly containing her excitement, Adora grabbed it up and looked up at Catra. Catra slept on, still snoring lightly as she was before.

Part of Adora felt guilty that she had made the other girl come with her, just because this might’ve been the most boring recon she’d ever been on. At that point, however, when the hidden book came into view, she really wanted to wake her up and share it.

She didn’t.

Hoping beyond hope that this book contained something useful, Adora settled against the wall next to Catra and flipped it open.

Handwritten, as many of the books were. In journal format.

This journal didn’t look like the one they’d read during the last week. The handwriting was the same as the other book, though, so Adora just knew this one was written by Madam Razz. Although the dating system was indecipherable, it was easy to assume the entries were chronological.

_-The council has harnessed a new source pf magic they believe that can aid in terraforming Etheria. Its unique connection to the moons is speculated to work better than the crystal shards have in binding runestones power. Have yet to know how to obtain some myself. Council remains ignorant._

_-Mara spoke against the plans to relocate the northern runestone. She fears that altering Etheria’s natural magic cycle could upset the balance of magic._

_-Northern runestone has been relocated. Mara being considered for expulsion from council. Bringing scientist into council for work on new magic source._

Adora remembered vaguely the book they read about all the moons, and the mention of that last moon’s magic. They used the word “stardust,” even if she found it kind of strange. The book mentioned an alteration to time.

Before this whole thing, Adora would’ve rolled her eyes. Right then, nothing was too bizarre.

- _Connections set for northern Etheria. Council’s magic is heightened during frequent storms, atmosphere will soon begin clearing. New magic “falling from the skies” according to facilitator. Still skeptical. Mara warns against terraforming._

Facilitator? That’s what Light Hope called herself, but she wasn’t an actual First One’s person, right?

_-Storms more frequent, sinkholes appearing closer to runestones. Etheria is too delicate of ecosystem to terraform how they imagine._

_-Worried for Eri._

_-Mara no longer at council meetings._

There wasn’t a lot Adora knew about Mara and her time in the past, but this must’ve been around the time she began disagreeing with others. Was this why she was remembered so sorely?

The seat of Adora’s pants was getting sore from sitting on the ground like that, and she leaned up against the wall next to Catra, feeling the singed ends of Catra’s hair tickle her shoulders. It was oddly comforting. That, and she missed the snoring.

_-Collected rainwater from recent storm. Under starlight, dust floats inside._

_-Sinkholes stopped, storms getting worse. Windy most days. Council’s powers feel unlimited. Considered leaving, but fear there is no safe chance for future with Eri. Consider alternatives._

_-Learned how to collect dust from rainwater._

_-Medicinal cream, page 16 of remedy book_

Remedy book? That sounded familiar. Adora reached over Catra to pull a small collection of loose pages that were sewn together very neatly. She cracked open the pages.

The words were clearly written by Madam Razz herself and were etched with more precision that much else of what they read. The first few pages were simple.

Chamomile flower, brewed into tea to sleep better. Feverfew leaves for pain. Moonflower oil can help skin irritation. On page sixteen, it look liked Madam Razz had paid special attention documenting the affects of the stardust. If you mixed it with certain ingredients, it made a cream with amazing healing properties.

Adora remembered mention of the healing properties in one of the books, and she wondered to herself if this was the cream that appeared in her bag the night of the battle.

_-Ingestion, no effect_

_-Inhaling, no effect_

_-Sigils, varying effects_

_-Supposedly this dust has the ability to manipulate time, though it’s most likely just a speculation. Council wants to use it as a possible means to speed the terraforming._

_-Mara tried shutting down a council meeting today. Removed again, threatening their stand. Etheria is beginning to crumble. Where is its hero?_

Adora felt guilty they were blaming it all on Mara. She-Ra didn’t have the power to stop other people like that when they get an idea in their heads. Terraforming, though? She didn’t know what that was.

_-As more rain falls, the well at the back of the house is continuously full. Stardust fills it to the top of the bricks. There is powerful magic here, more so than anywhere else. How to use this to our advantage is another question._

_-Something happened. Not sure what yet. There is council today, but unsure if I should attend. Eri left for market this morning and I want to be here when she gets back._

_-Bad storm today. Eri is not yet back. It’ never taken her that long._

_-No way out, not sure why. Tried to leave, kept getting turned back to house. Something went wrong._

_-Eri is not here. What do I do?_

_-What_ did _I do?_

_-Many days have passed, but moons don’t cycle. Tried to reverse sigil, does not work. Possibly trapped. Without Eri. Perhaps she is trying to get in._

Adora was curious about the sigils that are mentioned. She only knew about them from Glimmers Aunt Castaspella, and how they were used alongside those crystals to do their sorcery. This wasn’t quite the same though…

_-Council was truthful about the dust magic’s potency. Time magic wasn’t supposed to exist, and yet something about this entire situation is different than council ever predicted._

_-Appears to be a type of trap in time. Days reset, affects varying items. What determines reset? Will test._

_-Eri’s garden continues to thrive. Still no sign of her._

_-Should be past the turning of the seasons. Plants should be dead, but they bare the same fruit as they do every morning. Storms make it windy and cold, but no frost has hit._

_-Time is hard to track. Fear I’ll forget Eri’s face._

_-Perhaps conditions outside our bubble must be the same as inside? What am I doing wrong?_

_-Like turning a key to match cogs for an unlocked lock._

_-Woke up this morning. Can’t remember her name, had to read previous entries. Eri. I think I miss her._

_-Can’t remember much anymore. All I have are my books._

_-Wonder what’s going on outside._

_-Sun is out today._

That’s where the pages stop.

Adora had the book in her lap, opened to the blank pages following the end to the writing. She felt… She wasn’t sure what to feel. Reaching the end of that journal was disappointing, as they’d been searching for it for so long and yet it was so short.

Her head ticked with thoughts and ideas. Most of what was mentioned in that book was very briefly mentioned in the other books, but it didn’t solve their problems instantly. The well at the back of the garden, that was one clue. The sigils, another.

Madam Razz. She was trapped here for a thousand years without the one she loved, slowly losing her mind. The emptiness she must’ve felt… Adora could feel that same emptiness as if it were her own. It turned into a burning rock at the bottom of her lungs.

She, in that dim basement room, looked up at sleeping Catra and the rock grew heavier. The sort of peace they felt, the contentment being at that house in the woods—was it a natural type of feeling? Was the magic in that place responsible for all of those feelings?

For all of _Adora’s_ feelings?

Catra’s eyelashes cast spidery shadows over her cheeks, and the scar that spilled across her face nearly blended in with the shadows. In the last many days she’d lost a lot of weight living off mainly of fruit.

Adora did something that she didn’t expect of herself.

At first it was just her fingertips brushing across Catra’s forehead. The skin there was rough and dry from the harsh weather and matched the texture of her burn scar. It turned her features into peaks and valleys.

It was the first time she could have this type of intimacy, in the dark and quiet.

Adora’s hand cupped Catra’s cheek and every type of emotion burned that rock down from her lungs.

No. Adora wasn’t losing her mind. Eri was forgotten because they were apart for _who knows how long_. Adora wasn’t going crazy. She _had_ her someone there; they were there together.

The rock turned into a burning feeling of loyalty she really hadn’t felt before.

She was loyal to Etheria, loyal to her friends. She would’ve killed for peace on their planet and more. But this—Adora hadn’t felt so sure of herself in her life. She saw the good in Catra and needed to be there for her, when no one else in her life was.

Yes, Adora’s destiny was to protect their world.

But right then, she wanted to _be_ Catra’s world.

She was going to get them out of there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review and let me know what you think. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be nearly twice the length as most of the other chapters. I'm sorry it took so long. With season 4 coming up so fast, everything seems to be drawing to a head. Hope you enjoy!

_“Catra! Catra!”_

A sweet voice jolted Catra awake, and she let out a sleepy growl. “Adora?”

She opened her eyes and saw Adora. She was sitting on the bed next to her, chip in her tooth and straggly bangs hanging in front of her face.

Adora, seeing her friend awake, puckered her lips into a smile. “Wake up! They’re back!”

That did the trick. Remembering what they were doing, Catra shot straight up in bed and grabbed onto Adora’s force-appointed pajamas. They’re back!! While all of the other members of the squad slept soundly in their bunks, Catra and Adora took each other’s hands and snuck carefully from the room.

For weeks they’d waited for the Horde’s elite squad to come back from reconnaissance mission at Bright Moon, where someone was supposed to be infiltrating their ranks.

 _Nasty, stinky princesses,_ Catra thought to herself gleefully as they snuck around the corners of the Fright Zone. They weren’t supposed to be awake, but they had both promised each other they would be there to witness the squadron’s return. Before they could make it very far, however, a set of footsteps and two distinct voices could be heard coming close to the corner they were around. Two voices?

_Shadow Weaver._

Catra’s blood ran cold. She wanted to not be afraid of anything, she wanted to be _fearless_ and _strong_ and—

“Come on!” Adora had grabbed Catra’s hand and spun on her heels.

They shot back down the hallway where they came from. As though the chase was exciting, Adora was trying to hold back giggles as they ran. Catra, however, was fueled by the adrenaline that fear pumped through her.

They got back to the bunks, launched themselves under Adora’s blankets, and froze, just in time for the footsteps to enter the room.

All they heard from under the bed was a deep male voice and a purring _“Hmm...”_ from Shadow Weaver before the footsteps left again.

Underneath the bedcovers, Adora had to cover up her mouth to stop from making noise.

“That was close!” She whispered.

From the tight, warm space under the blanket, Catra was basically breathing Adora’s breath in herself. There was already such little oxygen in their hiding space, but when the adrenaline slowed, Catra’s breathing grew heavy.

“…Catra?”

Catra’s deep breaths were becoming something like sobs. She grabbed her elbows close to her chest and was grateful to the dark for hiding her tears.

_Scared. I’m scared._

Just a child. She was just a child. She didn’t deserve—this fear.

As her world grew fuzzier, she felt arms around her and a little face press into her neck.

“I’m sorry,” Adora whispered. It was already fading. “I won’t let her get you.”

 _I promise_.

Catra woke on the floor of the study.

Her heart beat thick, as though filled with boiling syrup. Every pump both woke her further, more painfully. When she opened her eyes, the room was dark and empty.

No Adora.

For some reason, this made Catra panic. It was easy to believe that the fogginess of her brain smudged the lines between the dream she’d had and what was in front of her. She struggled standing up, having to brace herself against the desk.

 _Adora??_ Was she alone?? Did Adora get out without her?

Footsteps thudded down the stairs and for one last moment, Catra tasted a fear similar to what she’d felt in her dream.

Then Adora’s face peeked around the corner. “You’re awake?”

She’s still the same girl as in Catra’s dreams, but with longer hair and an older, more stern face. There were even bags right then under those pretty blue eyes. Still…the same. Even slightly damp from the apparent rain falling outside.

Catra’s hands still shook from the nightmare and she tucked them under her armpits to hide it. “I should’ve just gone back upstairs to sleep. My butt hurts.”

A small smile crinkled the corners of Adora’s eyes, and she held out what was in her arms. A basket of fruit. “Breakfast?”

More fruit. Catra was sick of fruit.

They sat together at the desk, books and papers shoved aside, and ate the fruit together in silence. It was clear there was stuff on Adora’s mind because she had on her thinking expression and kept flicking her eyes around the room.

“Did you find anything? Catra asked, even though she was unsure she wanted to hear the answer.

Adora turned her head and her eyes were bloodshot. Not as though she was crying, though. “Oh, yeah, I—” Her words stopped mid-sentence.

Probably because Catra had expressed such distaste for the idea of _leaving_. She didn’t…ugh. She hated feeling so conflicted. That kind of feeling sucked.

_I won’t let her get you._

The dream stuck in her head. She couldn’t shake it. Although it was years ago, Catra remembered that night clearly. They never did find out what happened with the returned squadron, and she knew better than to ask.

As Adora slept that night, Catra was wide awake. She had her head under the edge of Adora’s blanket. This was, for the moment, the only place she felt safe.

How cruel it was for a child to only feel safe under her covers.

Catra looked up at Adora, who was meticulously picking the seeds out of a small orange. Her fingers were covered in juice and white powder. She looked very deep and though, and very tired. Absentmindedly, Adora sucked the juice off one of her fingers before catching Catra looking at her.

“What’s next?”

“Honestly—” Adora yawned into her shoulder, “I regret not waiting for morning to get up. I’m really just tired.”

“So you woke me up for nothing?” She was mostly joking. “This had better be an apology.”

“I _am_ sorry I woke you so early. I thought—”

“We could get out, I know.”

There was that face again. Adora’s brows knit and lips tightened, like she thought she had to be more careful with what she said. Like Catra would snap like a twig at any second.

No. It was too easy to think that.

Catra unwillingly thought of that night when they were kids when the only place safe in the world was under the blankets with her cheek pressed against Adora’s arm.

“Can I ask you something?” She stared into the wood of the desk. “Were you ever…afraid of me? _Are_ you afraid of me?”

“Afraid?” From Adora, the word was rhetorical question. “I mean, _yeah_.”

Catra looked up.

“You’ve tried to kill me. You said it yourself. You tried to kill me and my friends. You almost succeeded _several times_.”

“Well obviously, but were you afraid?”

“Did you want me to be?” Adora answered the question with another question, and then she looked away. “I was. I was afraid of a lot of things, and I still am.” Pause for a moment. “I know what you’re capable of, Catra.”

Yes, she did. This gave something for Catra to think about.

If they had had this exchange even just a month ago, the sick part of Catra would’ve been overjoyed. It was a type of recognition and validation that Catra thought she craved.

Finally, someone taking her seriously. Adora didn’t think she was _weak_ then, did she?

If She-Ra was the most powerful being on Etheria, for _her_ to be afraid of _Catra_ was something to be celebrated, right?

There was still a lot of stuff she had to work out. These thoughts were especially confusing when she also had… _other_ thoughts. She really didn’t want to say anything after that. The closer they got to getting out, and the more comfortable Catra felt around Adora, the more confused and angry she got.

After another short pause, Adora spoke up.

“Do you want to look around the outside of the house with me?” she asked.

Catra looked away, feeling her cheeks burning and uncomfortable again. “Fine, whatever.”

Through all of this, she clearly wasn’t good at handling her emotions or words. She never really _was_ good at it, but with everything going on… The only way to fix it was to make a conscious change, and Catra wasn’t sure if she was ready for that.

What a childish thing to think.

Without much warning, Catra stood from her spot at the table and tucked the blanket back over her shoulders. “Let’s go then.” She tried to keep her expression smooth. She didn’t offer so much as a sideways glance to the other girl before beginning the painful trudge back up the cellar stairs.

Every step threatened to tear Catra’s leg wound, and every movement nearly collapsed her backwards. There was an unfamiliar sense of trust, however, knowing that Adora was close behind her and probably wouldn’t let her fall. Probably.

Before she ever got to the study entrance, Catra could hear sheets of rain drumming against the earth and the wood surrounding them. It wasn’t heavy, but it was persistent. Cold wind blew through the cracks of the doors.

 _Could’ve stayed in bed,_ she grumbled to herself and opened the hatch.

The weather was as miserable as she’d predicted.

“Do we have to be out in this today?” Catra waited for Adora to climb out behind her before whining. “I’m freezing my tail off.”

Adora, who was already damp from before, shivered in agreement and looked past the garden with an expression that might’ve been wistful. Following her eyes, Catra saw a small brick well nestled at the edge of the property. It was almost hidden by the rain.

“We’ll check later,” Adora agreed.

In the minute it took to walk from the back of the house to the front, every inch of Catra’s body became wet and frozen. The blanket around her shoulders felt like it weighed ten pounds, it was so waterlogged. She ditched it on the porch before going inside.

“God, I hate it here.” In front of the shut door, Catra shook herself off like a dog. “My fur is constantly _disgusting._ ”

The corners of Adora’s eyes crinkled again and Catra had to look away. All she wanted to do was dry off, wrap herself in a fresh blanket, and go to sleep. Preferably not wake up, either.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Adora let out a long sigh and, with no warning _at all_ , pulled her dripping sweater off and hung it on the bedroom doorknob.

Catra was so close she could see the little goosebumps on her skin.

She had a curve to her body, muscles Catra didn’t remember her having. There were those scars, too, that split her back into parallel sections.

Catra spun away so fast she almost tripped over the edge of the couch. _Why was her heart beating so fast??_ She couldn’t look—she didn’t look over, as Adora left the room.

This was going to be a problem. She wanted— No, she couldn’t.

This was going to be a _big_ problem.

After Adora got out of the shower, Catra took one herself. She sat at the bottom of the round tub, letting the water run over her face for so long she wondered if she would ever drown.

This wasn’t _fair_. Catra didn’t have the energy to fight like this. She’d spent so long fighting, but this was a completely different war. Any time she closed her eyes, she saw Adora’s bare back and the smile in her eyes. It all made her realize how much she missed her, and how much she cared.

Catra lifted her face and let water fall into her eyes. How could she let herself get this bad? So bad that she _cared?_ She shouldn’t let Adora know. The scars all over her body disagreed.

Would I have done the same thing if I was in her situation? Catra thought. If she’d found Adora dying in the woods, would she have spent so much time and care to make sure she got out okay? Of course not, she wanted to say, but who was she kidding.

Catra couldn’t live without Adora. She knew it, Adora knew it. Everyone knew it. Why else would she spend the last two years—

“God, _shut up_!” Catra pressed her palms into her eyes and growled so hard it hurt her throat.

She hated this, she hated herself. She didn’t deserve to amuse any of these thought, only the pain they brought. The shower was a bad place for someone like her to be, alone with her self-hatred.

The second she was clean, Catra turned the water off, dressed, and left.

The house was quiet.

Adora was sitting on the couch, knees to her chest and staring at the little leather journal in her lap. It wasn’t open, she was just staring at it. The expression on her face was clearly lost in thought, but Catra couldn’t help but see that she was shivering.

The fireplace wasn’t even on.

Was she dumb? Catra huffed and complained internally, but she tossed logs into the fireplace, started a fire, and went to grab a clean blanket for the other girl. _Can’t even take care of herself…_

When everything was done—warm fire, blanket on an unsuspecting Adora’s shoulders—she sat heavily in the couch and crossed her arms. As she did, Adora’s eyes bore into her. Catra refused to look over because she knew the kind of expression she’d find on her face. This is stupid.

 _Stupid Adora. Stupid forest_. Stupid Catra for getting herself into this mess. Don’t look over, Adora would only tease you for being “nice.”

Catra glanced.

As expected, Adora was looking at her—with this _expression_ in her eyes. Like a low-burning candle, soft and warm.

“ _What?_ ” Catra snapped, an automatic response, and then immediately felt guilty. She took a breath from her nose and tried again. “What is it?”

“Nothing.” Adora pulled her hair out of her eyes. “Thank you.”

A typical silence fell between them, but it only lasted for a few awkward seconds. Then Adora spoke again.

“It’s my turn to ask you a question,” she said, and turned her body on the couch. The look in her eyes was the same, and it made Catra squirm.

 _Don’t ask, don’t ask me anything_ , Catra silently begged. She was sick of questions. However, she was completely frozen under that gaze.

“Why don’t you go back to the Fright Zone?”

Of course this threw Catra off. She nearly did a double-take. This conversation has been had before, but it felt different in these specific circumstances. “I tried killing cadets—” she stated.

“Yeah, but you didn’t, really. You don’t _know_ if that happened.”

“Well _I_ nearly died, so they most likely—”

“Don’t be dumb.” Adora rolled her eyes. She stared through Catra with the same intensity as a moment before. “This would be the perfect opportunity for a grand surprise-I’m-not-dead comeback. You’d be basically a war hero.” She kind of laughed but stopped. “You had everything you wanted there. When we get out, you…you didn’t seem very interested in going back. Why?”

Catra wasn’t sure what she expected. Something like this, she definitely _didn’t_ expect. She felt herself getting angry as an automatic defense she was so used to taking. “Of course I want to go back.”

“Every time I ask, you seem conflicted about it. That’s always been the one thing you haven’t ever seemed conflicted about, calling the Fright Zone your home.”

 _Shut up, shut up._ Of course she wanted to go back. She…

That was her home.

Was it?

Anger boiled in the back of her throat, but it had nowhere to go. No outlet. She was so mad… Mad at who?

 _Who_ could Catra be mad at?

“I don’t know,” Catra spoke through closed teeth. A part of her she didn’t recognize felt guilty for this outburst directed towards Adora. She’d never been guilty of this before. “I don’t know.”

The rain could still be heard from outside, as steady as ever. It didn’t do much for the ambiance of the conversation between the two. Neither did the sound of the fireplace.

An effort. She had to make an effort.

“I’m trying.” The words were difficult to speak. Catra crossed her arms over the tugging from her gut and refused to look up from them. “It doesn’t look like it—and I’m not _perfect_ like you—” She stopped the insult, paused, and quietly repeated, “I’m trying.”

She was genuinely trying. For what, she wasn’t sure, but there were things happening that were so far outside of her control. Everything felt so wrong but doing what she had done previously _also_ felt wrong.

If you can’t go back and you can’t go forwards, where do you go? Where should she go?

“Trying what?” The tone of Adora’s voice surprisingly wasn’t as patronizing as it usually seemed.

When Catra finally peeked up, she saw a similar type look she’d seen on Adora’s face during the last few days. A distant look in her tired eyes, mouth neutral. The only thing that really said anything without words was the way she stared _directly_ into Catra’s heart.

The stare was free of pity and arrogance. It was soft, but not belittling. Warm but not dangerous.

This wasn’t an expression you give to an enemy. Catra was so used to being the enemy that she wasn’t sure what to make of herself anymore.

“Maybe it’s something that you don’t understand,” Catra tried making her own voice quiet, “but I’m _the bad guy_. I do bad things, I lose all the battles I started. I don’t _get_ a choice, and I don’t _get_ what I want.”

“That isn’t just a label you can slap on your chest and blame everything on.”

Catra blinked.

“It’s so easy to say those things you’re saying.” The words from Adora were still soft but had just a little more strength behind them. The fire in her eyes matched the flames in the fireplace. “The only way you can be happy with yourself if you only live your life _for yourself_.”

“Coming from the all-powerful She-Ra, protector of Etheria. _You_ live your life for everyone _but_ yourself.” Catra wasn’t meaning to make that kind of conversation, but she found herself doing just that. “You said so yourself,” she sighed. “You can’t exactly give me the best advice.”

For a moment, Adora looked almost…offended? But it was clear she wasn’t, and the corners of her eyes creased into a sad smile for the third time.

“I’m just saying,” she said, “you’re going to be a miserable old cat if you can’t decide what you really want.”

_What I really want…_

Catra didn’t want to think about that. She certainly didn’t like the way that Adora framed it.

“I thought you wanted to rule the world,” Adora continued. “You basically _got_ that, second-in-command. What changed?”

“Nothing. Nothing changed.” Catra, feeling attacked, crossed her arms and felt her nails dig into the soft sores there. Words were thick on her tongue. “I still…” Her first instinct was to snap and fight. Looking over at Adora, with the blanket wrapped around her broad shoulders and her loose blond hair still drying from the heat of the fire, Catra felt inclined to tell the truth.

The inclination may be fleeting, but she rode it.

“Look, it was never just about ruling the world. You and I…we always just…” Catra looked away, hoping the sound of the rain and the fireplace would disguise the hopelessness in her voice. “We were just supposed to rule together, you know? No matter what happened…it was always just supposed to be us.” She looked up and right into Adora’s steel eyes. “That’s what you promised, right?”

The words felt like poison. They burned through her lungs, up her throat and turned her teeth into cement. They weren’t supposed to be hurtful, but the second they came out, they felt wrong.

Catra, deep down, couldn’t blame Adora for leaving. She did, but she didn’t.

Everything that happened—all the abuse she took from Shadow Weaver and Hordak following Adora’s mutiny—happened _because_ Adora left.

The only reason anyone ever put up with Catra before was _because of_ Adora. She felt like an unwanted accessory, a part of a set that became useless by itself. The horrible part, however, was that she was _fine_ with it when she had Adora. It didn’t matter when she had Adora. She made it manageable because they had each other.

That was it. That was what she wanted.

The one thing she hated most about herself, the part she was willing to ruin her life over. Catra could never admit it. It ripped her apart into tiny pieces and remained her one weakness—the trickiest part about having a heart.

It took Catra a while—too long—to realize that during that whole time lost in thought, she hadn’t broken eye contact with Adora.

“If time passed when Madam Razz was trapped here, do you think time is passing outside from when we got here?” Adora asked, clearly in her own mind as well. “Are people looking for us? Do they think we’re dead?” Saying this out loud drew a horrified look across her face. “Are they having our funerals?”

Catra wondered for a moment what her funeral at the Horde would look like. If she was honest with herself, they were probably _celebrating_ her death. It was no secret her squadron didn’t like or respect her.

Except for Scorpia. She wished Scorpia would forget about her.

Catra stood, limped into the bedroom, and closed the door behind her.

Then she closed the curtains.

Sat in the corner of the room in the darkness.

She pulled her legs up—the first time in a while she was able to do so without her thigh wound splitting—and rested her forehead on her knees.

Why did everything have to be so horrible and complication?

She worked so hard to be where she was at, but it wasn’t enough for her. Of course it wasn’t.

Only a small amount of light got in through the curtains. It wasn’t very light out anyway, with all the rain, and Catra was grateful for that. She couldn’t stand seeing herself right then. Not her bandaged legs or arms that were green from healing bruises. She especially didn’t want to see her own face in the reflection of the mirror across the room.

She was her own worst enemy, and she hated herself _so much_ for it.

_Knock knock._

Catra didn’t look up from her lap.

_Knock._

“Catra?”

The door swung inwards with a soft creak and the silhouette of Adora stepped in.

“Are you hungry at all?” she asked. “I was just going to go see if I can catch any fish in this rain.”

Catra hunched inwards on herself and tried to become the shadow she was covered with. “No,” she growled. “Go away.”

“You’ve hardly eaten anything today though.”

“You’re not responsible for me.”

Adora stepped in a little further and closed the door. With the force she closed it with, it was clear she didnt appreciate that type of response. “Don’t be a jerk,” she responded sharply. “You’ve been acting so weird lately, and now you’re being back to just _rude_.”

A thousand different mean things ran through Catra’s head and almost made it out. She dug her claws into her arm. “What do you care?” _I don’t deserve your pity, and I don’t need it._

The light coming from behind the curtains dimmed a bit more, suggesting a darker cloud was passing overhead. The rain grew slightly heavier.

Though Catra wasn’t looking up, she heard Adora’s footsteps on the carpet thud towards her.

“You’re acting like a big baby, Catra,” Adora sat on the floor next to her. “Instead of sulking, why don’t you try and talk to me for once.”

“I don’t have to tell you anything.”

“No, but I’m—” Adora paused. She rubbed at her face. “You don’t want to hear this, but I’m worried about you.

_You’re right, I don’t. I don’t deserve kindness or compassion. I don’t deserve to be worried about._

“You seem to be content just to rot here. I hate seeing you so lifeless.”

Nothing.

When Catra didn’t respond, Adora started to stand. Started.

Catra snatched her wrist and pulled her back down. It wasn’t a particularly gentle movement; her claws weren’t retracted so they dug a little too hard.

“Don’t,” she said in a hoarse voice, and loosened her grip. “I’m—” _Sorry_. She still had trouble saying that word.

Part of her was angry at the things Adora said, the stupid kindness she was trying to show. The other part desperately wanted Adora’s company, and not the kind where they were busy looking through a dusty old study.

“This is dumb.” Catra, still holding the other girl’s wrist, lowered her head. “None of this should’ve ever happened.”

“What part of ‘this’ are you talking about?” Adora’s voice was a little sarcastic. It shook a little as well, like she was nervous, which threw Catra off. Like she was trying to play it cool.

“Everything.”

“Now you’re just being dramatic.” This time, the words were more amused than anything.

The rain did start growing heavier. It was not uncommon in their part of woods, but the intensity was still hard to get used it. It rattled the window shutters.

There in the almost complete darkness, Adora made herself comfortable. She held her body and her words carefully. “I know you hate me, and it’s fine if you want to keep being mortal enemies, but I just…I can’t watch you wither away like this.”

Catra was grateful for the dark, because when she looked up, she didn’t want to see the other girl’s expression. “ _Why not?_ ”

“I care about you, stupid.” Though it was obviously tentative, Adora put her hand over Catra’s, which was still gripping onto her. “When all this is done we can go back to fighting, but even then I won’t stop caring about you.”

The words, and the gesture, were almost too much.

Catra knew her face was red and ears turned backwards. She couldn’t return any sentiments easily, and she wasn’t sure what to think of them.

Adora couldn’t care that much. She was the great protagonist of this story, and Catra was her opposite. Quite like night and day, even if night loved—

Catra let go of Adora’s hand and pulled it inwards to her chest. Her heart was beating fast, again, and she wanted to kick away all of the unwelcome feelings that were filling her chest with water.

“Adora, I…” She was grateful for the dark, so grateful. She couldn’t see the other girl, and she couldn’t see the way her own body shook. How was she supposed to live her life alone like this?

Being patient, Adora scooted closer and let their legs rest against one another, like a comforting gesture. Again, it broke Catra’s heart.

“You don’t deserve this,” Catra whispered, curling her body inwards in hopes that she would disappear. Everything inside of her ached. “You have to stop being so nice to me. I’m the bad guy.”

When Adora leaned forward, her hair brushed against Catra’s ankles. “Maybe you have been,” she said, “but right now you’re just Catra.” She paused to let out a breath through her nose. “I never thought that you needed me, that you were dependent on me. But have you ever thought that _I_ needed _you_?”

The tips of Catra’s fingers and toes went numb. She could hardly breathe with the way her heart slammed an uneven rhythm. Even her spine felt like it was made out of twigs.

Was it that she didn’t _want_ to believe it, or that she _couldn’t_ believe it?

 _What do_ you _want?_

Catra tilted her head forward, far enough to rest it on Adora’s. She could smell the fruit on her breath and the smoke from the fireplace in her hair.

Before she could stop herself, Catra whispered, “I want to stay with you.” She swallowed the shame and embarrassment. “Please don’t leave me again.”

As though she’d been holding it, Adora let out a heavy breath. “I won’t.”

“I promise.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally wrote one long chapter but ended up having to split it into two smaller chapters, so I'm sorry if this one is short! It should definitely be worth it though. The next one will come soon.

Rain continued to fall for most of the day. At some points it was torrential and at others it was soft enough for Adora to run outside briefly for blank papers from the study. She was hell-bent on working this problem through.

Both of her problems, one currently being Catra.

Catra, ever since her moment in the bedroom, seemed to not know what to do with herself. She stayed on the couch, making an obvious effort to be near Adora. She was silent and just watched the her the whole day—Adora definitely found it hard ignoring the look in her eyes.

Maybe that was why she avoided really interacting with her. She didn’t know how to make her feel better and be productive at the same time, so she let Catra work through her stuff on the inside.

Adora made herself busy by reading the new journal she had found. Reading. And re-reading. And reading it again, over and over until she basically had the few pages memorized. Every few paragraphs, she would look up at Catra and—every time—would see her staring back.

Catra watched her through her long eyelashes, expression impossible to read at times. She never bothered looking away, either. Just stared until Adora felt her face redden and she had to look away.

What a feeling she’d never felt.

After half a dozen reads of the journal, Adora began translating it onto her blank pieces of paper she’d brought up from the study. She sat on the floor, using the coffee table as her desk, and worked. Her handwriting was messy, but she thought it might help if Catra was able to read it all on her own without deciphering the First One’s language.

For most of this time, she spoke aloud. Partly it was to reassure herself of what she was doing. The other part was for Catra’s sake.

“The well is important.” Adora scribbled that onto a bit of paper. “The water inside it, too. Somehow that water…stopped time?” She rubbed her eye. “I wish this made sense.”

Up on the couch, Catra leaned forward to look at the writing. “I never liked any of that magic garbage. It doesn’t make _sense.”_

The only type of magic that Adora could feel confident about was the runestone’s power. The princess’s magic had connections with the runestones. This moon magic didn’t seem to have any sort of connection to anything physical on Etheria.

It just rained down from the stars, and _somehow_ Madam Razz was able to harness it.

She needed to come up with some sort of plan, no matter how small. There had to be an effort to get out—even if they had no idea what they were doing.

She continued to work.

During this time, getting to be evening, Adora noticed something she hadn’t before.

Every time she moved, Catra seemed to move with her, adjusting herself to be as close as possible. When she was sitting on the floor in front of the couch, Catra’s tail would be draped across one of her shoulders. When she was on the couch, Catra crossed her legs so their knees touched.

Catra didn’t say anything about it. Adora didn’t mention it. They just…seemed to stay in one another’s company. Adora definitely enjoyed it. She missed the comfort shared between them when they were alone. Even now, this comfort was warm enough to turn her cheeks pink.

“Looks like the rain is dying down finally.” Past the living room curtains, Adora was able to see the weather on the verge of clearing. “I probably should’ve brought some firewood in before it started pouring so hard.”

“At least we have enough for today.” Catra was looking at the stack in the corner of the room.

Enough to make dinner, thought Adora. She wanted to make something nice. “I’m going to get us some food before it gets too dark.” She stood and stretched. Despite the weather not being as wet, it was by far the coldest day she’d experienced being there at the house.

Without saying anything, Catra stood up and followed.

Dinner that night was roasted fish and vegetables. While Adora missed the chefs at Bright Moon, there was a certain amount of satisfaction that came with cooking for herself and Catra. That, and it was delicious.

“Razz and Eri had it made here,” Adora joked, picking bones from the fish with her fingers. “This is so much better than ration bars.”

Catra flicked her ears in agreement. “I’m never going to miss those things.” She kept eating.

She’ll never miss those things. She’ll never eat ration bars again.

She’s not going back.

She’ll stay with Adora? Adora’s brain nearly short-circuited. She pretending she didn’t notice the implications behind what Catra said, but on the inside, she felt like creeping heat that snuck into her stomach.

What exactly was this?

After eating, they cleaned up the kitchen and got ready to go back outside. Not once did Adora ask for Catra to come with her, but Catra did anyways. They stole clothes from the wardrobe and layered up to ward from the cold. Catra, draped in shirts, vests and cardigans, looked half her size drowning in material.

It was like seeing a monster dressed in a tutu. Catra saw the was that Adora smiled at her and she stuck out her tongue.

The warmth in her stomach grew.

Outside, the forest was not as bad as it was before. The clouds weren’t raining anymore, but the moisture in the air stuck around like swimming in a thick soup. Luckily, the cold didn’t penetrate their layers, but it made Adora feel like her boogers were freezing.

Catra, sloshing through a puddle around the side of the house, had the tip of her dangling tail drenched with mud. “I _hate_ this place,” she snarled for the second time that day and shook it out. “Why would anyone try to trap themselves here??”

“It’s a good thing the First Ones believed in running water.” Adora couldn’t even count how many times she had to shower during these monsoons.

They stomped their way to the edge of the property, passing glossy fruit trees and vines that bent sideways with the weight of grape bundles. There, meeting the forest, was the well.

It was wholly unremarkable. Nothing about it stood out.

The bricks were red and dirty with age, the top circled in a layer of dirt. It was full to the brim of rainwater, a haze of fog clinging to the top.

Catra kicked the moss at the base. “Now what?” Her teeth chattered. “Did you have a plan other than just staring at it?”

The well did not react to being stared at.

Adora didn’t really have a plan, no.

She tried to wipe at some of the dust that stuck to the top of the bricks, but it wouldn’t budge. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “It’s too bad they didn’t leave detailed instructions.”

“Sounds like she went crazy before she could do any of that.”

The blackness of the water reflected their figures almost perfectly. “Or whatever she did was an accident. Either way,” Adora’s reflection frowned, “none of the books we found were very helpful.”

They stood for a confused couple of minutes, watching the light wind blow around the mist over the well.

It was full, obviously, and Adora was confident in assuming this was the starwater Madam Razz mentioned so many times in her notes. While it didn’t look necessarily _magical_ , Adora could’ve sworn that it sparkled if she tilted her head at a certain angle.

“This is supposed to have healing properties, right?” Catra leaned forward and sniffed it. “That’s what you said, right?”

Hm. Right. At least, that’s what Adora assumed by all of the writing.

She dipped her hand in and, without thinking much, she reached to cup Catra’s injured face with the water.

Catra flinched, jerked her head to the side, and just for a second looked afraid. She wasn’t used to a casual touch like that. Maybe it was an excuse, but Adora put her hand to Catra’s face again and held the water there, dripping from her cold hand, and let it soak into Catra’s scarred cheek.

“Do you feel anything?”

Catra recovered quickly and swallowed. “Not yet.” She stepped away from the touch. “This is dumb. It’s just water.”

The part of Adora’s hand that had been on Catra’s cheek tingled, and she wasn’t sure whether or not it was from the water or just from the physical contact. _Just the water_ , she told herself.

After that first attempt, they didn’t speak to one another there. They only spent another few minutes around the well, walking through the grass and searching for anything that looked out of the ordinary.

Adora, remembering the sigils that Castaspella used, looked around for something that could be magical. The only thing that was strange about the edge of the woods was the well. The books mentioned stars…but there weren’t any out. It was very dark, yes, but the clouds overhead were too thick to see even the moon.

Was that what was wrong?

“Maybe we should look in the daylight,” Adora pondered to herself, doing one more circle around the well. “Or when the stars are out. There’s obviously nothing here tonight.”

A ways away, closer to the edge of the garden, Catra stretched her arms high above her head. “Let’s go back, then. It’s cold and I’m wet again. I don’t _like_ being wet.”

Disheartened, they go back inside.

As soon as she got in, Adora peeled the cold layers of clothes off and just dropped them on the floor. The fireplace was still burning coals, so it was significantly warmer inside than out.

Again, Adora found herself grateful for the First One’s advancements.

“Dibs on the shower,” she said, and turned to look at Catra on her way to the bathroom.

Catra was frozen, staring at Adora like she had just transformed into something startling. The expression was new entirely.

“What? Did you want to shower first?”

Catra snapped her head sideways, and instead of replying, just made a frustrated grumble in the back of her throat.

 _What was her problem?_ She tried not thinking too hard about it.

The dusk continued growing darker.

The timing felt a little weird since they were up so early, and Adora felt the exhaustion of the day in her bones.

At one point, her and Catra were just sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace, fighting off drowsiness and trying to stay warm. The last of their dry wood burned low, casting light so rich and vibrant that it began stirring something in the air. It felt as close to magic as Adora had felt there in the woods.

She wasn’t sure what it was, as it was something so new and fresh, but she couldn’t help but feel stronger for it. Not knowing why, she looked over at Catra.

Catra’s orange fur glowed even more orange in the fire. A stray bit of singed hair fell in front of her closed eyes. Without thinking, Adora brushed it back for her. _That’s better_.

Adora stifled a yawn and stood to go brush her own hair. There was a hairbrush in the bedroom, and even though she felt a little weird using a stranger’s brush, it was better than nothing. She kept the bedroom light off, too, which made her stay drowsy.

While she stood there in front of the bedroom mirror, Catra entered the room. It was dark and her expression unreadable.

“Would you like to use this after me?” Adora asked, tapping her finger to the hairbrush.

“Don’t.”

She raised an eyebrow.

“What’s the point of all this?” Catra raised her head and her eyes glowed like animal’s eyes do in the dark.

“Of what?”

“You know what.”

Adora continued brushing. “No, I don’t.”

That was a lie. She wasn’t doing anything on purpose, granted, but with their newfound comfort, Adora began enjoying seeing the softer side of Catra. This side was so easy to tease and fluster, and it filled her heart with honey. Perhaps she wasn’t aware of the repercussion, or she just didn’t care, but either way she didn’t want to stop.

Catra’s tail waved back and forth. _“Who’s the jerk now?”_

All Adora could do was laugh a little. It wasn’t meant to be a derisive, but it seemed to make Catra’s ears flatten. She went to pass Catra and leave out the bedroom door, but before she could—

Catra grabbed on to the front of Adora’s shirt. Her claw snagged on a button and it popped off as she yanked their faces an inch away from each another.

It startled Adora so much her legs nearly buckled. For the following seconds, her breath came in short and fast. Was it fear? No, Adora didn’t think so. She’d felt fear before.

Although she wasn’t looking directly at her, Catra’s eyes glowed so soft and steely in the dark light of the room. They might have been menacing. Or threatening.

But if she’d wanted to hurt Adora, she would have already.

“Don’t think for a _second_ ,” Catra held her face so close to Adora’s ear and the words were sharp, “that you’re in control of this.”

Adora opened her mouth to say something, but all that came out was a puff of air.

_Oh._

_This is new._

This was not fear.

The hand that was balled in the front of Adora’s shirt loosened just enough to scrape a nail across one of Adora’s collarbones.

And just like that, Catra let go of Adora’s shirt and left the bedroom.

_This was not fear at all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This burn wasn't intended to be so slow but here we are ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> Also, be prepared because this thing is about to become VERY self-indulgent.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wasn't joking. This story is going to get reeeaaaal self-indulgent. In a good way.

After the encounter in the bedroom, Adora went right to the couch and tried to sleep.

She had a hard time, though, for obvious reasons. She lay stretched out on the couch, feeling the temperature in the room steadily drop as the fire in the fireplace died down to charcoal.

Every nerve in her was alive, long after Catra left to go to sleep in the bedroom. The few inches where Catra’s nail had scraped along her collarbone tingled.

When she finally managed to get to sleep, she dreamed.

As in every dream, she didn’t remember at what point it started, but seemed to toss her almost immediately into a blender of confusion and chaos.

It was the battle they’d narrowly survived, the bloodshed at Wimborne. Adora’s brain recreated each scene in vivid, gruesome detail; she ran through piles of dead bodies and tripped on rubble that had been cast down from burning buildings. Puddles of mud were sticky and red from blood that ran the streets like a river.

This was not a new dream for her. She’d had it before. Each time she had it, it added fresh horror to everything. It was the purest form of madness, and Adora couldn’t escape it. She was scared and exhausted and angry, and she ran as fast as her dream state would let her.

A flash changed the dream, and she was surrounded by soil. Catra was crumbled up in front of her, and every time Adora tried picking her up, a piece of Catra’s body would drop off like it was rotting. Her arms, her legs, her tail.

Bits of her scattered and turned into soil until almost nothing was left.

Adora knelt in the dirt, cradling Catra’s heavy head on her lap until she screamed so loud that she woke herself up.

She woke up.

She was awake.

Adora couldn’t get enough air. She sat straight up on the couch, throwing a leg off and gasping for air so hard she nearly vomited.

_Awake._

_Awake._

_Awake._

A dream.

Adrenaline pumped through Adora’s veins so hard that it hurt. When she was able to catch a breath, her breathing turned into sobs.

_Awake._

_Awake._

It took too long to calm down. Her sobs eventually faded into hiccups and she was finally able to open her swollen eyes. She was awake, and her dream was just a dream. It hurt, still, all of the pain and suffering the people of that little village went through.

All the people Adora couldn’t save.

_She could hardly save anyone._

The room was cold with a dead fireplace gaping at the wall, and Adora shivered in her blankets. She was sitting up, with both of her legs off the couch and her body so contorted from the dream that she had to stretch to be able to feel her joints again.

Under the couch, Adora’s sword sat motionless and untouched. For the first time in a week, Adora reached under and pulled it onto her lap. It let off a very faint glow, pulsing from the runestone in its hilt. She felt betrayed by it sometimes. Sometimes she wished it was never hers.

The Rebellion has won many battles, yes, but the price of victory was too heavy to pay. It was a weight that dragged Adora’s ankles into the ground and planted them like roots. Why was the bearer of this burden not somebody who was strong enough to carry it?

“God, you’re loud.”

Catra’s voice from behind the couch nearly gave Adora a heart attack. She turned, tangling herself up in her nightclothes, and saw Catra’s silhouette standing there over her. It was much too dark to see any features, but the voice she heard was quiet.

“It’s freezing out here,” Catra said, and she walked around the edge of the couch. “Come on—and don’t make a big deal about it.”

Big deal?

Adora’s heart was still pounding, and she didn’t understand what the other girl was saying until then. She put her sword back under the couch and stood on shaking legs to follow.

It was the first time they had shared a bed in years. The bedroom was much warmer than the living room, with drawn curtains and a bed that was still held the memory of Catra’s body heat. They stretched out next to one another.

The circumstances would at any other time make it difficult for Adora to sleep. She was much too aware of everything. However, as soon as Catra began snoring, peace like a blanket tucked her on and she slept.

That time, she did not dream.

The morning came as they did at their house in the woods. Adora woke from light from the sun seeping through the curtains, and for just a moment, she felt like she was home. Why else would she feel so comfortable?

Letting out a sigh that came deep from her lungs, Adora rolled over onto her side and pressed her cheek into the pillow next to her. It was soft, like fur.

The pillow moved; she opened her eyes.

Catra was stretched out on her back, arms folded to her stomach and staring up at the ceiling. She only moved when she noticed Adora awake, and she glanced down where Adora had her face against her arm.

Immediately, Adora sat up and began to apologize. However, for some reason she didn’t understand, Catra shook her head to stop her.

“Still cold?” Catra asked. Her hair was a mess; even the tufts in her ears stuck in crazy directions. The sleep shirt she wore was crooked on her shoulders and hung off, enough to see the scars left from the battle.

Adora looked away. Her heart was beating just a little heavier.

Cold outside must have worn its welcome, because the sun that shone into the bedroom was so wonderfully warm. It filled Adora’s body from the top of her head to the tip of her toes. The responsible part of her wants to leave as soon as possible and get back to her job of She Ra.

The other part of her wants to stay warm in the bed with Catra. _She was so warm._

She couldn’t even stop herself from thinking those kinds of things at that point. She couldn’t shake off the fuzzy feeling in her gut.

“I can’t say I’m used to not having an early morning schedule,” Cara said, sitting up. “This is the most bored I’ve ever been in my _life_.” She yawned and her mouth opened wide to show pointy teeth.

All Adora did was hum in agreement. In the Horde, everyone had to be a morning person. Bright Moon’s schedule was much more lenient, but she still _had_ a schedule.

This all made Adora feel like she was an aimless, floating cloud. It was hard keeping her feet on the ground.

She swiped her hair from her face over her shoulder. “I guess we have to figure out what we’re going to do all day before looking at the well again tonight.”

“ _Uugh._ ” Catra’s hair flew up into her face when she flopped back against the pillows. “This is _so boring_.”

“I’d like to see if I can make some of those recipes that I found in Madam Razz’ books today.” The healing salve could be especially useful. Thought their wounds were healing well, the speed at which they were healing when they had the salve was better.

Past the straps of Catra’s night shirt, she could see the bad wound on her shoulder mending. Much of the fur that’d been burned off began to regrow in patches, which was charming. There were also the burns that plastered most of that side of her body, and then the fresher gashes on top where she’d clawed herself.

Thinking of that made Adora unhappy. She wanted peace for the people she cared about. What that meant for Catra…she wasn’t really sure.

Adora spent the morning at work. She put on fresh clothes, tied her hair back, and spread all of the helpful books she could find out on the coffee table. The recipe for Madam Razz’s healing salve was in the first one she grabbed, and Adora was kidding herself if she thought she was an expert gatherer.

Catra picked at her toenails with a knife from the kitchen. Maybe it was Adora’s imagination, but she seemed to be favoring her injured leg. “I sure hope you learned about plants in princess school,” she said, grimacing at the pictures in the journal. “They all look like leaves to me.”

“I _know_ what I’m doing,” Adora lied. She had no idea.

There was a list of plants and small hand drawings of what they looked like, how much of them they needed. Adora prepared a large copper pot on the kitchen stove to start. When it actually got to the gathering, it was much harder than just putting a pot on the stove.

On the plus side, exploring their property in detail gave Adora an advantage she didn’t think she would have. Every time she reached the edge of the time bubble, she would place a line of sticks. After only an hour or so of hunting, she had almost half of the property line measured. It was a lot larger than she expected and wasn’t a perfect circle around the house.

If there was a rhyme or reason to this pattern, Adora didn’t see it.

A few items down the list, Catra joined. She’d put on day clothes, too, and didn’t say much.

Adora appreciated the company. Every so often, she would sit down and dig at a plant to pull its roots. Almost as often, Catra would see a bird or a small creature and her eyes would follow it. It made Adora’s chest tickle with nostalgia and that new feeling she hadn’t figured out yet.

Whatever it was…felt like moonlight. It felt like home.

The sun was high in the sky when their gather came to a close. Clearly trying to be helpful, Catra held the bucket that contained their finds: feverfew, fumewort root, milk sap of various shrubs. The last was a pail of water from the well. She seemed to strain with the effort, turning a little green.

“This water _has_ to be magic,” Adora grumbled to herself, dipping the pail into the water. It was freezing and itched where drips fell from her hand. “I swear, if this stuff _isn’t_ how we get out, I’m going to be seriously upset.”

“This place isn’t a total loss. You’ve got,” Catra panted, and held up the plants in her arms sarcastically, “ _leaves._ ”

Adora stuck her tongue out.

_I hope I know what I’m doing_.

The salve was not as easy to make as Adora had hoped. There were a lot of things that she could do well—but this was obviously not one of them. Careful juice extracting, petal grinding… She nearly threw it all into the fire.

The dream she’d had several nights back, the one when she watched Madam Razz creating something over the stove, helped. In some time, Adora had able to have everything perfectly measured on the stove simmering.

That made it around noon when they found nothing to do again.

Catra sat on the couch, and Adora sat on the floor in front of her with her chin on the coffee table.

The quiet in the room was almost painful. There was no rain to provide white noise, and they were saving the firewood for that night so no fire either. It was just…quiet.

From behind Adora, Catra let out a deep sigh.

Adora looked up and saw Catra looking at her again with those same tired eyes.

“Do you think we’re going to get out today?” she asked, pulling her arms tight against her body.

That was a question Adora was asking herself, too. “I don’t know,” she replied honestly, just a little nervous at the reaction. “I hope.”

 _I hope_.

Everything scared Adora. She was so out of control with everything at that point. She was scared because she was forgetting her life in Bright Moon—her room, the view overlooking the garden, the sound of the waterfall at night. If they stayed there long enough, would she forget Glimmer and Bow? The most comfort she had was there in Catra.

“What if we can’t?” Catra wondered aloud.

Adora didn’t know. She didn’t say anything.

Catra, on the couch behind her, looked lost. The shadows under her eyes deepened.

“Hey.” Adora bumped Catra’s knee with her shoulder, making her look over. “We’re in this together, right?”

The colors in Catra’s eyes seemed to warm. “Sure. Whatever.”

Hat answer satisfied Adora. She tightened her ponytail and reached across the coffee table to grab a piece of paper. When she did—

A hand touched her back.

This surprised Adora so much she almost jumped. Her day shirt had straps instead of sleeves—exposing most of her upper back. And the scars.

Catra’s claw were retracted but still long enough for Adora to feel them pricking the scars that ran down her back. She traced the marks with the hands that made them. Adora could almost feel Cara shaking as she touched her.

It gave Adora goosebumps.

She wasn’t used to being touched like that, so tenderly. Especially by Catra. And her face…

“Catra.” Adora tried to take her hand, though she pulled away. “It’s in the past.”

Catra held her hands out in front of her and stared at the claws that wounded.

“Whatever happens now, that’s what’s important.”

This was something Adora wholeheartedly believed. She _had_ to.

In response to this, all Catra did was make a low grumbling in the back of her throat. She stood—the lines of her body arched in a very feline way. As she walked away, her tail curled, ran the length of Adora’s jaw, and flicked under her chin.

It took Adora several seconds to realize her mouth had fallen open.

With so little to do, Catra must have been entertaining herself with teasing Adora. Teasing. That must be it. As Adora watched her leave through the front door, that feeling in her heart grew.

The day continued peacefully.

Adora paid special attention to her salve concoction as it brewed, cleaning up all the spare leaves and dirt that scattered the kitchen. During that time, Catra was outside at the front of the house.

Every time Adora looked out to window, Catra was pacing and stretching her injured side. Not once did she look up from the ground, though.

 _She’s determined_ , Adora thought. This was a good thing.

Of course it was hard just immediately trusting her after all of this time of anger between them. Things could never be exactly what they were before. But if Adora knew anything, she knew that Catra had enough fire in her to heal in whatever way she needs to. She just hoped that it included her. Even then.

Adora sat on the couch in front of the fireplace and pulled out her sword again.

This sword. She-Ra. It all felt so distant. Especially being back with Catra, Adora hardly knew She-Ra anymore.

“Again with that thing?”

When Adora looked up, she saw Catra standing at the open door with her arms crossed.

“You’re so full of it.” Her tail swished. “Can you _not_ overthink things for like five minutes? Put it away and come outside with me.

Adora did what she was told. She found happiness in leaving the sword behind.

They spent the rest of the morning under the sun. Few fluffy clouds passed by, but they were blessed with the best weather they’d had in days. Maybe it was all the rain that had fallen, but everything looked richer.

Adora hadn’t realized how out of shape these injuries made her. She couldn’t run or bend well, and she could hardly lift her arms over her head. She’d spent every day of her life until then training. The feeling of being weak was an alien one.

Everything still hurt, like she was one big bruise, but at least she was in better shape than Catra.

Catra’s wounded leg slowed her down more than she’d probably care to admit. While it seemed to be healing, two weeks was only two weeks. She could stretch and pace, but they really couldn’t spar as they once had. Today especially it seemed to bother her.

And still, being so close to the way things once were felt so nostalgic.

By the time they were done with being outside, the sun was already beginning to sink again. They gathered more firewood from the stack outside and brought it in for the evening fire.

During this time, Catra was quiet. Adora wished more than anything that she could read minds. The kinds of faces Catra made and her body language had grown over time and were harder to read than ever. It was hard thinking of her as not a kid anymore, but neither of them were.

The fire crackled quietly. Adora sat at her usual spot on the floor in front of the coffee table, peeling potatoes. Although it was hard quieting her mind, she focused on the task in her hand and the ache of her unused muscles.

Catra, in the meantime, limped from one end of the room to another, tugging at her bandages like they bothered her. Her face wasn’t as troubled as it has been, but she definitely seemed out of sorts. The same sickly pale color remained, but it was probably a product of her troublesome thoughts.

All Adora did was watch and keep peeling her vegetables.

 _Catra seems on edge today_. Was it because they shared the same bed last night?

Adora felt her ears grow hot at the memory. How many nights of their childhood did they sleep in one bed? Almost all of them, honestly, were spent next to one another. What made this night feel so different?

She stared down at the table, hoping Catra wouldn’t see how pink her cheeks got.

Silent, but the sound of pacing.

“I’m going to go crazy here,” Catra groaned. She’d stopped pacing at the couch and propped one of her arms on the back of it. “I have never been this bored in my life.”

“I never thought I’d _enjoy_ peeling potatoes,” Adora agreed.

“Seriously. I’m not used to just waiting around for things to happen.”

It was hard not teasing. “Yeah, you’re usually busy plotting ways to kidnap me.” Adora rolled her eyes up at the other girl. “What are you going to do now, huh?”

There was a certain glint in Catra’s eye when she said that. Even though the bags under her eyes were dark, there was something so warm in the way she looked at Adora.

“Who said I was going to stop?”

Adora’s heart pulsed in her throat and she had to look back down at her hands before Catra could see how hard it was staying calm. Did she know what she was doing to her? Did she know the reaction she would get?

_Her heart was beating way too fast. This isn’t fair._

“Wow.” Catra rested both her elbows on the back of the couch, and the tone of her voice forced Adora to look up at her. “You really _have_ softened.”

The words flit through the air in almost a teasing fashion, and Adora had to stand. She got close to Catra—closer than she anticipated—by sitting backwards on the couch on her knees. Their faces were less than a foot apart.

“I haven’t softened,” she insisted, trying to intimidate with steel in her words.

To this, Catra let out a rumbling purr that came from deep within her throat. She wasn’t smiling, but the warmth in her tired eyes seemed to cradle Adora. Honestly, Adora hadn’t seen—or felt—this from Catra in _years._

“Oh, you haven’t?” Being so close, Catra reached out and took a lock of Adora’s hair in her hand. “Look at you. With your blond hair and pretty blue eyes, you play the role of princess well.”

The words were silky, nearly a purr.

Adora wanted to be annoyed at what she was saying. She was strong, and that had nothing to do with her princess status. _She_ was strong. _Adora_ was strong. However— Her heart jammed up in her throat.

_Don’t speak. Don’t move. Don’t breathe._

If anything were to come out, it wouldn’t be right. The way that Catra was looking at her and the way that she twirled on her hair with an extended claw— That made her knees weak. She didn’t know why.

Just the way that Catra stared at her, held her hair in her hand…

Almost as though she had seen a ghost, Catra changed. Her eyes drained of color and her face pulled taught.

She took a step back.

Dropped her hand.

Turned.

“Catra?” Adora didn’t even get a second word out before the other girl went to the bedroom and closed the door behind her.

This silence was…worse than the silence before. Adora didn’t know why, but it hurt her like a gaping hole in her stomach.

Why was this so hard? What could she _do?_ She could still feel the soft hand in her hair.

Adora sank down on the couch and sat there for a minute. The hold in her stomach ached like she’d been punched.

_Okay._

_Breathe._

The light outside was beginning to dim. Perhaps it was much later in the afternoon than she thought, or maybe they were finally getting some cloud cover. Whatever it was made Adora shiver.

 _Breathe_.

Shoving the feeling deep into her toes, Adora stood ad left the couch. She wasn’t good at this, and she especially wasn’t sure how to handle Catra’s feelings.

Adora’s years in Bright Moon taught her about emotional freedom much more than the Fright Zone ever did, but Catra didn’t get that. How can Adora let her know she can be open with her without compromising her dignity?

She wanted to give her space. She wanted a lot of things. Her face was still hot.

Maybe the salve was ready.

When Adora entered the kitchen, the spicy smell of the salve filled her nose. Maybe if she’d made the salve the day before she would care more if it turned out well, but not then. All Adora could think about while straining it into a cheesecloth was the way that Catra looked at her.

She stared into the jar of new salve. It looked slightly different than Madam Razz’s but it was close enough.

Why was her heart still beating so fast?

_Okay. Breathe._

Adora left the kitchen to go to the bedroom where Catra was.

_Breathe._

_Breathe._

Though it was still hours away from dusk, the lights were off and curtains closed, so the bedroom was dark. As usual.

Catra looked up when Adora came in. She was standing at the mirror holding the wrappings from her wounds.

“You keep following me,” she said. Unlike the soft words she’d spoken earlier, these were flat and dry. “What do you want?”

“The salve is ready.”

Catra’s tail hung low to the floor as she contemplated. Her eyes were just slits sunk deep into her skull.

Adora took this as an invitation to help. She knew she had to be sensitive, though. In every way.

She worked, slowly, on Catra’s wounds. This had become a routine for them, the cleaning of the healing scabs and the careful bending of scar tissue so it didn’t become too stiff. Adora kept her breathing even, despite every nerve in her body being a live wire.

“Does the salve feel okay?” Adora asked, spreading it onto Catra’s shoulder wounds with her fingers. “Does it burn at all?”

“It’s fine,” Catra answered. She wasn’t looking up or even in the mirror, but down at the floor. This wasn’t even the same girl who twirled Adora’s hair in her finger.

Adora knelt on the carpet to spread some salve on Catra’s healing thigh. Even though it was dark in the bedroom, she could’ve sworn the skin looked puffier than usual. When she touched it, it was hot and Catra winced.

“Are you okay?” Adora asked quietly, trying to put the salve on more gently. She didn’t let on how much the change in the wound worried her. “This looks—”

“Don’t.”

She blinked.

“I wish you still hated me.”

Even though Catra has said this before, those words stung Adora. They mixed with her own feelings like baking soda and vinegar and put a sour taste in her mouth.

Adora stood. Her throat was thick. “Catra, I’m not—”

“Stop pretending that you care.” Catra didn’t move, still standing in front of the mirror staring at the floor, but her face was pulled gaunt. It may have been the dimness, but her eyes looked like they shone. “Just stop.”

“I’m not pretending.” As much as this hurt, Adora found herself getting defensive. “You _know that_.”

For the first time at that moment, Catra turned to look at the other girl. She looked heartbroken and defeated, like she hardly had the strength to stand. “It’s cruel,” she whispered. “Whatever you’re doing to me, just stop.”

Cruel? Adora didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know what Catra was talking about, but at the same time, she did. She wanted to defend herself, _but the way that you looked at me_ …. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t say anything.

Adora wanted to reach out, to comfort her. She didn’t know how. All she could do was put the lid on her jar of salve and put it on the top of the dresser. All that was between them was cold air.

Catra touched the place where Adora had re-bandaged her shoulder. “Whatever you’re doing, stop. Just leave me alone. _I don’t deserve this._ ”

“I thought we’d been over this.” Adora chose her words carefully. “You didn’t deserve anything the Horde did to you. You were a _kid_.”

“Nobody forced me to do any of that.”

“Catra.” She stepped a little closer, feeling her hands shake just a bit. Maybe it was the nerves, or maybe her feelings were still a little hurt. “You can’t just…live your life as a reaction to everything that’s happened to you and everything that you’ve done in the past. We all have choices to make.”

When Adora put her hand up against Catra’s cheek, Catra flinched. But didn’t pull away. Her eyes were closed tight against whatever she might see. Her cheek was very warm, and Adora wasn’t sure if it was because she was blushing or if she had a fever.

She also had a choice.

Adora wasn’t good at these kinds of things. She didn’t know how to comfort Catra, because Catra was right in a sense. She had done some horrible things in the last few years and was responsible for so much destruction. Now, however, her motives didn’t appear to be as black and white as they once did.

Adora wanted to do things she’d never done before, and she knew that she couldn’t leave Catra again.

Was that all she knew?

After nearly a whole minute of Adora holding her hand to Catra’s cheek, Catra finally relaxed. Her eyes were closed and breath coming out uneven.

 _Breathe_.

“Tell me the truth, Adora.” Her small voice pleaded.

“About what?”

“Anything.”

What kind of open-ended request would leave Adora’s mouth so dry?

She pulled her thumb across Catra’s cheek, again feeling the texture of the scars underneath.

Catra looked so broken, so beaten down. There were so many emotions burning in her eyes that Adora couldn’t seem to track, but each one of them squeezed at her heart. Never had she looked so defeated, but Adora wanted to comfort her.

 _It’s okay. I’m here_.

But this was the problem. Nothing Adora could say or do would change Catra’s view of herself, especially the powerlessness she felt. This was up to her, not Adora.

However, if all she wanted was honesty in this moment, Adora could give it.

She pulled Catra’s face inward and kissed her.

It only lasted a moment, and they second it over it felt like it might not have been real.

As quick as she’d pulled in, Adora stepped away and dropped her hands in surprise.

Catra was frozen. Her arms were half-stretched out, mouth open just a bit, and her eyes were wide and unblinking.

 _Oh god_.

Adora took another step back. “I’m sorry,” she stuttered. “I thought—”

Catra grabbed the front of her shirt and just like that, pulled them together again.

This time was not as careful.

Between the deafening pounding of her heart and the shock of the whole moment, it took Adora several seconds before she realized what was happening. Then she _realized._

The room was chilly, but Catra’s hands were hot. They clung onto Adora’s shirt to grab her, but in the moment following, they had gripped onto the backs of Adora’s shoulder like her life depended on it. Claws sinking, straining.

The kiss was clumsy but they were fine with it.

With each breath, Adora wanted it more and more and just wanted to hold her so tightly she could melt into her skin. The way her lips tasted, the feeling of Catra’s breath hitting her chin and being able to feel her eyelashes against her own.

Catra’s mouth was soft and hungry, but it was the _closeness—_ The closeness of their bodies, the heat, the noises—

Adora felt she was drifting two feet above her body. Her fingers were in Catra’s hair, and the only time she broke away from the kiss was to tilt Catra’s head up and press her mouth against her neck. She’d never wanted to touch somebody like that, but she _did._ Here. Now.

At some point, Catra stopped responding. Even her arms shook and dropped from Adora’s.

Adora stopped, hoping she hadn’t done anything wrong.

Catra had her face in the crook of Adora’s neck. Her breathing was heavy. Her arms shook. Her knees folded—

“ _Catra_!”

Adora barely got her arms under her before Catra collapsed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliche cliff hanger!! Love it!!!  
> There is going to be way more fluff in the coming chapters, I PROMISE. This was just a little taste. A little taste of what's to come.  
> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first half of a mondo-long chapter I was trying to finish. Therefor I'm not just forgetting about the kiss, it will come to a peak here next chapter I promise!!

_What happened?? Did I hurt her? Did I do something wrong?_

It was impossible for Adora not to panic. For that split-second reaction after Catra collapsed, she was overwhelmed by guilt and fear. _My fault??_

Adora quickly snapped out of her panic and lowered Catra onto the ground. Their descent was uncomfortable, with Adora’s arms being weakened, but she managed to prop her halfway on her lap.

“Catra?” she whispered, shaking the girl on her legs.

A low noise gurgled from behind Catra’s lips. Her eyes were half-open but weren’t seeing or focused. “I don’t…” Her panting was getting heavier. “My leg…” She feebly tugged at the leg of her pants, which were still rolled up from earlier.

After that, Adora managed to reach up and flip on the light switch and almost immediately regretted it. The light illuminated almost perfectly the swollen, discolored wound on Catra’s thigh that bulged out from her skin almost an inch.

She gagged. _Should’ve turned on the light earlier._

Half of Catra’s entire leg, from hip to knee, had turned a shade of sickly purple except for the actual wound. The burn itself was bubbly and yellow, with white rings around the worse parts. Whatever was making it swollen stretched the skin so tight it looked close to bursting.

“When did this happen?” Adora asked in horror, hesitant to touch it. “Have you not been cleaning it properly?”

No response.

Catra’s head had lulled against the other girl’s arm and her eyes were closed. Not dead, though; her heartbeat and breathing were erratic and deep.

_What do I do??_

Was this her fault? Maybe she wasn’t paying enough attention.

_I can fix this, I can fix this…_

God, it looked so bad. If she was a better She-Ra maybe she would have learned to heal people by now…

Adora was so furious with herself she wanted to cry because of it. But she didn’t. For just three seconds she allowed herself to be angry and scared, but once those three seconds were done, she took a deep breath.

“I’ve got you,” Adora whispered to the unconscious girl in her arms and managed to pull her onto the bed to their left. Wherever their skin touched, she could feel the heat radiating from Catra’s body into hers. It must’ve been a _very_ high fever.

How could she have not seen this before??

“ _No_.” Adora put a pillow under Catra’s head and scolded herself aloud. “No more feeling bad about yourself. This isn’t about you. This is about…”

She focused back on the wound. _It looked horrifying._

How do healers treat wounds like this? She didn’t have her spells or remedies like anyone in Bright Moon. When they’d very first got to the house, Adora cleaned out the wounds and kept them dry until she was able to put salve on. That’s what she had done before, but this…

Cleaning. First step.

God, Adora didn’t even know where to start.

She left the bedroom for a few minutes to gather what she could find. Spare linen from the linen closet, extra bandages from the bathroom, a towel, and just in case—a clean knife from the kitchen. She also grabbed a bowel of water from the sink.

_Like digging a canyon with a spoon._

It was hard not being cross at Catra for not catching this sooner. There were a lot of reasons she might’ve kept it to herself, but Adora could think of a single _logical_ one. She spread the towel under Catra’s leg, and when she had to lift it, Catra let out a pained whine in her sleep.

“I know,” Adora crooned into the quiet. _I can fix this. I_ have _to._

The second Adora pulled a wet cloth across Catra’s burn, the damaged skin peeled apart like soggy paper. It freed a drizzle of liquid from intact pockets which oozed down the crook of Catra’s knee. The unconscious girl let out another moan and clenched her fists.

Some of the liquid slipped onto Catra’s tail, which had been tucked sideways, so she had to dab that clean first.

_Oh, Catra._

Swallowing rising bile, Adora scraped all the dead skin away around the center. The middle of the thigh, where the worst of the burn was, had hardened into a yellow shell. It wouldn’t soften with her moist cloth, so Adora gently worked the end of her knife under the edge of the crust—

—Pus poured out. Thick and yellow, smelling of putrid rot, released from the pressure of the wound.

Adora doubled and retched over the side of the bed. Nothing came up but _oh god_.

The sight, the smell, the consistency.

_Don’t be a baby. You’ve seen worse._

Holding her breath and counting an additional three seconds break, she forced herself to look back at the wound. Okay, it wasn’t that much pus. _It was._

Adora peeled back the dead husk further, warranting more pained noises form Catra. No more pus came out, but the whole area glistened with infection, remnants of fluid and inflamed skin. If it had been healing before, it certainly wasn’t now.

Making sure the towel was thick enough to absorb it all, Adora tipped her bowl of water over the wound and began a trickle of it into the injury. This action woke Catra up.

Catra’s leg clenched and she let out a wail that turned quickly into a harsh curse.

“What are you doing to me?” her voice was barely a whisper, as hoarse as it was pained. While her eyes were still closed, sweat glistened at her temple and neck.

“Shush.” Adora had to physically restrain her from touching her leg and continued pouring until the last traces of the pus disappeared. “I know it hurts, I’m sorry.”

Completely unintelligible and struggle to move, Catra kept burbling to herself.

“Just stay still or this is going to be a lot worse for you.”

Luckily, all of the pus had drained onto the towel, so it was easy to clean up. _This shouldn’t be possible, holding all this junk inside your skin._ But it was.

The smell was unbearable.

After draining and cleaning the dead skin, the wound did look a lot better. Normal color began returning to the surrounding skin along with the usual elasticity without the pus underneath.

“Adora?” Catra murmured, trying to lift her head to look at the other girl.

“I said stay still.”

She slurred something that sounded like an apology. Everything that came out of her mouth after that point was incoherent. _Must be delusional from the fever._ In the Horde, illness wasn’t common, and a fever especially was quite nearly _beaten_ out of you.

But how did it hit her all so fast?

“Adora?”

Adora looked up, annoyed, but Catra was only staring with glazed eyes up at the ceiling like a corpse. She began patting the wound dry. “What?”

“Did…I fall?”

“Yes. How do you feel?”

Catra answered with a breathy grunt.

“Did you feel okay this morning?”

She moved her gaze over to Adora, who was still sitting at the side of the bed. The fever clearly made it hard to focus, though. She blinked slowly and shook her head like she was trying to clear fog.

“…Sort of.” Catra crossed her arm over her face. “Got worse.”

“I can see that. You _collapsed._ ”

“Leg hurts.”

Of course it hurt. How on Etheria had it gotten this bad?? The last time Adora saw it, it had been healing. Had she not cleaned it at all since then?

Adora finished up and propped a pillow under Catra’s leg without rebandaging it. Maybe some fresh air will dry the infection up. In the few minutes it took to do that, Catra had fallen back asleep. Her face was flushed and sweaty, but when sleeping, she might’ve been cute.

For the fever, all Adora did for it was dip spare cloths in cold water and drape them across the exposed parts of the other girl’s body and hoped they did the trick.

Night had fallen rapidly, and the darkness outside looked endless. As boring as the day had been, it’d gone by fast. Adora hadn’t asked if she could stay the night in the bedroom, but it was much too late to ask then. She really wanted to stay close just in case things got worse.

Adora made herself comfortable on the bed and tried to sleep.

Through the pain, Catra tossed and turned for hours. This wasn’t why Adora had a hard time sleeping, though. Her thoughts were running wild about that moment they’d shared.

As Adora lied hopeless awake on the bed next to her—enemy? Friend? The person she just _kissed_ a few minutes ago? She didn’t know how to define their relationship _before_ , but now there wasn’t a single part of it that wasn’t confusing.

She couldn’t shake the guilt for not catching Catra’s infection sooner. She felt responsible for everything, despite hearing Catra’s nagging in the back of her head, “ _You’re not responsible for me!”_ All of the warning signs were there, but she just didn’t pay good enough attention.

Adora was mentally screaming at herself, which didn’t make it any easier to sleep. _Of course Catra is sick,_ she pressed her palms into her face. _And there I went kissing her—_ Was she in the right state of mind? Would she have kissed back if she hadn’t been running a high fever?

The only comfort was Catra’s breathing, which had slowed the normal a while ago. Now, they were just laying in silence.

_Did it even mean anything?_

Catra wasn’t sure if she remembered anything correctly. Her sleep was filled with colors and confusion so dizzying they had to have been brought on by a fever. Of course they _were_. The Horde never let them be sick, really, so all of this caught her off guard.

It was all her leg, that disgusting burn. The wound had gone from a stiff throbbing to _excruciating_ in just a short period of time. Catra would never let on how much it hurt her during the day, but there came a point it had taken complete control. There was first the pain, the freezing cold, the dizziness; her mind kept drooping and wandering—Her leg _hurt._

Everything after that she’d like to blame on the fever.

Through the night, she slept hard but was swallowed with dreams. She didn’t wake once until the next day.

The action of waking up was a challenging one. Her brain slugged awake, then feeling returned to her body, followed by eyelids almost too heavy to open. Sun from the edges of the closed curtains was too bright.

_Everything hurts._

It was still immediately clear to her that the fever still clouded her judgement. It felt like cotton ball behind her eyes.

 _Might as well chop my leg off_. Heat and agony pulsed from that center point in her right thigh, and a jerky clicking noise filled her head.

 _Thirsty_.

Catra licked her lips and turned her head to the left. On the bed next to her was Adora, sleeping on her stomach with an arm tucked under her cheek. Her hair was messy and a bit of it was stuck in her open mouth as she slept.

Looking at her, Catra remembered something.

 _Maybe it was the fever_. It had to be. Her memory had to be wrong. Catra’s heart, which had been beating painfully the previous day, gave a hopeful squeeze. Had to be the fever.

Catra turned to look at the other side of her and saw a pitcher with a cup of glass on the nightstand. From her laying position, she tried reaching over and grabbing it. The cup instead fell and shattered against the side of the bedframe where it hit.

Adora woke immediately.

“What’s wrong?” she sat up, spitting hair from her mouth. “Who is it??” When she saw Catra’s eyes open, a clear expression of relief washed across her face.

 _Beautiful_ , Catra thought. This fever must be bad.

“You’re up,” Adora breathed, and she bent over the other girl’s legs to look at the healing injury. “You were thrashing so much last night I had to bandage you. How are you feeling?”

When Catra first tried to speak, she had to clear her throat to get the dryness out.

“Super awesome,” she tried sounding cool, but it didn’t work. “Wild night.” Apart from the pain she was in, every square inch of her body was _so cold._

The clicking noise she was hearing was her own teeth chattering.

“Stupid leg,” she shivered, closing her eyes since having them open was more work than it was worth.

“Are you cold?”

“Nnf.” _Duh._

“You’re still running a fever, I think.”

_She thinks?_

When Adora put her hand against Catra’s cheek, Catra opened her eyes and saw her. Even tired, with crazy hair and a mark of her sleeve on her chin—

“Don’t think I’m not going to yell at you for this.” Adora’s concerned face hardened when she pulled away. “How could you have possibly let your leg get this bad??”

 _Ugh_.

Catra didn’t want to do this now. She felt like her whole body was trying to kill itself.

“Can you just leave me outside to die already?” She tucked her arms into the trunk of her shirt and hugged them close. “Why don’t you just use some of that magic goop you used last time?”

“It’s not magic,” Adora retorted. She slid off the bed and walked around to the other side to look at her healing project. The expression on her face remained sour. “It’s just medicine, but it doesn’t help if you don’t take care of yourself.”

 _Nag nag._ Catra flinched when fingers poked around her thigh.

“Are you going to tell me how you let this get infected so fast?”

“I didn’t notice.”

“That is _bullshit_ and you know it.”

Catra snapped her head up when the other girl cursed. Adora doesn’t curse.

She looked…furious.

As usual, Catra’s very first instinct was to get defensive. She felt rage and hurtful words rise up her throat and boil her insides. It was automatic, but the fever seemed to have other ideas and made the anger ebb slowly back away. Before she could do anything, however, Adora sat down at the foot of the bed.

“I don’t understand,” she huffed, “what’s so hard about just…taking care of yourself. Making an _effort_.”

“I—”

“You’re not the only person in the world, you know?” Adora turned and glared. The sun hit her face and turned it golden. “We can have these arguments a thousand times, and I can yell at you and you’d get upset—” her words were full of an emotion that was hard to point, “—and I’ll feel bad because I’m trying _so hard.”_

For some reason Catra couldn’t explain, she was beginning to feel…something. Her resentment was dying down fast and was being replaced by something else. “Adora…?”

“I am so tired,” Adora’s voice was beginning to break, but it was still spoken with anger through gritted teeth, “of feeling responsible for your pain.”

Catra managed to sit up on an elbow. “Adora.”

“You’re allowed to have your mood swings and pout, and-and you tease me just to get a reaction.” Her face turned pink. “I’m trying so hard to be the one who makes you happy, but there’s only so much I can do.”

“ _Adora_.”

She blinked.

Catra was able to pull herself into an uncomfortable sitting position. It was hard truly focusing with the fuzz of illness in her veins, but she tried.

“I get it, okay? You’re stressing yourself out.” The gentle tone of voice felt foreign to both her ears and her heart. “I know that you’re worried about me. I don’t like it, but I also know that doesn’t stop you.”

Slowly, the scowl between Adora’s eyebrows smoothed. Her lips remained pursed, though, and when she spoke it was soft.

“You don’t need me, Catra,” Adora said, looking down. “You’ve made that much clear.”

Deep down, past the fever and the instinct—past everything logical fiber in Catra’s brain—she pulled a memory from the fog.

“What about last night?”

All of the color drained from Adora’s face. To that, she stood up and left the room.

Catra was alone.

_Goddamn it._

_Idiot._

Her leg hurt, and it was hard to focus.

She looked down at her thigh and saw it very neatly cleaned and bandaged. A pillow was tucked under the crook of her knee, too.

Adora must have put out that glass of water for her, too.

A feeling—a horrible, awful, guilty, rotten feeling—slid from Catra’s stomach to her chest. It felt worse than her infection ever would.

The image of Adora sitting up under the covers—their covers—bathed in the light of the morning sun—after basically saving her leg from falling off. All of this, she did for Catra. Everything she did was for her. Everything.

Yeah, Catra had a choice to make. She wanted to make the right one. She wanted it to go away; not the pain on her leg but the pain in her heart.

Catra, with pain and several minutes of struggling, got her legs over the side of the bed. The pressure exerted on the muscles in her thigh made beats of that sickening burning pain shoot down it. Maybe they _could_ just chop it off.

 _God this hurts._ A rush of heat in her blood nearly made Catra pass out again, but she managed to hoist herself up with the corner of the bed frame. Underneath the bandages, her wound strained so badly that a wave of nausea punched her gut. Combined with the chills—

_Don’t let this get you._

She was stronger than that.

She was strong.

Catra pulled the blanket from the bed and wrapped it around her. She was so weak and sick her fingers could hardly grab on.

_For Adora._

Fighting every feeling inside and outside of her, Catra limped herself out of the bedroom.

In the living room, the curtains were closed. There was still sun seeping through, but most of the light that illuminated their house was coming from a crackling fireplace.

Adora was sitting on the couch with her back to the bedroom door. Her arms and legs were pulled in tight to her body. The second she heard the bedroom door open, however, she whipped her head up.

“What are you doing out of bed?” she snapped. “You’ll hurt yourself even more.”

“God, shut up Adora.” Catra leaned her whole weight against the doorframe to catch her breath. “Just let me do this, okay?”

Adora, who had started to get up off the couch, stopped. Her lips pursed. Even though she wasn’t looking directly at the other girl, her mannerisms were…off. She sat back down.

 _This is going to hurt_.

Careful not to put any weight on her leg, Catra hopped inch by inch until she reached the edge of the couch, dragging her blanket behind her like a cape. _So cold_. The fire was nice, though.

—Still, Adora wasn’t looking at her.

It felt like it took 200 years to drag herself to the front of the couch and sit down. Just the pressure from sitting alone made an involuntary cry gurgle up from Catra’s lungs.

 _Don’t say I told you so,_ she silently pleaded to Adora.

The pain subsided a bit after a few seconds, giving Catra a chance to take a deep breath before looking over at Adora.

Adora looked…well, angry wasn’t quite the right word.

“Why did you build a fire?” Catra asked, and immediately winced at her inability to just _apologize_. “It’s the daytime.”

“You were cold,” Adora responded flatly.

There was no good reason she had to be that thoughtful.

“And…you fixed my leg.”

“ _Again_.”

“Again,” she agreed. Maybe it was the fever, but Catra’s throat felt thick.

Adora just shook her head like she didn’t know what to say.

“I…” _Ugh._ The fever seemed to be dissolving Catra’s filter, and she hated that she wanted to talk. Fighting this made her words clump and fumble. “I should’ve listened to you and maybe taken care of my leg better.” At that point, her voice was nearly a slur. She felt the pain of her injury almost like it was someone else’s, distant but close at the same time.

As though there was a string tied to her spine, Catra felt her body bow towards Adora under the weight of the fever.

_This is guilt. What a horrible, horrible feeling._

During that brief pause, Adora’s arms actually unclenched.

“This is so stupid…” Catra wanted to feel angry. It was a safe emotion for her, but she _knew_ it was destructive. “I just…I know that you’re worried about me, okay?”

Adora raised an eyebrow.

“And I know I’ve been…difficult.”

She turned with a sarcastic expression. _Duh._

 _Why is this so hard?_ Catra would rather be yanking her own teeth out. She shivered and let a brief wave of vertigo blind her before pulling back upright. “You didn’t _have_ to do any of this.”

“Catra, if you’re going to say something, just spit it out.”

This all might not have been so bad if she wasn’t feeling so crummy. Then again, she had been feeling better she probably wouldn’t be so willing at all to talk about these things. Catra _wanted_ to talk. She wanted to feel better about everything—for Adora to feel better about everything.

She wanted it to be easier, but it just wasn’t.

Catra closed her eyes against the warmth of the fire. “Whatever I said, let’s just pretend it was the fever talking, okay?” She left it like that for a moment before re-opening her eyes and sliding them to Adora almost lazily.

 _Beautiful,_ she thought for the second time that morning. She didn’t even try to stop herself. There must’ve been something in the way she looked, because as she looked at the other girl, Adora’s cheeks slowly turned pink.

There was that expression again, the one she loved. Any time she teased Adora, she would get flustered and drop her always calm demeanor. The color in her cheeks, the way she’d pick at her sleeve.

Gods, she loved it. She loved…all of this.

“Don’t make a big deal about this.” Catra closed her eyes again. The fever was picking up. On the outside, the fire felt good, but on the inside, she could feel the infection running through her blood. “But I’ve been…really dumb to you. You deserve better.”

When those words came in that order out of Catra’s mouth, something happened inside of her. It might’ve been her stomach growling for hunger, or maybe her fever peaked and she was dying, but Catra felt…something.

“Well this is a change.” Adora sounded like she might’ve been smiling.

“I _said_ don’t make a big deal about it.”

“…Did you figure it out?”

Catra pulled her leg towards her a little, adjusting the pressure that was growing more and more unbearable. It un-kinked her tail out from under her, too. “Figure what out?”

“What you want.”

Oh.

 _Oh_.

Catra thought.

What she wanted…

Yes, Catra knew.

For the first time in a _long_ time, she felt the corners of her mouth lift into a smile. The fever, she thought. It must be the fever. It filled her heart like a balloon. _Maybe I’m finally losing my mind._

“…Is that a yes?” Adora had turned, folding one of her legs under her on the couch and pointing her whole trunk to the other girl. She clearly wasn’t to this because her tone instantly got worried. “Are you alright?”

The room around Catra was rocking. _Back and forth, back and forth._

It made her head ache, her body ache. Her bones, skin—

“My leg.” Catra squeezed her eyes so tight that spots formed on her eyelids. “You might…need to look at it again.”

 _Convenient._ She didn’t have to answer that question. Not only was she hesitant to share her answer, but she genuinely wasn’t sure if she could really speak at all. Her voice seemed to be gone; when she opened her mouth to speak, only a moan came out.

The following minutes were a blur of pain and fever headache. She vaguely remembered Adora helping her to the bathroom, out of her clothes, and into the tub. Everything around them was distorted.

Catra couldn’t even feel the few inches of water that Adora filled into the tub or the cold of the ceramic on her bare back. The only thing that jolted on her senses was Adora taking off the bandage; the burn scab dried onto the cloth and subsequently got yanked off with the bandage.

The pain was so sharp and sudden—

Catra blacked out again.

Adora didn’t like going through this alone. She was so used to being surrounded by friends during times of stress, but this was new. She had Catra, but right now Catra was slumped unconscious in the bathtub.

“Idiot,” she mumbled to herself and leaned her forehead against the edge of the tub.

The wound wasn’t getting better. Somehow Catra had managed to get up and walk around despite it, but that didn’t make it _heal_ any faster. She was dumb, so stupid. Why can’t she just take care of herself?

Catra had clearly worked so hard to leave the bedroom and sit next to her on the couch. And the things she’d said…

Adora reached across the bath and ran her thumb across Catra’s cheek. As if life couldn’t get any harder for them. There had to be something more that she could do. Something better than sitting and waiting.

“I’ll be right back,” she said aloud, though Catra remained slumped and unhearing.

Something itched in the back of Adora’s mind. There is a _point_ to all this. Madam Razz was a medicinal genius. This property held such concentrated magic…

Stardust had to do something with it all—had to be useful somehow. It had healing properties, right? At that point she was kind of grasping at straws, but knew she was close to a solution.

She left Catra unconscious in the tub to go outside.

The morning air was clear, just beginning to warm from the sun. Clouds were slow across the sky in absence of the usual wind. Warm light was such a nice change from their few days of cold and rain. This morning, when the sun first hit her, Catra’s eyes seemed to glow too—at _her_.

Adora, forcing the memory of that last night out of her head, went around to the back of the house and only paused once to stuff a few grapes from the garden in her mouth.

Nothing had changed in the study. Much of what had been disturbed was back in their original spots. A few things here and there were still askew. The desk drawers, for example.

Adora pulled one of the chairs from the closest desk and sat, pulling further open a drawer. Inside, a few small jars. In those jars, about an inch each of a silvery powder. This sand looked so fine it might have been liquid velvet.

There were only two jars, and Adora guessed that it wouldn’t re-appear like the peaches on their kitchen table. Whatever she was going to do, she needed to be decisive.

No helpful notes accompanied the jars, either. All she had to go off of was the notes in the journals they’d read previously—and those weren’t very useful as far as practical uses. It was just _dust._

Adora went back to the house, to the bathroom where Catra hadn’t moved.

She’d filled the bath just enough to reach Catra’s hips but not enough to soak her burn. The water was cold on purpose to maybe help the fever. Even then, she shivered violently in her sleep.

“Idiot,” Adora scolded, but the word was more affectionate than she intended.

_What do I even do with this dust?_

This was a concentrated version of everything used in Madam Razz’s recipes.

Adora opened the jar and poured it into the bathwater. The second it hit the surface, it dissolved. This had better work. She really had _no_ idea what she was doing.

Though Catra remained asleep, the dust seemed to begin slowly working in just minutes. She went from shivering and groaning in her sleep to a calmer rhythm of breathing. Although she didn’t stop shivering completely, her teeth stopped chattering. Improvement.

Adora stayed with her. She would cup her hands into the water and trickle it over the wound, and every so often would run her fingertips across it to cleanse the debris away.

The water made her skin tingle, like the feeling return to a limb after it fell asleep.

Eventually, Adora fell asleep herself. She didn’t have a very restful night, so she found herself getting more and more comfortable with her cheek pressed against the edge of the tub. Her hand stayed on Catra’s knee, dribbling dusty starwater until she dozed off.

It must’ve been a little before noon when Adora woke back up.

Her neck was a little stiff and hand clammy where it had dropped into the bathwater some time back. Catra was still asleep but seemed to be resting more peacefully. _How can she sleep in cold bathwater like this?_

Adora reached up and shook Catra’s shoulder a bit. “Catra?”

There was a brief second of panic before Catra finally mumbled something and slowly opened her eyes. They turned over at Adora. She then said something completely incoherent.

Adora put her hand up onto her cheek. _Less hot_ , she thought. “What? What is it?”

“I’m thirsty,” Catra said loudly.

There was a glass on the sink, which Adora filled and gave back to Catra, who chugged it—and then a second cup of water—down. When she was done, she set the cup on the floor next to the tub.

“How are you feeling?” Adora asked tentatively.

“Like I’m naked in a cold bath.”

She put a hand to Catra’s cheek, both out of relief and to check her temperature. It seemed to have gone down at least a little. “Well you seem less delusional,” she confirmed. “That’s a good thing.”

“ _Delusional._ ” Catra rolled her eyes, but the action looked difficult. “It’s not that bad.”

“I don’t know. You said some pretty embarrassing stuff.”

“I did _not_.” She squinted. “…Did I?”

“I’m teasing. Calm down.”

Fortunately, Catra didn’t seem to care about the teasing this time. “Just get me out of this thing.” She, shaking and clearly still unwell, tried to lift herself from the bath.

Since Catra wasn’t wearing any clothes, Adora looked away to preserve the last of her dignity. Nudity was never an issue in the Horde; the showers were communal, and their squadron changed in front of each other all the time. However, the least Adora wanted to do was show her some respect.

Catra only got to the edge of the tub before swearing in the form of a loud groan.

“I just might be serious about chopping me leg off,” she spat, doubling in half over her knees.

As bad as Adora felt for her, she tried not to smile. “Well, you wouldn’t be very intimidating with only one leg.”

With only asking with her expression first, Adora grabbed underneath the other girl’s arm and eased her to standing on the floor outside the tub. While Catra’s skin wasn’t as burning as it was earlier that day, it still held warmth and leftover illness.

As she held her upright, Adora unwillingly thought of that moment last night—

How tight they’d held each other, the feeling of Catra’s fevered neck under her mouth.

 _I should probably put that far out of my mind. Maybe Catra doesn’t remember?_ But she had made that comment earlier…

Once out of the bath completely., Adora helped muddled Catra towel off and put on a sleeping gown loose enough that it didn’t bother the burn. They then worked their way back to the living room where the fire had long since burned out.

Adora got more firewood from outside, rebuilt the fire, and tucked a blanket back around Catra’s shoulders as she sat on the couch. Catra then let out a deep sigh and closed her eyes to the heat of the fireplace.

_This is nice._

Adora really…could get used to this. It was such a peace she hadn’t ever really allowed herself to know, even in Bright Moon. Her responsibilities, her constant state of anxiety, the war with the Horde. The tranquility that clouded her mind might not be helpful in the long run, but it eased so much weight from her shoulders.

While being stuck there was _so boring_ , it gave her a chance to just exist. To sit with Catra and enjoy the time they’d lost.

Adora and Catra sat together on the couch, listening to the sound of the fire and even noticing warmth come from the sunlit windows.

“Did you check the well last night?” Catra asked after a while, eyes still closed and head rested against the back of the couch.

Adora looked over and felt her chest squeeze. “Of course not.” She kept her words careful. “If I had accidentally gotten out, you would’ve…been left behind.”

The possibility of that was horrible. To go through all of that and…be apart again. That thought made Adora’s resolve even stronger. She knew she had been repetitive during their time together, but the only way she would feel better about it was constant reassurance—for both herself and Catra.

Catra, who she was expecting to make some sort of self-deprecating comment, did something Adora did not expect.

Not looking over or saying anything, Catra sunk sideways. She pressed her leg, then her arm, against Adora’s before tilting her head down onto Adora’s shoulder.

She was soft, warm, wrapped in her blankets and clean from the bath.

If this had happened before, maybe Adora would’ve frozen. She might’ve even made some embarrassing joke about it to avoid the feelings that come with physical contact with Catra. Not this time, though.

Whatever it was—whatever all of this was—filled Adora’s heart with affection. After a short time, Catra even began snoring.

Slowly, without even realizing, Adora had forgotten what Bright Moon looked like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I set up a ko-fi for tips and for writing/drawing commissions! Hit me up if you have any questions!  
> Ko-fi.com/fruitsand_peachies


	21. Chapter 21

Catra didn’t quite remember the exact moment she woke up that next morning.

Her dreams through the night had been quiet, and long before her eyes even opened she knew something had changed. Nothing specific, maybe—nothing measurable. Catra wasn’t good at words or feelings, or really anything other than being angry at herself.

This— This was new.

Catra sat up. The covers fell around her waist, and the very first thing she truly noticed was that her leg didn’t hurt as much as before. _No pain?_ She flipped the blanket off and saw a neat bandage wrapping her thigh all around the area that was infected. The skin peeking out was a healing pink, as opposed to the sickly purple of yesterday.

Even her head was clear. No pain? Her infection gone? Fever even?

The bed next to Catra was empty, and for just a second, she panicked. Then there was a noise from outside the bedroom. _Adora._ This feeling that she’d woken up with grew heavier. Lighter?

 _Was she always such a sap? Why did she miss Adora’s company so much?_ And how did she get from the couch to the bed?

Standing from the bed didn’t hurt as much as it had before. Putting pressure on the bum leg was unpleasant, and she still had a bad limp, but Catra was feeling so much better.

The house was warm that day; the clothes Catra wore were enough to go without her blanket cape. She slowly made her way out of the bedroom, walking with caution on the leg that was healing. Once in the living room, her nose was filled with scents so sweet and rich.

Noises that had woken her up were coming from the kitchen, bustling of pans, humming, and the sound of a knife on a cutting board.

_Adora._

Why on Etheria was Catra thinking like this today? Maybe it was the relief of getting over such nasty infection. The fever may have been bad, but she remembered almost all that had happened within the last 48 hours. One of those thoughts made her lungs cold. _Running away would be much easier than facing this._ But she didn’t want to run anymore.

In the kitchen, Adora was hardly recognizable. She was wearing a sleeveless shirt and loose pants, with her hair tied up in its usual ponytail. However, she had an apron tied around her waist and she was working at the kitchen counter with a hop in her step. She was even humming.

Catra braced herself against the back of a dining chair. “What’s got you in such a weird mood?”

Adora jumped, swiveling the knife around in her hand to point it at the other girl before realizing it was just Catra. The knife lowered. “Don’t scare me like that.” A breathy laugh slipped from her nose. “Jeez.”

“Jumpy?”

“No, I—” Adora wiped juices of something off on her apron and leaned backwards against the countertop. She looked embarrassed. “I was just lost in thought. What are you doing up? You should be resting.”

 _Resting_. As if Catra could sleep any more. And something smelled so good. She grabbed a cup and filled it up with water at the sink.

“This place is boring enough as it is without me having to stare at the ceiling of the bedroom all day.” Catra was being honest. She sat down at the table, at a good angle to see what the other girl was working on. “You didn’t answer my question, though.”

“I’m _not_ in a weird mood.”

“You look like a housewife.”

Looking down at her apron, Adora frowned. “I do _not_. I need this so I don’t get gunk all over my clothes. I figured, if there’s nothing else here to do, I might as well dig into the cookbooks here and see if I can make us something that isn’t just raw from the garden.”

Whatever was simmering in a pot on the stove had a thick aroma that made Catra’s tail wave back and forth through the gap in the chair back.

“It’s actually kind of fun.” Adora opened one of the cabinets above the stove, displaying carrying boxes and jars. “The whole kitchen is stocked up with ingredients that I’m somehow familiar with. Right now, I’m making apple pie.”

Catra spit out the water she was drinking. “You’re making _what_??”

“…A pie?”

It was _impossible_ not to laugh. It must’ve been too long since she had because it made Catra’s lungs hurt. Just the idea of _Adora_ making a _pie_ seemed so absurd.

But there she was. Covered in flour with an apple seed stuck to her cheek. The mighty She-Ra reduced to a pastry chef. The way that she smiled, though, did something extraordinary to the light in the kitchen.

Catra put her chin on her hand. “You know I’m never going to let you live this down.” The thought of them being together long enough for her to bring it up again made her heart squeeze.

To this, Adora rolled her eyes but with a smile on her face. “You’re lucky I’m a nice person.”

 _That smile._ It was going to kill her one of these days. For the first time in a long time, a purr rolled from Catra’s throat. “Nice, hm?”

Their eyes met for just a moment. Adora was holding a ball of dough in her hands and had paused there. She looked like she might say something, but a few seconds later just looked away. There was clearly something on her mind, bug she didn’t want to press.

_The night they kissed felt like a dream that was both vivid and foggy at the same time. She wasn’t sure that she had felt what was real, or if she’d felt anything real at all._

_“Look at you,” she’d teased. “With your blond hair and pretty blue eyes, you play the role of princess well.” She twirled a piece of Adora’s blond hair in her finger. Out of everything in the world, Catra could get drunk from the expression on the other girl’s face._

_Fever was obviously gumming her night at that point. It was hard standing, focusing. A pounding headache hadn’t gone away for hours. Her leg hurt like it has been freshly burned, but she didn’t want to share that with Adora and have her think she’s weak._

_She didn’t want Adora seeing that weakness. She’d got up and shut herself in the bedroom._

_It was better dark. She had closed the curtains and turned the light off so she wouldn’t have to see herself in the mirror. All she needed was to see her own silhouette so she knew where to rip the bandages off. Her reflection was the least welcome visitor._

_Then Adora had come in. Her voice was low._

_Maybe Catra was being rude when she said, “_ What do you want?”

 _Adora hadn’t even waited for permission before rubbing the medicinal cream into Catra’s shoulder wounds. Catra could feel the calluses on Adora’s hands. But she was angry, and she was sick. She’d snapped at her, accusing her of only_ pretending _to care._

_Then Adora kissed her._

_For just a moment, the kiss made the headache and the pain go away. It numbed her._

_But more than that. It made her feel_ alive _for the first time in so long. Instead of her blood feeling like honey, there was the taste of honey on her lips. The way Adora held her, tilted her head back to kiss the skin below Catra’s jaw._

_It became too much._

“What did you put in my bath yesterday?” Catra asked, running her fingers through her tangled hair. “I hardly remember anything.”

This made Adora’s eyebrows knit. Was it sadness? “Just the stardust from Madam Razz’s study,” she said.

Maybe not sadness. Was it because Catra said she didn’t remember much? This might’ve been the truth, but she remembered some of it. The important stuff. Almost everything. But why was she _sad?_

“Adora?”

Adora looked up from working the dough on the counter.

Words got stuck in her throat for a moment. “Thank you.” _For everything_. It had taken too long for Catra to say that, but once they were out, an unseen weight lifted off her shoulders.

If Adora had been holding anything, she would’ve dropped it. “You—” She did a comical double-take. “What did you say?”

Seeing her flustered—That squeeze in Catra’s heart returned. Catra wasn’t quite sure what it did, but she enjoyed it. All she did, though, was stick out her tongue. “Don’t push your luck, princess. You know what I said.”

They may have only been together in that kitchen for a few minutes, but this felt like an extension of yesterday’s buildup to something big and important. Like she was sliding down a hill at warp speed, but she couldn’t see what was at the bottom. Terrifying. Thrilling. Something entirely new.

After _years_ of waiting and frustration and such blinding anger—she still struggled with all those feelings but being allowed this release was something she could’ve never allowed herself before.

It was impossible for Catra to have _normal_ feelings.

She thought about yesterday. And the night before that.

Did she _want_ what had happened to be a fever hallucination?

_Before fully waking, Catra didn’t remember much. The fever was bad, but she was grateful to be unconscious through the worst of the pain._

_When Adora had her breakdown, she had finally gotten to share all of what she was truly feeling. The kiss was barely a dream at that point. Why had Adora kissed Catra when she was really just angry and tired at taking care of her? Catra understood it but didn’t at the same time._

_She was confused, and she_ hated _being confused. If all of this upset Adora so much, how come she had kissed her? Was it a mistake? Was it a fever dream? Maybe_ Catra _had kissed_ her? _Nothing was real._

_Then Catra had left the security of their bedroom to meet Adora on the couch. She tried…hard…to share her feelings. She wanted to be honest. It was hard, but she’d spent so long feeling so hurt. So victimized by the world._

_And again. She found herself being enamored by Adora. Not just the way her cheekbones were curved or the way her eyes turned grey when she was upset, but the memories. The years they grew up together didn’t just disappear, and Catra found relief in the past they’d shared together._

_When she looked at Adora, she saw the gap-toothed grin and the fringe she’d cut herself. She felt Adora’s hand in hers as they ran around the Fright Zone causing mischief. No matter the abuse or the trauma she’d endured, she always had Adora._

_Until she didn’t._

_No one can be blamed by that. Not Adora. Maybe not even Catra. She did horrible things, but forgetting how much she loved Adora was the worst of all. She couldn’t risk that love, not anymore._

“Can I ask you something?” Adora, not looking over, dumped a pile of apple slices into a simmering pot on the stove.

 _Don’t ask, don’t ask_.

Catra didn’t look up either, because she knew her burning cheeks would give her thoughts away. “What?”

“Do you really not remember anything at all from the last few days?”

 _She asked_. That was a stupid thing to ask. Catra didn’t want to answer.

“No,” Catra lied, crossing her arms over her stomach. “Not really, no. Bits and pieces.” _Liar._ Why do you do this to yourself?

She hated this. She had almost gone a full 24 hours without hating _herself_ , but there they were again. All the gross bubblegum in her heart from earlier was gone.

A voice broke through her bad thoughts.

“Hey.” Adora had gone around to the other side of the table where Catra was sitting. She looked her up and down with gentle eyes before saying, “I’m just happy that you’re feeling better now.”

Happy?

Adora touched her thumb to Catra’s cheek, and Catra flinched.

 _How can she be happy? This was all so messed up. Of course Adora was the put-together one, the calm one while Catra was still a mess._ She’ll always be a mess.

She didn’t want to, but Catra immediately regretted lying.

She turned her face away from the touch. “Damn it. Just—”

 _Speak, Catra_. Use your words. Was honesty going to be this hard for the rest of her life? Yes, probably.

But it will be worth it.

During this pause, Adora had taken a few steps back. She was still watching the other girl, though, cautiously. Her brows were knit just slightly, waiting. Clearly waiting. When nothing followed, she turned and went back to cooking at the stove.

“Wait.” Catra thumped her head down on the table. “Stop.” Though she couldn’t see through the wood, she could _feel_ Adora making a face at her.

 _She would rather die than go through this._ But she’d rather be with Adora than anything else in the world.

She lifted up and rubbed her hand down the side of her face. As she suspected, Adora _was_ making a face at her.

“Are you sure you’re actually feeling better?” Adora asked. When there was no response, she yet again went around the side of the table.

That time, however, instead of just her thumb she put her whole hand against Catra’s cheek. It smelled like flour and was sticky with the apples she’d been cutting.

_Honesty._

Without letting herself think too much anymore, Catra reached up and put her own hand over Adora’s. Her heart beat fast—too fast. The gesture made her so nervous that she had to close her eyes to avoid seeing whatever reaction the other girl had to this.

“I’m feeling fine,” Catra said quietly. “I lied, though. I remember almost everything.”

 _The important things._ Really important things that turned the blood loud in her ears. It was painful in every way, went against every fiber in her being.

Painful, like stripping the dead skin from her burns in order to heal.

Painful, but necessary.

Catra, holding Adora’s hand to her cheek, looked up.

As suspected, Adora looked speechless. Her face was cherry red, eyes wide and mouth parted just barely. _That mouth_. Catra couldn’t help but remember, and this time she didn’t even _want_ to forget what happened.

“It’s my turn to ask _you_ a question.” Catra tried to keep her voice level.

Adora swallowed. It was obvious she was even more flustered than before, breathing faster and gaze darting across the other girl’s face like she was reading a book. “What?” The word was a breath.

 _God, she was beautiful_.

They were close, too. Their proximity made Catra’s nerves fire. It was terrifying and exciting and impossible all at the same time. It was almost too early in the morning for these kinds of things.

Catra leaned her face further into Adora’s palm, feeling the calluses against her cheek. “Did you mean it?”

 _Too much_. The nerves were too much.

Did she regret it? Would she do it again? Catra felt so many unknown feelings to all of this, but she knew she would explode if nothing was done. After so many years, she finally knew what she wanted—and it _petrified_ her.

Adora’s hand flinched just barely. “I—” She seemed to have a hard time looking Catra in the eye at that moment. “Did I mean what?”

As a response, Catra turned her face just enough to pull on Adora’s arm, making her look at her. She stared, right through those pretty blue eyes. _You know what I mean_. She didn’t have to say that out loud for her to understand it.

The electricity between them was so thick it could’ve been cut with a knife. _She knew_.

Then, a small sign breathed from Adora. She brushed her thumb so slightly down the curve of Catra’s cheekbone.

“Of course I meant it,” she whispered, “but you were sick. I shouldn’t have.”

At this point it was almost too much. Catra was trying _so hard_ to do the right thing now and be honest with Adora—with _herself—_ but this girl was making it harder than it had to be. Whatever happened to meeting halfway?

Wasn’t it enough to be vulnerable?

Catra broke their eye contact. “I wasn’t that sick.”

“You collapsed.”

“Yeah but—” _Why was she trying to argue?_ “It’s not like I…” She trailed off. This is ridiculous. Out of the corner of her eye, Catra saw Adora try not to smile.

“What are you trying to say, Catra?” Adora asked.

 _Nothing_. _Stop being so difficult._

Catra opened up her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. What was she even trying to say? Words dance around her head but none of them felt right enough to say. They all lead to one conclusion, though.

When Catra stayed silent for too long, Adora dropped her hand. Her cheeks were pink and that stupid smirk of hers widened. “You fever _was_ pretty high,” she guessed in a teasing voice. “You probably really _don’t_ remember anything.”

What? Was she serious?

“I remember.” Catra flicked her tail. She couldn’t help but be annoyed. “I only collapsed because of my leg.”

“Not just because of that. You had a fever that made you delusional.”

So this is what they were going to do.

Catra wasn’t going to lose that bit of control she had gained. And she _wasn’t_ going to let Adora stump her again.

Catra ran her finger around the edge of her glass while staring right at the other girl. “Then what’s _your_ excuse?”

Adora froze.

 _There it is._ This is what she wanted. She wanted to see Adora’s ears turn red and brows furrow with the gears that turn in her head. With everything that Catra missed growing up, everything that made her hate herself during the years apart—

“You are _cruel_ , Catra.” Adora was having a hard time not smiling, but it was almost panicked. “I know what you’re trying to do.”

“And what is that, _princess_?”

A moment’s pause, gears turning. Then, “Is it too late to throw you out to the wolves?”

Catra stood from the table. This new feeling in her chest, the one that glowed every time Adora looked at her, was incredible. How could she have not noticed it before? If she’d ever believed feeling like this could make her feel less than, she was wrong.

“Just let me know when breakfast is done, okay?” Then she left the kitchen.

_What a game._

Without company, the living room was quiet. Nothing, of course, had moved. The fireplace was empty, turntable unused beneath the main window, throw pillows on the couch in their original positions. Too quiet.

The sound of Adora in the kitchen did make her feel better, though.

To occupy time, Catra through their medicine kit into the living room and hiked up the ugly nightgown she was wearing to work on her leg. She wouldn’t in any other circumstances be caught dead in a dress like this. Wearing pants didn’t seem too practical, though.

As suspected, her leg injury was healing excellently. Catra tossed the old bandages before applying then healing salve to the edges of the burn. She didn’t want to drown the center, where was the slowest healing. The cream that she did put on was thin.

Scar tissue, even the milder burns which had long since healed, trailed up and down her entire body. The skin and muscles were stiff where it covered her knees. It was no wonder walking was hard; even without the pain, her joints were rigid.

Catra massaged at her limbs. If anyone back in the Horde were to see her at that moment…old lady gown hiked to her hips and so carefully massaging her injuries… Not so much of a badass.

Her mind wandered easily. This was so different than her life before. Different than being a Horde officer. She tried briefly to remember the feeling—standing in the mirror, zipping her uniform top up and sliding each glove on to her elbows. Filing her claws to their sharpest points.

Right then, the memory was more than hazy. She couldn’t quite remember the halls of the Fright Zone or her barren officer bedroom. Even her uniform. The comfort of this house was so vastly different and brought on so many things Catra never even thought she’d experience. That she didn’t even _deserve_ to experience.

She didn’t want to remember how cold her headpiece felt.

From inside the kitchen, Adora called out, “The pie is done!” She poked her head into the living room. “Do you want me to bring some out to you?” When she saw Catra massaging her bare legs, her eyes immediately darted away.

Catra felt her heart beat fast in her throat but she played it cool. “Nah, I’ll eat at the table.” Her legs did feel better.

They ate the breakfast pie in silence. It was a lot of sugar for so early in the morning, and it wasn’t _that_ good, but it was something different. Being Adora’s first time actually baking anything, Catra was impressed, but she still didn’t have much of a taste for sweets.

“Any plans for today?” Catra asked, picking at her teeth in boredom after finishing. They didn’t usually have “plans.” At least, none that took up much time.

“Plans?” repeated Adora. She scratched her shoulder. “I don’t want to mess with the well again until we’re both in better shape, so no. Maybe laundry?”

Laundry? So much in their little house reset itself every night, but she hadn’t even considered if their clothes reset. If they _had_ , they’d wake up with their nightclothes back in the closet.

All of the new cadets back in the Fright Zone were responsible for the laundry.

“There’s only enough room at the wash station for one person, so I’ll just take care of it.” Adora interrupted Catra’s thoughts by standing with their dishes. “You can help me clean the kitchen up, though.”

 _Housewife Adora._ The thought made Catra want to laugh. She is such a force to be reckoned with when fighting, but this new side of her was so funny to see.

They cleaned the kitchen together, putting leftovers in the icebox and washing up the dishes. The act was basically meaningless, since the dishes always reappeared new in the cupboards every morning anyways. All it did was give them a sense of purpose.

When Adora began work on the laundry, Catra stayed in the living room. She tried to stretch, trying to regain the flexibility she’d lost from being a potato for a several weeks. It was _painful_.

For an hour or two, the worked in their separate rooms quietly.

When the wash was done, Adora took her basket of damp laundry outside to hang on the clothesline at the back of the house. The clothesline, Catra discovered, was visible from the kitchen window. When Adora was out there, she went to stand at the window and watch.

The loose pants Adora wore waved lightly as she moved, and a few strands of hair had escaped their ponytail. She tossed each item over the line and pinned it like she’d been doing that her whole life. It was such a natural, mundane move for her.

Adora looked over and saw Catra watching from the window. She ended up rolling her eyes and going back to work immediately after, but there was a slightly different way that she walked afterwards. Maybe she was too far away to tell, but Catra thought there might’ve been a smile on her face.

Around the noon hour, Catra found herself lying flat on the living room floor. The novelty of being awake had long since worn out its welcome and her brain once again resorted to rotting.

 _Is this why stupid people take up hobbies?_ Catra thought dully to herself. _To avoid the black hole of boredom?_

She could’ve been out conquering villages or plotting the Horde’s next move to destroy the Rebellion. There are a million things she could be doing. Instead, Catra wore a nightgown and counted the knots in the wooden ceiling planks, waiting for Adora to come back in.

Eventually, Adora did come back. From where Catra lay, she couldn’t see her, but she followed with her ears as Adora went to the bathroom, tidied up the laundry area, and then reentered the living room.

Catra stared up at the ceiling.

Adora came and laid down next to her.

For a minute, quiet.

“This is nice,” Adora said after a long while. “I always wondered what crazy people do for fun, but now I know.”

The joke wasn’t funny, but Catra almost smiled. “You can’t complain when you chose to lay down, too.”

Another spell of silence.

There was something that was bugging Catra, something that she had a hard time putting from her mind.

“Have you thought that maybe She-Ra is the key to getting out?” Although she didn’t want to admit it, Catra had been thinking about her a lot. Not necessarily in a good way, either. “You haven’t transformed into her _once_ during the time we’ve been here.”

She turned her head sideways and saw Adora’s profile. From that angle, Adora’s mouth turned into a frown.

Was this a sensitive thing for her? She _was_ She-Ra after all.

“I…” Adora bit her lip but didn’t turn. “Yeah, I haven’t tried.”

“Why not?”

At that, she finally did look over. Her ponytail had come undone and the string that had been tying it back was twirled on the carpet with her hair.

“I don’t know.” This confession seemed to embarrass Adora. From this near, specks from her eyes almost looked gold. “I feel…not friendly with her right now.”

This didn’t make a lot of sense, but then again, not a lot did. “I really don’t get what all that princess stuff means.”

Adora sighed and turned her nose back up towards the ceiling. “Yeah, well… I don’t know. This place has nothing to do with She-Ra. If anything…” She again looked embarrassed. “If anything, this place is for me. Adora. Not She-Ra.”

In a weird way, Catra understood. Those lives they led for the years leading up to this felt so distant. This strange house in the Whispering Woods wasn’t for the Horde Officer Catra, nor did it belong to She-Ra. It was just…theirs.

It had been a long time since Catra had felt this type of ownership. Everything she had in their years apart she fought for using fear tactics. Having something that belonged to just the two of them made her remember the feeling of the before times. When her and Adora would sneak off to an abandoned machine room and make a pillow fort inside of the wall.

They would shine flashlights under their chins and make up scary stories about princesses to one another until the night patrol came and they had to sneak back to the barracks.

It was _that_ kind of ownership. The feeling of “theirs.”

“Are we ever going to talk about what happens when we get out?” Adora wondered aloud. Her words were very cautious, as though she knew what she said might upset the other girl.

The big question.

Catra adjusted her tail out from under her back and curled it against Adora’s side, as though to show her she wasn’t angry. She was done being angry at that question.

“I don’t know.” It was her turn to admit ignorance. _Honesty._ “None of the options really sound good to me. I just…don’t know. And I don’t like not knowing, but…” Catra subconsciously wrapped her tail around Adora’s wrist. “I just don’t know what I need to do.”

This was the truth.

“Okay then.” Surprisingly, Adora’s words held resolve. “Well, whatever you end up deciding, I’ll be wherever you need to do be. I’ll support you. Except—”

“If I want to go back to the Horde,” Catra finished.

“…Yeah. Except then.”

This word “want” kept coming up in Catra’s life. It had been rattled around in her brain so often it hardly had meaning anymore. At that point, she only truly _wanted_ one thing.

Catra sat up. Body bent towards Adora’s, hair tucked over her shoulder and gown baring a part of her collarbone. She stared down at the other girl, unashamed that she was showing weakness.

The way that Adora stared back at her…was familiar. It was the way that she looked up at the starry night sky for the first time. Wonder, amazement, almost disorientation. She looked at Catra with those eyes, and for the first time, Catra didn’t mind that she’d caught her staring. Adora…stared back.

“I’m bored,” Catra finally said, drifting her tail away but maintaining eye contact. “Let’s go catch some fish.”

Adora smiled to this.

Outside, the weather was trying to be warm. There were clouds covering half of the sky, but the sun shone as bright as ever. Even the taste of the air was crisp.

Catra had trouble walking to the wood’s edge, so Adora pretended not to notice her take a tree branch for support.

Their usual spot in the river ran deep from the large rainfall the forest had a few days back. While it typically ran six feet wide, that day it was closer to seven. It overflowed just enough to turn the ground muddy.

“This is kind of gross,” Adora stomped her feet around in the mud for a second before making a disgusted sound. “Let’s find a dryer spot.”

“Scared of getting a little mud on you, princess?”

She kicked some mud over to Catra, who’s dress got splattered. “Don’t call me princess.”

 _Princess._ Catra took too much joy in this.

They walked the riverbed further than they had previously. Most of the running water flowed shallow and was surrounded by healthy vegetation that enjoyed what the Whispering Woods had to offer. At one point, the river dipped into the outside of the bubble—Catra and Adora nearly tripped to the ground as they were spun in the opposite direction.

Luckily, it picked back up thirty feet beyond.

At that point, they were on almost the opposite side of the property they started on. The brook had both widened and deepened at that point to a pond under the canopy of a massive evergreen tree. It wasn’t huge, and the farther half of it crossed the edge of the property, but it was beautiful.

Catra eased herself down onto a patch of sunny grass. “Wish we would’ve known about this sooner. This is the perfect spot to take a catnap.”

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Adora agreed. She held her hand to her face to look up at the sky, which was still partially cloudy. “Let’s hope the clouds don’t cover up the sun.”

All Catra did to that was let out a rumble from her throat. Despite the air having its usual chill, the sun was working hard. It beat down, drying the mud of Catra’s legs. She wondered if Adora’s makeshift net would work the same in a pond as it did in the river.

She dozed as Adora fished. The grass was a pillow underneath her aching body and the sun was a blanket so soothing she felt like a kitten again.

Every so often, she’d crack open an eye and watch Adora as she sat at the side of the pond. Adora was resting her back up against the trunk of the evergreen tree and one hand on the edge of her net. The net itself could be seen waving below the surface of the water.

Were they even having any success catching anything?

Even if not, watching was mesmerizing.

Adora hadn’t put her hair back up so it rested down to the center of her back and over her bare shoulders. She appeared to be losing some of the muscle mass she’d clearly gained in the Rebellion. Catra didn’t mind too much, though. Her build like this was much more like what it had been in the Horde together.

Adora turned to look back and caught Catra staring.

She didn’t say anything but narrowed her eyes. The look was fixed but not cold, familiar to one they had shared a few days back. Intensity of the gaze made goosebumps rise on Catra’s arms. Then Adora swept her hair over the other shoulder and continued fishing.

Only Adora could ever make Catra feel this…out of control of herself. She wasn’t even upset about it at that point.

Catra got up from her napping spot and scooted over to where the other girl sat. The company was nice, and Catra enjoyed her spot where she could watch the fish go by.

She watched the ripples under the surface of the water as they swirled from the stream’s leftover current. With every wave peak, Adora’s net tipped and pulled. The net really _was_ meant for more of a river environment, but it wasn’t long before the started catching.

It was a good thing they’d brought a basket from the house. The fish at the pond seemed a little bigger, and hardly two hours has passed before the basket was full.

“This is probably more than enough for dinner. What do you think?” Adora asked, tossing the net into the water one more time.

“Probably. I’m starving.”

She wiped the back of her arm across her face. “I hope there are still some clothes left over in the closet for us, otherwise we’re going to be damp tonight. Maybe I’ll light the fireplace early.” At that point, she was mostly just talking to herself.

Catra tried not to roll her eyes. Talking out loud was such an _Adora_ thing, both annoying and endearing at the same time.

After the last fish was pulled in, Catra and Adora each took a side of the basket to carry back home.

The walk from the pond to their house was longer than they expected. Even with her stick, Catra’s leg was aching by the time they got inside. She hobbled up the front steps and held the door open for Adora before going in herself.

It’s a good thing the fish are worth it, otherwise Catra would’ve been complaining that entire walk. She was hesitant to complain then; her weakness was already embarrassing enough, even if she _loved_ bothering Adora.

While Adora put the fish in the kitchen icebox, Catra struggled kicking her boots off. There was mud from the first fishing spot caked over the soles as well as splattered up her front. There were bits of grass stuck to her behind, too; she knew because they made her tail itch.

Adora went from the kitchen to the bedroom briefly before coming back out with clean clothes draped over an arm.

“Were you going to shower first?” she asked, and then she held out some of the clothes. “There were all that’s left. You’d probably appreciate not wearing that night gown anymore now that your leg is healing.”

Catra let out a rumble of thanks from her throat, and then not batting an eye, she pulled the dress she wore over her head.

Static caught briefly on her ears and mud flaked onto her cheek when she slipped it off and dropped it to the carpet. Even though she wasn’t looking directly at Adora, she saw Adora look away immediately.

“Clothes,” Adora pushed a pair of shorts and a light cotton shirt into the other girl’s arms. Her face had turned beat red. “You shower first.”

“Jeez, fine.”

 _This is hilarious_. Right then, Catra genuinely loved nothing more than making this girl flustered. She knew undressing in front of her would get a reaction. This kind of reaction though, was almost too much.

“Thanks,” Catra crooned, taking the clothes and turning to the bathroom hall. She kept her walk slow and let her tail swing behind her rhythmically. Too much?

She glanced back to see Adora staring.

“Have something to say?” She let out a teasing purr and covered her chest with the clothes. “You’ve seen me naked before.”

“Just go take a shower.” Adora, mumbling and shaking it out of her head, continued to pick up the dirty gown left on the ground. She didn’t look back up before the other girl closed the bathroom door behind her.

_Success._

Catra felt that ridiculous glowing feeling in her chest return, pulsing from the tips of her ears to the end of her tail. Was it like this for Adora? Did she feel the same way? She must, of course. _She_ had kissed _her_ after all.

After all, Adora was watching Catra walk to the bathroom. Was she meaning to stare?

Catra filled the tub halfway with soapy water and lowered herself into it. Back in the warmth, she was taken back just an hour under the sun they shared at the pond.

All-encompassing, soft. She closed her eyes just above the surface of her bathwater.

_Catra remembered the night previous, when her second peak of fever left her stuck in Adora’s arms on the couch. She didn’t remember going from point A to point B, but she did remember being just barely conscious enough to know that the cold ceramic on her spine meant she was in the bath._

_And then Adora’s hand on her knee; she had thought that was a fever hallucination at first, the gentle way she touched her. A more peaceful sleep had touched her then, with waking being less of a shock._

_The thirst and the cold of the water woke her to begin with—but it was Adora who had pulled her from unconsciousness._

_How could Adora care so much? How could she, after everything that Catra’s done? How could she look so gentle and hold her hair back so carefully? How could she still…_ want _to be with Catra?_

_And the way Adora looked in the light of their fireplace. Warm oranges and yellows and red, curling around the sharp edges of her face. She was everything—in that moment and every moment—that Catra wanted. Maybe it had been the fever, but Catra felt that one thing more than anything._

_She felt it nearly destroy her and immediately bring her back to life._

After long enough, Catra left the bath.

Soaking her aches had felt better than expected, even though she was careful not to mess with her healing thigh wound too much. Walking around the property was definitely much-needed fresh air, but even with her walking stick, it still made her horribly sore. She was grateful for the bath.

Catra was _also_ grateful that Adora had given her the last pair of real clothes rather than putting her in a nightgown again. Catra was not a “dress” type person, and her leg had healed well enough that pants didn’t bother it so much anymore.

She had to rip a hole under the elastic for her tail, sure, but they were loose enough to be comfortable. The top, too, was a size too big and the sleeves went down to her knuckles. The fabric, whatever it was, was thin enough to be cold but still soft.

 _If she wore the real clothes, does that mean Adora would wear a nightgown again after her shower?_ Adora looked ridiculous in the gowns here.

Ridiculous. Kind of cute, too.

Inside the living room, it was quiet. Adora must’ve gone out for something because she wasn’t anywhere to be found. All was still. Catra wasn’t worried; she’ll be back. This thought was relieving, since it replaced the constant anxiety she’d been feeling.

Catra took her spot back on the living room carpet, laying like a star on her back and staring up at the shapes on the ceiling.

For a good several minutes, the hum of the house is all that spoke to her. It was so unlike the sounds of the Fright Zone, all the grinding and whirring and dripping and yelling. That had been home for so long; Catra didn’t think she would’ve been able to sleep without that ambiance.

But she was, there at the cabin. What made _this_ home?

“I am seriously not cut out to be a gardener.” Adora all but tripped into the house, holding a basket of vegetables with one hand and picking a root out of her hair with another. Fresh soil stained the knees of that day’s trousers. “The sooner we can get back to real food, the better.”

Catra craned her head backwards to watch as Adora dropped the basket off in the kitchen, grab her fresh nightgown, and disappear into the bathroom to shower.

For some reason, Catra still felt residual worry building these last few hours, an expectation she wasn’t certain she could meet. The was that she was _feeling_ made her nervous. All that worked to keep her heart from beating too hard was just laying there on the floor.

The sound of the shower across the house was white noise. She couldn’t hear Adora humming to herself like she often did, though.

 _Time passes too slow here_. Was Adora just taking a really long shower, or did time just slow down?

As the seconds passed, Catra felt the nerves within her grow a little more and a little more. She wasn’t sure where to direct her thoughts to calm them down, but she knew she had to do something about it. Her throat pulsed, and when the sounds of the shower stopped and the bathroom door opened, it pulsed harder.

Catra craned her head back once more to look at Adora leaving the shower.

Dripping wet.

The gown she’d chosen made Catra glad she’d let _her_ have the pants—because the gown looked unintentionally too good on Adora. Too sheer. Almost too tight. The straps hugged her broad shoulders.

Too sheer.

Catra looked away immediately. Not soon enough.

She must’ve had a look on her face, because she heard Adora snicker from behind her.

“What?” Adora teased. “Do you have something to say, _kitten?_ ”

Catra’s heart slammed so fast she almost blacked out, and her claws involuntarily gripped the carpet. “Don’t call me kitten.” _I don’t think I could live through that a second time._ Her tongue felt heavy, choking her. “I’ll be right back.”

She stood, legs wobbling, and didn’t even look at Adora when she passed her to go to the bathroom.

She shut the bathroom door behind her.

The second that door was closed between them, her legs just about gave out in front of the sink.

_You are being so stupid right now. What is wrong with you??_

Catra splashed her face with some water and had to stare at herself in the mirror for a moment. Her face was beet red.

“ _Damn_ ,” she whispered to herself, scrubbing at her eyes. Did Adora see how red she got?

What is this? _So much for not being affected by any of this_. It’s not even that big of a deal.

It’s _Adora_.

Catra took a few seconds to breathe before heading back out to the living room.

Adora was sitting on the couch, tugging at her hair behind her head.

“What are you doing with your hair?” Catra asked, trying to be normal.

“Braiding it.”

_Don’t let her know what you’re thinking._

“It looks stupid.” _Too much._

Adora rolled her eyes but didn’t look actually upset. “You are so charming, you know that? Your kindness makes this so much fun.” She finished up braiding and flicked the twist upwards in jest. “Glimmer taught me.”

_Blegh._

“Would you like me to braid _your_ hair?”

“That’s dumb,” Catra replied, already sitting down on the floor in front of Adora. “Fine.”

What was it about Adora that made Catra so… _like this?_ Why was it now, after all this time, she was having these thoughts and feelings? They had grown up together; it wasn’t like she had always felt this way.

Catra thought, as Adora braided, back to their childhood together.

How they never cared for personal space, the emotions that they’d only share with one another. The feeling of their hands holding tight enough to turn purple when they were scared.

The tickle of Adora’s messy ponytail when they leaned up against each other.

The special type of smirk Adora used when she was feeling competitive (which was always).

The blue of her eyes turning greyer as she grew up. The shape of her calves, arm muscles, cheekbones.

The way—

Oh.

 _Damn it_.

Catra closed her eyes as Adora put the final string at the end of her braid.

So this _wasn’t_ a new feeling. Damn.

“There.” Adora sat back and nudged the girl in front of her to feel. “What do you think?”

Catra reached around to feel the nub of a braid at the back of her head. It was a little uncomfortable twisted around her ears, but not horrible.

“I’ve never felt more like a princess,” she said, but the words weren’t quite as scathing as she meant them to be. This unintentional gentleness made her sigh to herself. Then she turned. “This is kind of weird.”

To that, Adora looked genuinely confused. Only then did she put an arm subconsciously across her chest. “What is?”

“This.” Catra patted her head. “The way you’re acting. Braiding my hair.”

“If we’re being honest with each other right now, braids really aren’t your style.”

“That’s sweet.”

Adora smiled then, a genuine smile that made Catra’s fingertips go numb. “Well, you get all better and then I’ll go back to kicking your butt. Don’t worry.”

Catra felt a purr rumble in her stomach. “I look forward to it.”

For a moment, they just looked at each other. Adora didn’t look self-conscious in her gown, and for just a second, she looked like she wanted to say something, to reach out, but—

Catra’s stomach purred again. But this time it wasn’t a purr, it was just hunger.

The moment was over.

“I guess it’s dinnertime.” Adora held out her hand to help the other girl, who accepted, get up. Then it all just turned into routine.

They went into the kitchen and began prepping dinner as they’d done many times before. Wash, peel, slice.

Adora gutted their fish (poorly, despite instructions from their cookbooks). Not long after, dinner was filling their whole house with delicious smells.

As Adora worked at the stove, Catra didn’t even try to stop herself from watching. The way the muscles in her back rippled every time she shifted her weight from foot to foot. Braid swaying. Occasional frustrated muttering because she still really wasn’t _that good_ at cooking.

Dinner, for an unknown reason, was subdued.

If Catra was honest with herself, it might’ve been her own unwillingness to look up or speak. She was afraid that if she looked at Adora or tried to speak, she’d say something that she would regret. This was so _hard_ for her, and feeling so out of control of herself made her even more hesitant to speak.

Every time she glanced up and saw Adora—especially after her realization—her throat would close up and her palms would get sweaty, and she didn’t know how to deal with that.

So, dinner was quiet.

When they were done, Catra washed up without being asked. She was aware of Adora watching her the whole time.

Was she expecting something from her? _This is so unproductive._ What was she going to _do_ about it?

When she finished, Catra turned and stretched, pulling her arms above her head and feeling a chill to her exposed hip bones.

“You can tell it’s getting late,” she sighed. “It gets so cold in this place at night. I wish my fur would grow back in faster.” Her eyes rolled lazily over to where Adora was standing in front of their fridge.

They were close enough for her to see the goosebumps on Adora’s arms.

Adora had clearly been watching as she stretched but blinked when spoken to. “At least you _have_ fur. Once the fire dies, the only warm place here is the bedroom.”

The nights they’d shared together in the room may have been spent in sickness, but that was the best Catra had slept in a long time.

“Then let’s have a fire again tonight.” She tilted her ears. “I’m already freezing.”

All Adora did was let out a tired breath and rub at her eyes before leaving the kitchen. As she left, she passed by Catra and—maybe not unintentionally—brushed her arm against Catra’s. Catra felt the hair on her tail stand straight up.

They both went outside: Adora to gather firewood and Catra to stand on their porch and watch. The weather was holding steady, but clouds that covered half of the sky were darkening. On the clear half, the sun was getting close to the horizon and began turning the blue into a purple.

It was beautiful out there, no denying that.

The fireplace started with no problem. For a bit, they just got to enjoy it.

Catra took her favorite spot on the floor back in front of the fireplace, leg stretched and warming the tenseness of the healing injury. The sounds, crackling and popping, flickers of orange dancing across their skin, the smell of dinner still left over in the air…

This brand of comfort wrapped Catra and drugged her with its heat in her veins. It was so easy, so simple to forget the crushing weight of the Fright Zone’s memories. Even the good parts—

“Adora?” Catra turned on the carpet and looked over at the other girl, who was sitting close to her.

“Hm?”

“Do you remember what Scorpia looks like?”

Adora narrowed her eyes curiously. “Who?”

“Scorpia. Force Captain. My—” Catra’s words caught briefly in guilt. _Friend_. She couldn’t force herself to feel anything about it all.

Adora thought for a moment. “No, I guess I don’t. I…” The words from her mouth trailed off into a sigh. She looked like a ghost in the firelight. “To be honest, I’m a little worried at the magic in this place.”

Her too?

Something was going on, that much was obvious. How terrible was it that Catra didn’t care It was a gift to forget her past and focus on the present. With Adora.

Adora let out another sigh and leaned onto her leg closer to Catra. “I can’t remember a lot of…before.” The blinking of the fireplace made her gown glow. “I… It kind of scares me.”

Her, scared

“I worked so hard to get what I had,” Adora continued. Her eyes began reddening, but she wouldn’t meet Catra’s gaze. “I worked so hard, and yet I…can’t remember what my room looks like. Glimmer, Bow. I’m scared—” She swallowed audibly. “I’m scared I’ll lose them. I can’t lose anyone else.”

The way that she spoke broke Catra’s heart.

Catra reached up and poked her in the forehead. “Hey,” she said. “If you get to yell at me for being depressing, then I get to yell at you. We _will_ get out.” She sat up. “It hasn’t been that long, right?”

“Only like three weeks, I think.” Adora adjusted her nightgown around her legs. “What if we forget we’re trying to escape?”

While that was a valid point, Catra didn’t want to entertain it. “I won’t let that happen, okay? Stop worrying about it. It’s annoying.”

There were different ways of comforting people that were down, and Catra was never good at it. However, what she said seemed to work.

Adora looked incredulous at first before turning her mouth up into a smile. That smile. “What happened to you? You got all nice.”

“I’m not nice.”

“You’re nice.”

Catra swirled her tail around Adora’s ankle, but before she could say anything, Adora got distracted. She lifted her head and peered out the living room window before lighting up.

“The sunset!” she breathed in awe. “It’s beautiful tonight. We don’t get to see it often enough.”

The way that she looked, with her eyes wide and glittering, made Catra’s heart squeeze. It was a different type of squeeze than when she came out of the shower, however. This was…something.

Catra stood. “I could use some fresh air. You coming?” She tried to avoid sounding cheesy or anything, so she tried to be as nonchalant as possible, but it was hard when Adora took her hand.

“Let’s go.”

The sunset really _was_ beautiful. Only a portion of the sky was visible at that point, but a few stars were already poking through the colors. The difference between the oranges from the sunset and from the fireplace made Adora look two different shades of powerful.

They sat on the dusty wooden bench around the other side of their wraparound porch. From this angle of the property, they could see right the left edge of their garden, but mostly forest. The moons weren’t visible from this side, and would be covered with clouds anyways, so they sat just watching their setting sun.

Catra and Adora sat next to each other, arms pressed together and holding hands on Adora’s lap.

This type of intimacy… Catra didn’t know the names of all the kinds of feelings inside of her.

After the sun was gone and only lingering pinks were left over, Adora leaned back in the bench and looked over at the other girl.

“This is the part where you say sunsets are boring,” she poked, “and I should feed you to the bears.”

Catra tried not to smile. “You read my mind.” She took a moment to think.

They were holding hands. Adora’s were callused and strong but still somehow smaller than her own. She seemed to like their closeness. Should Catra do something else?

What else? She turned their hands over to look at her retracted claws and thought remorsefully about all the damage they’ve done.

As she was lost in thought, the sound of rain started to pitter onto the awning over their heads. It was a gentle sound, comforting like the sound of the fireplace from indoors. _Do something_.

“Catra,” Adora voice distracted her. “ _Look_.”

Catra, who was staring at their hands, looked up and—

_Oh._

Rain was starting to fall, but the light from the patch of stars hit it—

Diamonds. The rain looked like diamonds falling from the sky.

Each drop twinkled as a falling star before hitting the earth. A million of them, showering from the heavens.

Catra’s breath caught in her throat. How could each drop of rain emit its own light? Were the stars truly falling?

“Our laundry,” Adora whispered.

Catra looked over at her, and she was staring up at the sky like she had stared at the stars for their first time. That look of wonder, confusion, amazement.

“Laundry?” Catra had a hard time focusing.

Adora looked over at her, eyes immediately changing from amazement to horror. “Our laundry that we hung out this morning! It’s getting wet!”

Forgetting everything else, they made a mad dash around the back of the house and snatched every piece of damp clothing from the lines before running back inside. Catra’s run was more of a painful limp, but they made it in without too much damage.

Adora panted, holding an armful of clothes to her chest after the front door closed behind her. Then she laughed.

“So much for that.” She shook the rain off her shoulders. “I guess we’re drying these in front of the fireplace, then.”

They managed to set up a makeshift clothesline from the bedroom door to the front door, spreading the laundry out over it so they get maximum exposure to the fire. So much for that. Catra shook her head.

She looked over at Adora. “Do you remember when we were eleven and we—”

“We built that fort in the old machine room?” Adora’s eyes were crinkled at the corners. “Yeah, I remember. We would stay up late making up stories and pretending we were force captains ordering the other cadets around.”

This was a good memory. One of several she had from back when they were inseparable in the Horde. Adora was the only person she had and the only one she ever wanted. The only one she wanted…

At least that hadn’t changed.

“Let’s build a fort.”

Catra blinked, surprised Adora would suggest something like that. It had been years since they’d last done something childish like that. Years. Yet, there Adora stood, wearing that ridiculous nightgown with her hair up in a braid, looking at Catra like she was the only one in the world.

Adora didn’t even wait for a yes. She went to the linin closet to grab sheets, and Catra—trying not to laugh—grabbed chairs from the kitchen.

It had been too long.

Together, they worked to build a fort on the couch; roof made of sheets from one chair to another, using the upturned coffee table as an entrance. It was ridiculous, self-indulgent. Wonderful. Catra didn’t want to enjoy herself as much as she did—but she did.

Eventually, the fort was complete and the fireplace stoked. What were they even doing?

Adora went in first, followed by Catra, and they sat side-by-side in the darkness of their fort.

For a minute, all was quiet but the crackling of the fireplace. Strips of light squeezed through the entrance to the fort and illuminated just their legs before getting completely dark.

“It’s been too long since we’ve done this,” Adora said after a bit. Although it was dark, Catra knew she was looking at her. “Time goes by too fast. It’s hard to believe it’s been so long…”

“Since you left?” Catra was careful not to use these words in a cruel way, despite their truth.

“Yeah, since I left.”

She curled her tail around her legs in thought. Since Adora left…

It felt like so long ago, even though they’d only been together again for the last few weeks. Somehow, though, it felt more right than it ever had. Everything that has happened…led up to this.

Everything. Maybe it was Catra’s imagination, but Adora seemed to feel it as well. She was the same girl that had left those years ago, but somehow so different. Stronger in different ways, softer in others. She had a glow about her.

“…Adora.” Upon that word, Catra could just feel her heart beginning to beat faster again. She tried not to sound too wild.

Adora cut her off. “If you’re going to apologize, you’d better not.”

“I wasn’t going to.” Catra smiled, even though she knew it was dark and she wouldn’t see it. “I just wanted to say your name.”

“And you say you haven’t gotten nicer.” The way she spoke, Adora was smiling too.

Of course she was.

The air between them ran thick with electricity. What could they do with this? They built a fort, and now what? Catra knew her hands were getting sweaty, and the tip of her tail was twitching. She was impatient, nervous.

She wasn’t used to being nervous, but that’s just how Adora made her feel.

“You know,” Adora leaned a little closer, “this braid isn’t much your style.” She reached up—Catra couldn’t see but could feel breath on her cheek—and carefully untied the string that held Catra’s braid in place.

They were close—

Catra grabbed one of Adora’s hands as they ran through her hair and she put it to her own cheek.

“You should probably tell me to stop,” Catra whispered. She felt the electricity through her lungs, her stomach, the bones in her legs and the tip of her tail.

She could her Adora exhale. “Stop what?”

_Stop feeling this way._

Trying and failing to keep her voice level, Catra turned her face into Adora’s hand. “You asked me what I wanted.”

A noise slipped from Adora that might’ve been “Yes?”.

“ _Guess.”_

Adora opened her mouth to say something else but Catra beat her to it.

She pulled Adora into her chest and kissed her.

The electricity around them burst, turning into fireworks in the back of her eyelids.

Catra pressed her mouth against Adora’s, feeling the other girl gasp in surprise. It tickled her chin, egging her on, acting like a _drug_ that she was. Everything—everything about her.

Getting over her initial surprise, Adora put her free hand up onto Catra’s stomach, gripping her shirt, snaking around to pull her close. She kissed back. Of course she did. Her nail dug through Catra’s shirt into her skin, sending shivers up her chest.

 _The taste, the sounds_.

Their lips slid together like two pieces of the same puzzle. Adora was so soft, the skin of her cheeks, her nose fitting into the crook of Catra’s own.

Catra paused for just a moment to suck in a breath.

_This is it, all that she wanted._

_This is what she wanted._

_Adora._

“Is this the part where you say this isn’t because you like me?” Pulling both hands free, Adora leaned sideways to brace herself on the couch they were up against. She was panting just slightly.

But Catra wasn’t done.

She put a hand up to the other girl’s face, tracing the outline of her cheeks and jaw before resting the crook of her claw on her lip.

“You don’t know,” she tipped her head down just enough to brush her mouth to the corner of Adora’s, “how long I’ve been waiting to do this.”

 _Too long_. Too long still. Without letting Adora say anything to that, Catra pulled her back against her. This time was a rougher.

It was too dark to admire Adora with her eyes, so Catra settled for her hands. She felt the curves of her face, the dip of her neck, the straps of her sheer nightgown. If she was honest, she was grateful she _couldn’t_ see because that sheer dress would’ve torn her right to pieces. The breath right from her lungs.

She held Adora’s face gently, like it was fragile, but kissed her like she wasn’t. A few days ago, when _Adora_ had kissed _her,_ it was almost with an impatience. A hunger.

Catra felt this hunger in her bones.

She drew the tip of her tongue across Adora’s bottom lip, causing Adora to suck in a gasp. The sounds that she made caused Catra’s hands itch to hold her tighter, closer, fold her right into her own body.

 _Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this,_ Catra thought as she felt Adora’s hands grip tight to her back. _Would I regret this tomorrow?_

Regret. A common emotion in Catra’s life.

She paused again. This time, it was her that was dropped her hands. Blood ran loud in her ears and her chest was still thumping so hard it almost hurt. The taste of Adora lingered sweet on her tongue.

“What?” Adora was panting quietly, clearly ruffled as well.

What _could_ Catra say? It wasn’t as though she regretted this, no it wasn’t that.

She was…happy. That’s what this was.

Happiness.

When she didn’t say anything, Adora leaned forward and pressed a smaller kiss to Catra’s cheek. “It’s getting late. Do you want to go to bed?”

A purr began from the bottom of Catra’s gut and rumbled up into her chest. She felt Adora take her hand and rest against her shoulder. “No,” Catra responded. “I think I want to stay out here a little longer.”

And that’s what they did.

Catra and Adora, leaning their backs against the front of the couch, sat there in the warmth of the fire until all that was left was the two of them.

As it should be.


	22. Chapter 22

Morning brought its chill abruptly to Catra’s bare skin, and she woke with goosebumps. While she was used to the typical ache of her healing body, sleeping on the floor hadn’t been very comfortable at all. Especially her leg.

Groaning quietly, Catra lifted her head.

There she was. Adora. Sleeping sprawled out on the floor next to her, cheek pressed into the carpet. Her hair, which had been braided so neatly the night before, was a fantastic mess.

Still the same Adora.

Catra had a hard time forming memories from last night. It wasn’t as though she didn’t remember—she remembered _every detail_ —but it felt like a dream. A hallucination, maybe. Did it actually happen?? Of course it did. Could Catra properly come to terms with what happened? Who knows.

Catra rubbed the sleep from her eyes and looked back down at Adora as she dozed. Adora had apparently shifted in her sleep, because the night dress she was wearing had twisted and bunched up around her hips.

Out of respect, and a little out of panic, Catra looked away immediately and tried to blindly tug the gown back down over the other girl’s bare thighs. Unfortunately, this woke Adora up.

“Catra?” Adora mumbled, startling at the touch. Her head lifted barely an inch off the carpet. “Is that you?”

“Who else would it be, dork?” Catra instead pulled a blanket from their fort door to cover her. “You look cold,” she fibbed, still doing her best not to sneak a peek.

To be fair, it was _freezing_. Even with pants and a shirt, goosebumps rattled Catra’s skin right down to her aching bones. She couldn’t imagine how cold it was wearing just a gown.

As though on cue with her thoughts, Adora chattered her teeth and pulled the blanket over her shoulders while sitting up. She shivered. “Yeah. Maybe it was a bad idea sleeping out here instead of the bedroom.”

The words sounded easy, but there was still a type of hesitance in the way Adora sat. Like she was subconsciously leaning away, and had a hard time looking her in the eye.

 _Right._ Was last night awkward?

No. It genuinely wasn’t, at least not for Catra. Is she overthinking things? What happens now?

They’d fallen asleep holding hands, hunched on one another’s shoulders and eventually on the ground. It had felt so natural and _sincere_. Even just thinking about it made Catra’s chest swell.

“What?” Adora gave her a suspicious look. She didn’t seem to realize her gown straps were slipping down her shoulders. “You’re smiling. What’s wrong?”

Classic— Catra’s not allowed to smile. It nearly made her smile wider.

“Stupid.” Catra let out a single purr and tapped her forehead against Adora’s before leaving the fort.

Standing up was almost impossible. Not only sleeping piled on the floor was bad for a cold body, but her healing leg stiffened to stone. She hobbled out from under the blanket fort and made it to the other end of the couch where she sat.

 _Ouch_. She made a mental note to rub more salve into her joints later.

Adora came next from the fort, crawling before standing fully upright with her blanket wrapped around her. Did Catra look that silly whenever _she_ did that? It was warm at least.

“I guess I’ll start the fire.” Adora knelt at the fireplace and worked to stack fresh wood back in it and start a flame underneath. Her flint struck a few times before catching.

Meanwhile, Catra watched lazily while kneading her leg muscles awake. It was taking longer than usual to shake the fog from her head. She was…unusually content with just floating in this fog.

When Adora got the fire started, she stood up and yawned. “I’m just going to have leftover dinner for breakfast today. Want me to heat some up for you, too?”

“Sure. Thanks.”

“Are your legs bothering you today?” Only then she seemed to notice Catra’s attention to her legs. “The fire should help them, I hope.”

“I’m fine,” Catra answered. “Just a little sore.”

Adora’s eyes lingered for a moment longer before she left for the kitchen. Something appeared to be on her mind, but Catra wasn’t one to pry. She just followed into the kitchen.

There were no complaints for vegetable fish fry for breakfast, but their time at the table was oddly hushed. They ate without saying much, listening to the sounds of the fire starting to warm the house up from the other room.

At every chance she got, Catra snuck glances up at Adora. Adora herself seemed distracted, too; she kept looking up and around the room, out the kitchen window. She met Catra’s eyes more than once, but Catra looked away each time.

 _What is she thinking_? Catra couldn’t lie to herself. She was restless. Being restless have never been an enjoyable feeling for her, but _this_ brand was especially uncomfortable to deal with. _That kiss_ … How can Catra focus on anything except for her?

She couldn’t help but notice the way that the fork slipped from Adora’s mouth with every bite. Gods know the only thing Catra wanted to do right then was kiss her again.

After they made eye contact for the third time, Adora propped her chin up on her hand and held her gaze steady.

“Okay. What are you thinking?” she asked, brushing a messy lock of hair from her forehead. “There’s something on your mind, I can tell.”

“No, there isn’t.”

“Catra.”

“Fine, maybe there is.” Catra wasn’t inclined to just talk about her feelings, but it was really gnawing at her. She was torn between feigning self-confidence and feigning ignorance. Would it always be like this? She wanted Adora’s trust and for her to be comfortable around her, but it was hard.

It almost looked like Adora knew this, just from the way she held her shoulders. “Is this about last night?”

 _What else would it be?_ Just like Adora, getting straight to the point. No fear. It might’ve been startling, her to mention it so casually.

Catra really didn’t know how to continue the conversation. She rolled her eyes. “That obvious?”

“Was it…” The tone of Adora’s words dropped just a little. “Was it okay? Did I do something wrong?”

“Of course not. I mean, it _was—_ ” _Shit_. Now Catra was stuttering. This was the last thing she wanted Adora to think, that is wasn’t _amazing._ Catra looked up again and tried not to let her nervousness show. “You didn’t do _anything_ wrong. It was…” She bit the inside of her cheek. “I mean, _obviously_ it wasn’t bad.”

Adora snorted. From the amused expression, she obviously didn’t care about the awkward response. She covered her mouth to avoid the other girl seeing her try not to smirk, but it didn’t work. Was she teasing her??

Catra’s ears flicked defensively. “I’m not good at these things, okay? I didn’t spend the last three years _hugging_ my way out of problems. It’s not like I can just—”

“—Say what’s on your mind?” For some reason, Adora really looked like she was enjoying this. Like she knew what was in the other girl’s mind but wanted to draw it out of her as slowly as possible. Fortunately for her, she was Catra’s only weakness.

Under the table, Catra snuck her tail across to brush against Adora’s knees. “You’re cruel, you know that? I just don’t know what this means, that’s all.”

“What do you want it to mean?”

_Gods._

That was a good question.

What _did_ Catra want it to mean?

Catra stood, grabbing her dirty dish as well as Adora’s. “You’re not really going to force me to spell this out for you, are you?”

Now Adora was _really_ looking like she enjoyed this. “I don’t know. You _weren’t_ staring at me in my nightgown yesterday?”

_That’s cheating._

“I’ve said this once, and I’ll say it again—” Catra put their dishes in the sink and then leaned down close enough so her mouth was almost on Adora’s ear. “Don’t think that you’re in control of this.”

Feigning self-confidence it was.

It _worked_ though.

A small breath escaped Adora’s lips and her blue eyes widened just a little bit. She stared at Catra, almost impatiently, before standing herself to the same height.

They watched each other, faces inches apart, tension tight like a rubber band. Catra was entertained by staring her down, watching her will melt like pudding until she could almost _see_ the heartbeat in her throat.

This game continued being fun. Just as Catra was about to lean in, something caught her eye from the kitchen window— She stopped—Put her hands on Adora’s shoulders to spin her.

“Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” she asked, squinting out the window.

Adora had to do a double-take, before catching it. “Is that…?”

“Our laundry.”

That couldn’t be right. No, they had taken it in the night before. They had hung it up in the living room. They had—

Adora took Catra’s hand and they went outside into the freezing weather, around the side of the house, and there it all was. Strung up on the clothesline where they’d taken it in from last night.

“I’m not going crazy, right?” Adora scratched her forehead. “We took these in last night, right? Because of the rain?”

Either Catra was crazy too, or something else. She went up to the line and unpinned the nearest cardigan. It was damp enough to drip when she wrung it out, but so cold it was almost frosty. Gross. “Not crazy.”

They had definitely taken them in last night. When they were out there on the porch, watching the sunset, it had begun to rain. The memory of the rain felt as much of a dream as the rest of last night. Drops of moonlight falling from the deep black of the sky, pouring on their property as heavy as any rainfall.

Adora grumbled something to herself and began gathering the soggy laundry in her arms.

The next few minutes was deja-vu; hanging the clothesline back up in the living room, clipping their clothes back up in front of the fire.

“Darn it,” Adora huffed, clipping up her favorite pants. “I really don’t want to wear this stupid dress all day.” She saw the look Catra was making and shoved her. “Don’t look so happy. _You’re_ not the one wearing it. Can we please just focus on what’s going on here?”

“I have no idea,” Catra offered. Not only was she bad at keeping track of all the nonsense Adora had read to her from Madam Razz’s journals, but she it didn’t make sense to her anyways. Why did _anything_ happen like it did?

Catra was entirely useless in this regard, and she couldn’t see that changing any time soon. All she could really do at that moment was help Adora finish hanging clothes up and then take down their fort.

So their clothes…reset? Is that was this was? This was one of their big questions, why their clothes didn’t reset when the garden outside did every night.

Catra grabbed the salve from the coffee table before flopping onto the couch. “I don’t know if I want to wear those clothes if they’re going to reappear outside every night. I’m not really keen on waking up naked every morning.”

“Me neither,” Adora snorted. She re-done her hair back up onto a ponytail and took her own seat in front of the fire with a stack of books in her lap. “I have no idea. I feel like I’m so close to something though. I can _feel_ it…”

They sat in the sound of their fire for a bit.

This might’ve been one of Catra’s favorite things: sitting and enjoying one another’s company. She wasn’t much for conversation, and that was fine.

Catra propped her legs up on the couch behind where Adora sat. She massaged salve into her muscles while Adora flipped through books in frustration. Every few minutes, Adora would scribble something down on a spare piece of paper and curse before continuing to read.

“I just don’t get it.” Slamming her current book down on the carpet, Adora leaned back onto the front of the couch. “The stardust is the key, but I don’t know why. It falls from the sky but how?? From _where??”_

“The sky.”

“ _Smartass_.” Adora let out a heavy sigh. Her eyes looked tired, and not from a lack of sleep. “I’m missing something. It’s just not adding up.”

Catra was never good at math. She paused with her salve. “Well, okay. Talk me through it. Tell me what you’re _sure_ of.”

Maybe this would help?

“…Okay.” At the very least, Adora seemed to calm a little with this. She picked up her paper she’d been scribbling on. “Almost everything on the property resets itself every night. The clothes don’t, and food we eat seems to stay in our stomachs.”

“Thank the gods,” Catra mumbled in agreement. She draped her tail across Adora’s shoulders. “Keep going.”

“The things that reset…and the things that _don’t_ …I don’t know what they all have in common.”

Fruit? The garden resets. What’s outside the house does. What’s inside the house doesn’t. But the peaches on the table _do_.

Adora continued. Her tone slowly grew less frustrated and more analytical, as it did when she was deep in focus. “There’s the stardust. It falls from the sky in rain sometimes, and it’s ‘magical.’ We’ve seen its healing properties, and it obviously messes with time.”

Somehow, it did.

“Razz’s journals talk about a constellation in the sky, Western Australis, but I have _no_ idea what that has to do with anything at all.”

It was just stars, right?

At that point, Adora paused. She stared at the list she’d written, brows furrowed. Then she looked up. “That’s it. That’s all I know. Magic rain.”

Magic rain.

How long have they been stuck there in the woods, and all they had to go off was magic rain and a few stars in the sky. No wonder Adora was so frustrated; if that was all they had to go off of, how on Etheria were they going to get out?

Catra pursed her lips and tried to rack her brain. The rain really couldn’t have been _that_ magic; if the magic rain fell frequently enough for people to know about it, then how come the entire planet wasn’t stuck in a loop?

“It’s just this property,” Catra sighed out loud. This was so frustrating. She reached over and snagged the roll of bandages from the coffee table and began re-wrapping her thigh. “What about this property is special, huh? It’s like there’s a fence, and the rain only messes things up on the inside of it.”

“Ugh, kind of.” For good reason, Adora looked and sounded angry. She was frustrated and had every right to be.

From where Adora was, sitting on the floor in front of the couch, head tilted backwards to rest close to Catra’s side, she stared up at the ceiling. Her eyes were focused hard like she was reading something far away.

Then she stopped. Lifted her head.

“Catra.”

Catra tied her bandage. “Hm?”

“A fence.”

“There’s no fence, Adora.” She tried not to make her tone too sarcastic. “We’ve been to the edge of the property before, and there’s _no fence._ ”

There wasn’t a fence—at least—

“Not that we know of. What if there’s _an invisible fence?”_

The way that she said those words made Catra want to laugh. “Invisible fence?” She tried her best not to sound rude. “You know how weird you sound right now? _Invisible fence?_ ”

“I don’t know, something out there that we haven’t seen. Do you have a better explanation?”

 _No_.

Adora closed the book on her lap and lifted herself up onto the couch next to the other girl. “It’s all I’ve got to go on, unless you’ve come up with something better. We’ll go outside when it’s warmed up for the day.”

At that point, they were all but tangled up together. Catra was sideways, back propped up against the armrest and had her bad leg up against the back of the couch and good one close to her. When Adora got onto the couch, she was just about sandwiched between her knees.

“How’s your leg doing?” Adora asked and brought it down onto her lap.

Catra tried not to feel the butterflies from that type of intimacy. With Adora’s gentle hands putting back the fabric of Catra’s pants up to her hips—the feeling of her fingers on such sensitive skin—She just knew her face was turning red.

“It looks good so far,” Adora admired, carefully touching the edge of the scar tissue. “It’s back to where it was before getting infected.”

“Some improvement.” It was impossible for Catra not to feel a little bitter about her slow healing process. “The scarring on my knee better not make me a cripple.”

“Does it hurt?” Adora, without waiting for an answer, braced one hand under Catra’s knee and pulled her other into a knead across the scarring.

Catra nearly shot straight up from the couch, heart jammed so far upwards it felt like being punched in the face.

Adora immediately took her hands away. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

 _It didn’t hurt_. Well, it did, but that’s not why Catra jumped out of her skin. _Stop making an idiot of yourself._

“Your hands are cold,” Catra breathed. That was true, at least. She tried not having the feelings she was having, but they crept deep into her stomach and up her spine like a lightning strike. “I can do it myself, you know.”

“Only if you don’t want me to.” Adora’s voice was level enough, but she avoided looking up.

Was she thinking what Catra was thinking?

Were they _seriously_ going to do this again? What was the point of doing such back and forth where they pretended they didn’t know what each other was thinking?

Catra put her other leg onto Adora’s lap and leaned into the side of the couch to be more comfortable. “It’s fine.” She closed her eyes. “Your hands aren’t that cold.”

 _Please don’t be afraid to touch me. To talk to me._ Catra was so tired of being alone. She wanted Adora to know she wasn’t going anywhere.

Clearly, Adora wasn’t thinking that deep into it. She saw the jar of salve in the other girl’s hands, reached over and scooped some of it out. This made massaging the joints in Catra’s legs much more tolerable.

Catra tried not to make any weird noises or faces. “Thanks. You’re…better at this than I am.”

“That’s what friends are for.”

Adora continued on for another moment before stopping. Her mouth was puckered in an unusual expression as she just realized what she’d said.

“Friends, hm?” Catra flexed her legs teasingly on the other’s girls lap. “Is that what we are, princess?”

Adora looked almost panicked. “I meant— I mean, I didn’t think…” She began flitting her eyes around like she was thinking hard.

“Is that what you want to be, Adora?”

This conversation was amusing. Maybe Catra was drawing it out to get some answers from Adora, just because she seemed to reluctant to talk about it. That, and she was _so_ fun to tease.

However, Adora seemed to get upset at this. Her body language was withdrawn and nostrils flared, even though she didn’t look up or say anything.

_Oops. Too far._

“I’m teasing Adora,” Catra apologized. She leaned over and licked a small kiss to the other girl’s cheek. “Lighten up. We’ve fought long enough.”

The moment of upset was gone and replaced with shock. Adora opened her mouth to say something but didn’t still.

This all was a fun game to Catra, even though she wanted to be careful not to hurt any feelings. Everything she was used to seeing Adora as seemed to vanish from her mind when she saw her then—that nightgown, messy hair, Catra’s legs in her lap and a dumbfounded pink to her lips.

From where she was, Catra curled her tail up and over Adora’s own legs. “You know,” she leaned back again, “if we don’t want the clothes to reset back outside tonight, we should probably rinse them out.”

Restart the drying process, too. How annoying.

Adora seemed to feel the same way, because she groaned. “What a waste of time. Let’s just sit here a bit longer before we do that, okay?”

Okay. Catra had no complaints. She closed her eyes again and leaned into Adora’s touch.

She could get used to this.

Adora felt a slew of emotions she was only just beginning to understand. The way she felt—the way Catra made her feel. Was it understanding or was she just hopeful? This might’ve been a more valid question _before_ last night.

While Catra dozed on the couch, Adora led her legs and worked at the scar tissue. She was no more qualified to do this than Catra herself, but the fact that she let her was a big thing. Especially Catra’s reaction… It made her heart feel fuzzy.

Even though she teased her.

Adora wasn’t sure how to label her feelings— Of course, she wanted to be friends with Catra. She definitely didn’t want to be anything less. More? How do people decide they want to be together?

She automatically assumed these feelings meant she wanted to be more, but this was something she’d never felt before, so it was impossible to be certain. All she could be certain of was the way that Catra made her feel.

They’d kissed last night.

Adora hardly remembered anything except for Catra’s hands exploring her skin and the sound of breathing in her ears. Did Catra genuinely feel that way about her? Why did it take _so many years?_

She sighed and rubbed her thumb subconsciously under the crook of Catra’s knee closest to her.

Catra opened her eyes. “If we want to go explore the edge of the property today, we should probably wash the clothes out sooner rather than later so they have time to dry.” Her words were soft and sleepy, but clearly hesitant to be moved.

It would be nice if they could’ve stayed there forever, wrapped in each other’s warmth.

But there were chores to do.

Eventually, in a mutual disgruntlement, both Catra and Adora rolled off the couch and began unclipping the laundry (again) from the clothesline and (again) dumping them into the washbasin with clean water. Only then could Adora restart the washing process for the second time in the last 24 hours.

All the meanwhile, Catra combed at her hair in the mirror.

“How are we going to dry all these off fast enough to go outside today?” Adora wondered aloud, wringing water from a brown tunic.

“We can always do it tomorrow.” Catra’s suggested seemed to have been on her mind, because when she turned to Adora her eyes were twinkling.

Did she have something else in mind? Usually she would like nothing more than to play into her antics, but this day had to be an exception.

“The longer we’re here, the more chance of forgetting everything. Of course crazy.”

This was such a fair point, but it only made Catra snort a little laugh.

“Looks to me like you’re already going a little crazy,” Catra said, dragging her eyes up and down Adora’s figure as she stood at the wash.

The way that she stared—the glint to her eyes, the cock in her hips, the sharp teeth that poked from her mouth when she smiled. Adora knew she did these things for a reaction. It worked, though.

Adora was overly aware of how thin her gown was. “You’re not making a good case.” She knew that Catra enjoyed teasing her, but she _also_ knew that Catra nearly fell apart yesterday when she saw Adora in her nightgown for the first time. It was painfully obvious.

“If the clothes dry off in time, we’re going out, but if not—”

“—we can stay in.” Catra hummed a bit in satisfaction but didn’t say anything else.

Such a child sometimes.

After washing and hanging the clothes for the third time, Adora and Catra found themselves _once again_ at their usual boring state of rest. Adora had her First Ones books to read and Catra took her favorite spot in front of the crackling fireplace.

Every so often, when Adora would break away from her reading, she’d look over at Catra.

It wasn’t because of the nature of their house that Adora felt like she didn’t quite know Catra anymore. The years they spent apart were undeniably a turning point for them; those years that followed changed _everything_. Of course neither of them were the same.

This still bothered Adora. She missed the old days they had together so much it made her bones ache. She wanted to recreate those feelings they had while respecting boundaries at the same time. It was _so hard_ though. After everything…Catra was the one thing she wanted to cling on to more than anything.

Catra was curled in front of the fireplace as usual, slow-blinking into the flames while her hands were curled at the nape of her ribs. The way that her body twisted rose her shirt up far enough for Adora to see much of the scarring that happened from the battle.

 _They look soft_.

Adora scooted off the couch and crawled past the coffee table to where the other girl lay. The impulse was hopeless to fight: she reached over and ran her hand along the scars on Catra’s stomach.

“Hey, Adora.” Catra didn’t flinch, but instead curved her gaze sideways at the other girl.

Her skin was warm from the fireplace.

Adora took her hand back. “What are you thinking right now?” The question was the same as ti had been this morning.

“Why do you keep asking me that?”

“Because I can’t read you anymore.” Adora leaned over her, bits of hair falling from her ponytail and nearly tickling Catra’s nose. The material of her gown was not stretchy, so it pinched here her waist bent. “It’s been _years_ , and you expect me to know what you’re thinking?”

The expression in Catra’s eyes was a _duh._ If shifted, and her eye contact remained steady.

“That’s probably a good thing,” she responded. “Even _I_ don’t know what I’m thinking.

“Just…right now. What are you thinking right now? It’s easy.”

“Easy?” Her eyebrows lifted and caught the glowing light of the fire. “Nothing about this is easy, princess.”

The pet name made Adora’s throat close for a second. “Sure it is, she lied.” She tried not to look at the other girl’s exposed skin.

“Then you go first.”

 _Damn it._ She played herself.

Adora averted her gaze and spoke honestly. “I’m thinking…that I miss you.”

“Miss me? I’m right here, dork.”

“You know what I mean.” She was embarrassed to be talking about it, because it was something that was really just…impossible to talk about. “We were best friends our whole lives, and then suddenly we weren’t.”

This topic was obviously hard for Catra to talk about, too. Her tail flinched when the fire popped too loud. “It’s not like all that happened for no reason.” She wasn’t looking at Adora either. “We didn’t exactly _agree_ on some things. You made new friends pretty quick anyways.”

 _Ouch_. Adora couldn’t even argue this. All of that was _true_. Then why did she feel so strongly about everything she was talking about? If all of this is true, why did she still feel the way she felt?

The sudden heaviness of their conversation brought on was almost too much. They’d avoided talking about it for so long…

Adora wasn’t stupid. She might’ve left the Horde with little knowledge of the real world and real _relationships_ , but she didn’t doubt anything she was feeling at that point. She started out ignorant, but she _knew_ what this feeling was.

Did Catra know?

 _Catra_ had kissed _her_ last night. She had to know.

“Your turn.” Adora tried to keep her eyes above Catra’s distracting waist. “I told you what I was thinking. Now you have to.”

Catra’s eyes narrowed just a bit. It wasn’t a dangerous look, and it wasn’t an upset one. It was… almost playful. Familiar.

Before she started, Adora lowered down next to Catra on her stomach, using her elbows to prop herself up. They were much closer than before, so close that Adora could feel Catra’s breath on her cheek.

“Tell me.”

Catra’s will visibly crumbled.

“When we get out…” she started, but bit her lip in a pause. “I just…”

The words seemed to get stuck halfway out her throat. It wasn’t like her to be so tongue-tied. She seemed to know that, too.

Catra let out a frustrated huff like she was self-conscious. “I hate feeling so confused about this. It’s not _me_. I’m not gloomy or uninspiring or lost. Yet—” Her ears flattened. “Every time I think about what happens when we get out, I get so conflicted I want to _scream_.”

Conflicted. That was a good word for it.

The fire continued with it’s gentle ambiance.

As silent encouragement, Adora shifted her body just enough to press her leg against Catra’s.

“I can’t go back to the Horde, and I can’t go to Bright Moon,” Catra’s ears fluttered again, “so what do I do? How do I fix all the mess I created?”

This was a hard question that no one but her would have an answer for. Adora thought of what she could possible say to help. How did _Catra_ help _Adora_ when she was frustrated?

Apparently, nothing needed to be said because Catra kept talking.

“I got the Horde closer than it’s ever been to victory.” Her tone was getting angrier. “We got so close to taking over Etheria—but why? At what cost? Even our own soldiers—” Catra hissed. “ _We_ weren’t close to winning. Hordak was.”

A horrible, yet true, realization.

“He’s putting the lives of children at stake. And I was helping him.” She sat up, hunched, and looked so upset with herself. “I was doing to everyone what everyone did to me.”

The heartbreak in her voice was palpable. It made each word hoarse, dropping with gravity onto the carpet until they were swimming in grief.

Adora sat up and took a chance by putting her hand on the other girl’s arm. “Things are different now.”

Catra shrugged the touch off. “How, Adora? _How_? I’m one person. Worse, I’m a traitor. And I can’t…fight against the Horde. They are— _were_ my home.”

“Saving everyone hurt by the Horde doesn’t necessarily mean fighting them. It just…” Adora looked down at her hands. “It just means giving them a choice they’ve never had before.”

“You know that most of them will choose to stay, right?”

“I know.” Adora felt a familiar tug of homesickness. “We just need to give them a reason to be proud of where they grew up.”

Despite the comfort of their little cabin in the woods, Adora felt this melancholy claw at the inside of her ribs. All of that time and love and loyalty, _wasted_. The only piece of that left now was Catra.

Adora wasn’t sure how Catra would take affection right then, but she took a chance; careful not to put any pressure on the wounded leg, she got up onto her knees and threw her arms around Catra in a hug.

Catra made an indignant noise as she shoulders were squished together. “What are you doing?”

“It’s called a hug. Don’t fight it.”

“ _I know what a hug is_ —” She grunted and was squeezed tighter. “But why?”

“Just shut up and accept it.”

Adora held on tight for another minute. She wasn’t sure if this helped the ache in her heart or not, but after a while she loosened up.

Very surprising for her, however, Catra seemed to change her mind and only then decided to hug back.

“Don’t make this weird.” Catra swept Adora’s arm over her other shoulder and pulled her almost completely onto her lap. It was an embrace tighter and warmer than the last.

 _Catra…_ Adora pressed her nose to the other girl’s collarbone.

The way that she held her, tangled together in front of a roaring fireplace— One of Catra’s arms were wrapped around the back of Adora’s neck and the other pressed to the small of her spine. Adora could even feel her grip on to the nightgown’s fabric into fists.

Adora smelled the fireplace in the other girl’s hair, and she smiled wide against Catra’s skin. “You like me.”

“ _You are ridiculous_.” Catra shoved Adora away, actually laughing, but Adora clung on. “You have to ruin everything, don’t you?”

The heaviness of the conversation suddenly switched back to light.

Adora cackled and landed on her back next to the coffee table. “ _I’m Catra,_ ” she deepened her voice into a mocking accent, “ _and I like to pretend I don’t have feelings._ ”

In a horrible falsetto, Catra followed: “ _I’m Adora and I can solve all my problems with the power of friendship.”_

That was a horrible impersonation.

Yet, it made Adora laugh again. “Things might not turn out so bad for you if you would just use your words. _Communicate_ with others.”

“And yet the elephant in the room hasn’t been addressed.” Catra, from where she was sitting up, reached down. With a single claw, she hooked the neckline of Adora’s nightgown and pulled. Adora sat up with it. “Are we just going to pretend last night ever happened, hm? Is that what the plan is?”

 _Oh, brave._ Adora wished she didn’t enjoy that so much. She was frozen, facing the other girl whose claw was hooked at her chest. _What can I even say to that?_ There really wasn’t much she could say, but when her mouth opened, words came out.

“I want to be with you, Catra,” Adora said, surprising even herself. “You can say no, but I don’t want to ever be without you again. In a different place, or a different…room. I want—”

She never got to finished.

Catra moved her finger from the gown to Adora’s mouth, and she leaned in with a sparkling look in her eyes. “This is painful. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

“But I—”

She moved her finger away and kissed where it had been, gently, on Adora’s mouth. “You can be really stupid sometimes, you know that? What did you _think_ last night was?”

There really was nothing Adora could say to this. She felt her heart racing in her wrists, and when she was kissed everything that was in her brain was just wiped clean. All she could do was sit there and stare at the other girl, who had a tiny smirk on her face.

Catra led her hands up to Adora’s shoulders and then teasingly snapped the strap of her gown. “I want to be with you, too. Now can we _please_ stop having these awkward conversations?”

Hearing her say that—

Adora wanted to fall apart. She let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Yes, they had kissed. Yes they _almost_ talked about their future, touched each other in ways they hadn’t before—but this. This was real.

This was real and right in front of her.

“Ugh, don’t cry.” Catra bonked Adora’s head with hers and stood. “You and your _feelings._ ”

Oh boy. Catra really didn’t know _what_ feelings Adora was having.

Luckily for them, the clothes dried out by afternoon and the sun managed to warm things to a manageable level. Much to Catra’s obvious dismay, Adora changed into a more practical outfit of trousers and a shirt under one of Razz’s old tunics. They put on their clean coats, too, and were finally ready.

When Catra and Adora went outside on their mission, it actually felt less like winter and more like their typical fall property.

“This isn’t as bad as it was earlier,” Catra commented, stretching her arms above her head until her joints popped. “The weather out here is so messed up.”

Adora agreed. “The Whispering Woods doesn’t get a traditional winter, but during the winter months there are a lot of spots around the forest that sees snowfall.” At the entrance to the path, she plucked a yellowing leaf from a tree branch. “If this property is one that snows, it should’ve snowed a while ago.”

“The leaves aren’t even all the way turned.”

This was true. There was no arguing their property was stuck.

Adora took Catra’s hand and lead her deep down the winding path out of the woods. They passed a large tree with a gnarly twist in its trunk. Adora nodded at the familiar tree. Despite the wind still rattling the forest, the branches of this tree didn’t seem to sway much.

Another 50 feet.

A large boulder that nearly reached the tops of their heads, covered in a soft-looking moss. Again, familiar. Catra paused and looked up to the top of the boulder for a moment before continuing on.

Another 50 feet. The path curved slightly upwards and then dipped again down a small incline. They kept marching.

Despite the air having warmed up from its chilly morning temperature, Adora started to feel her toes getting a little numb this far in. They were wearing shoes, of course, but it was still uncomfortable.

They walked, hand in hand, not keeping much track of their pace.

And then, like she’d had just plummeted thirty feet and landed upside-down, Adora’s stomach jammed up into her throat. She stumbled, unable to see for just a second— When it stopped, she opened her eyes and was now facing the opposite direction.

“Here,” she puffed. “Probably shouldn’t have been walking so fast.” They got down onto the ground.

The discomfort where they knelt wasn’t as serious as it had been, but Adora didn’t like going to the edge of their property much because of it. Even so, they both got onto their knees in the soil.

“Look for some sign of disturbance,” Adora ordered. Catra had no objections.

She had to be careful not to pass the actual property line, but there seemed to be an interesting shape to the brush. The first thing Adora did was scrape away the very top layer of debris; lose soil, twigs, leaves that had fallen.

And then—

“What’s this?” Adora scraped off another few centimeters of underbrush before stopping.

Her eyes fixed on a point in the soil. Catra followed her gaze.

 _What_ is _this?_

A line, appearing from under the scrub to the left and disappearing to the right, was drawn thin into soil. The only thing that made it stand out was this line was a different color than the actual dirt; instead of earthy brown it was in a sparkling metallic silver.

“Catra,” Adora whispered, staring into the ground. She got so close her nose nearly touched the line. “ _Catra._ ”

Catra tried to take a closer look, too. “Why are you saying my name?”

“This is stardust.”

“It’s--?”

“Dust!” A triumphant laugh burst from Adora’s mouth and, without any warning, she leapt onto Catra.

Catra didn’t have time to properly catch; her back hit the dirt and Adora landed on her chest, arms wrapped so tight around her it may have suffocated the other girl.

Dust! Of _course_ it was dust!!

Adora’s face was smushed into Catra’s collarbone, and only for a second did she feel guilty for plowing so violently into her. However, Catra didn’t seem to hesitate before reciprocating the embrace.

She didn’t think twice about burying her face in Adora’s hair and hugging her back. They lay there on the ground, wrapped around each other. The excitement was almost too much for Adora to take.

“I don’t know what’s so exciting about dust,” Catra ran her hand up Adora’s back, “but I can’t say I expected this.”

 _It’s dust._ The property is lined with the stardust.

Adora sat up on her elbows, close enough to kiss her. Their chests were pressed together, so she knew that Catra could feel how fast she was breathing.

“We’re getting somewhere, Catra,” Adora said. Her heart was full of hope again. “The property is lined with stardust; _that’s_ why it resets! The rain falls inside of the lines and resets everything it touches! That’s why—”

“Our laundry.” Suddenly, Catra’s eyebrows raised in understanding. “We didn’t take the laundry in before it got soaked with the rain. That’s why it reset outside.”

The garden, the laundry. It all gets affected by the dust that falls with the rain. Only what was physically on their person didn’t get bothered, and while Adora didn’t understand it enough to understand _that_ , she saw her excitement being contagious.

Catra was smiling. _Smiling_.

“I’m sure the solution to getting out isn’t as easy as wiping the line clean, but we’re getting somewhere.” She couldn’t wait any longer; Adora put her full weight onto Catra and kissed her again.

She would never get used to this. The taste of electricity on Catra’s lips, the roughness of her skin but softness of her fur. If she was honest, she wasn’t even sure if it’d keep happening because of how much their first real time felt like a dream.

And yet.

Catra squeezed her arm around Adora’s shoulders and sighed into the kiss. She apparently enjoyed it as much as Adora had.

Adora pulled away and sat up. She didn’t have high hopes for any affect she could have directly on the dust, and sure enough—when she went to scoop it from the soil, it remained steady as a tree root that had grown in.

 _Okay. So they can’t touch it. They’ve got a border that won’t budge_.

That’s okay. They can go from here.

“I’ve got an idea,” she started, continuing to uncover the line of dust for a few more feet. “If what we think is correct—and I’m sure it _is—_ there is a way we can test it. We have one remaining jar left; let’s draw a line around one of the trees in our orchard and see if the fruit comes back during the next rainfall.”

“That’s a little extreme, don’t you think?” Catra stood with difficulty and held out a hand to help the other girl up. “Killing one of our sources of food?

“I’ll be fine; we have the other fruit as well as the fish. I’m not worried.”

This was true. Adora was too excited to be worried. It was all starting to come together, slowly but surely. If they figured out what kept them _in_ , they could figure out how to get out.

In a strange way, she felt closer to Razz than before. There was stuff an incredible amount of mystery revolving around her whole situation and what happened a thousand years ago. Maybe if she were to find a way to talk with Razz again…

It was a stretch, but maybe.

Adora was hopeful. She took Catra’s hand and they made their way back to their house.

_The dust, it was all the dust._

They wasted no time in pulling that very last jar of dust from the study and using careful movement to sprinkle a line around their tallest peach tree. When it fell to the ground, the dust seemed to turn into heavier sand and shaped very easily.

Afterwards, they stood back up and admired their work. Adora had her hands on her hips.

“Things are looking up, Catra,” she said, and touched their shoulders together. “We’re so close to getting out.”

For the first time during their entire stay, these words didn’t seem to bother Catra that much. The other girl actually _smiled._

“Yeah,” Catra replied. “Things are looking up.”

They were so close to getting out.

So close to _home_.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once the ball starts rolling on this it's going to pick up real fast. Y'all better hold on for a wild ride these next few chapters!! Also, expect this to be the normal chapter length from here on out. Long af, that's how long.

The rest of the evening was a horrid waiting game. After discovering what they did, both Catra and Adora stood impatiently at the peach tree for several minutes before resigning themselves to go indoors.

“It rained for nearly an entire week last week,” Catra groaned, climbing up onto the arm of the couch. “Why does it only _now_ stay dry?”

Adora, who was pacing back and forth in the living room, made a frustrated noise and looked out the window at the dusky sky. “It’s not like we’re going anywhere, but still. The cabin fever is going to make me crazy long before the actual property does.”

Being so close to the answers made it that much harder to wait.

Adora sat on the floor and grabbed both feet into a stretch. It was hard seeing a lot of her flexibility and muscles deplete without daily training. As much as she tried staying in shape, it was virtually impossible while healing.

After a moment, Catra got off the couch and onto the floor to mirror the other girl’s stretch. Her movements were as strained as usual, which obviously made her frustrated. She was clearly struggling with mobility issues after being so injured for so long. Even though she didn’t say it directly, Adora could tell that the scarring on her joints made them very stiff.

This gave her an option.

Adora lifted up from her stretch and scooted closer to Catra. “Did massaging your leg earlier help?”

Catra’s ear twitched, which usually meant something was on her mind. She pulled back her pant leg to reveal the scarring. “Yeah, I guess.” Her tone was nonchalant enough, but her cheeks looked like they were getting pink. “It’s fine.”

“Would it help if I rubbed them again?”

Who was Adora kidding—Of course she enjoyed helping out and making Catra feel better, but a more accurate motive was a selfish one. Now that things were more out in the open, she enjoyed the different effects she could get from her. There was also a sense of pride that came with it?

It was _Adora_ that made her laugh, _Adora_ that made her flustered. Out of everyone in the world, it was Adora that had this ability. It felt like a superpower.

She tucked herself closer to Catra and pulled the other girl’s leg closer on her own. As expected, Catra let out a hiss of breath from her nose.

“Is this okay?” One for a moment Adora’s heart beat heavy in her wrists. She couldn’t pretend this didn’t affect her either, as she massaged the worst-scarred knee.

“Sure.” Catra was clearly trying not to look over as Adora had her hands up underneath the fabric of her pants.

It was fun trying to justify whatever was happening. Adora could feel the lean muscles under Catra’s skin that rippled and flexed every time she moved. This just made Adora’s curiosity grow more.

She loved being this close to her, and she must’ve been spacing out because Catra flinched all of a sudden.

“Jeez, Adora.” Catra’s tone was unusual. “Buy me dinner first.”

Adora paused and realized that her hand was inching further and further up Catra’s thigh to the point of where she was nearly elbow-deep in the material of her pants.

“Oh, oops!” Adora immediately withdrew her hands. “I’m so sorry Catra, I didn’t realize—”

Catra snorted and leaned so close to her that her knee pressed up against her chest. “You’re getting awful brave, aren’t you?”

_This is what she gets for enjoying teasing her so much._

Adora was too aware of Catra’s body up against her own, the sly look dripping from half-lidded eyes. There was a taste that she couldn’t identify on her tongue and a strange sensation growing in her lower stomach, turning the tips of her fingers and toes into static.

She carefully detangled herself from Catra and stood. Her skin tingled where Catra had been touching her.

“It’s getting late,” she tried to keep her breath even. “We should put the laundry away before going to bed.”

The sneaky look dropped from Catra’s face and she stood as well. “The only thing to do around here is _sleep_.” A long sigh heaved from her lungs. She wandered over to the front door and left.

 _What’s she doing?_ Adora didn’t bother to follow her immediately. She took the time and unclipped all the dried laundry from their clothesline, folded and put them back away in the wardrobe of their bedroom. It felt good to have options again—despite her secretly enjoying the way that Catra looked at her when she wore that nightgown.

Only once the clothes were put away did Adora see what Catra was up to outside.

She didn’t get far.

 _The stars are out_.

Catra was standing at the porch steps, clothes shifting in the breeze but otherwise still. When she heard the door open behind her, her ears pricked up.

“Why are you out here?” Adora pulled her sleeves down over her arms. “It’s still cold out.”

“Fresh air before bedtime?” This was a question.

Adora went to stand next to her and they looked up at the sky together. The thing Adora would miss most about their property would definitely be the stars. Despondos might’ve been a safe haven for Mara to take them, but the emptiness of the sky back home was too deep.

Western Australis crept into the sky in the front of the three moons, each of its eleven stars shining brightest in the sky. The middlemost star helped shape a butterfly that pointed down at the moons.

“It’s cold out here; I’m going inside.” Adora chattered her teeth and turned back. For some reason, the stars made her wistful.

Back indoors, they got ready for bed. Adora and Catra brushed their teeth and hair as best as they could and went into the bedroom. As usual, it was several degrees warmer in there than in the main room.

There with the door closed, the room was easily the most comfortable.

Without warning, Catra stripped her shirt off and began rummaging in the wardrobe.

If Adora had been drinking water, she would’ve spit it out. _Why would she just take off her shirt? Karma at its finest for the nightgown thing_. She knew it was polite to look away, but for some reason—she couldn’t. Something made her not. Why couldn’t Catra keep her shirt on??

It’s not like she saw much…. Catra was facing away, so Adora guiltily let herself watch. The way that Catra’s shoulders shifted, the bumps of her spine twisting and curving. There was something mesmerizing about the shapes under her skin that made Adora’s heart flutter just a little faster.

Was it the contour of her body? Her posture? Her scars, or the pattern of hair striping down her sides?

_What would it all feel like under Adora’s hands?_

The moment was over too soon.

Catra had found a sleeveless top from the closet and began to pull it over her head while turning to the other girl. “It’s a good thing that—” She stopped, seeing Adora’s eyes. Then the corners of her mouth lifted into a mischievous smile. “You’re watching me.”

This wasn’t a question.

Adora didn’t have a defense at all. In fact, she could hardly feel embarrassed. “Do you want me to be sorry?” The bold words were surprising even to her.

They made Catra blink in surprise. Her tail waved back and forth slowly, and the way that she was standing shifted slightly. The expression was almost one of intrigue.

 _Too much?_ Adora could still see the shapes of Catra’s body underneath the top she wore.

For a few more seconds, they held a staring contest. After those seconds were up, there was no clear winner. Catra ended up rolling her eyes and going around her side of the bed and fluffing her pillow up. The tension was broken.

_Why did this affect her so much?_

In the darkness of their bedroom, Catra and Adora lay side by side under the covers, and though they weren’t looking at one another, each knew the other wasn’t sleeping.

Time passed slowly, the only sound being the brush of wind against the side of their house. Adora, despite being comfortable and tired, wasn’t able to sleep easily. Her thoughts wandered too far.

She kept Bright Moon at the top of her list, despite it trying to slip away. An image of a winged horse seemed to be reoccurring as well, but truly…all her thoughts kept going back to was Catra.

Adora let out a huff and flipped over onto her side facing the other girl.

Catra was clearly awake, because even though her eyes were closed, she purred when she felt her bedmate stir. “Can’t sleep?” she asked.

“Busy thoughts,” Adora replied quietly. She could hard see past her own nose, but when Catra opened her eyes, they glowed.

 _Maybe she didn’t need to remember_.

Adora might not have been in an environment she was used to, but the warmth she felt was growing hot in the base of her gut. It was inevitable—She snuck her hands across the bed to grip onto the front of Catra’s shirt—and she kissed her in the dark.

“I’m trying to sleep,” Catra mumbled after breaking away.

“Sorry.”

“Nah.” She let Adora get comfortable on her shoulder before settling back down. “Goodnight.”

Only then was it easy for Adora to fall asleep.

Dreams came that night.

Adora’s eyes opened to find herself outside at night. She was briefly confused before recognizing the property. Fireflies twinkled all around the forest and brought a shimmer to the starry night sky as well. All around was a peaceful sort of chirping and the smell of upturned soil.

 _This isn’t autumn_ , thought Adora. It was much too warm, the grass too soft beneath her bare feet. Behind her, the cabin was silent with no lights on.

“Catra?” she called out and stepped up the front porch. No answer.

The door was locked.

 _Weird_.

The air tasted of peppermint.

She turned and began walking down the path out of the property, into the woods. The fireflies darted and bobbed along their way, bumping occasionally into Adora as she meandered. Eventually, she stepped out into a clearing.

A clearing? Adora didn’t remember a clearing being here. Then again, she wasn’t certain what’s outside of their property line anyhow. This wasn’t even the weird part; looming far over the tree line, larger than life, was a spaceship. She didn’t remember a spaceship, either.

Adora walked the fifty feet across the clearing and began clambering up the side of the ship. It was difficult and took a minute, but eventually found herself up on top.

On the very top of the ship, laying on her back and looking up at the night sky, was Mara. She held her sword on her lap and had a pensive look to her face.

“This is a lot of responsibility,” Mara said, almost as if she was talking to the sword.

Adora lay down next to her.

The sky was beautiful. Most of the constellations up there were shifted from where she knew them to be. Half of the sky was unrecognizable, even, aiding to the thought that it was summer and not fall. Even the moons were at a different position.

Beautiful.

Mara held her sword up to the sky and the moonlight reflected on its runestone. “You and I are going to do great things,” she told it. “At least…that’s what everyone is saying.”

_Familiar words._

“I don’t know if I can be the She Ra everyone is saying I have to be. Hero of my people. What does that even mean?” Mara scoffed and put the sword down. Her eyes cast back up to the sky. “What kind of hero do they need?”

Only at that point did she turn and look to Adora. Even though her eyes were unfocused, she seemed to be doing her best to concentrate. “I guess we’ll find out together, huh?”

At this point, the stars above them began solidifying and one by one dropped into fireflies. This feeling, watching them all fall around her, was familiar. An ache grew in her throat.

How was she supposed to be what Etheria needed her to be?

The scene shifted.

Adora was standing back at the property, facing the light of a slowly-rising sun. Sunrises were breathtaking above the Whispering Woods. She wished to never get used to them. All the different colors swirling together in blues and pinks and purples and oranges.

Back at the house behind her, Adora saw a light from the other side of the living room window. She went to investigate, and this time, the door was unlocked. It opened, letting out a creak of strain from its hinges.

The house was…not the same house that Adora knew.

Dust—and not the magic kind—covered every inch of the interior, caking furniture and floors and kicking up with every step Adora took. Each board in the walls were cracked and shrunk. It looked like the only thing holding this poor place together was the cobwebs.

The light that Adora had seen turned out to be a lamp in the corner of the room. It illuminated Madame Razz as she came hobbling from the kitchen with a full teacup in each hand.

“There you are, my dear,” she hummed when she saw Adora, and she set the cups down on the crumbling coffee table. “Take a seat. The couch is more comfortable than it looks.”

Adora sat, tentatively, on the couch and sank into the dusty cushion. _Hm. Surprisingly comfortable, she’s right_. No surprise, she was hesitant to touch the tea.

Madame Razz did not sit down right away. She crept past the couch to a stand underneath the frontmost window. This stand had been there for the length of their stay, but admittedly they never cared enough to figure out the contraption on the top.

That is, until Razz pulled a disk from the drawer, popped it onto the stand, and turned a few knobs.

A song began playing—low and sweet, a melody with strings and piano and a wind instrument that sounded like it came from the heavens itself.

This song was familiar to Adora, and she realized it had been the one playing when she very first dragged Catra’s unconscious body to the property.

Only once the music was playing did Madame Razz take a seat next to Adora on the couch. Her bones popped as she sank, and she picked up her teacup.

“That’s better, isn’t it?” Razz took a sip of her tea. “Music heals the soul.”

The music _was_ nice. Adora picked up her teacup and stared into it as a chunk of dust floated on its surface. “This is a dream,” she stated matter-of-factly and plucked the chunk out.

“Dream. Reality. There’s not much a difference, is there?”

 _Yeah, kind of?_ She didn’t say that, though.

“Did you already visit Mara?” Moths floated around the elderly lady, though none of them landed anywhere.

Adora watched as Razz’s skin creaked in age, and she tried not getting too frustrated. “Yeah, but she only said like _three sentences._ How was that supposed to help?”

“You’re expecting clear-cut answers to questions that are _impossible_ to answer.”

“Impossible to answer? All due respect, Madame Razz, but it seems like the world is purposefully trying to make my life harder.” She took a drink from her teacup and found that it was not tea, but hot wine. It nearly made her choke. “She-Ra is _useless._ ”

As Razz stood, the moths fluttered upwards. Her walking stick had been propped up against an end table in the corner, and she grabbed it. This end table had a dusty picture frame on top of it, and framed—

_Eri._

Adora felt that reoccurring twist to her soul. If this is how she felt just being inside of their house, how much Razz feel?

Razz just paused for a moment at the picture before going back to sit on the couch. “She-Ra is not just a title, nor a sword.”

“—She-Ra is _me_ ,” Adora interrupted, rolling her eyes. “Yeah, I’ve been told that before.”

“Don’t interrupt,” Razz snapped and shook her stick. “She-Ra is a _tool_. She is an extension of what is in your heart.” She poked Adora’s chest. “You think that you were just born with a destiny? _Bah_. Destiny _chose_ you because your selflessness and determination to do the right thing at any cost.”

The right thing. Even though the words spoken to her were meant to be kind and encouraging, all they managed to do was put a sour taste at the back of Adora’s throat.

Adora looked away. “But I’m failing. Wimborne…all those people…” _If she cried in her dreams, would she cry in real life?_ “I’m a terrible She-Ra. If I’d been given a choice and shown my future, I’d—”

“Hush, child.”

She held her teacup close to her chest for the warmth, although it didn’t make her feel any better.

The tone Madame Razz spoke in was gentle. “Destiny is a silly thing. She-Ra isn’t a god, she is a hero. If you can save _one_ person it’s a good day.” She tilted Adora’s head up with her crooked finger. “If the only person you can save is yourself, well…”

_The only person she could save…_

Dust in the house began shifting and stirring a little more than before. It tickled and itched, making the room dip.

“She-Ra has never had it easy, dearie. You’re no exception, and I wish I had something more comforting to say than that.”

“What about the property? We got stuck here.” Adora was trying and failing keeping her thoughts straight. “Catra and I. How do we get out? _You_ got out, right?” Even as she said that, a small seed of doubt planted on her tongue.

To this, Madame Razz stood and gestured for Adora to stand as well. She did, setting her cup back down on the ring it had made in the table. She gestured for Adora to hold her arm out, and when she did, she took it and leaned heavily as they made their way outside.

 _This is a weird version of her,_ Adora thought.

They made their way slowly outside and around the house. The garden, which Adora had known to be in full blooming harvest, was now dead. Each tree was hardly a crooked trunk, and the plants which grew from the soil were nothing more than a patch of messy, dried earth.

They walked all the way out back to the well. It seemed to be the only thing that wasn’t in horrid condition. The bricks were still red, water still full to the brim. The line of white dust still ringed most of the top surface.

“Now child,” Razz pointed her stick into the water. “I may not be able to answer all of your questions, but this might help you see a little clearer.”

_If this just shows my reflection, I’m going to be upset._

Trying her best not to roll her eyes, Adora stepped up to the well and peered downwards into the black water. A leaf floated unimpressed on the surface, but other than that…

No reflection? She didn’t have a reflection in the water.

Adora looked up.

Razz wasn’t there.

As immediate as her confusion was, the blackness of the water reached up and swallowed her whole.

The morning woke Adora gentler than her dreams would have. Light poured in from behind the closed curtains, and for several minutes she just let herself lay there in peace. For the first bit of waking up, she hadn’t realized, but Catra was laying across her legs on top of the covers.

“You finally up?” Catra purred, stretching her bad leg out behind her put tucking the good one in. “You talked in your sleep.”

“Did I?” Even though Adora’s legs were asleep, she didn’t want to say that right away. “I had some…weird dreams.” _Weird didn’t even cut it._ Even though she’d only been awake for a few minutes, they were already beginning to fade.

She was hesitant to talk about them. It wasn’t a matter of whether or not she _wanted_ to share, but more of hesitance over Catra’s own comfort. There was no reason for her to talk about She-Ra with her, but it was going to come up eventually.

All the meanwhile, Catra was watching silently. She, of course, noticed that the other girl was considering something, but still said nothing.

 _Maybe not_.

Adora pulled her legs inwards out from under Catra. “How did you sleep?” The conversation started light and she genuinely hoped it would stay that way.

Fortunately, Catra seemed to see and respect the other girl’s hesitance to talk. She rolled onto her back an stretched her healing leg upwards. “Alright, I guess.” She was looking out the cracks of the curtained window. “Looks like it might’ve warmed up outside.”

Bits and pieces of Adora’s dream lingers in her mind. The felt like she remembered most of it, but there was a feeling of something missing just hanging there.

She stood and peered out the window, too. “We slept in.”

“ _You_ slept in. I was the one who had to listen to all the weird noises you make in your sleep.”

For some reason, this didn’t make Adora laugh like it would have. She had woken up in an uncomfortable mood and it made her muscles twitch. Even though she was aware of her mood, she tried not showing it on her sleeve.

“I’m a little hungry,” she said, touching Catra’s arm affectionately and waiting for her to get up. “Do you have a preference what we eat for breakfast?”

Catra stretched again and stood. The fur on the left side of her body was flattened and messy where she’d slept on it. “I’m sick of everything here, so it doesn’t even matter.”

 _Cute_ and _full of positivity._

Adora wanted to kiss her. Would that be okay? She passed Catra on the way out of the bedroom and pressed a kiss to the side of her head before leaving. This lowered her discomfort a little.

Feeling dozy for sleeping so long, she dragged herself to the living room, pulled her boots on, and went outside to gather breakfast.

What were those dreams? Madame Razz was unusually clear-minded. It was unhelpful, but it couldn’t have meant _nothing_. This buzz in her head made it so hard to focus, so she kept her gaze to the ground.

Rain must have fallen last night. Every step was a slosh and dew glistened on the leaves of their garden. Luckily, the temperature wasn’t too miserable either. Almost warm. It might’ve been pretty out if Adora hadn’t been so distracted.

She gathered a few citrus fruits from the nearest tree and an apron-full of cherries before heading right on back. Something…was poking at the back of her mind. Something important.

Something.

Adora, however, just kept her head down and went back to the house.

At the table with her feet propped up waited Catra. She put her feet down when she saw the other girl come in.

“Well?” she said.

Adora blinked and put the fruit on the table. “Well what?”

For a moment, they both just looked completely confused. So confused.

 _Did she say something before? Did I miss something?_ Adora stared, trying to see if maybe Catra had done something she hadn’t noticed.

Catra still wore her pajamas, her hair was still messy, the table was completely empty.

After a few seconds, the side of Catra’s face scrunched.

“I…” Adora finally noticed and did a double take to the table. “The peaches? Where did--?”

Something in the back of her head tickled. Then it itched. Then it stabbed her.

Without saying anything, and without really knowing _why_ , Adora grabbed Catra’s wrist and yanked her out the kitchen. Out the house. Off the porch. Around to the garden.

The something in the back of her head throbbed.

The peaches.

Their little peach tree that stood at the edge of the orchard was dead. Dead wasn’t even quite the right word to use. There were no leaves or fruit, of course, and each branch seemed to have aged and rotten so thoroughly that the only thing holding it up was a crust of decay on its trunk.

What had once been a centerpiece to their garden was now nothing more than a twig sticking from the soil.

“What happened?” Adora whispered. She held Catra’s sleeve tight in her hand. “Why is our tree like that??”

“Adora…?”

She looked over and saw Catra staring back, with pursed lips and crinkled eyebrows. She looked concerned, to say the least. Like she was waiting for Adora do something or say something. Important?

Adora looked back at the tree.

The tree.

The dust.

_The dust._

Adora felt like she was punched in the gut. Suddenly, the events of yesterday and the days before came crashing down on her.

The dust lining the property—the dreams in full detail—the dust around the peach tree—the dust— _Escape._

_Escape._

“It worked.” Adora felt her heart beating erratically and painfully inside of her ribs. “It worked, the tree reset back in time. It worked.” Even her breathing became shallowed. “I forgot.”

Those words. _I forgot_. They were poison, filling Adora’s skin from the tip of her toes to the very top of her head. She had forgotten. She’d forgotten they were trying to escape, their mission.

Even if it was only for an hour in the morning, she had _forgotten._

A feeling like helplessness washed over her, mixing with the poison of memory loss. Adora felt herself hyperventilating.

 _What else do I not remember??_ Her vision began getting blurry and black, and she could hardly hear Catra saying her name.

Adora sank to her knees. She forgot they were trying to escape. The feelings were too much, too painful. Fear, helplessness, grief. Sobs began building in her lungs before she was able to stop them.

“Woah woah woah.” Catra dropped to the ground next to the other girl and took her shoulders. “It worked, Adora. That’s a _good_ thing. What’s wrong?”

“I forgot.” Adora shook, trying to let Catra’s voice soothe her but being entirely ineffective. “I forgot we were trying to get out. The tree, I’m—” She swallowed, “I’m glad it worked, but I forgot. Catra, I _forgot.”_

Panic pulsed in and out of her.

Catra, who had hold of her shoulders, shook her twice and forced her to look in her eyes. “Hey,” her voice was stern. “It’s not that big of a deal. You remember _now,_ right?”

It got harder not to cry. The lump in Adora’s throat was growing thicker. “I know that you don’t really care about getting out, but I don’t—I don’t want to forget again.”

Through her watery eyes, she saw Catra looking puzzled.

“Hey,” Catra said, firmer this time. “If it matters to you, it…it matters to me. We won’t let ourselves forget again, okay?”

Somewhere in the distance, a bird began singing.

These words, as comforting as they were meant to be, didn’t make the stone in Adora’s throat cool. This type of anxiety was one that made her muscles twitch. She wanted to pull in, but at the same time pull away.

Adora stood. “I need to think.”

 _How can Catra be calm?_ Well, she knew how—but still. How could she be? What if she forgot completely? If she forgot herself?

If she forgot _Catra_?

What else does she not remember?

Adora went back into the house, changed into a tank top and shorts, tied her hair back, and set herself in a jog around the property.

It had been a while since she’d actually ran. Although her memory of the recent (and far) past was fuzzy, she knew by the burn in her muscles that it had been a while. And her _injuries_. She almost forgot she’d been injured until then.

The burn was a good burn, though.

Each step pounded the grass in a messy drumbeat. _Badum._

Blood rushed in her ears. _Badum._

How could she be sure of anything?

She’d known her memory was slipping. Right then, with this panic setting in, what was real?

 _Badum_.

She didn’t know. Her friends? Her home? Along with her memories, Adora was terrified that her interest in escaping would fade, if she’d wake up one day and just be content to wither away in a space out of time.

Would she wake up one day and forget her own name?

Adora’s running pace got faster. The lap around the property took only a few minutes, and she made a repetition in her mind with every lap.

Front porch. Side of the house. Flowers. Vegetables. Orchard. Well. Side of the house. Front porch. Side of the house. Flowers.

And so on.

She ran.

Catra sat at the steps of the porch, leaning against the railing and watching each time the other girl passed. Every time Adora ran by, she could see Catra’s expression grow slightly more and more worried. And more worried.

_Catra._

_What if she forgets Catra??”_

At this point, remembering so _little_ , the only thing Adora truly felt trust and comfort in was having Catra there. Maybe their isolation has made her feelings stronger about this, but—Catra was all she had.

If she loses her…

She can’t lose her.

Not again.

Adora’s running got sloppier. She felt her breathing get ragged and uncomfortable, steps more uneven. _Panic. Don’t panic._

She’s forgotten so much already. The lost things created a hole deep inside of her.

Adora’s vision got blurry.

_Don’t do this, not now._

Heart raced faster, more painful. Lungs hurt.

During the lap where she past in front of the house front, Catra was standing in the path.

“Adora.” She had her hands on her hips.

Adora slowed to a stop, the first gasping breath she took a sob. “Catra.” She grabbed onto the front of the other girl’s shirt and shook, trying not to completely fall apart.

Although Catra seemed unsure what to do, she put her hands on Adora’s shoulders. “Stop freaking out.” Her words were stern but were clearly meant to be reassuring. “You’re freaking _me_ out. Relax.”

“ _That’s literally impossible right now,”_ Adora growled. She was _freaking out_.

What if she forgets? _What if she forgets??_

“For the love of—” Catra pushed the other girl to arm’s length and sandwiched Adora’s face in her hands.

To Adora, it felt like being slapped from both sides at once, and it made her hiccup in surprise.

“Breathe, Adora.” Catra got just inches from Adora and began breathing deeply in rhythm. “You’re going to pass out if you don’t.”

 _She was close to passing out_.

Adora tried not to let the tears budding in her eyes fall. She shivered in Catra’s hands and tried breathing with her.

In. Out. In. Out.

A few tears dripped onto Catra’s hand.

In. Out.

“I can’t remember.” The words were a hiss. “I can’t—I’m letting everyone down. I’m abandoning them.” Pain gripped her stomach with such ferocity that she wanted to puke.

 _I’m abandoning everyone_.

Catra sat down on the porch stepped and pulled Adora down onto the porch step in front of her to a sitting position.

“I say this in a supportive way,” she took Adora’s face in her hands again, gentler this time, “but you need to shut up. Freaking out is not productive at all. You of all people should know that, dork.”

All Adora wanted to do was scream. “There can’t even be another She-Ra because I still have the sword. What if--?”

“What-ifs are pointless. Gods, Adora. The only thing that matters is remembering we’re trying to escape, so let’s just…” The gears in Catra’s head turned for a moment. “I don’t know, let’s write notes to ourselves and stick them in the house. That would work, right?”

Hearing this, Adora’s panic inadvertently quieted. She hadn’t thought about that. Of course, she still mourned the memories that she’d already left behind, but the solution to the puzzle was just getting out. If they could do that, hopefully everything would fall into place afterwards.

This whole thing was both terrifying and…embarrassing.

Adora rubbed at eyes and took a deep shaking breath. “I need a bath. I’ll…I’ll be back.”

_Catra is just trying to be nice. She’s all you have left._

Her anxiety made it hard to focus clearly. She simultaneously wanted to cling as close to Catra as possible and push her away. _She can’t see me like this. Not again, and not anymore._ Collapsing into Catra’s arms and crying?

The lump in her throat still burned, but it was a mixture of emotions she wished to wash away in the bath.

Fear.

The fear was so thick it hurt.

In the bath, Adora filled the water up to her nose and tops of her knees. It was not as warm as she would’ve liked, but the pressure of it around her body offered at least a bit of comfort. The thoughts would not stop running through.

All of those doubts and insecurities from the last few weeks were catching up on her. It wasn’t necessarily the things on her mind that scared her the most—if was the things that _weren’t_ on her mind. The missing things.

Why hadn’t she seen this inevitability?

Their memories had been slowly fading ever since they got to that property. Little by little. It was to be expected that a moment this colossal would come.

 _She had been enjoying herself, too_. She’d been having fun, even. Being with Catra. It filled a gap inside of her that had been empty for so long.

Adora sank further into the bath, up to her eyes, and let bubbles from her nose escape.

Writing notes to themselves might work for a temporary fix, but how long until it didn’t? How long would it take for this to be permanent?

A knocked on the door interrupted her thoughts, and she sat up. “Come in.”

Catra entered, holding a few pieces of paper in her hand and holding herself hesitantly. She didn’t look directly at Adora when she came in, but instead chose to sit on the chair in front of the tub.

“If you’re so worried about forgetting things…” Still not looking, she passed the papers over to Adora. “Here.”

Adora took them.

Notes?

Catra’s handwriting was neater than she remembered.

“What’s this?” Adora asked, wiping a slab of wet hair from her eyes.

The notes answered that question for themselves. They were an amalgamation of everything they’d found and recorded so far. They included the important bits of Razz’s journals, observations of their time here, stuff like that. There was also a neat chronological list of observations from the last three weeks.

There were even notes on escape attempts they’ve made, things that didn’t work and things they hadn’t tried.

It was nearly everything important that they couldn’t afford to forget wrapped in one easy package. On the last page, at the bottom, was written:

_Reminder: Don’t forget Catra._

Adora stared at that last note and was warmed with a nostalgic feeling of something Catra would’ve done in their childhood.

“Catra…” The word grateful wasn’t enough to describe.

Catra, who had her arms cross and was facing away from the tub, just shrugged. “It’s not a big deal, but I thought it might help. Just in case anything were to happen to all of your other notes, you know?”

“This is really sweet.”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Catra.”

She rolled her eyes and then squatted down next to the side of the bath. From so close, the specks in her eyes seemed to turn deeper colors, reflective movement from the surface of the bathwater. The freckles, the curve of her lips, right down to the scar on her nose she got when they were little.

Having her—and these notes she wrote up—made Adora feel more hopeful.

Adora leaned her arms over the side of the bathtub and got closer to Catra’s face, so close she could smell the cherries coming off her breath. While she still felt the worry, being with her right them was like having a cold drink on a hot day.

“Sorry I was acting crazy,” Adora apologized, and she leaned her forehead against Catra’s. “I’m scared, and I…I don’t like you seeing me like this.”

Catra scoffed softly. “I’m happy to forget my past, but I know that you have things you care about waiting for you back home.”

The way she spoke, the affection in her actions… Who was this Catra? Was this what memory loss did to her—made her all gushy and sweet?

Adora wasn’t sure which she preferred, to be honest. The new soft Catra, or the old Catra she fell in love with?

She leaned back in surprise at her own thoughts.

Love?

This is what people talk about, isn’t it? This feeling. She could say with confidence the property wasn’t creating these feelings, but how could she be so positive?

Catra blinked in a result of the movement. “What? You look surprised. Did you think of something important?”

Important? Adora wasn’t sure if or when it would be appropriate to share the depth of her feelings. All of this was so new to her, and it had the potential to disturb their goal… Right then, they had more important things to worry about.

 _She loved her._ But she had to focus.

“We can’t afford to wait much longer. Whatever needs to be done to escape needs to happen now.” The resolve that Adora felt—especially after exhausting herself with tears and anxiety—was growing stronger than ever. “Everything I do has to move us closer to escape.” She pulled the plug from the bottom of the bathtub.

Catra watched with a hard to identify expression. “It’s been slow going so far. Don’t get upset when things don’t happen immediately.” The tip of her tail flicked back and forth and her teeth poked out from her bottom lip. She stood, slowly, still watching.

It almost made Adora squirm, the intensity of her gaze.

Only then did she realize her bathwater was draining and she was just sitting in the tub as it slowly exposed her.

“Stop staring.” Adora threw her dirty socks at Catra, who cackled. “Get out of here! I’ll meet you in a minute.”

Catra left, still snorting.

Okay, she was feeling a little better. A little.

They had a plan, she just needed to keep reminding herself. It wasn’t _much_ of a plan, but with their notes and enough willpower… They can do it. They _have_ to do it.

The fear was turning into fuel.

She was used to fear. She could use this.

Adora dried off and went to put on more sturdy clothes. Thicker pants, a long-sleeved shirt with a tunic over the top. First Ones clothing. _I can do this._

She grabbed a pen and some spare paper and left.

Catra was seated comfortably on the front porch steps, elbows on her knees.

“Feeling better?” she asked and stood when Adora came out.

Adora held her paper. “We’re going to map out the entire property.”

“Oh?”

“Every inch of it. I want to trace out _exactly_ the shape of the perimeter, every change in the dust, and even a _hint_ of disturbances we’re going to investigate.” She put her hands on her hips. “Are you coming with me?”

This sudden determination seemed to impress Catra, whose smile got a little cockier. “Now this is more like my Adora. Back into soldier mode.” She stretched and cracked her joints before hopping off the steps. “Let’s go then.”

_My Adora._

This filled Adora with joy. _Her Catra._

The sun was exactly overhead when they set out. Adora kept close track of its position in the sky and the footsteps it took to get to the dust line they’d first found.

Jot down paces. Mark a dot on the paper. Follow the line. Turn a pace to the east. Follow. Mark.

It wasn’t a very comfortable mission; getting close to the property line meant headaches and dizziness, so every few minutes, Catra and Adora had to sit down and drink some water to avoid getting too sick. This made it go slower than expected.

“I’m hungry,” Catra said after about half an hour of this. “Maybe we should’ve had lunch before starting.” Although she didn’t say it aloud, they were both at a silent agreement that this would take up most of their afternoon without pause.

“Yeah,” Adora agreed. She let out a sigh and stared at the map in front of her. “I guess it would be too easy for the property line to spell out instructions, huh?”

She hadn’t expected to have any sort of breakthrough so early on. Still, it was easy to get frustrated fast.

They took a seat on a few mossy stumps and stared up into the sky. Clouds still passed lazily, though it wasn’t nearly as overcast as it was earlier in the morning. The air was delightfully warm, though this almost promised they were going to be gross and sweaty by the time their mission was over.

Catra leaned back on her stump and moved her eyes back and forth across the line of dust they’d traced behind them. Her movements at first were lazy, but within seconds her ears pricked up.

“What?” Adora sat, too, following the gaze down the line into the forest behind her.

Dust wound under bushes, around trunks of trees—It stopped where they paused uncovering, but something glistened on the other side of a wildberry bush. Maybe glistened wasn’t the right word. Glowed?

Adora stood and squatted down at the bush. “You saw something over here too, right?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Catra went over too.

They took a moment to scrape some of the underbrush away with their hands—and—

Adora nearly cried out in excitement.

There, almost invisible, written in thin trails of dust—was a sigil the size of a large dinner plate.

“What on Etheria?” Catra muttered, but the other girl was already scribbling the shapes on her paper.

A sigil.

It didn’t spell anything; none of the symbols inside was First Ones language, but it was unmistakable. Adora didn’t have too much experience with this side of magic. If she wasn’t struggling with her memory, she might’ve related this sigil to the ones Glimmer’s Aunt Castaspella used, but right then they were a mystery.

“Does this mean anything to you?” Catra asked.

“Not really.” Adora tried disturbing the dust with her hand, but the only thing she managed to do was make the light it was emitting pulse. This dust, unlike the lines, was slightly warm to the touch.

It was completely befuddling. It almost…

“It looks like moonlight.”

Catra was right. The dust reacted at nighttime, so maybe that was its secret? The nighttime? Adora made a mental note to come back at night to see if anything was changed.

“Well this is something,” Adora finished up her drawing and stood. Excitement teased her, but she forced herself to keep it down. It was dangerous to get her hopes up.

They continued on from this point.

It still took an incredible amount of time getting through all of the dust. The sun followed them across the sky as they trudged. Adora counted her footsteps carefully, marking the position on the paper. Every so often they came across another sigil identical to the first one.

Each sigil was carefully marked and measured before they kept going.

It got boring very fast.

By the time that they had made a complete shape around the property and ended up where they began, afternoon was in full swing. Catra had began limping some time back but didn’t complain.

They wordlessly lumbered from the property line and collapsed onto the warm grass of their lawn.

Catra let out an exhausted groan. “Why did they have to make this so hard? Stupid First Ones and their magic.”

Although Adora somewhat agreed, she didn’t say so. Being around the throbbing headache of the property line for so long made her ill.

All in all, they had mapped out a strange shape of the property. The sigils, ten in total, didn’t appear to have a specific pattern to them. Some were closer together than others, some slightly larger and some smaller. The shape itself didn’t ring any bells to Adora either.

“It looks like a deformed butterfly,” Catra commented, and pointed to a spot west of the property. “See? Its wing is broken.”

A strange observation, but Adora’s headache was bad enough she didn’t even laugh. “At least we got somewhere.”

They were getting somewhere. Slowly but surely. She didn’t know what any of it meant, but progress was progress.

Adora flopped her head to the side and looked at the other girl. Catra, whose eyes were closed against the sun, looked so content. What was she thinking right then? Did she feel the same things that Adora felt?

So much was running circles in Adora’s mind. Her lost memories, the sigils…Catra. The side of Catra she’d never seen before.

In every sense…how long would it be for something to actually happen?

Although she’d never admit it, it had been a rough day for Catra.

She had woken up in a similar way that Adora had, with a drowsy bit of fog hanging over her head. Most of the memories that panicked Adora didn’t bother her as much; as she’d said before, her past wasn’t something she wanted to remember.

But seeing Adora so upset? Seeing Adora lose it the way she did?

Catra wanted to take away all her pain. To was make Adora…stop freaking out. Their mission around the property helped, but it created more questions than it answered. Even with all of their other notes back inside the house… Nothing was helpful.

“My eyes are starting to hurt from reading this so many times.” Adora flopped sideways on the couch and threw one of her legs over the back of it. “And my head feels like it’s going to explode.”

Catra leaned over the back of the couch and twirled a bit of Adora’s hair in her finger. She thought briefly of this morning when Adora was in the bath and they were talking. That look she’d given her…

Catra should really be more concerned than she was. If they could spend the rest of their lives there at the property together…well, that wouldn’t be all bad.

“ _Uugh_.” Adora flopped onto her stomach and groaned into the couch cushions. “I wish it could be nighttime already so we can just go back out and get it over with.” She paused before lifting her head. “But I don’t want to go out again. That gave me such a bad headache.”

Catra frowned. Yeah, her head was little a little sore, but it seemed to really affect Adora. Maybe it was the stress combination?

Now, why did Catra care so much? Oh, she knew why. She thought back to this morning with the types of affection Adora showed her, the cheek kisses and the forehead touches. How it made _her_ feel. Does Adora feel the same way?

As an experiment, Catra traced her fingers down Adora’s arm, took her hand up to her lips, and kissed Adora’s knuckles.

Adora lifted her head.

 _There it is. That’s the look_.

Catra could live off of it. Drink it like sunshine. She could hardly handle the way it made her feel.

She left the living room and went to the kitchen. _What do people do to show they care for one another?_ Without looking like an idiot? This was the challenge, and with every passing day, Catra was worried less about looking like an idiot and more about just…her.

Adora.

She put a kettle of water onto the stove and rummaged in the cabinets for a bit. Although her memories were locked behind the fog of magic, something in the back of her mind told her that the action of making tea was a soft one. Someone important to her once made her tea. It was a thing to do.

Escaping the property was something that seemed so far away and yet the possibility loomed closer and closer with each breakthrough they had. Catra couldn’t allow herself any feelings other than blind resolve.

_Do it for Adora._

After the tea was ready, she poured two cups of it and took them back to the living room. Adora was on the floor surrounded by papers and notes, of course, and she looked up with Catra came in. She almost did a double-take at the tea.

“Don’t look so surprised.” Catra sat down on the floor next to her and took a sip. _I forgot, I don’t like tea very much._

The papers in front of them were in no particular order, but Adora looked very focused.

“There has to be something I’m missing.” She took a drink and set the cup down on the carpet behind her. “The sigils are all the same, but they’re in no specific order than I can see. And their sizes are a little different?” She sighed. “It looks so familiar, though.”

“The shape?” Catra reached over and picked up the piece of paper that the property had been mapped out on. It wasn’t familiar to her, not really. She handed it back and took a drink of her tea. “I don’t know.” _The tea was so gross._

She stood up, holding the cup in her hand.

“Hey, what about—” Adora turned but accidentally bumped her—

The tea spilled all over the papers.

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Catra set the cup down and rushed to wipe the tea off. _Oh no._ She felt guilty; if something were to happen to these notes…

She picked up a stack of papers and used the edge of her shirt to wipe them. One of the papers she was holding fluttered to the ground. A picture—

“ _Catra._ ” Adora nearly leapt into her legs to grab the paper.

 _What?_ Catra was confused for only a second before she saw the paper Adora was holding.

Oh. _Oh_.

Western Australis. The constellation. Shaped suspiciously like a butterfly.

It clicked immediately.

“No.” Adora looked from paper to paper in her hand, eyes widening with every second. “No?? _Yes?”_ She all but sat on Catra’s legs without even noticing. “Look, Catra.”

Catra was looking.

“There are only ten sigils though.” Adora stood, bringing Catra up with her. She was staring so hard at the paper her nose was nearly touching it. “Western Australis has eleven. Where is--?”

“Adora.”

She looked up, and Catra grabbed onto the other corners of the page. “The well. Look:” She pointed. “It’s right there where you said the wing looked broken.”

Adora’s mouth popped open.

_Everything is coming together. This is the missing piece._

The dust, the sigils. The constellation high in the sky.

Everything.

This must be the missing puzzle piece Adora was talking about. The discovery didn’t offer anything on how to escape, but if they understood the magic that caught them there… Catra wanted to be supportive. She was nervous, and didn’t want Adora to know that, but she had to go along with it.

“We’ve been to the well a thousand times.” Adora gathered up the papers into a stack on the coffee table. “My plan is just to back outside during the night to see if it changes anything. Until then…” She pursed her lips. “More waiting, I guess.”

She said that in a way that seemed to bring a bit of her anxiety back. Her eyes darted back and forth on the page for a minute before closing.

 _We got somewhere_. Although these small discovering seem to help Adora focus, Catra had an unexplainable urge to comfort her. She knew she should be embarrassed at all these soft feelings that were so new to her, but the urges were nearly impossible to resist.

It was nearing dinnertime, and Catra’s stomach had been growling for several hours. Her suggestion may have been slightly selfish, but she went over to where they hung their makeshift net.

“Why don’t we go grab some dinner?” Catra suggested. “You can bring the papers if you want, but I’m starving.”

Adora responded by putting her hand on her stomach. “Yeah, me too. Okay.”

A half-hour later, they found themselves at the lake again. They’d taken more of a liking to the lake as opposed to the steam they originally fished at, and the temperature outside made it much nicer than usual.

All the while, Catra was distracted.

It wasn’t necessarily the discovery they’d just made; Catra had an unusual detachment to this whole mission they seemed to be on. It wasn’t that she would make a direct effort _not to_ get out. It was more of an indifference. Her new happiness was found wherever Adora was, and if that meant following along with her plan, well.

 _Gods, what kind of sap have I become?_ If they get out, would Catra just stay this gushy forever? She didn’t want anyone to see how cheesy she became. It was embarrassing.

Adora looked back at her while they walked and smiled.

Catra nearly ran into a tree.

 _Nope._ Only embarrassing when it wasn’t Adora. With Adora, she would do anything.

Was there a name for such a feeling?

When they got to the lake, Adora cast her net and they stretched out at their favorite spot: underneath an overhanging tree that dotted the ground with leafy shadows.

Laying there in the warmth, it was hard imagining that just that morning was a time of such stress and worry for Adora. Of course, this stress wasn’t just going to go away. It was Adora—the queen of stressing out over everything.

This thought made Catra almost smile.

For so long, wanting to follow Adora wherever she went felt like such a handicap, like needing something like that made her worthless. But now?

Catra watched as Adora flipped through pages on her lap, hair coming out of her ponytail and brushing the tops of her shoulders. The sun that filtered through the leaves hit her at the most wonderful angle.

Catra hoped that the property was making her crazy, otherwise how could she feel these feelings so strongly she’d avoided all her life? She just watched Adora, listening to the crinkle of paper and the quiet lapping of pondwater on the shore.

Fish didn’t seem too eager to bite that day. The most interesting thing that happened for a long while was a small bird flew into the area and pecked around for bugs before flying away again.

After some time, Adora put her papers down next to her and turned over to see what Catra was doing.

No surprise, Catra was watching her.

“Have you just been staring at me this whole time?” Adora raised an eyebrow.

 _Yes_. “No.” Catra scooted closer to the other girl. “Found anything else out?”

“Not really, no. Nothing helpful.” The paper that was up on top of the stack was one from Razz’s journal, and Adora tapped it. “The only mention of sigils in here was under the notes Razz made when she was first experimenting with the dust, but really. Nothing.”

Hm. Though she didn’t say so, Catra thought this Madam Razz was dumb for not keeping record of this as well as she ought. Who goes through all this trouble of locking themselves into a time loop without properly documenting how to get out?

If there was a way for people to get into the bubble, there had to be a way for people to get out.

Catra watched shadows on Adora’s face. “So there’s not much to do until later tonight, is there?”

“I guess not.” The expression on Adora’s face hardly changed, but there was definitely an uneasy sort of feeling to them.

 _How can Catra make her feel better?_ What could she say or do that would make Adora smile again? Make her laugh? She could handle herself, that was obvious, but Catra wanted her to know she wasn’t alone. Even looking a little tired and rough…

 _She was beautiful_. These thoughts no longer surprised Catra.

“Adora,” Catra said, rolling onto her back next to the other girl and putting her arms behind her head. Her tail, which was tucked sideways, curled around Adora’s waist.

Adora’s gaze softened and she touched her arm. “Hm?”

“Hypothetically speaking…” _Here goes nothing,_ “If someone… _cares_ for someone else, how would they express it without looking stupid?”

The ever-changing expression on Adora’s faced switched through a dozen emotions before she squinted at Catra incredulously. “Are you seriously asking me this?”

“Hypothetically, Adora. Don’t make it weird.”

She looked like she was trying not to laugh. “Maybe for starters I wouldn’t ask dumb questions.”

 _She was onto her_. Catra sat up and frowned. _Why was this so hard? Do other people usually have these things of feelings? How did_ they _handle them?_

Luckily, Adora leaned back on the trunk of her tree and let out a breathy laugh. “I don’t know, Catra,” she said, and flicked Catra’s ear. “You should do whatever feels right. This really isn’t easy for you, is it?”

“Oh my gods, just stop.” _This isn’t helping._ Catra wished she never said anything at all. She tried rolling into a sitting position but was blocked by Adora’s shoulder.

Adora leaned down and got within an inch of her face. “What are you actually trying to tell me?”

The net in the water bobbed up and down to announce a caught fish, but Adora wasn’t done. She continued staring Catra down.

_I regret everything. Should’ve kept my mouth shut. Stupid Catra, stupid._

She was too close. Catra would never get used to the cocky mood swings Adora would get, when she would genuinely fluster her. It was almost though Adora enjoyed the change in power, but this was all part of the game. The game Catra intended on winning.

Catra sat completely up at that point and took care of the net that was being neglected. Two little fish were tangled in it, so she pulled them up onto shore and into the bucket they’d brought.

“You’re just avoiding my question.”

“I’m not. It was a stupid question. If you have something to say to me,” Adora took the net and tossed it back out, “then say it.”

 _Maybe it was a bit of a stupid question._ What else could she say though?

Catra took a long while to think.

After this long while, Adora looked over. It wasn’t an impatient look, or judgmental. It was tender, almost.

“You’ve got something on your mind,” she said after a bit. Her shoulders arched when she leaned backwards onto her hands.

Catra just watched. The way her body moved…was mesmerizing. “Something on my mind?” _Her_.

“Tell me.”

 _How?_ What could she possibly say?

“Just tell me what you’re feeling.”

She turned her eyes from Adora’s body to her face. Adora was watching her, too, but it was with an expression of much more closeness than before. The stare bore right into her soul.

“I feel…” Catra’s mouth dried up. It was hard not looking at the rest of her, “like any time I’m around you, I can hardly think straight.”

 _This was the truest thing she’d said._ The glaze to Adora’s eyes, the little smile on her lips. Everything about it, just intoxicating.

Maybe this was the gift that the property’s magic gave her. While Adora’s memory loss caused her unease, it gave Catra the chance to finally feel what she wanted to feel.

Adora tried keeping eye contact. “What do you mean?”

What did Catra mean? What else were those words supposed to mean? They were sitting up, shoulder to shoulder, looking with such ferocity into each other’s eyes. A burning ember was lit like a fuse in the lowest part of her stomach.

“Stop looking at me like that.” Adora’s voice was almost a breath, but she caught it.

Catra licked her lips to stop her words from being too rough. “Like what?”

“Like you’re taking my clothes off with your eyes.”

Those words—

The breath in Catra’s lungs stopped moving and for just a moment her heart stopped as well. Like maybe a change in the air pressure. Maybe a stop in the time.

Her mouth opened and then closed. _Was that what she was doing?_ She wasn’t used to feeling like such an idiot, but this wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. The way Adora looked back at her…well that may not have been a horribly innocent look either.

When she saw Catra’s reaction, right away Adora’s mouth split into a grin. “You are so easy to mess with.” Adora leaned forward and clicked her tongue. “Tell me—What are you thinking now?”

 _What was Catra thinking?_ She wasn’t sure if it was proper to say.

Catra had long since thrown away her pride. Especially feeling the other girl’s breath so warm against her neck. “I think…” Good bumps tickled her skin. “I think that you’re beautiful.”

A red flush spread over each of Adora’s cheeks. This was something she clearly didn’t expect to hear. “Catra…”

“Now, you have to promise you won’t laugh, but—”

Adora, completely red and obviously flustered, let out a snorting laugh and tried to cover it with her hand.

_Beautiful._

“I said don’t laugh.” Catra was enjoying this as much as she was. She took both of Adora’s hands in her own. “I know we’re so close to getting out, but…” _Oh no, her nerves were slipping_. She could feel her own face turning pink and her palms were getting clammy. “All I can think about is you. I…like you a lot.”

_There._

_She said it. It might’ve been phrased weird, but she said it._

If anyone back home knew about this, they would tease her until they turned blue. How could see, terrifying Horde Commander Catra, have these kinds of feelings? Towards a princess? Catra genuinely didn’t care.

A breeze blew through the forest, adding to the ambience of water and rattling leaves. Fish in the lake jumped, included one that had apparently been caught in their net.

Adora looked like she might burst, like she was having a hard time respecting Catra’s wishing and _not_ laughing. “You…” She failed, laughing into the back of her sleeve. “You are such an idiot, you know that?”

_An idiot?_

Catra sat back, still holding Adora’s hands. “Why are you laughing?”

The fish in the net kept jumping, and Adora—

Adora looked flustered and pink still, but held the other girl’s hand up to her cheek. “You know, Catra,” her words were silky and turned Catra’s bones to mush. “With the way that you kissed me the other night, I would have _never_ guessed you liked me. Was it supposed to be a secret?”

_That’s it._

Catra leaped on top of Adora, pinning her into the ground and rubbing her knuckles into her hair. “You’re so mean,” she growled playfully, enjoying the sound of both of their laughter. “Are all princesses cruel like this?”

So cruel, the way Adora had her hands gripping Catra’s waist and how she squirmed underneath the hold. She was overly aware of her body, her own hips pinning Adora’s, the blond hair tangled in her hands.

Blood pulsed through her body. Her wrists, her neck, the parts of her thighs that were touching Adora.

 _This is how things were supposed to be_ , Catra thought as Adora reached up and kissed her. _How things were_ always _supposed to be._

She wasn’t lying when she said she could stay like this forever. Blissfully unaware. The taste of Adora on her mouth. There was nothing more she ever wanted in life.

“We should go back,” Adora said after a minute of them tangled together at the lakeside. “The smell of fish is starting to get a little strong.”

A little. It was worth it, though.

She stood and helped Catra up next to her, and they gathered their fishing supplies before heading back. This time, Catra got up the courage to take Adora’s hand tightly in her own while walking.

_Just like how it was supposed to be._

Things were getting more real, now. They were so close to finding the secret to escaping this hell, and with every moment her and Adora spent together, Catra felt the holes in her heart patching up. Every touch a stitch.

Tonight, they go back out to the property lines to see if anything had changed.

But right then?

All she wanted was to be with her. There walking back to their house, she got that wish.

Everything was all right with the world.

Bonus: Badly-done art of them being soft


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part 1 of a chapter that became too long, so chapter 25 should be out sooner!

After dusk fell completely, every star in the sky came alive in a crystal-clear night. First one moon appears above the horizon, followed shortly by the others. As beautiful as it all was, rain would’ve been more welcome.

Adora and Catra waited patiently for it to get dark before putting back on their clothing layers.

Their plans had not changed, and neither had their resolve. They were _so close_ to getting out. There were pieces of the puzzle they’d yet to put together, but with their detailed notes in pocket… They had to keep trying.

“I have a sneaking suspicion that we’re not going to find anything without the rain,” Adora predicted, looking upwards as she buttoned her jacket. “If everything revolves around it. The starwater.”

This property was certainly something strange. Nonetheless, she was determined. They walked hand-in-hand down the main path of the house to reach the edge.

During the nighttime, the property line felt different. Adora tried to remember what it felt like the very first night of their arrival, carrying Catra through the dark. While she had no idea how they made it _into_ this place, the feeling of arriving might’ve felt similar.

Instead of it making her head hurt, it made bits of her mind…softer. Fuzzy, almost, like she was running on too few hours of sleep.

“Do you feel that?”

Catra rubbed her eyes. “I don’t like it. This is almost worse than in the daytime.”

It was.

 _Focus._ If they were to accidentally fall asleep there, would they never wake up? This was a disturbing thought, but Adora genuinely didn’t think they would. Madam Razz wouldn’t have designed something dangerous, but it was still unknown magic.

A while into the forest and they came across the same sight as they had during the daytime. A sigil, half-hidden by the bushes. It glowed very softly and emitted the same kind of unique temperature it had earlier.

“What are we doing again?” Catra whispered, swaying her tail back and forth carefully. “Nothing happened when we came here earlier.”

“The whole magic of this place revolves around the nighttime, the moons and the rain.” Adora explained for the second time what their plan was, but she was grateful to have an excuse to remember it. “If it didn’t work during the day, it might work at night.” _Might_.

They squatted by the sigil and admired it once more. It was beautiful, despite being responsible for their imprisonment. Just the way that the curves were written, so carefully marked. It was undeniable: Madam Razz must have been a powerful sorceress.

Adora ran her hand across the dust. This time, it smeared.

The powder wiped away like it was softer than silk, leaving nothing behind but a few directional smears.

But.

Nothing happened.

The dust was smeared, yes, but it remained so.

“Well.” Catra let of a long groan, but it wasn’t as surprised as it might’ve been. If anything, it was just tired. “You said it yourself. We probably have to wait for it to rain.”

Sure, Adora had said. She didn’t want it to be the case, though. What if it didn’t rain for several more days? Weeks? What if they forgot everything before the next rainfall? To have their livelihoods depends on the weather…

Adora stood. “Then I guess there’s no point in staying here. It’s making me lightheaded anyways.”

She must’ve looked disappointed, because Catra took her hand again almost immediately. It was a way to show her support and affection without saying anything, and Adora appreciate it.

They went back to the house and began getting ready for bed.

It was the routine that helped the most. Brush hair, brush teeth. Make sure there were enough clean clothes. _We should do laundry tomorrow._ She folded her jacket onto the rack of their closet and laughed internally at the way Catra still strung her clothes about the room.

Naturally, Adora was done before Catra, so she sat on the bed watching as the other girl finished up. As she waited, her thoughts automatically resorted back to the lakeside. What Catra had said.

_“I like you a lot.”_

After all of the “This isn’t because I like you”s, it delighted Adora, but made her suspicious at the same time. How could things be good? Things were _never_ good for them. Why does this get to be an exception?

She didn’t stop herself from watching Catra strip her used day clothes off and pull new ones from the wardrobe. Catra was just pulling on a tank top when she caught Adora looking.

“You’re not even trying to hide that dumb look on your face.” Catra had on the most devious tilt to her smile. It melted right through Adora’s core and stirred something hot inside of her.

“I need to ask you something.” Something made it hard for Adora to keep her heart rate down. “How much of…everything do you remember?”

When Catra heard this, she paused with pants in her hands. Her ears flicked. “Remember what? What do you mean?”

“I’m just worried…” _More than worried._ “I’m afraid that you’re only agreeing to come back with me because you can’t remember what you’re leaving behind.” This was such a valid fear, and Adora knew how much it would hurt to hear this.

Outside of the window, nighttime was thick. They had their bedroom light on for the first time in a while and it cast a yellow shadow over Catra’s face. It illuminated her troubled expression.

When she spoke, her words were deliberate. “Do you think that I’m only acting like this because we’re stuck here?”

“Well—”

“Adora, do you think I don’t actually feel— I mean, is _that_ what you think this is?” At first Catra looked like her feelings were hurt but the air changed when she turned the light off behind her without even looking.

It was much darker, now. This changed the entire mood of the situation. Catra then took a step closer to where Adora was sitting at the edge of the bed. For the few moments it took to adjust her eyes, all she saw was a snaking silhouette.

“You think I’m only acting interested because I can’t remember anything else. Like I don’t know any better.”

Catra’s curves and sharp angles. Her tail curving back and forth in curiosity.

Adora was way too aware of the fact that she was only in undershorts and a tank top, too. For just a moment she wanted to avert her gaze or scoot away, only out of habit, but everything else in her kept her stance.

The way Catra walked, the way she stared down at her—almost _hungry_. It must’ve felt like a game to her, but Adora couldn’t even form a coherent thought. Not with the way it made her feel, the tightness it brought in her stomach.

It sent an unknown feeling shooting down her legs and a pool of heat into her chest.

“Adora,” Catra purred, stopping when she was only a foot away from the bed. She reached down to put a finger underneath Adora’s chin and lift it. “I’ve wanted you for a long time—before we ever got here. Have I not made that obvious enough?”

The words were honey poured down Adora’s own throat. They almost made her salivate. “A long time?”

Catra brought her knee down onto the bed next to Adora so she was more to her height, but much closer. _Much closer_. Although there was a fire in her eyes, the crooked smile that split her face was so genuine. So Catra.

She was the girl Adora always knew.

It was the middle of the night, and they were drowsy from the day they just had, but Adora wasn’t ready to go to sleep yet. With Catra standing so close to her, it was easy to pull her into a hug. Catra, however, had a different idea and flopped down on top of her instead.

It was another whirlwind of emotions and sensations.

Adora found herself squished between the messy covers on the bed and the weight of Catra’s body. It was a wild embrace she tackled the other girl into—knocking elbows and arms and batting hair from her eyes.

“ _I can’t_ _breathe_ ,” Adora laughed, surrendering.

Most of the pillows that had been on the bed got pushed to the floor. Even the blanket, which wasn’t very neat to begin with, had tangled in their legs. It made Adora too aware of the skin that was touching her own.

Fluffy beds had never been too comfortable for her to begin with, but this was a new view of them altogether.

“ _Catra_ ,” Adora panted, trying to free one of her arms to pull a lock of Catra’s hair from her mouth.

Catra sat up on her elbows. She was still almost completely on top of her partner, lost in mountains of bedding and glowing so brightly like she’d only done these last few days. It was the crinkle in her eyes, maybe, or the tongue caught between her teeth when she grinned.

“What?” It was hard for Adora to act like this didn’t affect her. “You caught me, now what do you want?”

Catra leaned down, carefully pressing her nose to Adora’s neck, and said, “This.”

Hot breath on her neck.

“Does _this,_ ” she continued, “mean that I can kiss you whenever I want?”

 _Hot breath_. Adora’s senses were going wild, and she was grateful that Catra wasn’t able to see her because she had no idea what her expression was doing. Each of her nerves were on fire.

“Are you asking permission?” Adora tried to tease, but it came out as a breath. _This is ridiculous,_ she tried telling herself.

“No.”

“Then why—”

Her words were abruptly cut off by a kiss. It was mellow but filled Adora from the tips of her toes to the top of her head with that _feeling_. During this time, she managed to free her hands and put them on either side of Catra’s waist.

In the dark of their bedroom, their moment together was a series of purring closed-mouth kisses. Over the last few days, Adora could count on one hand the time they’ve kissed, and every time painted a different color on the tip of her tongue.

The first time they kissed, in the bedroom when Catra was high with a fever, was white hot. Adora could say she regretted it for not seeing how ill her friend really was and taking advantage of the moment. It was a release of all the feelings that had been pent up for so long—too bright and too intense for only a second before it ended.

The second time was when Catra kissed her in the blanket fort in front of their fireplace. That time was a deep blue of the night sky above them. Comfortable, encompassing, _right_. It felt right, more than anything had in her life.

This time… These kisses were smiling and easy. The same warm pink of Catra’s mouth on hers.

The tank top Catra was wearing as a PJ shirt was thin; Adora felt the shape that Catra’s ribs made, from her spine curved up and around to the front of her body. She hadn’t been paying attention and couldn’t stop her hands before they ventured too far upwards.

Catra pulled away when she felt Adora’s fingertips trace up her chest.

“Well,” she cooed, not giving the other girl a chance to explain herself. Her face was hardly an inch from Adora’s. “Being awful brave, aren’t you?”

Adora really _couldn’t_ explain herself. She was frozen, grateful again for the dark of the bedroom hiding the blush in her cheeks. She couldn’t even get out a stutter of explanation before Catra started laughing.

She could feel the laugh start as a rumble in Catra’s stomach pressed against her own, then bubbling out into her shoulder.

“You’re too easy to tease, princess.” Catra continued purring even as she rolled off of Adora and tucked the blankets up around them. “We’ll continue this conversation tomorrow.”

Continue it tomorrow??

Adora’s hands still itched where they had held onto Catra. _Continue tomorrow_. She wanted that. It made her heart race faster thinking about.

She hadn’t said a word after touching Catra like she had and yet the air had changed metallic on her tongue. Did this not affect her like it did Adora?

Catra seemed content; she had settled deep into the covers and pulled Adora’s arm up around her shoulders to lay on like a pillow. Her cheek pressed to Adora’s collarbone. Her arm around Adora’s waist. Her chest rising and falling as she settled in for sleep.

 _Was she already asleep, or just pretending?_ Adora hardly got a choice in her arm being pinned underneath Catra’s head, but there they were. _She’s never been this snuggly before._ She didn’t mind, it just brought thoughts to her mind that she’d never dwelled on before.

_“We’ll continue this conversation tomorrow.”_

Adora closed her eyes and rested her cheek against the top of Catra’s head. Her hair smelled musky, like woods and soap. _They’ll continue tomorrow._

~~

~~

~~

Catra woke from nightmares that lasted the entire night. Although she didn’t want to remember them, visions of Shadow Weaver and plumes of green smoke gave her an uncomfortable jolt back into reality. Every day, every time an unpleasant memory popped back in her head, she begged to whatever powers are out there to make them go away.

To forget would be a gift.

She scratched the fur bunched up under her ears and glanced sideways. Adora was already awake but was looking upwards emotionless at the ceiling.

For a moment, Catra wondered why she remember more than Adora did; memories of the Fright Zone reminded her of a time when Adora would be up before everyone else and already dressed. These days, she seemed content to relax. _Very_ unlike her.

“Good morning.” Adora stretched her legs up from the blankets and looked over. Her hair had escaped from her ponytail in the middle of the night and was a birds nest around the pillows. “Did you sleep well?”

 _No._ “I slept fine. What about you?”

Adora’s eyes were especially dark grey, but they smiled. “Yeah, fine.”

They laid in bed for a while under the blankets, side by side. Catra found herself wanting to be close to Adora again, to bury her face in Adora’s shirt and doze in the light of the morning sun coming in from the bedroom window.

After so many years of forcing herself to be a certain person, it was nice to enjoy just being comfortable.

Catra rolled closer to Adora and butted her forehead into the other girl’s arm. All she wanted to do was dissolve into the mattress with her.

Against the softness of Adora’s skin, her thoughts wandered to last night and the feeling of Adora beneath her body. She couldn’t stop thinking about it even if she wanted to. All of the times when they were younger, she wanted to touch her but didn’t.

Now she _could_ , she wasn’t afraid to.

Catra let out a muffled sigh and rolled the front half of her body onto Adora’s.

“ _Aagh—”_ Adora exclaimed, wrapping her arms around Catra on instinct. “You’re _heavy.”_

In response, Catra ran her tongue up the side of Adora’s neck and cheek, feeling the heartbeat in Adora’s neck grow quick under her mouth.

The gesture drew a noise.

Adora shoved the other girl’s face away. “Gross, Catra!” Her words were breathless. “You’re disgusting, get off of me!”

The hands that shoved were playful, but easily rolled Catra off the side of the bed. The blanket went with her. As she lay on the floor, half-covered in the blanket, she saw Adora’s head poke over the side.

“You are so annoying.” Adora made an endearing face. “How’s your memory? Did you forget you have _dignity_?”

Catra stood. The fur over her body stuck in a thousand different directions. “My dignity is long gone.” She knew Adora’s eyes were on her as she stretched, and she basked in it. “Probably since that first time you stripped me naked and sponge-bathed blood from my fur.”

“I didn’t think you remembered that, being two steps from the grave the whole time.”

 _How could she forget?_ Catra touched the side of her face that was ruined by a burn scar. How tenderly Adora had cared for her… It had taken too long to realize she did what she did out of love and not egotism.

 _Love_.

Adora, too, had gotten up out of bed and was standing at the window. Her blond hair was so long that, out of its ponytail, reached the small of her back. When they were younger, sometimes Catra would pull on her hair to annoy her.

Now…she wanted to tangle her hands in it.

_Who have I become?_

The weather outside looked as beautiful as the day before. The Fright Zone didn’t really have seasons, so this eternal autumn was interesting. Some days the leaves looked yellow and crispy and ready to fall. Others—like this day—might as well have been summer.

“It _sucks_ having to wait.” Adora sighed deeply and used a string from the nightstand to tie her hair back. “What else can we try that we haven’t already? What we tried last night obviously didn’t work.”

There was nothing useful Catra could say, so she didn’t say anything. After a few more minutes of staring out the window, she left the room and knew the other girl was close behind.

They ate breakfast as usual, this time with the kitchen window open and spilling warm earthy smells onto their meal. Adora appeared to have something on her mind but wouldn’t make eye contact.

“What if,” Adora licked a drop of honey from her finger, “we drink the well water?”

Yikes. So it came down to this.

Catra knew it would’ve been mean to laugh, so she tried keeping a neutral face. “The book said that ingesting the dust had no effect, remember?”

Adora wrinkled her nose. “Right.”

_Man, she was cute._

“What if we drank it and then immediately tried to cross the line?” Adora was clearly grasping at straws.

“…Adora, really?”

“I’m trying, okay?” She crossed her arms.

Frustration was understandable. Catra knew this emotion more than she knew any other. She was so tired of that, and she genuinely did her best to transform that intensity into another feeling.

She, standing and tossing a handful of cherry pits into their garbage, went up to Adora where she stood at the window. They stood there together for a moment before Adora put her arm around Catra’s waist. Their embrace was tight and confident, if not possessive.

“Let’s try it, then.” Catra hooked her own arm over the other girl’s neck. “Let’s drink the water and try leaving.”

It was a silly idea, but she was right. Trying dumb ideas was better than wasting away waiting for rain to fall. And Adora didn’t seem to think it was that stupid; her grip tightened when Catra agreed. She didn’t have to say anything to express gratitude.

They cleaned up from breakfast, put in their day clothes, and trudged out with copper cups in hand. If they didn’t need the rain so badly, it would’ve been a lovely day.

From horizon to horizon, the sky above their property was a rich blue. Few clouds passed across lazily but didn’t look interested in raining. Although there was a bit of wind, it was more of a gentle breeze than anything. Catra squinted upwards.

“If this is our last day today,” she pondered as they walked, “would we do anything different?”

Adora was quiet until they got to the well. The water inside was so low that they had to each down to dip their cups in. _This is what they get for waiting days after the last rainfall_.

“I don’t know,” Adora finally replied, staring into her cup and furrowing her brows honestly. “After we get out, everything changes.”

Everything changes.

This was the truest thing they could say. It was hard even thinking about the next move, because Catra genuinely couldn’t imagine life outside of what she already knew. Fright Zone, forest property. Ration bars and fruit. Adora.

All she had was Adora, and she wanted that to be all she _needed_.

The water in Catra’s cup swirled in an unimpressive way, just like normal water. Would this solve their problems? Not even close. She _highly_ doubted this would do anything at all, but…whatever Adora wanted.

Their tipped their heads back and drank.

It…was just water. Slightly sweeter than usual. Not that sweet?

Warm.

Adora, from where she stood, set her cup on the side of the well. “I wasn’t expecting much, but I’m still disappointed. It’s…” She smacked her lips. “Soft.”

Soft? To describe water?

Catra agreed. It was almost making her feel fuzzy. _If this is the magic, she wanted to take advantage._ As much as she was nervous about returning back to the “real world,” it’s what Adora wanted. Somehow, some way, Catra will find her happiness too.

“Let’s go, then.” She took Adora’s hand again and they made their way back to the trail leading out of their property.

Maybe it was all in her head, or maybe it was truly the water, but Catra started feeling woozy the closer they got to the edge line. As they walked, Adora’s hands squeezed hers tighter and tighter.

Five steps away.

Four steps.

Three.

Two.

Catra, still holding Adora’s hand, felt her knees give out the second they reached the property line and she collapsed into darkness.

~~

~~

~~

“You know the drill, cadets. Step forward when your name is called.” The voice was loud, echoing through the gym in a well-known boom.

Catra wasn’t intimidated. Her commanding officer was an idiot. Even his gross meaty body wasn’t enough to scare her, because let’s be honest—she could take him on any day.

“ _Rogelio_.”

Rogelio stepped forward into the open area where a few pieces of medical-type equipment were set up. He held his arm out for a blood pressure cuff.

“I wish they didn’t have to do this in front of everyone else,” Kyle groaned, wringing his hands. He was clearly watching his fellow cadet get his height and weight measured. Just in his gym uniform, the poor kid was all elbows and knees.

Lonnie snickered. “Only you care, because you haven’t grown since you were ten.”

“Hey, yes I have! And men hit their growth spurts late. Once I’m fourteen, I’ll—”

The commander interrupted. “ _Kyle._ ”

While they were talking, Rogelio had finished this portion of their exams and he’d taken his place back in line. Kyle was next.

“I’ll bet _I’ve_ grown,” Adora boasted as they waited their turn. She pulled her sleeve up and flexed. “Check these muscles out, Catra.”

When Catra reached to feel, she purposefully bunched up Adora’s skin under her hands to wrinkle it. “It’s all fat.” She waved the arm around. “I bet I could beat you in arm wrestling.”

“In your _dreams._ ” Laughing, Adora tackled Catra into a headlock. “Maybe Kyle, but I’ll always be the strongest one!” Even though she was only fourteen, Adora nearly popped Catra’s off with the headlock.

 _So strong._ It was hard pretending she wasn’t choking.

When it was Adora’s turn for her physical, Catra did her best to make it was difficult as possible. She would sneak her foot onto the scale to make her weight climb and make funny gestures to throw off her vitals.

Quarterly testing was dumb enough, she might as well have fun with it.

After their measurements and exams, fitness testing lasted through the afternoon. The point of the whole thing was to show off how scrawny Kyle was. At least, that’s what they’d always teased it was. It was _impossible_ for Catra not to make fun.

“Are you sure you don’t want to sit this one out, Kyle?” Catra stretched in the corner by Adora, warming up for their mile run speed testing. “Your six squats looked _exhausting_.”

“ _Catra_ ,” Adora scolded, though she was laughing too. Her ponytail was still somehow perfect, and her back arched when she dipped into a stretch. “You are such a jerk for someone who can’t even hold a baton right.”

Catra pushed Adora off balance. “I don’t _need_ a baton. I have claws, unlike you.”

“Enough chatting, cadets. On your marks.”

The yell got their attention well enough, so all five of them left their warmups to stand at the field’s starting point. An assistant stood beside the commanding officer, holding a timer in one hand and a clipboard in another. Octavia.

Catra refrained from making a rude hand gesture.

From where they were, the gym ceiling hung high above their heads. A hidden observation deck was up a flight of stairs off to the side, and a hallway dipped to their left that lead to the locker rooms.

_Maybe I could just run to the locker rooms and escape these stupid exams._

The commander stomped his foot. “At the sound of the gun, your timers will start. They will only stop once you have crossed the starting line four times.” _As always_.

Catra looked sideways at Adora. Her cheeks were round and eyes focused. Freckles leftover from summer still dotted the bridge of her nose.

No wonder she was the favorite, Catra thought to herself and rolled her eyes. She acts perfect, but she looks perfect, too. When Adora noticed her looking, she stuck out her tongue.

“Ready.”

The gun went off.

Catra bolted, only pausing for a second to try and trip Adora.

“Hey!” Adora stumbled but caught immediately back up. “This isn’t a race, Catra.”

“If it was, I would _win_.”

The sound of feet pounding on the gym floor made the room rumble like the center of a thunderstorm. Rogelio was heavy and awkward when he ran, so he preferred to stick behind with Kyle at the back of the group. Lonnie’s agility would have easily in the lead—if it wasn’t for the remaining two girls.

Adora ran like lightning through the thunder. Her and Catra always made their testing contests, and the mile run was no different.

After the first two laps, Catra dropped on all fours and sprinted past Adora like an animal.

“You run like a princess!” she cackled.

“ _Take it back!”_ Adora tried to grab on to Catra’s tail as she passed, but missed it.

Catra kept running but made sure she wasn’t too far ahead just in case Adora caught up. She got such a joy out of teasing her friend, making her chase. It was her _favorite_ game, and Adora was so cute when she was upset. The huffs of breath coming from behind her were growing frustrated.

They were just at their last lap, with the finish line ahead. Catra’s arms ached because she’d been using them to run (she wasn’t _supposed_ to), but she was so close. It was neck-and-neck—

And Adora passed her.

Adora zipped past and was almost to the finish line. Catra did the only thing she could think of.

She left with all her strength and tackled the other girl’s legs, laughing for only a second before they hit the gym floor.

Rubber-burns and splinted. They both went tumbling at top-speed, knocking ankles and heads and arms until collapsing at a spot right before the finish line.

Catra saw stars for a few seconds before sitting up and putting a hand on her stomach. “I think you accidentally punched me.”

“What? _You_ tripped _me_.” Adora tottered over to the finish line and turned around. Only then did Catra see the giant black bruise forming over one of her eyes. “You busted my face, you jerk.”

In the following moments, Lonnie passed the finish line, then Rogelio, and after another minute, Kyle.

Immediately, Catra felt guilty. She had hurt Adora. The black eye was forming almost immediately, swelling nearly the entire side of Adora’s face.

She didn’t mean to. They were just playing.

 _Guilt_. It ate her alive.

_Her fault, her fault. She hurt Adora. She caused Adora pain._

_I didn’t mean to_.

As an automatic reaction, Catra’s guilt turned into defensiveness. “Well, if you hadn’t—”

“Catra!”

A voice boomed from above, and everyone turned to see a shadowy figure descending steps from the observation deck. The air seemed to get colder as the figure got closer.

The rest of the team—Lonnie, Kyle, Rogelio, and Octavia—immediately stood and left the gym. Then it was just the four of them.

Adora immediately stood straight in the presence of their guardian, squinting through the black eye.

Shadow Weaver passed Adora, however, and stepped close to Catra. She towered over her like a pillow of black smoke, putrid and hateful.

“Why must you disrupt everyone around you?” Her words were soft and deadly, like the sound of a snake’s muscles constricting. The garnet on her forehead glowed almost as bright as her eyes. “Adora.”

Adora straightened even further. “Yes, ma’am?”

“What was your time today?”

If she was nervous, she didn’t show. She looked over at their commander, who checked his clipboard.

“Six minutes and twenty-three seconds.”

Shadow Weaver stepped closer. So close, in fact, that Catra could see the individual threads of the dress that rippled with magic. Each hair on the back of her arms and neck rose in warming: a prickled of fear dripped down her spine.

“Last time,” the sorceress bent down so her mask was just a foot from Catra’s face, “her run was five minutes and forty-nine seconds. Do you see what you’re doing?”

_What am I doing?_

Catra had a hard time standing up for herself with Shadow Weaver, and totally felt especially vulnerable. It was something she hated about herself. She was weak. She hurt people she cared about.

 _She was weak_. “I was just playing around.”

The creeping feeling of dark magic filling her bones was much worse than just the guilt and the fear. Every pulse of darkness nearly knocked her down.

“Her failure is on your hands.” Shadow Weaver pinched her pupil’s hand with her claws. “Are you proud?”

At this point, Adora stepped forward and held out a hand as though to stop it. “I was only thirty seconds slower than last quarter,” she said with a shaking voice.

The pressure held for another moment.

Then released. The feeling of this lifting made Catra drop to her knees. Adora immediately knelt next to her friend.

Before leaving, Shadow Weaver turned one last time. “Adora, don’t be late for training tonight. And you—” Her eyes narrowed at Catra on the floor. “If you have enough energy to be fooling around, you must not be hungry for dinner. Don’t bother showing up.”

And it was over, just like that. She glided away.

Catra didn’t even bother going to the training exercise after testing. She went straight to their bunker, got onto her top bunk bed, and curled up under the covers. She was going to get in trouble for not going, but what did they expect?

She hated this. Anger and resentment burned like hot tar inside of her. She was just _playing_. She hadn’t done anything _wrong._

They did testing every three months anyways.

And Adora…

Catra pressed her palms into her eyes. It wasn’t Adora’s fault Shadow Weaver hated her so much. Sometimes…it just felt that way. Something.

Her stomach rumbled.

All she wanted was to have fun with Adora. Why was she punished for that? What did she do to deserve this? Did she _not_ deserve happiness?

Why was she not allowed to be in control of her own life? One of these days she would be, and no one could tell her she wasn’t allowed to have fun with her best friend.

It was late, and she had no food in her stomach, and the hunger felt like a pit inside of her. She was alone, like she found herself often. The darkness inside of her closed in, and she shut her eyes against it.

_All alone._

“Catra?”

Hands tapped at her shoulders from the darkness, and Catra pulled herself out to see a face peering into her blanket cocoon. It was Adora, standing on the edge of the bottom bunk to reach the top one. Her pink lips were pursed in sour concern.

“Sorry you couldn’t eat dinner with us,” Adora said softly, and she reached into the pocket of her shirt. “It’s not a lot, but it might make you feel better.”

Catra held out her hands. Half of a ration bar wrapped in foil. The gesture wasn’t much, but at this point, it was all she had.

She hopped down from the top bunk and sat with Adora on hers while eating. This happened too often, when Catra ate scraps in the safety of their empty dorms. The handouts were too frequent because of how she was treated.

An animal, a pet. Fed with scraps because she didn’t deserve what the others got.

“You beat me in push-ups, sit-ups, _and_ pull-ups.” Adora smiled a little goofy, with the gap in her teeth waiting for her to grow into her smile. “That makes the third testing in a row you’ve beat me.”

The darkness inside Catra faded a little and she grinned back through a mouth full of food. “Wait another few months and I’ll make it four.”

It was only another few minutes before the rest of their squadron came in and began getting ready for the night. No one mentioned Catra’s absence from training and dinner; words were hushed until the lights went out.

Then, it was just Catra and Adora lying awake in the bottom bunk.

Adora fell asleep quickly, with her hair still up from the day. She hadn’t bothered scooting over, either, so as they lay side-by side their arms pressed together. She was the only thing keeping Catra’s darkness away, and the void Catra’s sleeplessness created was home to dark thoughts.

The conclusion she came to: At least they had each other. Hopefully, forever.

Sleep came hours later.

~~

~~

~~

The sound of music woke Catra. It was soft and low. The only thing her foggy brain could connect it with was the horrid memory of Princess Prom. She didn’t like music. It forced her eyes open.

The house in the Whispering Woods. Plaster wall above her. Empty fireplace in front. Although it wasn’t too cold in the living room, goosebumps prickled across her skin. _How did she get back here?_

Catra was slumped in the couch, and when she finally came back to, her eyes immediately found Adora standing at the window. Her day clothes were ruffled. She did not turn when the other girl shifted, though.

“Hey.” Catra tried rubbing the fog from her eyes. “How did I get back inside? Did you drag me again?”

It would’ve been a long way to drag her, but if she remembered correctly, Adora had felt the wooziness too. Did they both pass out? Did they even _pass out_?

Adora turned. Her face was pale and wide, shocked. Not disturbed, but almost speechless.

 _Did something happen?_ With what she’d just dreamed, Catra was wary. Heartache from the memory lingered too long. “Are you…alright?”

Outside of the living room window, it looked to be afternoon. What time did they go out again? There were more clouds, from what she could tell, but the sun still shone brightly between them. Although the rays didn’t hit Adora through the glass exactly, she still seemed to be giving off an eerie light.

Adora looked over at Catra. The blue in her eyes glistened. She was…sad?

“Catra,” she said. The rhythm of her voice left behind a thick melancholy. “I know how we can get out.”


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second part of one super-long chapter I had to split up, so I hope you enjoy!  
> Special nod to my friend and fellow author @simplyabsolute. Check out her Catradora human AU she's working on right now (The first one is called Senior Year, but the sequel is The Question and it is GOOD)!! It's by far my favorite series, so every one of y'all should check it out!!! Thank you for all your help and support, this acknowledgement is long overdue.  
> Please enjoy!

Adora was used to having cryptic dreams. She was _not_ , however, expecting to be dunked head-first into one after drinking the well water. It happened much too fast to be prepared.

~~

~~

“You’re not understanding what I’m telling you.” Papers fluttered to the floor as Eri slammed one of her hands onto the table. The exasperation was turning her brown eyes black. “You need to leave this _alone_ , Razz. This isn’t a matter of just the council, it’s—”

“Exactly!” Adora, who clearly wasn’t _Adora_ , picked the papers up. “This isn’t about the council. It’s about us. When things come to a head, Mara isn’t going to be able to undo the damage done to Etheria. We have to—”

“We don’t have to do _anything_. Trust in the council. _Please_.” Eri was obviously distraught; her hair that was usually up in a bun had fallen free and shifted her glasses sideways. The words from her mouth were nearly a plead. “You’re messing with magic you don’t know, and you’re putting our future at risk.”

 _Why can’t she understand?_ Adora was having a hard time not getting angry as well. How come she was the only one who saw how important this was? That the council had no idea what they were doing?

That Etheria was _dying?_

If everything that had happened over the last year was not proof enough of their need for change, there was so little that Adora could say to make her realize.

It made Adora (Razz) sad and frustrated at the same time. She pressed her hands to her forehead. “Just because this magic hasn’t been approved by the council doesn’t mean that it’s not going to work. I’ve been researching all year. You’ve seen exactly what I have.”

How come this was so hard?

They were in the kitchen after finishing up dinner, and Razz was putting the finishing notes into the project journal she kept. During its first few weeks of gestation, she had lovingly named the project Seeing Stars, as a play on the magic it requires as well as the properties _of_ this magic.

As far as the final steps went, she was originally planning on waiting a bit longer. However, things were not looking good for Etheria right then.

A warm loaf of bread fresh from the oven sat, uneaten, on the counter.

“Look.” Eri sat down on the opposite side of the table. When she bit her lip, the dimples popped in on either cheek. “I know that you’re scared. This is a time of change for everyone. But I…I can’t stand by you when you’re putting our future like this at risk. This magic you’re messing with could hurt you.”

“If I do it right, nothing bad will happen.”

“ _If_ you do it right. You could lose your memory, or go crazy, or any _number_ of things.”

“But if it works, we could put a pause on all this destruction and live out the rest of our lives together in peace here.”

“Razz…” Eri stood and walked out into the living room, with Razz following. She took her jacket from a hanger next to the door. “I can’t do this. If you think that this is the end of the world, and if you’d rather spend _the end of the world_ playing with dangerous magic than spending time together...”

Before doing anything else, the other girl reached up and unhooked a small metal necklace from her neck and placed it on the shelf.

Only then did she open the door.

“Don’t wait up for me, Razz. I hope your experiment goes well.”

Adora watched as the door closed behind her.

When she blinked next, she was still Madame Razz, and it was two weeks later.

She’s had to force herself to focus on her project. All of the sigils had been drawn and connected, but nothing felt quite different? Eri hadn’t come back, either, but Razz tried to comfort herself with the fact that she would probably be back.

 _If I drew everything correctly,_ Razz scribbled furiously in the Seeing Stars project notebook, _then the time_ inside _of my property would’ve been pulled to a slow crawl or even a complete stop._

“Oh, but what happens _outside_ of the bubble?” she tutted to herself.

Razz looked up and across the room at a picture of Eri sitting on the bedside table. For just a moment, a pulse of sorrow nearly blinded her, but she sat right back up. _There is no time for sadness. Eri will be back._

The tensions outside with Mara and the council would’ve been at an all-time high at this point. Etheria’s atmosphere would be crumbling at any day. Eri _will_ come back, or she will die outside with the rest of them. Eri will come back, and then they will sort everything else out.

She’ll have to.

Razz couldn’t risk going outside and fetching her, otherwise all of her work with the stardust would be compromised. She’d designed it so particularly that, with the right conditions on the outside of the bubble, there is a possibility of someone getting back in once the spells were set.

She’ll come back.

Razz closed her notebook.

_She has to._

Another week passed.

Razz was noting very specific side-effects that made it hard to concentrate. Her memory…slipping. All of the research she’d done was not in vain, though, and she wished more than anything she could share it with the people she cared about. A healing salve that split wound healing time into a third? An endless supply of food?

This could change the world. If in the right hands…

The necklace that Eri left was a good luck charm. If only she was there with her…

Another week.

Eri wasn’t coming. She’s not coming.

Razz had gone over and over her notes. She’d adjusted what needed to be adjusted. At first, she thought that her sigils had been drawn wrong, but no. Her magic was perfect, but her partner was gone. She wasn’t coming back.

The world outside… Was it intact? Probably not. She didn’t test this theory.

She was scared. And hurt. And angry.

Everything—her whole _life_ had been on the line for this experiment.

Everything that she did, she did for Eri. If Razz had been thinking clearer, logic might’ve been a comfort. She might’ve seen Eri’s point of wanting to play it safe. She might’ve been more willing to understand.

But no. All Razz could feel was a hurt so deep it dragged every cell in her body downwards.

The moment of resolve came in the middle of a chilly night, in front of the roaring fireplace. One by one, Razz ripped pages from her project book and burned them. She broke the spine in half and burnt that, too. Noxious smoke billowed upwards out the chimney, but it wasn’t enough.

She took the necklace and threw that, too. _Burning_.

She knelt down on the carpet and prayed to forget.

How many years passed?

It was impossible to keep track.

Razz’s mind slipped soon after her last outburst, and she drowned her sorrows underneath the rainy night sky. Memories came and left, nothing stayed permanent.

Nothing was permanent.

Without her notes, she forgot the true meaning of her time in the property. Why she was there, why she wanted to leave. She didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to do anything. Life was a perfect routine.

Razz became like the peaches on the table, living the same day over, and over.

Her skin slowly wrinkled. Hair slowly grayed. Back slowly hunched.

She no longer had any desire to go down to her study, and found instead sitting on the porch bench and watching the sunset was a favorite activity. Every so often, she would smell a faint scent of freshly baked bread, but it was never real.

When she opened her eyes next, she was still on the porch bench.

Sun from the sky overhead beat down, and it was as warm as it’s ever been. Was it sunrise? Maybe sunset. Either way, the light turned the treetops golden.

Colors were strangely brighter. The greens of the leaves and grass, purples of the dotting flowers. An aroma of sweet autumn filled her nose.

“I think I’ve been here for too long,” she sighed. “I miss seeing the blossoms in the springtime.”

She’d even be grateful for the white of winter at this point. How much time had passed? She wasn’t sure.

Some days were better than others. Some days she remembered more than others. Depending.

“At least it’s a good day today.” Razz was talking to herself. It didn’t seem to bother her. However, as she said those words, a knot tied somewhere deep inside of her stomach.

Something was missing. Something was wrong.

If it was so beautiful and so peaceful outside, why did she feel like this? Like…her chest was an empty cavity.

Adora stood, setting down a cup of tea to the table next to the bench. There wasn’t a lot she remembered, but music swelling from inside of the house seemed to help. Did it help? Yes, she thought that it did. It reminded her of someone…someone she missed.

There was nothing much to do today. There rarely was.

Time made her bones stiff.

Adora grabbed her walking stick and hobbled down to porch steps and around the house. _What a beautiful garden_. Everything, as always, was in full harvest. Vegetables popping up from the soil and fruits as bright as jewels hanging from the orchard trees.

As she passed, Adora pulled an apricot from the closest tree and bit into it. Juice ran down her chin. It was sweet as always but did not fill the gap inside of her. _What was she missing?_

The well sat at the edge of the property as always. She leaned forward against the edge of it and stared into the water, as she’d found herself doing a lot of lately.

 _Adora’s_ reflection did not stare back. Instead, the reflection was of a middle-aged woman with wild grey hair and glasses that covered nearly half of her face.

 _I’m aging,_ she thought sadly. Why was this so sad? She’d expected…more.

The line of dust she’d drawn still sat, untouched and unchanging, around the rim of the well. _I was the one who’d drawn that, right? Yes, that was me._ The seal. Yet she won’t remove it. She couldn’t. Some days she remembered why she wouldn’t, other days…

Adora cupped some water in her hands, drank some, and then lay down on the grass next to the well. From where she was, she could hardly hear the music coming from inside of the house.

_Music…_

She closed her eyes.

This was Eri’s favorite song.

Numbness spread from the tips of her toes all the way up through her throat. The emptiness inside of her throbbed and ached. The memories… It was like getting a hot bath after being cold for so, so long.

Maybe one of these days, Eri will come back. For a long time, she’d waited there at the property. Although memories of the last day they were together were long gone, she still hoped…

Adora rolled onto her side and pressed her cheek into the cool grass.

“How long have I been here again?” she asked aloud.

A small beetle crawled across her line of sight and disappeared.

_How long have I been here? How long have I been…alone?_

So alone.

Music continued playing and Adora closed her eyes to the sting of tears welling.

_If I wait long enough, she’ll come back._

_If I leave…_

To many years of feeling afraid. She didn’t want to feel like this anymore. All she wanted was things to go back the way they were… But there was no going back. She was afraid that if she stayed, she would lose everything completely. She was afraid that if she left, outside time would’ve passed and there would be no one waiting for her.

She was alone regardless.

The darkness grew.

It was another warm autumn day that Razz would walk the property. She wouldn’t remember it in the future, but she waited until the dark of a cloudy dusk to pack a bag.

She walked the entire perimeter, observing each sigil at their grounding point. _Still intact_. This was good. Nothing will change. Even when she leaves, everything will stay the same.

She then walked to the well.

Peered over.

Who was the woman who looked back?

The last thing Razz knew was the feeling of dust under her hands and the rain beginning to fall onto her shoulders.

Then, darkness.

~~

~~

~~

Adora woke crying in the forest. Cold tears dribbled sideways into the grass where she lay, sticking her eyelashes together and making it nearly painful to open her eyes. It only took a few seconds to remember exactly what was happening, but with this memory, a horrible sorrow punched her stomach.

The sun was overhead and warmed the air up, despite being a little cloudier out. Since it was around noon, that meant that they had only been out for a few hours at most.

Adora sat up, wiping her eyes and pulling the bunched-up fabric of her shirt down. It was difficult having to jerk herself from the flashbacks—or were they memories? Was that how Madam Razz experienced? Is that how she _left?_

How she left…

Adora looked to her side and saw Catra curled under a tree asleep. The dreams she was having must have been as strange as her own, because her face muscles were twitching. Should Adora wake herself up from this?

No, maybe not.

Instead, she managed to pull Catra up into her arms and carried her with back to the cabin. Halfway there, she realized how out of shape she was because her arms were beginning to hurt. This is what she’d done that first night, nearly a month ago. There was more blood and pain that first time, but this time there was a different kind of pain.

How did time pass for Madame Razz? At what point did time stop moving for her? At what point did she forget Eri? When was the last time she remembered her? The music…

Adora got to their house and set Catra down onto the couch before following her memory over to the window. _This was the shelf where she left the necklace._ It was long gone, clearly. Before now, she didn’t really know what the device on top of it was for, but after her time with the well water…

She set it up easily and turned the switch at the front. A melody—that same melody from her dream as well as the first night she arrived on the property—began playing. String and instruments, slow enough to put a sway in her feet.

_Eri’s favorite song._

Madam Razz knew how to leave that whole time, but she was waiting just in case the person she loved would come back for her. It wasn’t just a fluke Catra and Adora happened into the property. The feelings that came with it…

She had waited for a thousand years to be with Eri, but she never got the chance. Eri was long gone by the time Razz got out, and Razz’s mind was long gone, too.

Music kept playing. Adora, after taking her jacket off, began rocking from foot to foot. The possibility of losing Catra…

Adora looked over at the other girl slumped on the couch. Her head was lulled sideways and one of her fangs stuck out from her lower lip. She…was everything.

And now they can get out. She knew how to get out. When she closed her eyes and listened to the music, she was pulled back into the time with Madam Razz, the feeling of rain on her hair and dust slipping through her fingers.

The cold of winter.

All this time, they’d been so close to the answer. Just a hair away. The well was the lock and rain the key. All they needed now was rain to fall at night, and everything can be over.

Something so overwhelming churned on the inside of Adora’s ribcage.

This put a ticking clock on her time with Catra. She’d wanted to leave this property ever since they’d got there, but now that she could see the end of it all, she…wasn’t sure she was ready.

Behind her, there was a quiet groaning and a shifting of fabric. Catra’s sleepy voice stirred the pain away from her stomach.

“Hey, how did I get back inside? Did you drag me again?”

 _Catra._ She had Catra. If she’s lucky, forever.

_What could she say?_

Looking back and making eye contact, Adora was squeezed with a mixture of emotion that was hard to exactly pin down. Sadness for Madame Razz’s loss? Nervousness for getting out? _Unfathomable_ love for the girl she thought she’d never get to be with?

From where she sat on the couch, Catra’s tail tucked underneath her and curled upwards in an almost hesitant manner. “Are you…alright?”

 _What can she even say to that?_ There weren’t words for everything she felt.

Warmth from the window rose goosebumps on the exposed skin of Adora’s arms. “Catra,” she said, and wanted to say so much more. “I know how we can get out.”

After so long of waiting and struggling, the words were almost a foreign language. _Getting out._ The thought was almost terrifying, but along with everything else—who could tell? It was genuinely terrifying.

Adora, trying not to look too perturbed, took a few steps towards the couch.

 _I know how to get out. We can get out._ We can be free again.

It took several seconds of gears grinding in Catra’s head for what she’d heard to click. She blinked and sat up straighter. “Wait—” Her ears flicked down and then back up. “Are you being serious? You found—”

“Catra.”

The floodgates of Adora’s emotions were nearly bursting. She clenched her fists to stop them from shaking.

 _Something happened_ , she wanted to say. How could she even put what happened into words?

If this pain that she felt anything like Razz felt, she wanted no part of it. The music made her heart feel like it was melting down her organs.

Adora walked over to the couch, crawled onto Catra’s lap, and wrapped her into the tightest hug she could. The floodgates burst, washing everything out through each bone, vessel and pore. A love that was a fear of losing her, a sadness because she had once before.

And Razz…to be alone for so long.

To forget everyone you love. To be waiting for the person you care about to come back to you.

Was this what Catra felt when Adora left the Horde?

Adora couldn’t regret her decision she made so long ago. She _didn’t_ regret it.

But she regretted making Catra ever feel like she didn’t love her.

Catra was frozen for the first few seconds of the hug, probably because she wasn’t expecting it, but quickly adjusted.

“Jeez, Adora.” She put her hands on Adora’s back. “Why are you sad? Finding a way out is a _good_ thing.”

_Ugh, Catra was right._ They should be celebrating. Adora was still paralyzed with the remnants of her dream. The softness of Catra’s shirt and the way that she smelled comforted her, so she used this to stop herself from trembling.

Hearing her discovery repeated with someone else’s words made it so much more real.

Adora, straddling Catra’s thighs, leaned back so her face was no longer hidden. She really wasn’t the type to cry easily, but this horrid feeling she seemed to have inherited from Madame Razz’s memories set a hot lump in her throat. All she wanted was to be with the person she loved.

Adora _got_ that. She _got_ to be with the person she loved.

Despite everything that’s happened, they were there, and they had each other. She had Catra.

“We would’ve got out eventually,” Adora admitted, rubbing at her eyes. “It’s the rain, like we thought. Ruin the sigils at night, wait for it to rain, and then everything resets. Sends us back to where we were, I think.”

“…Then how come the property didn’t turn into rubble when Razz left?”

There was so much that happened in the flashback. Adora knew she should share all of it, but where should she begin? She got off of Catra’s legs at that point, sat next to her on the couch, and shared everything.

 _Everything._ It was hard to keep her words steady.

From what she understood, the reason why the property was left behind when Razz left was because she had just disturbed the dust at the well. Adora believed that if they ruined the sigils at each point of the property line before erasing the well—then the rain.

She shared what had happened to Razz, too, which was the hardest part.

The whole time, Catra sat wordlessly. She had her legs pulled up to her chest, and the only way her emotions betrayed her was through swiveling ears.

After everything was out in the open, Adora had hunched over and was trying not to show exactly how distraught she was. However, Catra saw right through.

“Hey.” Catra put her hand on Adora’s head. “What happened already happened. The most important thing is we know how to get out, right? We get a different ending to our story.”

 _Our story_.

They got a choice. They _chose_ each other.

Adora took Catra’s hand and held it to her face. “If we only have another day together, I want to spend it together. Just us.”

Although she expected the other girl to make some joke about how they were always together since they were _stuck_ , she didn’t.

Catra’s eyes were soft and glassy, almost like she was looking through her. Like she was remembering something. Her hand tightened for just a squeeze around Adora’s. “We can go back to the lake. It was nice there.”

 _It was nice_.

From there, the sadness in Adora’s stomach grew into a fiercer type of love. The chance that Razz and Eri never had. What’s done is done, but right then they had each other.

That’s all that Adora wanted.

She kissed the hand that she was holding and stood from the couch, a new resolve in her step. “I’ll pack us a picnic.”

From there, Catra smiled a smile that reached all the way up to her eyes.

They packed a picnic into a basket that Adora had found in the kitchen. Sliced fruits, leftover fish wrapped in leaves of lettuce. They even brewed a pitcher of tea and let it cool enough to put it in a jar to carry with them.

When everything was ready, they grabbed their jackets and Adora held the door open for Catra. Catra, as she passed, blinked slowly at Adora and made eye contact that lasted a little too long. It nearly made Adora’s knees buckle.

The day’s weather was holding steady. Earlier in the morning had been a little cloudy, and the early afternoon was no different. The air was still too dry to expect rain, but only half of the sky was blue. Despite this, it was still remarkably warm.

Around the house and through the woods, their lake sat unchanged. The surface of the water almost looked like glass, since the wind had died down. It was a beautiful sight, and even the fresh smell of autumn relaxed the nerves tickling inside of Adora.

They spread their blanket underneath the big tree overlooking the water.

“I hate to say it,” Catra stretched out and closed her eyes against the bit of sun they had, “but I think I’m actually going to miss this place a little.”

Honestly, Adora agreed. She knew it was wrong to want to stay, but this peace she felt was something she would’ve never got back home. Where home was… Bright Moon. Her friends were waiting for her. She wished she could remember more than a just a sense of pining.

They lay there for a while, side-by-side. Clouds came and went, occasionally passing over the sun, but the weather stayed otherwise pleasant. Not even a breeze rustling their lake clearing.

If it was possible to be happy during such a time, Catra and Adora achieved that.

It took a long time for either of them to do much other than snack on the food.

After a while, Adora rolled to her side and linked her arm around Catra’s. “I know you don’t really want to talk about it, but I think we need to discuss what happens when we get out.” She saw one of Catra’s eyes peek open. “You’re almost Etheria’s number one most wanted.”

She snorted. “Sweet.”

“ _Not_ sweet, Catra. Please take this seriously. I’ll vouch for you, but that won’t take away the last three years of everything that’s happened.”

As expected, when Catra opened her eyes all the way, her expression had hardened. What exactly disturbed her the most was a mystery, but she turned her head away from the other girl.

“Everything is really messed up right now,” Adora put her hand on her cheek and turned her head back to face her, “but you won’t be alone this time, okay? Whatever happens, I’m here. I’m staying.”

For just a moment, a passing cloud blocked out a bit of sunlight, but it was brief. Light filtered through in no time and bathed them in warmth.

A rumbling sigh slipped from Catra’s throat. “Sounds like you remember less than I do. I can’t take back anything I’ve done, Adora. What do you _think_ the Rebellion will do when they get their hands on me?”

 _Nothing good_. Adora genuinely wished she could remember more so she’d be able to give an honest answer. There was nothing exactly she could say, because this whole situation was so different than she could’ve ever imagined.

Catra sighed a second time. “Well, like you said, as long as we’re together. I wish I could see your friends’ reactions when they find out how things have changed between us.”

 _My friends_ … Adora felt that pining again, but this time, it was softened by the comfort of knowing they were going to escape soon. They’ll be together again.

Right then, this day was _their_ day. Adora wanted things to be light and playful again.

“How things have changed?” she asked and rolled onto her stomach to prop up on her elbows.

The colors in Catra’s eyes sharpened, pupils dilated. Although she didn’t say anything, her tongue flicked out of her mouth and she licked her lips. Maybe it was intentional or maybe not.

Either way, Adora could get drunk off the way that Catra looked at her. Is this what she had meant when she said that Adora was looking at her like she was taking her clothes off with her eyes? Because that’s definitely what this felt like.

Like Catra was feeling how Adora felt. The squeeze inside her stomach

 _This is the game_. The game that they were playing, and probably couldn’t play once they got out. The way that she looked at her…

Adora stood from their picnic blanket under the tree and turned her back to Catra. “The water is probably not too cold to swim in.”

They’d had several warm days in a row, and without the cold rain to chill the lake, it wouldn’t be bad.

She crossed her arms down, grabbed the bottom edge of her shirt, and pulled it up and over her head. Though she was wearing a tank top underneath, it was thin enough to feel like nothing. Especially when she bent and pulled her trousers off, too

The water was still cold. Not freezing, but cold.

As she stepped towards the lake, she knew that Catra’s eyes were on her. Before, she might’ve been self-conscious, or even tried to shoo the eyes from her. Now, she got a sort of pleasure from knowing that Catra might be looking at her like how she looked at Catra.

Adora waded in, slowly to her knees and continued until she was up to her ribs. Pebbles and algae squished between her toes with each step, along with the occasional brush of what she assumed were fish. It was just cold enough to whet her senses.

“Our time here could’ve been worse,” she said, mostly to herself, and let her hands rest on the surface of the water. “We’ve had food, water. Nice weather.”

It was true, honestly. Their time could’ve been a thousand times worse. They were trapped in a place that gave them a reprieve from the outside war so they could heal. Catra certainly wouldn’t have made it without the magic healing salve.

Although she was sad to go…Adora knew it was time to face her responsibilities in the real world. Adora closed her eyes to the sun one last time. When she did, she heard a voice from behind her.

“You’re beautiful.”

It was so low, so quiet, she might’ve imagined it. However, when Adora turned, she saw Catra sitting up on the bank and staring at her. Hair had fallen in her face, her lips were parted, and the expression on her face was almost a yearning.

Adora had never seen her look like that before.

She didn’t know what to say.

Despite the cold of the water, a warmth began inside of Adora’s throat and spread downwards, down her lungs, her stomach, her hips, her legs, down to the feet on the lakebed. This warmth made the distance between them too far.

They stared at each other, fierce eye contact, until Adora began wading from the lake.

The air hitting her damp skin sent goosebumps all over her body. Maybe it was the air, maybe something different. She got out as far as her ankles in the water before stopping.

“Are you just going to sit there staring at me?”

Catra breathed from her open mouth and shook her head like she didn’t know what to say.

“Well, kitty?”

She finally cracked a smile. “You don’t get to call me that.”

 _I get to call you whatever I want,_ Adora almost said. She didn’t though, because she thought it might change the way that Catra was looking at her. Hungry. Ready to pounce.

Catra, with an expression meant for the privacy of their house, dragged her eyes down Adora’s dripping body.

Adora only then was self-conscious of how the damp clothes must look on her, and she sat down on the picnic blanket to pat herself dry with the jacket she’d brought. _Might as well not be wearing anything_ , she scolded herself. The tank top and undershorts clung close too her body.

“And you’re sure I don’t have to worry about you hating me when we remember our lives again?” Adora asked, partly joking but partly as a genuine question.

The last time she asked, the answer was no. It didn’t seem to have changed.

Catra scooted towards Adora and leaned so close that she could smell their lunch on her.

“I’m pretty sure I’ve made my intentions clear.” She touched Adora’s forehead with a finger. “Everything I’ve ever done is for you. All I’ve ever _wanted_ is you.”

The words…

Adora could hear those words a thousand times and it wouldn’t be enough. She could practically feel the red glowing off her cheeks. “Who are you and what have you done with my Catra?”

“Don’t push it, princess. If you ever tell anyone I’m saying this stuff, you’re going to wake up one morning with a dead rat in your mouth.”

“Why would I tell anyone?” Adora put her hands on either side of Catra’s face. “This is all mine.”

Butterflies strung the string of her heart, and she kissed her. _Finally_. A small release of the tension building between them.

Adora scooped Catra up in her arms and pulled her down on top of her, feeling the breath briefly be knocked from her lungs before catching it. _Gods._

The sensation of Catra’s hand on her side, nails digging into her skin that caused a delicious sort of pain. Adora had a hard time staying focusing; she was holding Catra’s face against her own in an overwhelming grip.

The air between them—through the gaps in their tangled limbs and the ragged breaths sucked in and out of their lungs— So thick it could be cut with a knife.

She could feel how fast Catra’s heart drummed under her fingertips and the ragged breath dragging in and out on Adora’s chin. Catra had her completely pinned, chest-to-chest, the weight shooting fire through their bodies.

Her left leg was propped between Adora’s, and Adora was aware of every inch of where Catra’s body touched her own. At some point, Catra began purring again through the kisses.

“Your clothes are still wet,” Catra dipped her head down and pressed a kiss into the dip under Adora’s jawline. “Now we’re both drenched.”

“Why don’t we—” Adora tried and failed to keep her voice steady. “Why don’t we build a fire when we get home?” At this point, she had to try even harder to keep her focus, but with Catra’s teeth tracking shapes into her neck—

Catra broke away and stood. She was panting a little and clearly flushed, but the sharpness in her expression stayed. Like she just had a victory.

“Come on, then.” She swiped her tail to the side. “I hate wearing damp clothes. Let’s go back and start dinner.”

 _After kissing like that, all she wants to talk about is dinner?_ Perhaps this was her way of maintaining control. Control over her day, control over Adora—

Adora nearly tripped standing up. She could still feel the pressure of Catra’s hips on her own to pin her down. _Control_. The only way she stayed sane was to stay silent as they packed up and headed back to the house.

The walk back was quiet.

It was almost painful having to take a stroll through the woods after what had happened. They hadn’t spent too long at the lake; it was afternoon, and the sun was still above the tops of the trees. While Adora wanted to think about dinner and the rest of the night, her brain was nearly destroyed by how Catra had kissed her.

There was such a fire, an electricity, between them. She could still feel—

“It’s too bad we didn’t bring the net to catch some fish for dinner.” Catra stopped to help Adora gather some firewood from the side of the house before going inside. “There are only so many ways you can cook fruit, and we just ate the last fish for lunch.”

_That’s true._

They went inside and as Catra started up the fireplace, Adora went into the kitchen to see what she could scrounge. There were no peaches on the table still, which was a weird relief, but something made her think of the visions of Razz she’d had that morning.

A loaf of homemade bread on the counter. _Is there a recipe for bread in the recipe book?_

There was. She’d never baked anything remotely like this before, so even the simple act of getting it started was difficult. It was something to do, and Adora was grateful for something to get her mind off her body.

The late afternoon passed quickly. While Adora worked on dinner, Catra took a shower and changed into dry clothes. Afterwards, and while the dough was rising, Adora did the same.

She stood under the water and shut her eyes against it, as it rinsed the feeling of goosebumps from her skin. Thoughts had begun rising in the back of her head for a few days now, and they were virtually impossible to ignore now.

The way that Catra looked at her… If she’d thought this was a drug before, she was completely addicted. How could it make her feel this way? Had she lived this long only discover the importance of another person’s touch before?

She rinsed out her hair before toweling off in front of the mirror. The girl who stared back was nearly entirely unknown to her. Adora had never cared for vanity in the slightest; her body was a tool. Even her time after leaving the Horde, where she learned to love herself, looks never mattered.

The girl who stared back from the mirror had more sharp edges than not, and it was probably from her eating habits the last month. Her hair had gotten much longer than she expected for time being slowed as it had.

Adora touched her lips, and the girl in the mirror did the same. _Is this who Catra loves?_ Despite the doubts she’d had before, she knew Catra’s feelings for her were real. It was just hard to imagine that Catra would have those thoughts about _her._

She was nothing remarkable, and yet she was someone who deserved the happiness that she got.

“This will all be over soon,” she said to the mirror.

_Great. Now I’m talking to myself, just like Razz._

Adora finished drying herself off and she changed into a long cotton shirt-dress. After being too aware of her body previously that day, it felt a little more comfortable getting to hide it. Otherwise, she couldn’t guarantee she’d be able to control herself.

When she left the bathroom, Adora went straight to the kitchen to check on her bread dough. She knew that Catra, who was sitting on the couch in front of the fire, was watching her. At that point, it was almost ridiculous for them to be skirting around what happened.

She wasn’t even _skirting_.

If Adora was truly honest with herself, she was thinking about what was going to happen to them after they return. What will happen with She-Ra. Catra and She-Ra didn’t exactly have a perfect history together.

Catra took a bite of the bread and made a content tutting noise. “This isn’t half-bad.” Her eyes twinkled. “The great Adora. Defender of the princesses and top-rated housewife.”

“It’s defender of _Etheria_ ,” Adora countered, “and if you call me a housewife one more time, you’re going to have to cook for yourself from now on.” She kicked the other girl under the table.

Catra rested her chin on her hand and blew a raspberry.

“For that, you’re doing the dishes.” Adora put the last bit of dinner in her mouth and picked up her plate. “You’re lucky to have someone as patient as me, you know that, right?”

Fortunately, Catra didn’t object. She just sat there as Adora passed her to leave the living room. “I _am_ lucky.”

_Who knew Catra could be such a sap?_

Adora did. She left the kitchen and the sounds of plates being washed in the sink.

In the living room, the sun was finally setting outside the window. It was still marginally cloudy, but with the light of the moons shining through the cloud layer as well as appearing fireflies, it wasn’t entirely dark.

_If everything is going to be over soon, there are still things that need to be done._

For the last month, the Sword of Protection had stayed undisturbed underneath their living room couch. Gathering dust.

Adora bent down and pulled it from its hiding place, letting the familiar weight settle into the palms of her hands. At one point in the past, this weapon was her entire identity. It nearly spoke to her.

Now…

She took her sword and left the house.

The sounds her footsteps made on the grass were soft and muffled. They padded at a light pace around the side of the house and to the garden behind it. Light streaming out of the kitchen window cast shadows on parts of the orchard. That paired with the lightning bug’s dance, and the garden might have been one of the most beautiful sights Adora had seen for a while.

She leaned up against the apple tree and closed her eyes.

Nobody said this would be easy, and it _wasn’t_ , but she had been given an opportunity that no one else had. A time to heal and reflect.

Adora might never truly be comfortable with her role in the war, but it didn’t matter. What mattered was that she would fight for the people who couldn’t. Madame Razz left her entire life behind to be with the one she loved, and she didn’t even get that.

Adora didn’t want anyone else to have to risk their lives, but she knew she wasn’t alone. Her home waiting for her…and Catra. She had Catra.

She held the sword up and watched reflections of fireflies flicker off of the silver blade.

“For the honor of Grayskull.” Her words were nothing more than a whisper, but she felt her skin shifting.

A power surging through her, fingers, toes. It was something incomparable to _anything_ else. A feeling of control and yet no control at all. Of course, this was all familiar, but still sent a pang through Adora’s body.

When she looked down from the sky, her position had changed. She had to step away from the orchard because her hair got immediately caught in the apple tree branches. The fireflies, too, didn’t wander much father upwards than her chest.

Here it comes, the guilt.

Adora—no, She-Ra—sat down on the grass next to the vegetable garden and leaned her head back. All the lives that were lost.

 _I can’t think like this anymore._ She struggled to hold back all of the anger and resentment she felt towards herself.

All the people she’d let down.

The hero she wanted to be, and the hero she _wasn’t_.

It was easier to just be Adora. It was easier to be there at the property, baking bread and fooling around with Catra. She wished that things were different.

But they _weren’t_.

Adora forced herself to recall a previous flashback with Madame Razz.

_“She-Ra is a tool. She is an extension of what is in your heart.” Razz poked Adora’s chest. “You think that you were just born with a destiny? Bah. Destiny chose you because your selflessness and determination to do the right thing at any cost.”_

_“Destiny is a silly thing. She-Ra isn’t a god, she is a hero. If you can save one person, it’s a good day.” She tilted Adora’s head up with her crooked finger. “If the only person you can save is yourself, well…”_

It wasn’t just _herself_ who Adora saved. She saved Catra, too, and she assumed not just from her wounds. Adora was blessed; she had more than Madame Razz got.

This isn’t as easy as it could’ve been, but Adora had no choice. She had to do this for the people who couldn’t.

For Razz and Eri, if no one else.

After a moment, there was a noise behind Adora, in the direction of the house. She turned on her knee and saw a silhouette.

Catra was standing frozen in a defensive position. Even though it was dark, her eyes glowed with—fear?

Adora, as She-Ra, put her hand up like she was reaching out, but Catra flinched.

 _Of course she did._ She-Ra was the enemy. She-Ra took Adora away from her.

Catra couldn’t make eye contact, but her stance loosened a fraction.

The setting—the fireflies, the dramatic shadows cast over Catra’s face—drew the scene up to be one of anguish.

Adora looked away, down at the grass. “I’m sorry.”

What was she sorry for?

After hesitating for only another second, Catra took a tentative step forward. Then she went and sat down in the grass several feet away. While her ears were still back, it was something.

They sat, just watching clouds come and go across the rising moons. It was just a night like any other, with frogs chirping off in the woods and cicadas playing their songs.

Adora looked down at the sword in her lap. “This isn’t going to be easy.” _Nothing is._

“I know.” The expression on Catra’s face didn’t change. She was clearly trying to keep it neutral, but there was that same hesitance. “She-Ra and I don’t exactly get along.”

“You’ve beat me _several_ times as She-Ra.”

A small smile stretched Catra’s mouth. “Could you imagine if we’d had She-Ra back in the Fright Zone together? We would’ve been unstoppable.”

“It probably would’ve been _really_ unfair to the others. I could’ve just picked you up and thrown you places.”

“You can throw people?” Catra’s ears flicked in interest, and she glanced down at She-Ra’s biceps. “I can see that.”

The banter didn’t last too long. It was obvious Catra was trying hard to act normal, and Adora appreciated the effort. She knew things were going to be tough for a while, especially with She-Ra coming back into the mix. It was impossible to imagine how things were going to be when they get back.

She wanted to make Catra as comfortable as possible during this transition, but she knew it was virtually impossible. All she could do was be grateful that she was trying as hard as she was.

After a few more minutes of sitting together in quiet, Catra stood and stretched. “I’m going to get ready for bed,” she said, taking a few steps towards their house before turning back to look at She-Ra. “Are you coming?”

 _I love her so much_.

She-Ra stood too, and she dropped her magic back into Adora. “I’m right behind you, Catra.”

And she was, the entire way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a content warning for explicit material the next chapter, 26, so please keep an eye out for it. Let me know if you have any questions about it beforehand. <3


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SUPER shout-out to simplyabsolute for helping me beta this chapter!!! Check out her Catradora human AU's~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter is explicit! If you're under 18 or get uncomfortable by sexual situations, skip this chapter!!  
> It's not important to the plot so it's totally skippable.

“ _ Catra.” _

Mgff .

_ “Catra, you’ve slept long enough. It’s time to get up.” _

Sleep held tight onto Catra, but she opened one eye long enough to see no light coming in from the bedroom window.

“No sun yet,” she mumbled into the blankets. “Sleep.”

For the first time in a long time, she had n’t had any dreams . It was the best rest she ’ d got in the weeks they’d been there. Probably  long before that, too.

“I don’t want to drag you out of this bed.”

Catra  lifted her head up. The air outside of her blankets was chilly and unwelcoming.

A t the foot of the bed stood Adora. She was completely ready for her day, in a pair of shorts and a buttoned top. Even her hair was a flawless ponytail.  _ Typical Adora. _

“It’s not like we have any thing important to do .” Catra, from where she was curled at the end of the bed,  waved her tail out  from under the blankets. “Why do I have to get up?”

Adora tossed the blanket from the bed. “Don’t be a baby. I’ve been up for  _ hours. _ ”

Yeah, Catra could see a crazy look in her eyes. This was her early-morning mania.  _ Jeez. It’s a good thing she’s so cute, otherwise this would be  _ really _ annoying _ _. _

It wasn’t even that nice of a day out, either.  Heavy clouds had rolled in and blanketed the sky with darkness. While it didn’t look to be raining yet , they were probably  a few  hours away from a downpour. That’s what they were waiting for, right?

Catra rolled onto her knees and stretched her arms out in front of her as far as they would go. Then she stood. “What have you been doing all morning? You’re...very peppy. ”

Peppy was one word for it. Yesterday, when they learned how to escape the property, Adora was clearly trying not to show how excited she was. Did it finally catch up to her? She’d  definitely been showing a different side of her while they were there.

Adora sat cross-legged on the edge of the bed. “I woke up  way  too early, so I was just making more salve and bread and stuff. Just in case.”

Just in case.

These next few days were going to be wild. All they could do was have fun while it lasted.

Catra , who briefly tried  taming her bedhead , walked over to the wardrobe and rummaged. Every morning when she did this, she didn’t even have to look back at Adora to know she watched. This was fun for them. Catra really loved nothing more than messing with her.

She undressed slowly and then dressed back into day clothes. Without warning, her thoughts wandered to the lakeside, where the shape of Adora is probably still pressed into the moss.

Catra had unintentionally came  _ very _ close to losing control. The thought of what could’ve come next made her chest flutter.  _ Control _ .

She finished dressing and flicked her tail sideways, knowing it would hit Adora’s cheek. “And I thought you were innocent.”

“ I don’t know what you’re talking about .”

When Adora had stood and Catra opened the door for her, they met briefly in a middle for a kiss. It was small, and Catra hadn’t brushed her teeth yet, but still sweet.

Breakfast passed as it always did, silently wishing they had more than fruits and vegetables to eat. There was no reason for the kitchen curtains to be drawn because clouds still covered the sun enough to make no difference in lighting.

“I’m going to be so mad if it rains during the day and not the night,” Adora said, following Catra’s gaze out the window. “All the times it rained overnight, we could’ve…”

“Hey.” Catra kicked her under the table. “There are a million ways to feel sorry for ourselves. There’s no point. We’ll get out eventually, and that’s what matters.”

The frown on Adora’s faced turned upwards with gratitude. “You’re right. We should probably enjoy this peace while we can, huh?”

For the second time that morning, Catra’s chest fluttered. She was clearly having a hard time keeping her thoughts straight.  How their time by the lake made her feel .

_ What have I become? _

After breakfast, they both decided to spend what time they could outside before the rain falls. There was only so much that they could do inside the little house, and although Catra had a  _ few _ ideas, she went along with Adora’s enthusiasm.

“I can’t believe how out of shape I’ve gotten,” Adora, who was doing lunges around the garden, cursed to herself. “These stupid legs have turned into noodles.”

“How do you think  _ I _ feel?”

Despite getting a month to heal from the catastrophic wounds Catra had suffered from, she still felt the aftermath. Stiff joints and aching muscles. It wasn’t just lost muscle mass; scar tissue tightened nearly half  of  her entire right leg.

Every time she tried to stretch, it felt like her skin was going to split. She would be  _ grateful  _ to be able to do lunges like Adora was.

“You’re not going to get better by pouting.” Adora stopped on her sixth lap. Her tone was clearly meant to be motivating. “Come on.”

“ _ Uugghh _ .” 

Catra missed the days she was the more flexible of the two of them. Now she struggled to keep up.

They  stayed outside for a while. Neither of them kept real track of the time , and the position of the sun was useless because of the cloud cover.

Both of them got  sore pretty fast, overusing the muscles that hadn’t been used in a while. Adora seemed visibly upset at her condition, but there wasn’t much either of them can do about it. They’d spent the last month eating just vegetables and fish— Of  _ course _ they weren’t in peak physical condition.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Catra, who was currently stretching her leg on the side of the house,  turned to get Adora’s attention.

Adora looked up from a push-up. “Huh?” Little beads of sweat touched her temples.

There had been a question bugging Catra, that she really hadn’t cared too much to ask about before. It wasn’t something that felt easy to her, but it was time to make the subject part of their conversations.

“It’s about She-Ra.”

Adora stopped. Then she sat down on the grass. “You know you can ask me anything.”

_ I know. _ It was a hard subject.

Catra pulled herself from the stretch and sat next to the other girl. “ When you…turn into She-Ra, you keep all your memories and stuff, right? You’re still you?”

This made Adora make a weird face. Like she was having thoughts that hadn’t occurred to her.

“Well, yeah . It’s just me but taller and stronger.”

_ Hm _ . Catra felt like she already knew this, but there was such a gap in her head between how she saw the two warriors. She Ra felt like an enemy to her. It would’ve been too easy of an explanation to blame something on  _ not _ -Adora.

The expression on Adora’s face was still a little bothered. “…Were you hoping that it wasn’t  _ my _ choice to leave the Horde?”

“Oh, god, no. No not…”  Catra regretting saying anything. She covered her face with her hands in frustration.  _ Dang it. _ “I didn’t mean to bring this back up. I know it was your choice. I…”

_ Why did she have to bring this up?  _ She didn’t want Adora to think she resented her.

Was Adora mad? She didn’t  _ look _ mad.

“Wait here.” Adora stood and left the other girl alone on the grass while she went inside.

_ Did she just make a big mistake bringing this up? _

Maybe it was for the best that they were addressing this now. It was the one topic that Catra dreaded almost more than any other. She couldn’t ignore the hatred she felt towards She-Ra for stealing her best friend away, and everything she did for those last few years was  _ because _ of her.

While Catra was wallowing in self-pity, she didn’t even hear the footsteps behind her until they turned into the sound of someone sitting down in the grass. Then she looked up.

It was She-Ra.

Immediately, Catra’s very first instinct jammed her heart up in her throat and reeled her backwards.  _ Danger, danger.  _ The adrenaline in her blood build fear and panic.

Then it subsided.

“Sorry.” Catra hissed in embarrassment and forced her spiked tail to flatten.  _ I didn’t expect this. _

Nothing about She-Ra changed. She was still several feet taller than Catra herself, with incredibly long hair the color of gold. Even the crest on her head looked like a pair of angel wings reaching towards the clouds.

“Only  _ you _ can pull off that stupid outfit,” Catra tried teasing.  Her attempt to be nonchalant wasn’t impressive. “Why…is She-Ra here?”

“It’s just me, Catra. If you have questions, I thought it would be better if  _ She-Ra  _ were to answer them.”

_ Dumb _ . Catra didn’t have anything to  ask. What she really wanted was an excuse to feel the way she felt, but there was none. There was no excuse. There was nothing deeper than the exterior in Catra’s feelings.

She didn’t like She-Ra because she took Adora away. She was  _ afraid _ of She-Ra because she  represented  all of the horrible things she did and the anger and hatred that she let poison her.

_ This isn’t going to be easy, _ Adora had said the previous night. She was right.

It wasn’t easy.

Catra sat up on her knees and faced She-Ra. “Do you have a plan for when we get out?”

“A plan?”

“Are we just going to start walking through the woods once the barrier drops? Do you know where we are?”

She-Ra puckered her lips in thought. “I’m just going to  _ assume  _ I know where we are and how to get out, and that once we’re back in real time I’ll just remember how to get back.”

A small bit of wind blew by, and it was the kind of wind cold enough to chill Catra’s tail right past the fur.

Catra shivered. “I sure hope you’re right, because if we end up not getting our memory back, we’re pretty screwed.”

“At least we’ve got the important things down, right?”

She rubbed her hands up her arms to try and warm them. “The important things?”

Where she was sitting, She-Ra tilted her head a little and smiled. The shape of her smile, so familiar. Pretty blue eyes, curved cheekbones and sharp jaw.

_ Ugh _ . Catra wasn’t sure if she wanted to stay wary. She saw Adora in She-Ra, and the  devoted part of her began nudging away the wary part. If she didn’t feel the way she did about Adora, this wouldn’t be a thing.

It took her  _ so many years _ to gain control she never had. There was only one thing in the world that made her feel like she lost this control, and it was Adora. This thought terrified her.

“She-Ra or not, you’re still ridiculous.” Catra’s leg was stiff standing, but when she was up, she held out her hand. “I’m done if you are.”

Adora accepted the hand and stood. As she did, she shrunk back down into herself, and there was a familiar look of adoration in her eyes. For a minute longer, she just held onto Catra’s hand.

Wind began picking up more at this point, and static in the air was really making Catra’s fur uncomfortable. Without warning , thunder crashe d from overhead and Catra nearly jumped right out of her fur. She landed, on all fours, in front of Adora.

“I don’t want to be out here when it rains,” she hissed, and stood back up. “Let’s go in.”

Angry clouds rolled, filling the air with the  electricity of an oncoming  storm . Of course , it rained during the day and not the night…

As they stopped to grab some wood from the dwindling stack, the rain hit. The first drop fell, and then  a sudden wave of rain  crashed over the property.  The several dry days had finally caught up with them. It was like the heavens emptied everything it had been holding for a week.

Catra immediately ran under the cover of their wraparound porch, but Adora stood in it for a moment more, scowling up at the sky like she was scolding it.

From the time it took to grab the wood and go back around to the front door,  Adora was _ drenched _ .  The downpour was heavy enough to  get under clothes, skin and bones .  Though Catra was grateful she hadn’t gotten much of it, the feeling of being damp was still gross.

No sound was more comforting than the front door of their house shutting behind them.

“I thought finally getting rain would be more exciting.” Catra dumped her armful of wood and shook her hair out. “ It’s  _ freezing _ out there.”

The cold made her leg wound stiffer, and she practically limped  across the room to the bedroom.  _ So now what? They’re just going to stay inside for the rest of the  _ _ day? _ It was boring. The whole thing was boring.

As she changed her shirt in the bedroom, she had a clear view out into the  other room where Adora was re-doing her pon y tail. _ Her _ clothes were  nearly dripping , showing off the shape of her back muscles and waist. Every bit of her.

The day before, when Adora had taken a  dip in the lake…the tank top and shorts, dripping, her golden hair clinging to her chest. The thin underclothes could hide no secrets.  Catra couldn’t have helped telling Adora that she was beautiful; she  _ was _ .

Adora was so beautiful.

Even then, kneeling in front of their fireplace flicking a broken match onto a piece of wood and trying to light a second one…  _ Gods _ , all Catra wanted to do was touch her. Maybe spending the day inside together wasn’t a bad idea.

While Adora started the fire, Catra went back into the living room and to the window. Rain still roared outside as violent as ever, thunder cracking the air every few minutes. Catra closed the curtains, tucking the fabric around the sides of the bar so no light could get in.

Along with the sounds of the storm outside, the fireplace  began filling the living room with its warmth and crackling. Since they hadn’t turned on the house lights yet, the only source of light was the fire. It made Catra feel…fuzzy. 

“It got all moody in here when you shut the curtains,” Adora said, bringing in a bowl of fruit from the kitchen. “I guess it’s just going to be indoor camping today.”

There was something so surreal about these moments. Knowing that this could very well be the last free moments together… Was there anything she’d redo? Anything she’d regret? Catra had a long history of feeling too  tough for showing emotions, but with Adora, she wanted to change that. 

She wanted to do something special. She wasn’t sure what, though.

“Indoor camping isn’t too bad. It’s still kind of cold in here, but we can make it work.”

It took a minute, but Catra found some spare blankets, stripped their bed of its comforter, and grabbed all the pillows in the house. During this, Adora stood and watched with her arms crossed in curiosity.

Every time that Catra looked up and saw her, nerves fluttered in her stomach.

_ Nerves? Why am I nervous? _ She  wasn’t the kind of person to get nervous or flustered, and yet…

The fear of losing control again ate at her. 

Catra moved the coffee table from between the couch and fireplace , and set up a nest of bedding for them to get comfortable in. This is how she wanted to spend their last day together: curled up in front of the fireplace, storm outside, just the two of them.

After grabbing a book from the shelf, Adora got comfortable on her stomach on the pile of blankets.  H er shorts were still damp from the rain and stuck to the curves of her body. Catra’s eyes wandered from the shape of her shoulders to the small of her back, down father.

Catra tried—and failed—to keep her  gaze to herself while laying down next to Adora .

The ambience of the popping fire, and the thunder and rain outside put a spell over  their nest .

Catra stretched across Adora’s back and let out a contented sigh. “It’s too bad we can’t take this fireplace with us when we leave.”

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Adora, who began writing in the book she’d brought, paused to stifle a yawn. “ I kind of wish I hadn’t woken up so early, though. It’s making me sleepy again.”

This was bliss.

Catra had no other way of describing what she felt.

Every piece of where she was then created a whole picture. It wasn’t just the tranquility of their house, or the indescribable love she felt towards Adora.  The safety ?

Knowing that she  was allowed to be happy.

That she  _ deserved _ to be happy, and no one could take that away from her. Letting her walls down for Adora was so difficult it might’ve hurt, but it was worth it.

Catra purred and pressed her nose into Adora’s shoulder. “What are you writing?”

Adora laughed a little. “You’re awful clingy today. I’m just writing down everything  f or us to take back. Just in case, you know…we forget.”

“Forget? Like, how to get out?”  _ Confusing. _

“No, not that. Everything else.”

Everything else? Like their relationship?

For some reason, this made Catra  even a little more on edge. What was Adora writing? Was it a diary? She tried peeking over Adora to read it, but the book quickly snapped shut.

“It’s not polite to snoop.” Adora nudged Catra off her back.

“Why? What does it say?” Catra was purposefully bothering the other girl; she enjoyed when Adora got sassy. “‘ Oh, Catra is so great. I just  _ love _ when she threatens to put dead things in my mouth because it reminds me of my own mortality’.”

“You are ridiculous.”

“For serious, though.” Catra sat up and brushed some of Adora’s hair away so she could see her face. “Do you really think we’re going to forget everything that’s happened here?

“No. I mean, I don’t know.”

The uncertainty in her voice was unnerving. They really had no idea what life will turn into for them when they get out.  _ Of course _ they didn’t know.

This made Catra’s attitude shift a little. She didn’t like thinking of all the bad possibilities; she was tired of  _ bad _ . Right then, they had each other. That’s all she wanted to think about.

Catra lay back down on her side and let an arm drape loosely across Adora’s back.  _ This is all I want _ . Her claws traced gentle shapes into the fabric of Adora’s tank top. Despite the warmth of the fire, Adora shivered as goosebumps appeared on her skin.

_ I do this to her _ .

A sense of pride came with that.

Adora’s cheeks grew red under the touch and it  _ wasn’t  _ the firelight. The way that her eyes darted away and how she chewed on the bottom of her lip suggested a shyness. It was cute, mostly because Adora had been so bold in the last few days.

_ Was she thinking the same things that Catra was thinking? _

Catra’s inhibitions were melting quickly away. The  crackling fire and the coziness of blankets underneath her…

_ Too much _ .

Adora sat up, putting her notebook aside and grabbing the bowl of fruit she’d brought. Without making eye contact, she offered it to Catra.

“Are you hungry?”

Catra accepted.

They ate for a moment in quiet—no real noise between them except for the crunching of  fruit .

It was hard to concentrate. Too many things buzzed inside of Catra’s skull, and it was completely distracting. Her brain refused to focus on just one thing at a time, and instead bombarded her from all angles.

“Let’s say today is our last day.” Adora flicked a bit of orange peel into the fireplace, where it burst into flame and sweetened the air. “Is this what you want to do? Sit here inside with me?”

To be sure she was being honest, Catra genuinely thought for a moment before answering. “Yeah, this is fine.”  _ So many things she wanted to do and say to her. _ “Just spending time with you.”

The corners of Adora’s blue eyes crinkled. “If I had said that, you would’ve called me a dork.”

“You  _ are _ a dork.”

She leaned forwards just a bit, which was an invitation for Catra to close the rest of the distance.

The taste of orange from Adora’s breath filled her own . Catra  ran the tip of her tongue along Adora’s bottom lip to soak it in. The shape of her face fit so perfectly against her own.  Every dip and every curve, like her body was designed to be held.

_ One heartbeat. _

_ Two. _

Catra hummed and opened her mouth to deepen the kiss, but  it didn’t last long enough. Just as she was starting to have fun, there was suddenly a distance between them.

“I’ll put our bowl away, if we’re done with it.” Adora’s eyes gleamed as she stood and grabbed their empty fruit bowl.

The footsteps faded in the direction of their kitchen.

Catra  thought her lungs had stopped for a second . Her thoughts, as usual, whirled. With the taste of Adora still surrounding everything,  she couldn’t help but be startled at the sudden break.  _ The kiss _ _ — _ _ how long had it lasted? Three seconds? Five? _

The seconds her heart had been counting turned into seconds after it ended. F uzzy feeling s stayed thick inside of Catra’s throat and  moved downwards. Excitement in her stomach. Pulsing in her knees.

_ If this is our last day… _ For some reason, Catra’s thrill was mixed with the same hesitance before. The walls she’d put up…of course she let them down for Adora. But for how long? It was hard—if not impossible—letting herself be  _ completely _ open, even then.

Soon, footsteps returned.

“I’m tired.” Adora  sat down on the blankets next to the other girl and looked at her with a softness in her eyes. “Do you mind if I nap on you?”

_ Did she expect any answer other than yes? _

All Catra did in response was lay on her back and reach one of her arms out. Adora let herself be pulled in. With her head resting on Catra’s shoulder, arm over her stomach, she almost immediately fell back asleep.

_ Dork. _ How’d Adora expect to stay awake when she would  wake up so early ?

Catra couldn’t complain, though. Before, their snuggling was reserved for after dark when it kept the nightmares away. Right then, she was able to  just  enjoy the comfort Adora found in her arms.

The comfort of intimacy. No rush, no pressure. With her asleep, too, Catra could let herself stare in a way she hadn’t before.

Her eyes followed the arch of Adora’s eyebrows, cheekbones. The shape of her neck where her jaw bends. Each dip of her collarbones pointing inwards to the  middle of her chest. She was built a warrior; that was always true. However,  as she’d grown up, there were new ways she’d shifted .

Catra was able to  unapologetically  appreciate this.

She pressed her face against the side of Adora’s head.

_ How could I have missed out on this for so long?  _ Catra smiled a little. Her younger self would’ve died if she’d known what her future held.

They lay on their comforter nest in the living room until the fire began dying down. While  it  wasn’t  _ freezing _ , Catra’s toes were beginning to get a little numb, as was her arm. The arm that Adora was laying on was so far asleep it was starting to ache.

And she had to go to the restroom.

_ I don’t want to wake Adora up. _

As carefully as possible, Catra tugged her arm out from underneath Adora’s  head , placed it on a nearby pillow, and stood.  _ Still asleep. Good. _ She was able to go to the restroom and shake her arm out.

When Catra got back, Adora was lying on her stomach facing the hall, chin resting on a pillow that she was holding. She was awake. There was still a drowsiness in her eyes, but look she was giving Catra…like she had bottled up the sunshine and poured it down Catra’s throat.

Rain sounded like it was still falling  fairly heavy outside, but with the dying fire, the room was getting darker. _ Was she missing something? What was this look for? _

A familiar feeling scooped Catra’s organs out. A longing, a hunger. Something that made her weak.

Adora pulled one of her hands up to prop herself up on. She looked entertained. “What?”

“You know what.”

With each step Catra took closer to Adora, Adora’s expression shifted. She sat straight and watched silently as the other girl knelt back in their nest and leaned close.

Catra enjoyed seeing the affect she had. Her tail curled around and tickled Adora’s bare leg. “I make you nervous.”

“No, you don’t.”

“ _ Yes, _ I do.” She leaned  further. Any closer, she’d have to be on top of Adora.  _ I can stay in control.  _ “You’re blushing. Your hands are clenching like they do w hen you’re flustered.  And y ou’re having a hard time looking me in the eyes.”

Adora narrowed her eyes . “I’m not  _ nervous _ .”

“What is it then, hm?” At that point, Catra unsheathed one of her claws and hooked it on the collar of Adora’s shirt. She let out a breath that hit the other girl’s pink cheek. “ _ Tell me _ .”

For a moment, she thought she’d gotten her.

Then Adora let out a tut. “You’re so annoying sometimes.” She stood, the action making Catra’s extended claw drag down her front. “I fell asleep in wet clothes and now I feel disgusting, so I’m going to hop in the shower  real quick.”

_ Wh _ _ — _

That was rude.  Catra wanted a bigger reaction . The tug she felt below her naval subsided fast.  Why was she pretending not to feel what was going on? She clearly  _ felt _ it, with that look in her eye, but she must not be reacting on purpose.

_ Adora is playing such a fun game, isn’t she? _

While the shower ran, Catra rebuilt the fire back up until it was roaring again. Her mind reeled, the possibilities for the coming hours.

When the bathroom door down the hall finally opened, Catra turned to see Adora coming out.

Hair wet. Bare shoulders.

Wearing a nightgown.

_ The  _ nightgown.

The one that leaved little to the imagination, that Catra absolutely fell apart for. The stretch of fabric at Adora’s hips, chest, how easy it would be to  _ rip _ .

“ God  _ damn it _ _ , _ Adora. What are you wearing ?” When Catra tried standing, her legs wobbled. “Are you  _ serious??” _

Adora smoothed hair away from her face and looked surprised at the language . “What?”

“Don’t play stupid.” At that point, Catra hardly had a single coherent thought. Was it anger?  Definitely not . Frustration? Maybe. Frustrated that she couldn’t touch. “You’re doing this on purpose. First yesterday at the lake, and now—”

“You know what ’s funny?” Adora stepped in front of the couch, and her gown glowed like she was wearing the fire from the fireplace. “Just a minute ago you were saying that  _ you  _ made  _ me  _ nervous _.  _ But now look at you.”

_ Jeez _ . Catra knew that was true, but she also knew she just loved teasing Adora. The hilarity of that made her  actually laugh out loud.

She tackled Adora into the couch.

“You’ve just been teasing me this whole time??” Catra rolled on top of Adora, pinned her wrist to the couch with one hand and rubbing her knuckles into her hair with the other. “I’ve never known anyone as infuriating as you.”

The laughter coming from Adora was loud and rich. There was no shame, no hesitancy as she squirmed.

Catra was sitting, knees straddling Adora’s thighs, chest to chest. She had moved her hands to cup either side of Adora’s face, too , and brought them together in a kiss . The grip they had on each other was loose and silly at first.

Then Adora got her hands onto Catra’s waist , grasping with desperation that was almost unrecognizable. Eager, impatient. It was a language spoken through actions not words, and Catra could read her like a book.

_ Control _ . 

The curve of a smile tilted against her mouth, and it was obvious that Adora was enjoying herself as much as she was.

“Catra.”

She began purring at the sound of her name. “ _ Hm? _ ”

“I love you.”

\--Catra stopped. Air knocked from her lungs. 

She pulled away enough to look at Adora in her eyes, and there was nothing to suggest a joke. No amusement, no shyness, no jokes. Though the beat against the inside of her ribcage was nearly painful, it was nothing against the heat building in her  lungs .

_ Love _ . That’s what this is. She was loved.

Her first attempt was a puff of breath, but the second was better. “I love you, too.” Her world began spinning again. “So much. ”

Those words.

_ I love you. I love you. I love you. _

“I love you,” Catra repeated. She leaned back down for a kiss, but let it be softer than the last.  “Do you still want me around even when we get out?”

The answer to this question was important to Catra. For whatever reason, it wouldn’t leave the back of her mind. When it was asked, Adora softened underneath her.

In almost an embarrassed way, Adora smiled . “ _ Of course _ __ I still want you around.  I didn’t even know it was possible to feel the way I feel when I’m with you .” Her eyes darted away for a second. “ I’m…weirdly happy.  What if this isn’t real?”

“Don’t be dumb.  Of course it’s real.” It was hard not just dismissing that, but Catra knew Adora’s anxieties better than anyone. She took the other girl’s hand and  pecked the inside of her wrist. “Is this not real?”

“ _ Catra…”  _ If it was possible for Adora’s cheeks to get any redder, they did. She looked at her hand. “I haven’t…done anything. I’ve never … ” Her words were cautious and choppy. Fill in the blanks.

She’s never…?

Oh.

_ Oh. _

Catra nearly did a mental double take. Then she  snorted. Laughed.

“I’m not laughing at you, I promise.” She  tried to calm down the butterflies inside. “I’m sorry. Are you really worried about that?”

_ So _ _ they were actually having this conversation. _

Adora, who was still pinned underneath Catra, rolled her eyes a little. “I’m not  _ worried _ . This is just new, that’s all. ”

New. That was one way to put it. This was the beginning of something even bigger. So close to being out, to starting a new life together. Despite the war, despite everything.  All of the feelings stirring inside of her…

“ It’s new for me, too.” Catra felt her tail  waving back and forth. “That’s the fun of it, though. Right?”

She carefully got  off of Adora’s lap, went over to the music player under the window, and started it up.

“You’re not allowed to laugh at me, and if you tell anyone about this, you’re dead, but…”  Catra extended her hand to Adora. “I feel like I owe you a dance after ruining Princess Prom.”

_ Princess Prom _ .

Something shifted in the way that Adora looked at her. A pause, a memory, and then standing. For just a moment, she looked startled at the gesture, like she didn’t expect Catra to do something like that.

“This really isn’t necessary.” Adora looked like she wanted to tease, despite willingly stepping into the other girl’s arms.

“I know.”  _ I owe her _ . Catra took Adora in  against her  and felt her warm under the touch. “With that dress you’re wearing, maybe I just need an excuse to keep my hands on you.”

Adora’s response was only to suck in a breath.

They danced.

It wasn’t like the music that had been at Princess Prom. The First One’s music was slower, more melodic. It pulsed from underneath the window, mixing with the rain and fire like it had been designed to listen to in a storm.

Adora, one hand in Catra’s and the other on Catra’s arm, had an expression that was unreadable. They swayed in time ; at some point, their footsteps became too soft on the carpet to hear.

_ Pianos so soft they could’ve imagined it. _

With every movement, bits and pieces of their world began falling into sync. The breaths from their lungs, shifting weight from each leg to the tilts of their heads as they leaned closer. Catra savored the movements, taking her time to follow each one before moving to the next.

She held her hand carefully on Adora’s back, making sure her touch didn’t wander as much as her mind did.

This is what their dance should’ve been, from the very beginning. It felt almost like an analogy for their relationship, all leading up to this moment here. Catra could stay like this forever.

Their bodies moved together like they were designed to.  As they  danced , the bottom edge of Adora’s nightgown tickled their shins.

However, after just a few minutes of this, Adora stopped.

Her brows were knit just a bit. “This is really  a nice gesture , Catra,” she  took the other girl’s hands and held them to her chest, “but Princess Prom was a bad time for us.  I can’t help but remember some of the bad feelings it brought . Why don’t we make new memories? ”

Music continued playing, and sheets of rain hit the side of their house in a never-ending rush. How wild it was outside compared to the softness of inside.

“New memories?” Catra’s ears flicked sweetly.

She glanced only briefly behind them at the fireplace before looking back at Adora.

_ Adora _ .

A look that burned as bright and hot as the fire, narrowed bedroom eyes. Lips parted just enough to see the pink of her tongue.

Keeping the blaze in her  expression , Adora took a single step back. “You just needed an excuse to touch me, right?”

The way that her body moved when she turned around, the twisting of muscles and tight fabric— With her back to Catra, Adora reached behind her and pulled her hair over one shoulder to give access to the ties down the back of her nightgown.

“ Is this a good enough excuse ?”

If Catra  had any words to say, they would’ve been immediately swallowed. A slam of  nervous adrenaline hit her like a truck—

Was Adora—?

Her nightgown, fitting nearly too tight , she could see  the way her body moved beneath it—

Adora  didn’t look behind her before saying, “Is everything  okay back there, kitty ?”

_ Was everything okay? _ _ How did she know to push exactly at her weak spots?? _

Catra walked forward, reaching her hands out until they touched Adora’s back. The shapes underneath them, she got to explore, to know.

Her fingers followed the parallel scars all the way down to the ties that held the other girl’s dress together. _ Is this happening? Is this what Adora wants? _ The way that she felt, the look that was in her eyes, the calculated offer.

The room smelled of the fireplace, but every one of her senses became Adora.

Catra bent and pressed her mouth against the side of Adora’s neck. “ I can’t ever tell you enough how much you mean to me.”

Goosebumps rose underneath her touch, sliding hands down farther down to hips and back up, bringing the fabric with it. It was a gesture that felt so easy, though she had never held her quite like this before.

Although Adora didn’t answer, her body language told everything. Inch by inch, the edge of her gown was pulled up, and she shifted carefully against the movement. It was something that didn’t go unnoticed.

Catra stopped pulling at the fabric to  press her lips against Adora again, this time on the shoulder. Then again on her back. Her own breath tickled  her nose as it had nowhere to go between skin and skin. It was only then the ties on Adora’s nightgown got the attention she’d asked for.

They loosened easily. However, before she could do much else, Adora turned her head.

“Why don’t you put out the fire?” she suggested.

_ Do I have to stop? _

Putting out the fire hardly took any time, but when Catra was done, she got up to find that Adora had moved to the bedroom.

Catra’s heart sped up.  _ Was this real? Will I wake up and it be a dream?  _ A pulsing behind her naval forced her feet across the room, to the bedroom.

Their door was shut behind her.

Inside the bedroom, it was dim. Occasional lightning flashed from behind the curtains and lit up then silhouette of Adora standing at the foot of the bed.

In that lighting, she was an angel.  Lightning halo around her skin, framing a mess of water-damp hair, a gown that was on the verge of dropping. It was a sight she knew she’d remember long after they would leave their property.

For longer than she wanted, Catra stood frozen. A hundred different  emotions pulsing into her fingertips. She wanted this— She wanted this  _ so badly _ . However, for the first time in a long time, she felt herself shrinking inwards. Getting smaller.

_ I can’t do this. Give myself up completely. _

_ It’s taken so long to know myself. How can I let someone else know me so easily? _

It’s  _ Adora _ though.

One of the emotions was fear. The other a deep craving.

And the way that Adora had looked at her…she was looking that way now. A stare over her shoulder, patiently waiting.  _ Gods.  _ If anyone had the ability to break down Catra’s walls, it was this girl.

Catra shook her nerves away and went to  squeeze her arms around Adora’s waist .  “You asked me how I wanted to spend our last day together . ” She pulled away and let her teeth poke out in a grin. “This is how.”

Although it was dark, Adora’s charmed expression turned a little more  mischievous . “ I know. You don’t have to tell me.”

Of course not.

She must’ve really known the affect she had on Catra, because  all of it —the way she moved, the way she spoke—was exactly how Catra wanted to know her. To know  _ everything _ about her.

Reaching around to her back, Catra undid the rest of the tie and slipped the nightdress’s straps down  off of Adora’s shoulders. The material, so thin and silken, fell easily around Adora’s feet.

Lighting struck again outside, illuminating the woman in front of Catra.  She was still in underwear but nothing else. The shape of her chest, hipbones …  Adora was a sculpture , almost too perfect to touch.

Almost.

“ _ Fuck _ .” Catra closed the distance between them —but was stopped.

A hand, Adora  keeping her  away with that same sneaky expression. “Hold it, kitt en .”

_ She needs to stop calling me that _ .

Patience was not a virtue well-received—and as  eager as this build up made Catra, she was still anxious. Not because of the determined set of Adora’s brows, nor the way she held her bare body so naturally—

_ Why was she even thinking about that? _

Catra’s tongue became heavy, and she sat down hard on the edge of the bed.  From where she was, her eye s were level with  Adora’s chest. It was impossible not to stare.

Catra looked up, seeing shadows from the flickering lightning dance off her partner’s shoulders. There were words she wanted to say but couldn’t. Thoughts that came to mind but didn’t form words. Her life was hardly coherent as it was, but now—

Her skin itched with need.

Without planning on it , Catra licked her lips and said, “You make me feel so…powerless.” She raised her hands to feel the shape of Adora’s hipbones beneath them. “In a good way. I’m just not used to it.”

The bed seemed to sink her downward s . Even though  the covers were still left in the living room, it taunted with warmth and the thought of closeness.

“I’m just trying to make up for lost time.” Adora’s voice was as soft as velvet . She touched one of her fingertips to Catra’s bottom lip.  _ They were so close it hurt.  _ “And to think, I could’ve been touching you like this the whole time.”

At some point, Catra’s vision had gotten fuzzy. She leaned into  Adora’s hand and  sucked the finger into her mouth.  W hen she drew back away her tongue stayed  out .

“ _ Adora.” _ A purr crawled from her throat.

That was all it took.

Her name.

Adora closed that last bit of distance and collapsed her body against Catra’s. Clambering at first, they rolled up to be completely on the bed, hips to hips and chests to chests in a rush of hunger. It was almost a frantic movement—

Adrenaline slammed through Catra, like cold water shot through her veins. She wanted to  _ savor _ this, to pack it tight and never let it go. This  _ feeling. _

Wild. Uncontrollable. A longing she didn’t know was possible, ripping her insides to shreds. It gave her the  strength to  hook her leg over Adora’s midline and  climb on top of her .

“ Adora ,”  Catra cooed . She buried  into  Adora’s grass-scented hair .  Her legs were straddling the other girl’s  legs and her arms bent on the pillows beneath them. She  was feeling especially generous. “ _ Tell me what you want _ .”

A shiver ran down  Adora’s body. “What do you  _ want  _ to do?” The words were husky, quiet .

Already, she knew it was going to be hard keeping herself together. To keep her dignity somehow in a position that was already compromising. To keep herself from immediately touching Adora everywhere she wanted to.

But she wanted to take it slow enough to make  Adora _ beg _ .

Catra pressed her weight down, kissing a soft spot of  the other girl’s neck before pulling the skin into her mouth.  It released with a  _ pop.  _ From somewhere inside of Adora’s chest, a groan slipped out .

“I want to hear all the different noises you can make.”  Catra drew her  teeth down farther. “I want to feel the way that you move underneath me.” Her tongue flicked out. “I want to—”

“Okay, okay.”  Adora dug her fingernails through the material of Catra’s shirt into her sides . “Don’t waste time telling me, then.”

There was too much talk and not enough action, but that could be changed.  _ Easily _ .

Without taking her mouth away, Catra freed one of her hands and  tested the waters, running it  with a feather-light touch  up Adora’s stomach . For so long, she’d just wanted the chance to explore, to  _ feel _ , to touch her in every way that  she wanted to be touched. Along the dip of her spine, her ribs, finally to her chest.

Up until then , Adora  had kept her face turned away to let them get used to this newfound intimacy. She hadn’t shown any sort of hesitation with being so exposed. No shyness at all.

Something about that was irresistible.

Catra  used her nose to nudge Adora’s  chin up to get to the tender skin there . Almost without warning, her mind wandered back to their first  fever-high kiss . The kind of viciousness with which Adora held her.

After she’d come to terms with that  _ actually _ happening , she had kicked herself for  not letting that be the beginning. This  ended up changing for her, though,  with the  moments they shared afterwards. Getting to know one another in the real way, in the right way.

All of that led up to  _ this,  _ and it wasn’ t disappointing in the least.

The storm raged outside, but the rushing in Catra’s ears tuned it all out.

She adjusted, propping her knee up between Adora’s two thighs and feeling her tense briefly. Luckily, nothing else needed to be said. Their actions would speak for them, and Catra wanted hers to be  loud .

It was all almost too overwhelming.

Catra first stopped to peck Adora’s lips sweetly before dipping down again. Her mouth peppered kiss es down the side of the other girl’s throat, occasionally lingering long enough to feel the thrum of a heartbeat underneath it. It took especial willpower to keep her hands to herself—for now.

“Not so much of a big talker now, hm?” Catra smiled against the other girl’s chest. “What’s the matter?”

This was too fun. She’d spent her whole life looking for control, not knowing this is the exact kind of control she wanted to have. 

Adora ran her fingers through the other girl’s hair. “I can’t enjoy myself? ” She didn’t even seem bothered by being as exposed as she was.

Every time the lightning  flashed, her body was illuminated. Catra could see every little freckle and scar, but she wasn’t looking at all that.

“Hey.” Adora freed her hands and grabbed onto Catra’s shirt. Her words weren’t completely coherent, but still held a charming lilt to it . “Let me—” She sucked in a quick breath when Catra nipped at the side of one of her breasts. “Let me take this off of you.”

_ Please. _ Catra wouldn’t beg. Instead, she sat up and lifted her arms just high enough for Adora to peel the shirt  off of her .

Because they were in the closed bedroom, the air was just a little too cold against without a shirt. It didn’t really bother her, but it made her falter for just a second too long.

“Don’t move,” Adora whispered, letting her eyes wander. Her cheeks were flushed and lips a little red from how they were kissing earlier. One hand still held onto the shirt Catra had shed.

Catra  _ loved _ the way Adora was looking at her. She could bathe in the expression, tension at her center getting so hot it made her breathless. She would have time for herself later, but all she cared about then .. .

To pull the other girl’s attention back away from her, Catra bowed back over Adora and continued her effort. Gentle kisses on her collar, down her chest. With every movement, Adora’s hums grew less patient.

The scene remained  easygoing until Catra let her tongue lull out and  drew it across one of Adora’s nipples.

Adora’s back arched immediately in surprise , and she snapped her hands to Catra’s shoulders.

_ Take it and run _ . Catra curved into Adora’s arched back, gripped one of her arms underneath it and held her tight. She held her mouth’s suction until a  noise bubbled out of Adora’s throat. Only then did she release, catching her breath.

There was a salty taste that was left over on her lips, and it only made Catra hungrier. She wanted to take her time, to draw it out. To take pleasure in these little things.

She had waited so long for this, something she didn’t know she needed until then.

Adora could clearly  not wait too much longer . She had contented herself with running her fingernails across the other girl’s shoulders and upper back and through her hair, but with every passing  second they grew slightly more desperate.

Catra took her attention from Adora’s chest and moved back up to kiss her again, when Adora’s attitude seemed to change. She had taken that moment’s break to track her hands down the sides of Catra’s body and grab onto the waist of the pants she was wearing.

A jolt of electricity stab bed through Catra’s  stomach —It made her unintentionally press downwards,  grating the knee that’d been propped between Adora’s legs.

Adora let out a moan, this time louder. Her nails bit deep into the skin of Catra’s waist .

“ _ Catra,”  _ she breathed, grabbing onto  the pants again. “Take these off.”

It was hard enough keeping charge without the things she was doing to her; Catra was enjoying herself where she was right then. “Don’t think  I’m finished with you yet .” She rolled her hips against Adora’s and watched her eyes flutter shut briefly.

A shudder stuck in Adora’s throat. “It’s not  _ for  _ you.”

Ah.

A wicked smile split Catra’s face.  _ She’s going to have so much fun with this _ . If there were any nerves left over in her body, they were hidden by the insatiable appetite she’d developed.

How many times these last few weeks had they danced around one another? Stealing glances while one changes, letting glances linger a little too long for a little too low. They were both guilty of it. It was easy to take too much joy from this.

Catra  sat up , pausing only to kiss the skin of  Adora stomach before standing off the bed entirely .

“How many times have I watched you undress?” Adora murmured, reading the other girl’s mind. She was still splayed on the sheets,  wearing just underwear and a desperate expression .

_ Gods, she really was something _ .  Everything she had, everything she wanted. She’d give up in an instant for her.

Catra untucked her tail from the hole she’d ripped and then kicked them off. “My body should be old news for you at this point.”

Nothing. Adora didn’t answer. She was just staring, breathing, fidgeting one of her feet against the bed.

Only once her body was completely naked to the room’s air did she feel a hint of the nerves she’d felt before.  _ I love her so much _ , her thoughts warned her.  _ I _ _ can’t mess things up this time. _

She wouldn’t.

An especially loud crack of thunder shook the  earth outside, and one of their window shutters came unclasped from the outside and began rattling. It wasn’t loud, but it  made them jump.

“ Poor  girl, scared of a little thunder, ” Adora teased, stretching her arms behind her head.

From where she stood, naked at the edge of the bed, Catra swished her tail in amusement. “ You’re really feeling cocky enough to make jokes, aren’t you? Even though you’re the  one in such a compromised position ? ”

“Compromised?” Adora didn’t seem to think  so.  She wiggled a bit where she l ay , almost like she was enticing  her partner to come over to her. “ I’m exactly where I want to be.”

Catra was weak.  _ Completely _ weak. There were so many new things she was experiencing, with herself and now with Adora.  Feelings and needs and wants — like a  slave to her own cravings .

When she  returned back to the bed,  her crawl was slow and calculated , li ke a  predator _. _ __ P ass ing over Adora’s feet,  kneeing  them apart  and sneak ing  between her legs.

She wanted…to wipe the smirk  off of Adora’s face. To make her feel as intoxicated as she  felt.

_ I can do that _ .

Catra  purred and stretched out over the top of Adora ,  noticing the way their bodies  slotted together so perfectly.

“I love it when you purr,” Adora said , putting her hands  on the backs of the other girl’s arms.

“Hush .”  With e ach  heartbeat , Catra tasted  gold on her exploring tongue .

“ I love—”

Catra bit down, harder than the last time . She was careful not to break skin but  that was all she was careful about;  the pulse in Adora’s neck was sucked into her mouth,  hard, sure to leave a mark for the morning.

Before Adora was able to say anything else, Catra  chose a different spot and nipped again. Then again, lower.

This seemed to have taught Adora a lesson ; all she did after that was  let out a few whimpers and sighs as the kisses got lower and softer.

Catra reached  Adora’s right breast and kneading her retracted claws over it before  flicking her tongue out.  _ It’s already rougher than other people’s tongues _ , she thought to herself as Adora  groaned. This must’ve been an experience for her.

As she crept lower and lower, the sounds became more  distressed .  Each bite and kiss drew strained movements, like Adora was  trying to  get her to go even lower, where she needed the attention most.

It wasn’t a secret;  from how she was positioned, Catra could practically feel the  desperate heat  coming from  under the only bit of clothing left between them. She knew that  she was working  herself up, too, but there was no time for that .

Every  shift , every gasp of air, every  moan — Adora might’ve spent the last few weeks acting tough and cheeky , but when  it all came down to it, this seemed to be what she wanted. She’s getting what she wanted.

Thinking of it like that made Catra pause,  hovering her mouth  just below the other girl’s naval. A moment of concern came and passed , the thought of how often she was used in her lifetime .

“ Why did you stop?” Adora’s voice  brought Catra’s attention upwards, and Adora  used one of  her hands to scratch behind Catra’s ear. “ What’s the matter?”

Thunder outside kept rolling, rain kept howling against the  house. But they were safe inside, and everything they’d done had led up to this moment . Everything.

Her thoughts ran back a few minutes ago when she’d seen Adora standing in the lightning, holding her gown up and looking back over her shoulder at Catra. Like she was the only thing she wanted. 

Catra wasn’t being used _. _ She was being  _ needed _ . She was being  _ wanted. _ And this feeling was better than anything she couldn’t  fought for at the Horde.

“ Are you sure you’re okay with this ?” Catra’s voice was hardly a whisper, and she sat up on her knees to hook a claw at the front of the other girl’s underwear.

“If you don’t  do something to me  _ right  _ _ now _ I’m getting up and leav ing.”

Okay. That was as good of an answer as it wo uld get.

Catra  took the  underwear in  her  fingers and rolled it down Adora’s hips, thighs,  and slipped them over her bent knees. After that, nothing was between them, and nothing else  could stop them .

_ Finally _ .

The bed was easily big enough for both of them, so Catra had no problem budging to the end of the bed and having Adora wrap her legs around her waist. Nothing she did was met with any resistance; Adora was eager to make sure it was known.

As Catra bent to  kiss that spot on the other girl’s stomach she liked,  friction from between them made it known how wet Adora was.

“ _ Fuck, _ ” she whispered, for the second time that day , and raked one of her hands  up the inside of Adora’s thigh. “I had no idea I  had this effect on you.”

She’d made her wait long enough.

Catra  wandered her hand farther up until it  reached  between Adora’s legs, where she was practically dripping with anticipation . She experimentally swiped her thumb across the folds, and Adora craned her hips into the touch.

“Stop teasing,” Adora whined . She  grabbed Catra’s wr ist and guided it back to where she wanted it . _ This is what she needed. _

There was no reason not to oblige.

Propping  the other girl’s leg up on her shoulder, Catra got into a more comfortable position and  rubbed her palm a time or two against Adora’s core before  testing a finger inside her. There was no resistance , just warmth and a hiss of breath from Adora.

_ Perfect. _ __ She was perfect.

The first few movements were  slow, careful.  The sharp smell filled Catra’s senses like a dru g, and with every  heart beat , she  began speeding up her rhythm.

Adora rocked her hips with the  pace,  but the hums coming from her weren’t near as  fierce as they should’ve been.

_ More. _

Catra lowered her head and bit at the inside of Adora’s thigh before  nuzzling deeper. Deeper until her mouth closed around  Adora’s center , and it was there her senses careened like setting off fireworks.

The taste filled her to a spilling point, already on her hand and dribbling down her chin. Adora grabbed onto Catra’s head with both of her hands, tangling into her hair, holding her so tight against her she could burst—

If she hadn’t been getting so worked up herself, Catra might’ve  been able to still hear the music playing in the living room, but the only sounds in her ears were the moans and pants from the girl underneath her. Every  shift in her body,  every gasp of breath .

Following  the  reactions she got, Catra took her hand away but  dragged her tongue up to Adora’s clit  and sucked in into her  purring mouth.

Adora immediately clenched her legs around Catra’s head and threw her  own  head back . “ _ Catra,”  _ she panted . “I need—”

Catra brought her fingers back to make the other girl stop talking. Two this time, entering as easy as before , pumping a rhythm that Catra perfected. Every twitch beneath her only brought her closer, tongue slipping around buried fingers and  sucking the tension  off of Adora’s clit until she had to  go up for air.

When she looked up, Catra saw  Adora’s  eyes closed tightly to the ceiling and her  chin trembling with the effort of making herself last. Did she have any idea how beautiful she looked right then, not a care in the world, her hair  fanned out against the bare sheets?

If Catra had known the  addiction she’d develop, she would’ve done this a long time ago.

They’d already found a  beat to move to, Adora’s rolling hips and  Catra’s wrist beginning  ache. At some point, Catra had to adjust and move her hair out of her face , which gave  Adora enough time to bend her legs  closer up to her stomach, feet on Catra’s back.

_ She’s perfect _ , Catra thought,  wrapping her free arm  under Adora’s right hip to get closer.  _ Closer. _ This was a better angle than before , and Catra  let her claws poke out . They raked  down Adora’s sides, leaving  behind pink trails and seeming to make Adora more frantic.

Each moan from her mouth seemed to be Catra’s name but got lost , turning just into  more sounds .

At that point, Adora was holding Catra’s face so tightly to her that  the rocking grew erratic and unstable. Catra was trying to keep pace but her vision was drowned, mouth overwhelmed. All she could do was keep sucking, keep growling, keep moving her tongue in time with her fingers until  Adora’s legs  tensed up .

“ _ …Catra…”  _ Adora hands began shaking and her breathing  became harsh gasps. “ _ Please, please…” _

Catra  rolled her body up, pressing as hard as she could  and keeping her movements as brisk as she could .  _ She’s so close _ .

Adora’s moans were becoming cries,  hands clenching,  legs tightening so hard that it felt like she was nearly taking Catra’s head off—

_ Harder, harder. _ Catra  pumped her fingers deeper inside of Adora , curling and twisting as best as the angle would allow, and finally—

A dora’s back arched , spasms pulling a cord down her  spine, and she released  all of the breath in her lungs out in  a wave of ecstasy. The pressure, everything built up inside of her released.

Catra slowed her fingers to a stop  and removed her mouth to watch Adora ’s orgasm ride out.  Soon, her  arched back flattened and legs went limp from their grip around Catra’s waist in a  shaking, but relieved,  sigh .

Weak from the effort herself,  Catra rolled onto her own back and  panted up at the ceiling.

For just a moment, they had to lay there and recover . When a few minutes had passed, Catra turned her head and looked over at the girl next to her.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

Adora , with her messy hair and slightly bruised lips,  looked back. A dizzy smile was on her face. “ Yeah, I’m good.  I didn’t know…” Her cheeks darkened. “ I didn’t know you  could do all  that.”

_ Neither did I, _ Catra wanted to say, but didn’t. She  wiped the back of her hand across her mouth before leaning  over to kiss Adora.

She could still see stars in Adora’s eyes, and the y were even more beautiful than the ones they’ve watched out in the night sky .

How did she get so lucky? How, after everything that had happened between them, did she still get to have these little moments all to herself? She hardly deserved this kind of love. She wasn’t even sure…if she  _ did _ deserve it.

Adora was everything to her, but after everything she did, she  still  had a hard time forgiving herself.

She sat up. “ Do you want me to bring you any water?”

“No, thanks.”  The stars in Adora’s eyes  kept twinkling , and her smile grew even more mischievous. 

“…What?”

The claw marks were still visible down Adora’s sides , especially when  she got  into a kneeling position. While her intentions weren’t  immediately clear, Catra knew soon enough what she was doing when she  crawled over her and  bent down to  kiss her neck .

The nerves returned.

_ I’m not nervous, _ Catra  thought uncertainly to herself . She had no problem doing what she just did to Adora, but—?

Adora almost immediately noticed the stiffness and  switched her  stand from  careless  and  coy  to sit back up. Her brows knit a little when she saw the look on the other girl’s face. “I didn’t ask— Are  _ you  _ okay?

“Yes ,” Catra immediately responded. It sounded weird, even to her own ears. “Yeah, yes. ”

_ Why now??  _ _ Was she seriously balking _ now _? _ _ No, that isn’t it. _

The truth wasn’t easily put into words, but Catra was torn. She was horribly worked up from  giving Adora what she wanted,  but she wasn’t sure that she was ready for Adora to see her so vulnerable.

After so long of being  impenetrable…

Adora ran her fingers down the length of Catra’s leg, and noticed they were tensed. “What’s wrong, hm?” The  post-orgasm slur to her voice was silky . “ You were nearly begging for me to get my hands on you earlier. Do you not need me anymore?”

_ That  _ _ definitely wasn’t _ _ it _ . In fact, it was  _ very _ hard keeping her composure.

“ I definitely still need you,” Catra  breathed , but she still couldn’t get her muscles to relax. “I just—” _ Explaining how she felt would ruin the moment. She didn’t want to ruin the moment. _

_ She didn’t want to  _ _ this _ _.  _ She ruins everything.

Catra looked away. “ I’m not …very good at  being vulnerable.” The words sounded so dumb in coming from her own mouth. “ It’s not like we have any secrets anymore, but…”

“Hey .” Adora leaned all the way over and pressed her lips to Catra’s, the gesture filled with gentleness . “ I get it. Between you and me, you seem more comfortable as a giver and not a receiver, but …” She  kissed her forehead this time and words turned a little less gentle. “I want to give you want you deserve, too.”

_ What she deserves… _

Because Adora was still sitting on top of her, the  friction between them did not allow Catra’s heart to  slow at all. She  closed her eyes for just a moment.

The meanwhile, Adora ran her hands lightly up and down Catra’s arms. Across her shoulders, through her hair. Rubbing behind her ear.

Slowly, Catra felt the purr returning to her lungs and  was feeling more comfortable with the  bed underneath her. The way that Adora  so carefully handled her … Adora of all people knew her best in this world. She didn’t know why then, of any time,  her self-loathing was making a comeback.

The gentleness with the way Adora touched her… She hadn’t shown  _ her _ much of that gentleness when she carved those eight scars into her back.

Adora seemed to know exactly what Catra was thinking about, because she  scooted down and  propped her chin up on Catra’s shoulder. “That’s all behind us, Catra. You know that. ”

“I know.”

It wasn’t that the look on Adora’s face was necessarily disappointment, but still lower energy before.  Did she not think Catra wanted  this? Catra  _ did. _ She just…wasn’t sure if she  _ deserved _ it.

“ Let’s ju st be together for now.” Adora put one of her hands to the side of Catra’s face and ran the tips of her fingers over the burns scar on her cheek. “ As long as we’re together.”

_ As long as _ _ we’re together. _

Catra couldn’t argue with that. She  leaned into the  other girl’s hand , and eventually brought her in for a kiss.

“ Imagine when we get out of here,” Adora  hummed . “We’ll have all the free time in the world to spend together.”

Outside of  isolation, outside of someone else’s life.

“ Our own bed…”  She  kissed the corner of Catra’s mouth .

_ Our  _ bed.

“ We could have our own fireplace,  real food.”  Another kiss, on the peak of her cheekbone.

This all sounded so nice, almost too good to be true. But it was a possibility, and just the thought of being able to have their own life after so long of  having the world against them…

Adora moved her lips to Catra’s at that point and  let them linger a little longer than the last time.  There was  no doubt she could take her own  flavors there .

The way that Adora talked was like she was l ike she was already planning their lives together . She seemed to ready to have Catra be a part of it, like she wouldn’t have had  it any other way.

Maybe Catra was the only one with hesitations because she had a harder time letting go of the past…

“ You know what my favorite part is about all this? ”

“What?”  All of the kisses she was getting  didn’t slow Catra’s heart at all.

“ We get to do this as often as we want.”

After all the time they’d had in the bubble to think about  it…  The possibility of having a future together finally began  clicking for Catra. When they get out, they could really  be together like she’d always wanted.

Sure there will be rough spots, especially with the war, but they really did have each other.

That’s all she wanted. That’s all she  _ needed _ . If Adora saw something in her that was worth sticking around for …

Catra put  one of her arms around Adora’s bare waist and pulled her closer . “ You must really like me, hm?”

To that, Adora laughed . “ Have I not made myself clear enough?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I need more  _ convincing.” _

Adora  seemed to know exactly what she meant. Her expression curled .

_ This is  _ _ really  _ _ happening. _ While  putting all her focus into Adora,  Catra didn’t have too much brainpower to realize  what  she herself was feeling until it was over. Now, with  Adora sitting up  on top of her and adjusting one of her knees to  be in between Catra’s legs, the heat returned tenfold.

The  _ pressure _ .

Her v iew was better than she could’ve  imagined. It was one thing to see  Adora  gasping underneath her , but this was entirely different. Seeing her curves from below,  her bent  legs,  the little bite marks on the underside of her breasts.

_ I hope I didn’t hurt her, _ Catra thought, but  her thoughts didn’t remain coherent. Not even a little bit.

Because of  where Adora’s knee was, when she  leaned forward, it made direct friction . The pressure nearly made Catra jump right out of her fur . She’d been getting so worked up herself that  she’d gotten sensitive.

“ You can tell me if y ou want to stop,” Adora  took Catra’s hand in her own and  brought it up to her mouth.

“I  won’t .”

Adora pressed her hips down and made Catra tense again. She  seemed to notice that Catra’s rigid legs were making things  difficult , so  she  slowed down  what she was doing to  bring their bodies closer.

“Are you  _ sure _ you’re alright?” Adora  words were lighthearted .  Barely even touching, she skimmed her hand  down to tease the stripes  at the lower part of Catra’s stomach. “ You didn’t seem so tense just a few minutes ago when you had me pinned to the bed.”

_ She’s cheeky. _

“ That’s different . I can’t exactly keep up my tough-guy act making the sounds that  you __ were making.”

“ There’s no one around to hear you but me .”  Her body shifted a little as she bent,  pecking a trail of kisses down  the other girl’s nec k to her  chest. “ Don’t I get to have that?”

When Adora  pressed  the thick of her tongue against Catra’s nipple, Catra felt another jolt of energy . S he had to bite her cheek  to stay quiet. “ Well I—”

“If you don’t want this, tell me now.  Otherwise,” A dora’s voice  dropped , “ I’m t he one in charge.”

_ Oh _ . A shiver, slightly different than the electricity,  shook Catra’s hands . That alone was something she knew she couldn’t live without.

What could she even say to that?

Catra leaned her head back and  pressed her chest up into Adora’s mouth, savoring the pulse going through each bone in her body. “ _ Then touch me.” _

Adora did not wait to be told again. She didn’t wait at  _ all _ before  rolling her hips down, harder than before.

Dots appeared behind Catra’s closed eyelids;  she shouldn’t have waited this  long, she didn’t know how she’d managed—

Gods, she wouldn’t be able to last—The way Adora twisted on top of her,  the muscles of her thigh rippling between Catra’s legs—

It wasn’t quite enough to finish her, but  enough to drown her senses completely.

“ _ Adora _ ,” Catra  growled ,  snatching the other girl’s wrist up, “ I said  _ touch me.” _

She didn’t want to have  to beg, but if she didn’t get  better relief soon, she was going to have to. The way her partner moved, the  shapes bursting in her eyes...

Adora  moved her  knees to  trap Catra’s legs apart .

This was the most vulnerable that Catra had ever felt;  completely naked,  legs forced apart,  probably as glistening wet as Adora had been . She didn’t want to need anyone, but  she  _ needed _ Adora.

She needed everything—

There was a ripping sound as  Catra’s claws closed around the bedsheets and tore. Adora had  finally done what she ’ d been  asked : she  dragged her entire hand down Catra’s  e xposed slick. It was an  action that held nothing back .

Before Catra could even realize she’d ripped the sheet, Adora set her legs further apart  and bent her own elbow into the space left there.  There was no hesitance before  taking the  fingers that were already wet and  sliding them inside.

Catra couldn’t even buckle her legs because they were  restrained, but her hands  were free enough to grab onto Adora’s shoulders.

_ Is this how I made Adora feel?  _ She let a moan escape. _ No holding back now. _

Being  more muscular than the other girl, Adora had more power behind her strokes .  T he headboard of the bed began  rhythmically  hitting against the wall , so much force behind it they didn’t even notice the storm dying down outside.

_ So much power _ . Catra held tighter to Adora , straining her  hips to the movement, trying to get more friction, trying— “ _ Fuck me _ ,” she  groaned. “ _ Adora.” _

Adora angled her thumb so it would hit Catra’s clit  every time she went deep. “You can be louder than that, kitten.”

The roughness was filling Catra to a tipping point.  Each breath was ragged,  each noise more desperate and mewling than the last. Fire began filling her  toes, making them clench and shutter, and it ran so quickly up her body she didn’t have time to  predict it.

“ _ Ador _ _ aaAAH _ _ —”  _ The name turned into a howl from her mouth as Catra’s  climax hit her like a train.

Her vision turned completely black , each cell in her body  exploding like the lightning outside.

It lasted one second—two— three—

Her legs shivered and trembled as Catra came down from the high. Even after the feeling receded, all she could do was lay there and gasp for air. She hardly even  noticed Adora coming up and flopping onto the ripped sheets next to her.

“Gods,” Catra breathed,  grabbing onto Adora’s hand  and squeezing. “Sorry I was being whiny before .”

“ Don’t be.”

When she opened her eyes and looked over at the other girl, there was that same  beautiful gleam in her eyes, but  she  definitely looked exhausted. _ She’s wonderful. _

They didn’t say anything else for the rest of t heir time. Effort  from what they’d done wiped  both of them out, and hardly any time passed before they both drifted off to sleep.

_ This is the reason for living _ , Catra thought as she  began fading away.

The reason for everything.

They had the rest of their lives to spend together, to do that again and to  learn one another in new ways each time.

For the first time in a long time, Catra was looking forward to waking up tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was so long. The next one will be much shorter. Let me know what you thought!


	27. Finale Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra and Adora know what it's like to have gone to the end of the world and back. They've fought for weeks to build trust between one another and to return to the world they called home, and it's all come to this. Tonight, rain will fall and they'll be able to leave, but one question still remains: is the home they're going back to the one they knew?
> 
> FINALE: Part 1/2

**Bright Moon**

Snow hardly ever fell in Bright Moon. Winters were typically mild, but this year was different. Leaves turned orange and yellow in the autumn, dropped within a few weeks, and then the cold hit.

Crystal skies showered snow down from above, turning the castle in what they might’ve described as a winter wonderland. It might’ve even been beautiful, but the yule celebration was somber.

Glimmer stood at the floor-length mirror in her room, staring at herself. She was wearing a dress for the occasion, one that shimmered purple and silver depending on the angle of the light. In any other circumstance, she _loved_ parties. Especially for yule.

All of the sparkling lights hung over trees, cinnamon cakes and fruits baked into every kind of pie imaginable. When she was young, her and Bow loved to sneak sweets into their pockets and have their own separate parties later in the night when the adults sent them to bed.

But now…there was something so deep missing inside of her that made shaking her discomfort impossible. This was not the happy party she wanted to go to.

“Glimmer?” Bow knocked before entering the room, wearing a tidy suit and a concerned expression. “You almost done? The queen is asking where you are.”

 _Ugh_. Glimmer sighed and finished fixing her hair before meeting at the door. “Yeah, I’m coming. I guess the punch couldn’t keep her distracted forever.”

It wasn’t as though this wasn’t a planned party. It was a _celebration_. They didn’t have one the year previous because of the circumstances, but now there was no avoiding the crowds. The eyes on her, the leader of a now-lifeless Rebellion.

She slipped her shoes on and followed her best friend out.

As expected, the entire castle was lit in festivities.

Bright Moon’s Great Hall was filled with twinkling lights and sounds: laughter, glassware, and upbeat music. People from all kingdoms were dressed in their finest, and unlike the Princess Prom, the doors were open to everyone.

Families from every kingdom came to celebrate and pay tribute, and that made it much more crowded and louder than any other party.

Glimmer made her entrance towards the north end, where a long banquet table was set on a raised platform against the wall. On it, sat the members of their Rebellion. They all had plates of snacks in front of them, eating and talking amongst one another.

“Nice of you to finally join us,” Angella said, sounding like she genuinely meant it. She watched her daughter take the seat directly to her right, and when settled in, her smile looked supportive. “You look so grown up in that dress. It suits you.”

The urge Glimmer had to roll her eyes was strong, but she knew her mom was trying. This was a big change, and without Adora… How could people act like everything was normal? The only person who seemed to understand what she was feeling was Bow.

Bow, sitting next to her, put a comforting hand on her arm before starting a plate of food.

All of this…

There was such a hole inside of her heart. Everyone said time would heal it, but again, Bow seemed to be the only one whose hole hasn’t healed either.

From their banquet table, the princesses (and Bow) got a view of the entire Hall. The fountains of chocolate and juice on one side, a lively orchestra playing for those who choose to dance on the other. It did remind Glimmer of the Princess Prom, but without the third member of the Best Friend Squad, this was hardly a party.

“Have you tried the meat yet?” Bow reached over and pointed his fork at his friend’s plate. “It’s really good.”

Glimmer smiled at him but knew it didn’t reach her eyes. “I haven’t yet, but it looks good.”

Her thoughts easily wandered again.

To the two empty spots on the other side of the banquet table, and the reason why _they_ were there instead of…someone else.

It’s okay, she told herself. Smile. Be happy. This was a celebration, after all.

A time into the night, Queen Angella stood up over the Hall as Bright Moon’s clock rung out for attention.

Her wings had grown even longer in light of the past events, and when they stretched, they enveloped the entire area in a glittering light. “Fellow Etherians.”

The noise from the party died, music slowing to a stop. Each attending person stopped and turned towards their queen.

Angella folded her hands in front of her. “I must start with thanking you all for joining us here tonight for this celebration.” Her voice rang clearly from wall to wall. “In light of all events that has transpired recently, it is important to keep those we hold dear close to us.”

 _Everyone except Adora_ , Glimmer thought sourly, poking at her food.

“It’s too easy to focus on the negativity of this world, so I wish today to be in honor not of those we’ve lost, but for the lives we get to live today.” Angella waved her wings a bit, and the room continued shimmering. “Each kingdom here has come together to share in what we have in common: the fresh air we breathe, the ground under our toes, and the love our planet has gifted us to feel.

“I will keep this toast short, but ask each one of you to keep this in mind tonight. It may be cold outside, but find joy in the warmth we keep on the inside. Enjoy the music, enjoy the food, but most importantly,” she put her hand on her daughter’s shoulder, “enjoy one another.

“Happy Yule, everyone. Please get back to the festivities.”

The people murmured their agreements, and the noise started back up again. Music, chatting, eating.

Queen Angella sat back down at her spot at the table and turned to look at Glimmer. “How are you doing, my darling? You seem awfully upset for a party.”

The party really was everything Glimmer would have loved. She couldn’t be too excited, though, and she didn’t want to talk to her mom about it.

“I’m fine,” she scooted her chair back and grabbed Bow’s arm. “Come on, Bow. Let’s go…dance, or something.”

As he was being pulled away, Bow waved to the queen. “Nice speech, Your Majesty!”

After the toasting, everyone was encouraged to dance and mingle. The music played at an upbeat tempo, and something floating around the air made the whole room smell like cotton candy. So many familiar faces stopped to bow and congratulate Glimmer, but that became the most difficult part of the night.

“Congratulations, Princess Glimmer.”

Glimmer stood uncomfortably as one of the Bright Moon residents took her hand in both of theirs. They were smiling, excited.

“What an occasion, right?” The resident kept hold of her hands.

“Uh.” Glimmer wanted nothing more than to run. “Right.”

“You must be so happy!”

 _Not really_. She pulled her hands away and as politely as she could, said, “I have something else I need to do. Excuse me.”

Glimmer left, speed-walking out the Great Hall.

She stopped in the empty back hallway, the one that led to the kitchens. Only then she could breathe, and sat hard on the marble flooring.

Her head hurt… Why did she have to do these things? I mean, she _knew why_ , but she felt like her mom should’ve let her out of this one. It felt too soon.

Footfall approached, and for a second she thought it might’ve been her mom who’d seen her run out of the party like a madman. Turns out, it was just Bow.

“Hey.” He sat down on the floor next to his friend. “I know it’s hard, but—”

“But _what_ , Bow??” Glimmer felt herself close to snapping. She put her head in her hands and wished she hadn’t worn this stupid dress. “Everyone is acting like everything is normal!! Am I the only one that’s upset??”

“Glimmer, of course you’re not the only one! We _all_ miss Adora, but—”

“Stop saying ‘but’!” Nothing about this was right. She knew she was messing up her hair by grabbing it in her fists. Frustration made everything hurt. “But nothing. This isn’t a victory. They stopped _looking_ for her, Bow! I thought you _cared about her!”_

The accusation stung, even coming from her own mouth.

It made Bow flinch. “I know you’re saying that out of anger,” his voice cracked, “but I miss Adora just as much as you. Acting normal at this party isn’t because I don’t miss her; it’s for everyone else.”

Everyone else… But what about _her?_ No one seemed to care that Glimmer was missing Adora. No one was looking anymore except for her and Bow…

“Where do you think she is?” Glimmer shut her eyes against one of her arms. “Do you really think she’s…dead?”

“No, I don’t. It’s Adora. We’ll find her, Glimmer. We just…have to be strong for Etherians right now. This party is for _them_.”

…He was right. Glimmer didn’t like feeling as though her grief was being dismissed, but Bow was right—as usual.

“Fine, okay.” She stood, careful not to rip the side of her dress. “I know what you mean. Can we go back out again tomorrow to look for her?”

Bow smiled, though it was a little sad. “Of course we can. We’re her best friends. We’ll never give up on her.”

The evening lasted for too long.

After respecting Bow’s advice, Glimmer managed another two hours out with the public. She took her hair down from the uncomfortable updo and even allowed herself to dance with her friends. The empty seats at the table loomed over them, but she tried not looking over and remembering how unfair everything was.

The party began dying down close to midnight. Many guests, especially those with children, left the party earlier and only those close to Bright Moon remained. Most all of them were familiar faces, and being so, knew how inseparable Glimmer, Bow and Adora had been.

Some of them even came up to Glimmer with words of encouragement, like, “You’re so brave doing this without her,” or, “You must miss her so much.”

They had no idea. Glimmer almost wished they’d act like nothing was wrong as opposed to act like they knew the grief she was feeling.

At almost exactly midnight, Glimmer decided to turn in. She said goodnight to the other princesses, her mom, and lastly Bow.

“Tomorrow,” Bow promised, giving an encouraging thumbs-up. “We’ll go back out and look for Adora.”

Glimmer felt his friendship as warmth inside of her, and she let herself smile. “Thanks, Bow. I can always count on you, can I?”

“Get some sleep. We’ll meet up in the morning.”

In the morning.

They’ll go back out, like they’ve done a million times before. Scour the Whispering Woods. Calling Adora’s name. Swift Wind would come too, if they could convince him to leave Adora’s old room. He’d all but given up a while back; the night of the battle at Wimborne, he stopped being able to sense her completely.

He was convinced…

No. Adora had to be fine. She had to be.

She was _Adora._

Glimmer said her final goodbyes and went up to her room. She changed into her pajamas, tossing the dress into a pile on an open drawer. Then, as she found herself doing more often, left her bedroom to go to Adora’s.

She’d kept it clean this whole time, dusted and ready for her return. Glimmer closed the curtains against the snow and turned on the lights strung above her balcony. They twinkled with different colors against the white light of the moons.

Maybe this would guide Adora home, Glimmer thought. Maybe. She could never give up hope.

She settled into a sleeping bag on the floor and watched the skies over the Whispering Woods.

Gradually, Glimmer managed to fall asleep, with dreams of her lost best friend stuck inside of her head.

~~

~~

** Whispering Woods **

While she slept hard, Catra woke up at some ungodly time in the morning needing a drink of water. The room was colder than usual; the window curtains were closed, but cold air seeped through and got trapped inside from the closed bedroom door.

They didn’t bring their blanket in, either, so she woke up completely naked on a bare bed, shivering. _Cold_.

Catra sat up and looked over at the sleeping girl next to her, sleeping peacefully. It was too dark to see, but she could hear the soft breathing. It brought her the same kind of comfort that Adora’s presence had.

Careful not to disturb, Catra slid off the bed and dressed back in the clothes from yesterday before leaving the bedroom. Everything was dark in their house, of course. And cold. There were no storming noises, though. All was quiet.

She got her drink of water and went back into the living room to stand at the window for a moment.

It must’ve been around midnight. When did they fall asleep? Pretty early, she guessed, because she didn’t remember when the rain stopped falling.

 _The rain_. Did they miss their chance to get out? It’s not like it would never rain again, but she knew how much Adora wanted to get out. Catra was fine to stay there forever, but Adora? She couldn’t let her lose that chance.

Catra opened the front door of their house and stepped out onto the porch.

Immediately, goose bumps rose on her bare arms. _Seriously cold._ The air, though…tasted like rain. There were no stars, either, which probably meant it was cloudy. Was the sky just about to rain or just got done raining?

 _I hate rain_. She went back inside.

What a nice thing it would be to just go back to bed and finish sleeping. _But what would Adora say if they missed their chance?_

Fine, fine. Going back to sleep would be so nice, especially since she was recovering from the emotional release of last night.

Caring about someone was hard when it meant never being selfish.

“Adora.” Her voice sounded so loud in the silence. Catra crawled onto the bed and sat next to her bare partner. “We should probably wake up, princess.”

Adora stirred a little but didn’t wake.

“ _Hey._ ” Catra touched the other girl’s shoulder and shook it.

Blue eyes peeled open _very_ unwillingly. “Hng?”

“I think it might rain again soon. Did you want to see if we can get out today or do you want to try again another night?”

Adora rolled onto her side and curled up into a shivering ball. “Hmm? Rain?”

Man, she really must have messed up her sleep schedule from waking up so early yesterday. Usually it wouldn’t be so hard waking her up. Maybe she needed the rest…

 _This is the last time I’ll try,_ Catra thought, and she shook the other girl again. “You wanted to try and get out tonight.”

Finally, Adora seemed to wake up. She let out another huff and pulled herself into a sitting position. When the light hit her, the bruises over her neck and chest stood out vividly. The scratches on her sides and hips, too.

Catra again hoped she hadn’t hurt her, but also felt a sense of pride for marking her like this. That when Adora looks in the mirror she’ll think of her.

“I’m up, I’m up.” Adora’s blond hair was a wreck. It took her a few seconds to realize why she was so cold. “Jeez, why didn’t we bring the blankets with us last night?”

That was a good question. Catra knew she was smiling.

That night may very well have been their last together. It was something Catra never thought she’d get to experience—and with _Adora?_ She’d woken up feeling changed that morning, and the taste of Adora still lingered in the back of her mind.

Getting up that morning, neither of them spoke about what happened between them. On Catra’s side, she just wanted to keep it close inside of her, like if she talked about it, it would leave her. But every time that morning they touched each other, it was a reminder of how close they’d gotten.

Despite waiting so long for the escape, they hadn’t really talked through their exact plan. Adora seemed to know the plan, but she was awful quiet while getting up. She kept looking out the windows and getting all quiet between moments of conversation.

Catra pulled her tail through the holy waistband of her pants. “You look worried, Adora. Do you want to talk about anything?”

Her own concern was inevitable, worrying if last night upset her at all. However, this seemed not to be on Adora’s mind.

“Just thinking about the memories we lost,” Adora put a jacket over her sweater. “Do you think we’ll get them back?” Her eyes looked glazed. “Will we forget everything that happened _here_?”

“There’s no use thinking about that now. Whatever will happen is going to happen.”

Life moves on, and Catra was done being scared about what comes next. She could worry, but that was all useless. Everything was about to change, and nothing they did could truly prepare them.

After dressing, they grabbed some carrying bags and did their best to prep for whatever journey lay ahead.

 _What would they even need to leave? Food and water, but what else?_ Catra didn’t even know how far away from Bright Moon they were, and it was apparent that Adora didn’t know either. They were just winging this entire thing, and in any other circumstance, it would’ve made Catra anxious.

She watched as Adora pulled her sword out from its spot under the couch and stared at it for a moment before holstering it on her back.

They were in this together, though, so whatever happened they wouldn’t be alone.

But still, were they making the right decision?

****

Hardly any stars were visible. Thick nighttime clouds darkened the world above them, and the air all around was damp. It must’ve been so close to raining—This has to be the right time.

Catra adjusted the back on her back and glanced over to Adora, who was closing the front door to their house. A lantern with a single flame glowed in her hand.

“Are you ready?” she asked.

“Probably not.” Adora rubbed her eyes and stared into the dark. “I can’t remember. Let’s just get this over with.”

 _Here they go_.

As they had to go over, their plan was to clear the sigils around the edge, all ten of them, before getting to the well.

The last time they’d gone out into the woods at night, the dust of the sigils was easily disturbed. This time was no different.

Catra held the torch in her hands while Adora knelt in the underbrush. Everything was a little damp from the rainstorm they’d had earlier, and it turned the hems of their pants dark.

The sigils wiped away easily. Traces of dust glowed on Adora’s hands when leaning back up. It gave quite a bit of a mysterious air to the whole thing, glowing in candlelight and covered in stars. This was such a big moment for them, and yet…

Catra had a hard time focusing. Her mind kept wandering, and she wasn’t sure if it was because of the night they’d had, lack of sleep, or if her mind was foggy from the magical nature of the property. Any way she sliced it, it was nearly impossible to keep her mind on the task.

It was a good thing that they had Adora sharp mind.

One by one, they followed the slight trail of glowing stardust to each of the ten sigils. They wiped away easily, and by the time Catra and Adora made it back to the main clearing, their lamp was getting dim.

Clouds covered nearly every bit of the sky, and wind left over from the storm blew child right through their layers of clothing. Catra was grateful for her fur, but she felt bad that Adora was more exposed.

They got to the well at the back of the property and stood there, just staring. The ring of dust around the edge of the bricks shone as it did, but this time almost…ominously. Maybe it was a little brighter than usual. Maybe gave off a little more warmth than usual.

The well was the center of everything. Water from the fresh rain filled all the way to the brim, and inside floated fresh dust like stars. The water looked like it tasted so fresh and clean, but the last time they drank fresh starwater it did not end kindly.

For a few minutes, they stood at the well staring into its water.

For a few minutes, all was quiet.

Just for a few.

Catra looked up at the sky and, as a little bit of the clouds parted from wind, she saw the constellation up in the sky. Western Australis.

“We’ll be fine.” Adora reached over the well and grabbed onto Catra’s hand firmly with hers. “We will be.”

“…Okay.”

The first drop of rain hit Catra’s ear. Then the second her nose.

When the rain hit the dust, it began glowing. Brighter. Giving off a warmth that cut through the chill of outdoors.

_This is it._

Rain began falling on them, sheets of diamonds that glowed under the black night. With her free hand, Adora reached out and ran through the circle of dust. It cleared this time—falling into the water and onto the grass.

Once she started, she didn’t stop. Dust in the cracks of the bricks, stuck to the side in the moss. Adora cleared it with her fingers, carefully, but the action was mesmerizing. The way everything glowed…

As the rain fell harder, and the dust began washing away, a bit of haziness overcame Catra. Her shoulders began feeling heavy, similar to the feeling of when they walked close to the property line at night.

Dizzy, even.

“Adora,” Catra squeezed the other girl’s hand, and felt her legs getting wobbly.

“I know.”

The shape of Adora…the rain falling…

Their lamp flickered and died, just as the world around them collapsed in on the well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2/2 will be posted 04/10/20. Please keep an eye out for it! I look forward to seeing what you guys think!!


	28. Finale Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is it! I can't even begin to express my gratitude and love towards everyone who's stuck with this story from the beginning and have seen it through to this point! Even though I haven't had the chance to reply to ever comment, I read each one of them and I really can't tell you all how much wonderful feedback and support I've gotten.  
> It's been a bit of a wild ride, so I hope you all enjoy this finale.
> 
> Please read the notes at the end for special announcements!

There was a type of vacuum that appears after reaching a goal that had been worked towards for such a long time. For however many steps forward they seemed to take, many more steps backwards were taken.

Adora wasn’t sure what or how to feel when the time was finally switched back. Between destroying the sigil and regaining consciousness…what happened? There was no way to be certain, but the next time her brain woke up, all she knew was—

 _Cold_.

_I’m cold._

She tried moving her arms, but they were nearly frozen solid.

It took another few minutes to bring warm blood back into her limbs, and only then she was able to open her eyes.

 _White. Cold_.

Adora sat up, knocking a few inches of snow off of her in the process. _Snow?_

It was still completely dark out, but the air tasted different. How different? What was wrong? The world around them would have been completely dark, except for the moons overhead. They put off enough light to see at least some of the surroundings.

Her head hurt… It was almost painful to form a coherent thought. She was achy, and a little confused, but mostly just _cold_.

_How did I get here again?_

With a frozen hand, Adora began brushing the snow from her arms and ended up bumping something covered next to her.

Hair, ears—

“ _Catra!”_

Adora leapt up to her knees and immediately began tugging Catra up out of her fetal position under the layer of ice.

Catra groaned, fighting back the hands for only a second before cracking her eyes open.

“Where—” She shivered. “Where am I?” Her pupils stayed hazy and dilated for a second before focusing. “…Adora?”

Her name—When Adora heard her name, she wanted to cry. She wasn’t sure entirely why, and her head hurt too much to really form any coherent thoughts. It was all horribly overwhelming.

“Come on.” Adora helped Catra up into a standing position, using the side of the well for support. The sword strapped to her back was unusually light. “We need to warm up.”

It was still so dark outside. The light of the moons didn’t do too much, but from what Adora _could_ see—something was different. When she walked, it was a muscle memory that told her feet where to go. Each step was another memory forcing into her headache.

_This house…_

They stopped at the front porch steps, and Adora looked up to see that, underneath the snow, the wood of the porch was splintered.

Up the crooked stairs, opening the front door—a shriek of age, the glass yellowed and stained. And inside…

It finally hit Adora.

 _We did it_.

Inside their house in the Whispering Woods, time had returned. This meant that dust covered every inch of every surface, holes eaten in the fabric of the couch. Cobwebs in the corners, cracks up the wooden beams inside.

The lighting didn’t seem to work either, but Adora was grateful they’d left some firewood to start a fire.

“I hope I’m not going crazy,” Catra eased herself onto the floor in front of the fireplace while the other girl was lighting a fire. “But did what I _think_ just happened, happen?” Her voice was still groggy, but she sounded present.

It had happened so fast.

Her headache was waning, and as it did, Adora began to realize the gravity of what happened. She finished lighting the fire, and when it finally roared to life, she got the chance to actually take in her surroundings.

Catra, fur and clothes wet from the melting snow, looking at her with a sort of disbelief.

“We did it.” A sigh heaved from Adora’s chest. Was it relief? Exhaustion?

They must have been delusional thinking that they’d just be able to walk right out, especially since it seemed to be the same time of night. They hadn’t slept much, and it was _freezing cold_ outside. How could they have possibly trekked in the pitch-black night in this weather to a place they weren’t even sure which direction to go?

Bright Moon…

Memories coming back to her were so rich and full of emotion, she almost felt her throat getting thick. _She hadn’t lost anything_. Her memories…

Catra, sensing her partner’s upset, put her arm around Adora and leaned onto her shoulder with a sleepy hum. “Can we finish resting tonight and leave in the morning?”

“Please.”

The one good thing was that the blanket they’d left in front of the fireplace the previous night (a thousand years ago) was still there. It was pretty disgusting and flat from age, but they wrapped it around their bodies and curled up together in front of the fire.

Maybe sleep will cure the headache, Adora hoped. And tomorrow they’d wake ready to face the day.

Hardly two hours went by before Adora woke to a buzzing in the back of her neck. When consciousness hit her, she jolted upright, knocking Catra off her shoulder.

“Catra!!” She had to cough to clear the hoarseness of her voice. “We did it!!”

Clearly still bleary, Catra sat up, too, and wrapped the blanket tight around her shoulders. “This sucks. It’s so cold. And isn’t it still in the middle of the night?”

 _They did it_.

They did it. They did it.

After how many weeks??

It was still completely dark, probably around two in the morning, but Adora was able to stand and look around. The house clearly did not stand the test of time very well, but it was a roof over their heads for now. In the fireplace, their fire had died down just enough to see.

 _We did it_. Adora wanted to scream. She had to take several moments to sit and process everything, as well as all of the old memories she’d left coming floating back. Maybe this was causing the buzzing in her neck?

It was growing more intense.

Adora, overwhelmed with everything filling back into her brain, looked back over at Catra.

All Catra was doing was staring into the fire with a blank look.

“Are you…feeling okay?” Some unpleasant memories surfaced to Adora’s head and they disrupted her train of thought just a little.

It seemed that Catra was also remembering something bad. “I’m fine,” she responded, looking down onto her bent knees. “Are you getting your memories back?”

 _Boy, was she._ Many things surfaces. Memories she didn’t want back, but knew she needed. Memories of Catra…and how badly they’d hurt each other.

“Yeah,” Adora bit her lip, “but they’re just memories. We can’t let those get in the way of what’s happening now.”

The truth was difficult to processes, and it seemed to really be weighing on Catra’s mind.

Her ears were flattened just a bit. “You don’t hate me again, do you?”

“No. Do you hate _me_?”

A pause. “No,” Catra said. Her voice was unsure, but when she heard her own uncertainty she straightened. “I don’t hate you, Adora. Not after everything. It’s going to be really weird, but—”

Adora interrupted, throwing her arms tight around her partner into a hug. It crushed the both of them.

She smooshed her face against Catra’s. “Am I still allowed to say ‘I love you’ then?”

“Gods, Adora…” Catra held her back, grunting like she was annoyed. “Do you really need an answer to that?”

“I love you.”

“ _I love you, too._ Now please let me go, I can’t breathe.”

 _Too much_. This was almost too much. Adora could say it to herself a hundred times but it not fully process.

They were back in the present. The buzzing in the back of her neck was getting louder, and it definitely wasn’t like the headache she had earlier, but…

Adora shivered and stood, walking up to the window. “Do you hear something?”

The ears on Catra’s head lifted and swiveled. “Not really? What do you hear?”

Pause for another moment…

The buzzing got louder. Then it hit her.

Adora nearly jumped out of her socks when the buzzing went from in the back of her neck to outside of the house.

_Whuump. Whuump._

“Is that…?”

They both spun to the window, where the noise grew louder and more rapid. Then sounded kind of like shouting? Familiar—

Then the front door was suddenly blasted inwards into a million splinters of wood, two hooves forcing their way into the house.

“ADORA!!”

Between one second and the next, Adora was completely overwhelmed by fur and feathers and tears.

“Swift Wind??”

 _She remembered._ Adora remembered Swift Wind, after… _forgetting him_. She forgot him.

Adora grabbed onto Swift Wind’s neck, holding his mane in her hands. Almost immediate tears sprang to her eyes. “I can’t believe it’s you,” she half-sobbed, smelling the fresh snow in his fur. “I was worried—I was worried that—”

If it was possible for horses to sob, Swift Wind would have been. His wings were curled tight around her and poked feathers into her arms and sides. “ _Adorraa.”_ He tossed his head back dramatically. “ _I_ was worried. _We_ were worried. Where on Etheria have you been??”

It sounded like his horn had hit a beam on the ceiling, because everything creaked around them like the house was going to collapse. It didn’t, though. For a second, they cried together, but something happened that made Swift Wind freeze. His wings lowered.

“Don’t move,” He used his muzzle to knock Adora behind one of his wings, “but there’s a Horde soldier behind you.”

A Horde…?

Adora turned and saw Catra, straggly from lack of sleep and wrapped in a blanket. She was staring at the two, trying to look unimpressed. And honestly, she looked completely harmless. Seeing her, Adora’s heart did the little squeeze thing it had lately.

“No, she’s fine, Swift Wind.” Adora stepped out from behind his wing. “She’s not—”

“That’s what she _wants_ you to think.”

Although the living room was not entirely big enough to fit an entire winged horse, Swift Wind stepped completely inside and towered over Catra. His wings expanded from wall to ceiling to wall. Against the light of the dying fire, Adora could see that his fur had grown a little longer around his chin and around his hooves. Maybe for the cold?

He snorted a breath of air from his nose. “She’s probably been brainwashing you this entire time.”

Adora knew where he was coming from, and probably would’ve agreed with him _before_ , but it was hard not to roll her eyes. “Catra is fine, Swift Wind. She’s not our enemy. Anymore, I mean.”

It was Catra’s turn to roll her eyes, but she didn’t say anything.

This, weirdly, seemed to make Swift Wind angry. He tried keeping his body between the two girls. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you, Adora. You want me to believe that you’ve been stuck here _by choice_ this whole time? That you’d rather be here with the _enemy_ than with your family at Bright Moon?”

_Her family…_

Adora’s heart ached a little, and she opened her mouth to ask if anyone else from Bright Moon came with him, but he interrupted.

“Everyone thinks you’re _dead_ , Adora.” The neigh from Swift Wind sounded pained. “The regular search parties stopped months ago. Now it’s only the princesses, and they—”

“Months?” There must have been some confusion. Adora stepped over to her partner and helped her up, tossing the blanket onto the couch. “Maybe you’ve eaten some bad hay, Swift Wind. The battle at Wimborne was a few weeks ago.”

A cold breeze wafted in from the fractured door, blowing a flurry of snow onto the carpet. It ran shivers up and down Adora’s skin, and she pressed close to Catra.

The cold didn’t seem to bother Swift Wind. He folded his wings slowly. “Adora,” he started. “Wimborne fell _last_ winter.”

“Wait… No it—”

“We’ve been looking for you for over a _year_.”

No, that couldn’t be right.

A year?

That didn’t make any sense. They had kept track of time as best as they could. It had only been a few weeks. Unless…

Catra and Adora looked at each other at the same time, both looks of shock and disbelief.

“The magic of this place,” Adora whispered. “It must’ve…”

“Messed things up.”

The horrible pause lasted for several more seconds, before Swift Wind spoke.

“Okay, please, can someone tell me what is going on? I can’t be the only one who’s _super_ confused right now.”

He wasn’t the only one. Where could they even start though?

“A year…” The words sounded like another language coming from Adora’s own mouth. “That can’t be right.”

“Adora.”

She looked over at Catra, trying not to feel frantic. “No, that can’t be right. We’ve only been here for a few weeks. Otherwise, your scar would be flatter, right?”

Catra bent down and pulled up her pant leg, exposing the lower edge of her scar. “Still fresh.”

This didn’t make any _sense_.

Feeling Catra wrap a comforting tail around her shoulders, Adora sat down hard on the edge of the couch. “The time magic…” She felt her hands shake. _I’ve been gone for over a year. They…stopped looking for me. They thought I abandoned them. Or died…_

Wood creaked painfully under Swift Wind’s shifting hooves. “Okay, well, I think we have a _lot_ to discuss about this,” he bumped his muzzle against Adora’s head, prompting her to pet him, “but no one knows I went out. We should get back to Bright Moon to let everyone know you’re okay.”

“No one knows you found me?” Although Adora was trying _really_ hard not to be anxious, her heart was jammed painfully up in her throat. “Does Glimmer… Do Glimmer and Bow think I’m dead?”

More snow blew in through the broken door frame. Swift Wind expanded his wings to block the gust.

“N…No, they don’t.” He looked nervous, too, like he didn’t quite believe his own words. “They’re still trying to look for you, but… They’re never going to believe you’ve been held prisoner for an entire year!”

“…Swift Wind, I wasn’t—”

“But why wasn’t I able to sense you this whole time? Was it some evil trick of the Horde??”

“Catra didn’t hold me captive. We were tr—”

“That’s what she’d _like_ you to think.” He pointed the tip of his wing at the bike marks and bruises on his companion’s neck. “She’s clearly been _hurting you!”_

Adora slapped her hand over the marks. “Okay, okay. These aren’t…” Her face turned as red as a tomato. “She hasn’t hurt me.”

“Yeah, Adora.” Catra, after being quiet for that time, couldn’t resist. “How _did_ you get those bruises?”

“Oh my god, Catra, please shut up.” Adora punched her hard in the arm, knowing full well her own face was red. This was _not_ helping. She turned back to Swift Wind. “There has clearly been some miscommunication.”

 _Clearly_.

Despite Catra enjoying the tease, she had been standing back for most of this conversation. She had on a bit of a blank expression, and it was impossible to tell whether she was upset, deep in thought, or just trying to stay emotionless for Adora’s sake.

This must’ve been hard for her. Adora wasn’t sure if any outward affection to comfort or defend her would be appreciated, though.

She took a deep breath and put one of her hands on Swift Wind’s face. “You’re right in saying we have a lot to talk about. It _is_ probably best to talk it all out with Glimmer and Bow—” Saying their names wrung her heart. “—but let’s get one thing straight. Catra is not the villain of this story. She saved my life, and she deserves respect just like anyone else.”

When Swift Wind frowned and narrowed his eyes menacingly at Catra, Adora patted him again.

“I know it’s going to be weird, but you have to trust me.”

It was going to be an adjustment different than anything they’d ever been through. Though he didn’t speak, she could feel Swift Wind’s intense relief of finding Adora and gratitude she was okay. Their bond hadn’t been severed, and she knew that _he_ could feel _her_ gratitude as well.

The coming days had such an uncertainty, but things were going to be okay. Eventually.

Swift Wind shook his mane out and, without saying anything else, backed out of the door frame and continued outside into the dark and snowy night. The two girls followed behind, carrying their bags.

“Feeling okay?” Adora asked Catra in a hushed voice as they descended the crooked porch steps.

“Fine,” Catra answered. “He’s right, though. Four weeks here doesn’t erase the years of torture I put this planet through.” Her eyes were dark. “I need to take responsibility for what I’ve done. No matter what that entails.”

In perhaps a different circumstance, Adora would be proud of her owning up to this. However, she was worried this stemmed more from a point of self-loathing than it did from empowerment. She didn’t want this to be her punishing herself.

No matter what…

Adora bit her lip. She didn’t like thinking of what may happen when the Rebellion gets their hands on a criminal of her standing. They were gone for a whole year…

What does Bright Moon look like now? How has the war been going? Is everyone okay? Have they moved on without her?

A million and one questions bounced around in her head, but the answers scared her. She almost didn’t want to ask. Swift Wind seemed to be avoiding being specific in talking with her, too, and that made her nervous. _What information was_ he _avoiding?_

The world outside was still pitch black, windy and cold. They followed the sounds of hooves in snow until they stopped.

“It’s a long flight back to Bright Moon,” Swift Wind said, kneeling down for easy access to his back. “I hope you’re bundled up.”

Just as Adora began to step on, Catra realized their plan.

“Wait, wait.” She held her hands up. “Are you saying we’re _flying_ back to Bright Moon? Like, through the _air?_ ”

“It’s not as bad as you think,” Adora tried comforting.

“Oh, no. No, no. No _thank you_.” She backed up. “I would rather walk than have to do that. Boats are bad enough, but _this??”_

 _How to convince her?_ Adora knew that Swift Wind was being patient, but it wouldn’t last long. She didn’t want to hurt Catra’s dignity any more than it already was.

“I’m fine with leaving her behind,” Swift Wind muttered.

Adora poked Catra’s arm with her elbow. “It’s going to be freezing up in the clouds. Your body temperature is way higher than mine.”

“I know I won’t be cold up there, it’s not that.”

Another pause.

Catra sighed. “Oh never mind, I get it. You’re convincing me to fly because I’ll keep you warm up there.” She made a noise and, passing Adora to get to Swift Wind, bumped their shoulders together. “You’re a nerd. You could just _ask_ me to hold onto you.”

“ _What is happening,”_ Swift Wind whispered.

They climbed onto his back, not without several choice curse words from Catra. She ended up clinging on for dear life during takeoff.

_Freedom_ , Adora thought as they climbed.

This felt like a dream, the elation of retuning memories and the possibility of finally returning. It won’t be anything like it was before, of course. There was no real way of preparing herself for what lie ahead. Not even a little.

Catra, sitting behind her, held on so tight that her claws nearly poked through all the layers of clothes Adora was wearing. They were fortunate that Swift Wind and his thick (probably magical) fur radiated some heat. Otherwise they would’ve been turned into popsicles.

The muscles of Swift Wind’s wings and shoulders rippled as they climbed, beating higher and higher. They spent thirty _very_ unpleasant seconds in the snow clouds before breaking the upper surface.

Once broken, the view…

Adora felt the breath knocked right from her lungs.

From above the clouds, the sky…was endless. Nothing to block the horizon like at the house, no trees or chimneys or mountains. A sky, void of stars, yawned a blue so dark and deep it could’ve swallowed them whole.

And the clouds beneath Swift Wind’s hooves…

Adora wanted to read down and see if she could feel them. Under the light of the moons, they looked like a sea of churning silver. Endless. It was all so endless, and it made her feel both horribly insignificant and on top of the world at the same time.

From behind, Catra let out a warm puff against the other girl’s back. “The stars,” she said, though over the rush of wind it was almost lost.

She was right. There were no stars.

They really did it.

Adora clung to Swift Wind’s mane and tried not to cry into it. Two extreme conflicting emotions bottled inside of her. Relief of going home, being _free._ And a fear of going back to find her friends had moved on without her. That Catra will be ripped away from her. A fear that maybe…staying at their house would’ve been best.

She wasn’t quite sure how long they were flying for. It must have been _very_ early in the morning when they left, because the sky was barely lightening when their flight path dipped back under the cloud cover and they got a full view of the familiar.

 _Bright Moon_.

The castle was definitely the focal point of this section of Etheria. Its runestone glowed as brilliantly as any moon would. It served as the guiding light to get home.

“ _Home_ ,” Adora whispered to herself.

The city was asleep when Swift Wind glided down and landed on the balcony of Adora’s room. His hooves made softs taps in the snow when landing. Then he knelt to let his riders off.

While Adora was more used to the riding, when Catra got off, her legs wobbled once before she fell backwards into the snow.

“Please never make me do that again.”

In any other circumstance, Adora would’ve answered with some sort of tease, but she was much too tangled in nerves to do much other than stare.

There were curtains closed that separated the balcony and her room. A string of colorful lights lit up the balcony, but she didn’t remember those being there before. The fountain of water, despite the winter chill, still ran. Everything even smelled the same, like the cold of marble, sharp lavender, and magic.

Apparently Adora hesitated too long, because she heard Catra stand and brush her tail supportively against the other girl’s leg. Despite being worried herself, Catra still was trying to be reassuring.

No matter what, they had promised to stick together. It might’ve been hard for Adora, but it must have been even harder for Catra.

_Here we go._

With Swift Wind and Catra lingering on the balcony, Adora moved the curtain back and stepped into her room.

It was warm inside, as usual, with gentle ambiance making the scene not as spooky as it might’ve been. Even though the room was dark, she could see enough to know that not much had changed. There was her canopy, dressers, tub, the door to her restroom…

She didn’t notice anything on the floor, however, until it was too late. She only got a few steps in before her foot caught on something lumpy.

It tripped Adora, making her exclaim and stumble to the ground.

“Jeez,” she groaned, sitting up. “I don’t think I left my room this messy.”

The lump stirred. Made a noise. Then two bleary eyes cracked open to see what the disturbance was.

Adora froze. If Swift Wind and Catra would’ve been in the room, they would’ve as well.

“…Glimmer?” Adora squinted. “What are you—?”

Glimmer shrieked and immediately vanished in a puff of glitter, leaving behind an empty sleeping bag.

“Hey! _Glimmer!”_ Adora scooped up the sleeping bag in her arms and stood, looking around the room frantically.

What just happened?? Did she imagine that?? _Where’d she go?_

“What’s wrong?” Catra came rushing into the room. “What happened? Are you okay?”

 _I have no idea what happened_. “I think Glimmer ran away from me?”

Upon hearing the princess’s name, Catra flattened her ears and decided to sink back away in the shadows. Completely hidden again.

Swift Wind poked his head in. “She hasn’t seen you in over a year.” He shrugged his flank. “And it’s, like, _super_ early in the morning.”

“Yeah, but—”

_*POOF*_

Glimmer reappeared in the center of the room, clinging onto the neck of Bow, who still looked asleep.

“See??” Glimmer smushed their cheeks together and pointed. “I told you ghosts were real!!”

For a second, Adora stood still, not quite knowing what to say. She stared at her best friends, hardly believing the changes. Glimmer had grown her hair longer, to her shoulders, and looked just a little more like her mother. Maybe taller?

Bow was taller, too, and more sculpted, with sharper cheeks and jaw but tired eyes.

 _My friend_ s, Adora’s heart squeezed. They were all grown up. It was only a year, but…time stopped for no one.

She swallowed. “I’m…not a ghost?”

Bow rubbed his eyes and glared suspiciously. “Okay, then say something onto the real Adora w—”

“ _ADORA!!!”_

The silence was over, and Glimmer launched herself at Adora, hitting her square in the gut and sending them flying backwards. All of the air knocked from their lungs, flying limbs and excited shouting and laughing.

“Is it really you??” Glimmer instantly began crying, not letting her grip give up. Her hiccupping sobs immediately made the other girl tear up, too.

Bow joined, too, collapsing in the pile. “Are you okay??”

For a moment they just hugged and cried. Swift Wind joined eventually, wrapping his head and wings around the group. It got uncomfortably sweaty very fast, and Adora ended up having to pull away to wipe her nose on the back of her sleeve.

They were each ruffled from lack of sleep, covered in snot and tears, and looked an overall mess. But they were _there_. Together again.

Adora didn’t think this day would come again…

“I’m okay, guys. I’m okay.” She had a tight hold of each of their hands. “I’ve missed you so both so much.” _Until her memory had disappeared._

“ _You_ missed _us_??” Glimmer used both of her hands to squeeze. “You can’t just _vanish_ for a whole year and come back saying you’ve just _missed_ us.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

Sorry… Real words couldn’t come close to expressing everything that had been bottled up inside of Adora. Maybe it had only been four weeks on her end, but she’d been through too much in her life; these friends were her family.

Her heart had been without its home for so long, and despite giving herself to Catra, this was where she _belonged._ This was home.

Adora couldn’t have let go to their hands even if she wanted to. “Look at you guys.” Her voice cracked, tears threatening to fall again. “I know it’s only been a year, but you both look so grown up.”

“You look…the same.” Glimmers eyes searched and didn’t seem to like the scars exposed. “Except you’re hurt. Jeez, Adora. What…happened?”

Oh boy. This was going to be a lot to explain. Adora was grateful she’d waited to explain it to all of them at once rather than share the story with Swift Wind before. Where should she even begin?

“This is going to sound kind of strange,” Adora’s voice was clearly hesitant, “but that night at Wimborne—”

“ _ADORA GET DOWN!”_

Glimmer pushed Adora down suddenly and shot a violent blast of magic over her friend’s head to the corner of the room. It happened so fast that she didn’t even get the chance to register what was happening until it happened.

Someone yelped, and Adora had to turn to see Catra fall onto all fours and hiss. A burst of light and sparkles rained down upon her and gave away her hiding place.

“ _How did she get in here_??” Glimmer stood. Her arms were reeled back to send another blast. “Were you tracking Adora, is that it??”

“Glimmer, she’s not—”

“ _Are you trying to take this from us?!”_ She, without any warning, charged like a bull.

“Glimmer, STOP.” Adora grabbed onto Glimmer’s arms just before she hit. “Catra’s not going to hurt us!”

All Catra had done to protect herself from the attack was hold an arm up, but every bit of her fur stuck up and he was growling in the back of her throat. Fear, or anger?

Glimmer almost seemed to be growling, too. “What are you talking about?? She’s hurt us _plenty_ before! Let me go so I can get her!”

 _Oh jeez,_ Adora really wasn’t prepared to have to explain things like this. She’d tried to come up with a good speech in her head on their flight in, but nothing sounded quite right. She didn’t know how much information to share.

During the few seconds of stuttering, Glimmer seemed to have connected some sort of dots in her head.

“It was _you,_ ” Glimmer pointed accusatory at Catra. “ _You_ kidnapped Adora and held her hostage for a year!! What game are you playing, Horde _scum_??”

Only at that point did Catra step closer. Her ears were back. “Say that again and I’ll make you wish you—”

“Catra, seriously?” Adora scolded her partner. “You are _not_ helping your case.”

“She’s accusing me of kidnapping!”

“Well you _did!!”_ Angry sparkles rained down from Glimmers hair as she shook. “That is the _only_ explanation for Adora to be gone for a whole _year_ without telling us. We thought she had…” The words died down as a sob.

_Ouch._

Adora stepped in between them and tried to put on the most reassuring face she could, but it was probably twisted with stress. “Please let me explain, Glimmer. It’s a long story and it won’t make any sense until you hear the whole thing.”

It was only then when Bow stepped up and put his hand on Adora’s shoulder. “I know you’ve been gone for a long time, but you have to know how this looks. I mean…”

How it looked?

Adora knew how it looked, and it looked bad. Trying to think of how to word everything, she took her bag, jacket, and sword holster off, and she put them down on the closest chair. The outfit she was wearing, which was “borrowed” from the house, was not her usual one. It certainly caught attention.

“We have a lot to talk about.” Adora stepped close to Catra and turned back to look at her two best friends. “And it might be hard to believe at first. I’ve been missing for over a year and suddenly show up with a Horde commander and say you can trust her. It looks _really bad_ , but…” She sighed. “You _have_ to trust me.”

The look on Bow’s face was still uncertain. “We trust you, Adora. We just don’t trust _her._ ”

“I know. A lot has happened in the past and...” Red-hot emotion sunk Adora’s stomach. “We can’t erase any of it. I’m not asking you to immediately become best friends. But trust in _me._ Things have changed.”

There was too much to discuss just standing there awkwardly. It was a silent decision they came to pull cushions up to the center of the bed and sit in a circle. Instead of joining them, though, Catra decided to stand a ways off to the wall, looking uncomfortable and stressed.

Only then did Adora tell the story.

The bits she’d forgotten during their time there, the unpleasant bits.

When she was talking about how wounded Catra was and how she had to nurse her back to health, Catra paced back and forth, upset. Her pride was already wounded, so to have it recounted like that to Adora’s friends must have been painful.

The discovery of how they couldn’t figure out how to escape, the stars in the sky.

The time resetting.

The peach tree and their well.

The story about Madame Razz and Eri, how they created their oasis in the woods to escape the end of the world. But Eri left Razz, and she was trapped there for a thousand years. As they spoke, it became clear that Razz might not have been trapped for that amount of time, but the time that passed outside equaled a thousand years.

All of the journals and books, the research they worked on.

There were a few important details that Adora left out on purpose. She didn’t tell her friends that she’d completely forgotten them, and she didn’t share exactly how _close_ her and Catra had become.

The whole time she shared the story, her friends got comfy around one another. Glimmer leaned up against Swift Wind’s side under his wing, Swift Wind had his head in Bow’s lap, and Bow had his feet propped up on Adora’s legs.

It was almost like the old times. Almost.

Catra, from the shadows, made eye contact with her every so often and made a face before going back to pacing.

“Last night we managed to reset the property around midnight,” Adora told them. “then we slept for another hour or two, I think, before Swift Wind came.”

Swift Wind lifted his head. “I sensed you over a day ago, though. I was flying around for a while before actually managing to find you.”

“Man, so time must’ve been really messed up.” It sounded like Bow was really believing the story, and he put up his fingers to count. “You’ve been gone for, like, fifteen months about. So that means every day…” He took a minute to count in his head before grimacing. “Every day you spent at the house in the Whispering Woods lasted over two weeks our time.”

_Two weeks?_

Adora felt sick to her stomach. She bit the inside of her cheek. “It really only feels like the battle was a month ago. That night…”

“Wait.” Glimmer smacked her hand on Bow’s arm, causing him to jump. “Bow, that night after the battle. Do you remember…?”

“The blast!” Bow looked like something just occurred to him. The look on his face was almost impossible to read. “The energy… It must have been because they went back in time.”

Blast?

It was probably time for them to tell their own story, but Adora wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear it without Catra.

From across the room, she gave Catra a look that was easily received. The other girl stopped her pacing and went to sit closer to the group, a few feet away from Adora.

Adora was grateful for the presence. It gave her a little more peace. “What blast?” she asked. “What’s happened since we’ve been gone?”

A whole year… There must have been so much that had happened without her. She could’ve asked so many questions.

Bow and Glimmer looked at one another with worried expressions before looking back.

“You…really don’t know what happened, do you?”

Bow mindlessly began running his hand back and forth across Swift Wind’s mane. “That night, after the battle… We couldn’t find you, Adora. So when we got back to Bright Moon, we were forming a team of scouts to go out. Swift Wind couldn’t sense you at all and it worried us.”

“I ate all of the castle’s hay stock, I was so worried about you,” Swift Wind agreed, looking sheepish.

“But before we could go back out, something happened.”

 _Something?_ Adora looked back at Catra, who shrugged.

Bow continued the story. “Yeah, I couldn’t figure out exactly what it was, but it was like…a surge of First Ones energy? Everything in my lab that was from the First One’s either shut down or exploded.”

“And less than a week later…”

They looked at each other again.

Glimmer wrung her hands. “Less than a week later, Scorpia and Entrapta came. They were…looking for _Catra_.” She glanced up at the third girl, who was clearly startled. “They thought that we’d shut off the power to all their weapons, since they ran on First One’s energy. But when they learned that you were missing, too, Adora, they…”

A pause.

All of this was impossible to process. Adora kept looking between the two to see if she could read between the lines in their facial expressions, but to no avail. “They what?”

“Well ever since Entrapta joined the Horde, they’d been running completely on First One’s energy. And when the blast happened, apparently the entire Fright Zone lost power.”

Glimmer nodded at what Bow had said. She didn’t seem to want to make eye contact with anyone, though. “It was chaos for a few days after that. They blamed us, we blamed them. I swear, Mom was ready to go over there herself and demand Hordak to give you back. We were all convinced they had taken you.”

“But when Scorpia and Entrapta came, we realized that something else had happened to you. And…” Bow sighed. “And to Catra. They decided to stay with us. They’ve been living here since then, but…according to them, the Fright Zone had gotten a thousand times worse since that happened.”

At that point, Catra scoffed loudly. “ _Worse?”_ she said sarcastically. “You have _no idea_.”

“We would find Horde cadets—children—stranded in the middle of the Whispering Woods covered in wounds and not even remembering their own names. And according to Scorpia,” Glimmer grimaced heavily, “younger soldiers were sent out on suicide missions, and just wouldn’t come back.”

“They what??” Catra’s voice squeaked. She scooted closer to the group and tried not to look panicked. “What about my squad? Lonnie? Rogelio? _Kyle?_ ”

She really cared. Of course she did.

Maybe Adora was the only one to get to see that side of her, but she knew that they had grown up with those guys, and they were as close to her family as she got. No matter how she treated them…

“They’re fine. We have them,” Glimmer answered, brows knit at the ground. “The Horde was the small and most defenseless as they’ve ever been.”

“…What do you mean ‘you have them’?”

The question hung unanswered for a moment. While Catra bristled with impatience, the only noise between the group for that time was the sound of the waterfall.

Then Glimmer let an intense look deepen in her eyes. “Maybe you’re not understanding. It’s _over_.”

Over?

A weight inside of Adora dropped. It might’ve been relief, but there was still some small part of her that remembered calling the walls of the Fright Zone home.

She turned her body towards Catra and saw her partner’s face drained of blood.

Bow leaned closer and followed what Glimmer had said. “It’s over. The war.”

 _The war is over_.

“We did it. The Horde is defeated for good.”

**TO BE CONTINUED…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!! This is the announcement of Seeing Stars sequel: "Let Forever Mean Forever." The first chapter will be released May 8th and every other Friday after that! There's just too much potential to leave this story as it is. I'm going to be more active on social media as well, taking suggestions for the sequel and getting feedback, so hit me up (social media info below)!
> 
> Announcement #2:  
> My friend Simply Absolute and I are collaborating on a Catradora summer camp AU that will be posted this Monday the 13th, so keep an eye out for that!!
> 
> At any rate, thank y'all again so much for reading my story. I've poured heart and soul into this and I really feel like you guys are my family in this, so I hope to see you in May!!  
> Stay healthy, happy, and safe!
> 
> -Lana

**Author's Note:**

> HMU!!  
> Tumblr: https://fruitsand-peachies.tumblr.com/  
> Twitter: @andPeachies  
> 


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